Title: SYSTEM: CORE ALPHA
Author: TahsinHossain

Description:
[Accessing Code...] [ID Confirmed] [Processing Data... Identifying Personel...] Welcome, Reader. If you are reading this, it means I have succeeded. In what, you ask? In creating the perfect world. While I am writing this note, I am looking at a utopia, a paradise, for humanity. By the time my voice reaches you, I might not be around anymore. But if you look beside you, you'll see the proofs. You'll know that I once existed, that I brought you this beautiful world. But how, you ask? By destroying the system. By annhiliating the cycle of fate. By doing the impossible. That's a lie, you think? Then dive in. Experience what I did, with your own life. Learn what I learned by using your own heart. You'll see the truth, one day. With that hope, I leave this note to you. To my future heirs, to the next era. May the future show you the path. The path to salvation. And with this, Mashiro Oshiba, signing off.

Awards: The Creativity Awards 2019 (Runners Up) The Sunrise Awards Summar 2019 (First) Chaos Awards 7 (First) Litwits Awards 2018-2019 (Second) Eyho Summar Awards 2019 Authentic Skull Awards (Long List) The Sparkle Awards 2020 (First)

Most Impressive Rankings: Corruption: #63 out of 2.98k stories System: #92 out of 7.45k stories Hack: #66 out of 7.99k stories Monarchy: #26 out of 894 stories Action-Romance: #83 out of 6.94 stories

Featured in Wattpad Trending List under thriller category.
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I can't gain much from your title alone. It doesn't give away any major details in your storyline, but it is interesting enough to make me curious. Looking at it, I wonder what it means and how it will play into the story.

I do wonder why you chose to write it entirely in caps. Is this an aesthetic detail? For the most part, it is best to only capitalize the first letter of each word when appropriate, but this style can work in some cases.

Most readers will see the first couple of lines when viewing your cover, title, and summary for the first time. Those first few lines have to make readers want to click onto your story to read the rest of the summary.

The first few lines of your summary didn't really hook me.

The end of the summary drew my interest, but I wouldn't have gotten that far into it if I was a reader glancing over a list of Wattpad books on the page.

Honestly, your FIRST PHASE: ERROR chapter had content that could have made a more interesting summary. I think incorporating some of it into your book's description could make for a more gripping introduction to your book.

Your plot line has potential, but I saw a lot of issues early on. I read to CODE VIII, and there were several things that held me back as a reader.

There was a dream sequence early on, and while some issues are understandable for these scenes in a draft, the events were very difficult to follow.

I like dream sequences, as they convey a lot of important information, but I think that this one could do with some more concrete details and a few transition sentences. I, as the reader, had a hard time knowing what was going on until it was explained that this was a dream.

I also found it unusual that, when Mashiro's blood was discovered at a crime scene, the police officer reacted with little concern. This sort of discovery, at least where I live, would lead to a more thorough investigation of the person. I think that, if the policeman had fully ruled him out, more detail is needed here.

I did enjoy the unique storyline concerning Len, and his part in Mashiro's life. That part of your plot felt realistic given the world the characters live in, and I could tell it was well thought out.

Your explanations of Len's control of Mashiro's brain made sense, and I appreciated the attention to detail.

There were quite a few grammar errors throughout. Some of these were small, but several of them made it hard for me to follow parts of your story. In a first draft, some errors are natural. However, some readers may struggle with some of your more serious errors.

I noticed that, at times, you also do not begin a new line when a character begins speaking. This is recommended for most authors, as it keeps the dialogue separated and makes it easy to tell when someone else is speaking. As a general rule, if a new character is talking, or someone starts speaking after an event takes place, the quote should be in a new paragraph.

Overall, I think that you have a unique storyline with interesting characters. Your story is interesting, and could draw in more readers. Right now, it needs a little help to pull in the audience it deserves.

Would I recommend this story? With a couple of edits, sure! It has a unique premise and Science Fiction fans would be interested.

OVERALL SCORE: 63/100