Title: Empty
Author: RavenclawsCantDraw

Description:
'The Initus Mortuis, (Nicknamed 'empty') are found all over the country, and have existed since approximately the 2060s. Their origins are unknown.

  'They are exceptionally capable of hiding their true intentions until attack, but can be distinguished from humans in several ways, including pale skin, dark shadows, black veins arching across neck and wrists. The latter can be hidden for extended periods of time.

  'If seen, kill on sight.'
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The title is definitely a good fit, tying into the plot while also sounding intriguing on its own. I like the use of a one-word title here, especially given its relevance.

Your summary is also doing a nice job of drawing readers in. I wanted to know more by the end of it, wondering what these creatures do and how they came about. We don't get a terribly large amount of background in the summary, and aren't introduced to any characters by name, but all the same I quite like the introductory description you put together here.

I know a bit of Latin (though admittedly I'm self-taught) and I appreciate the word play here. Initus Mortuis quite literally translates to 'dead inside', which is very fitting when considering the emotionless nature of the 'empty'.

The storyline was incredibly interesting to me. I was easily drawn in, as your initial chapter was a gripping opener. From there, I wasn't disappointed. I found myself caring about Quinn and Adam's respective storylines, and wondering more about the world in which they lived.

When you revealed that Adam wasn't who he seemed to be, it took me by surprise, and I think you did a nice job of making this work with the pacing of the plot. The plot twist didn't seem too sudden, and it was gradually written in a way that made it feel believable.

The only scene I really have a problem with is the one where Emma, Noah, Jem, and Avery disappear during their nighttime mission with Quinn and Adam. It seems as though they've forgotten about it the next morning, but it's confusing to understand who made them forget. I'm not sure if, in the chapters followwing the mission, this was meant to be vague, but I struggled a bit with that. I assumed Adam had something to do with it, but wasn't too sure.

I'm also fascinated by Luke's character. I can't decide whether or not I should hate him, and I think that's a credit to your writing style. He seems like an antagonist when he threatens to report Quinn's cheating in school, but later he asks for her help. I was as skeptical as Quinn was at that point, curious about his true intentions and whether he was looking for another way to turn on her.

Your grammar is also pretty good. You had some errors, but thanks to the language you used in the story, I hardly noticed. You should, of course, go through and pick out the mistakes, but as a draft, this is quite well-written.

Would I recommend this story? Yes indeed. Sci-fi readers may be quite drawn to this, especially if they're interested in zombies and variants of zombies. Teen fiction or young adult fiction readers may also see something they like.

OVERALL SCORE: 96/100