Title: Achieving Unbroken
Author: blush-and-books

Description:
1st PLACE WINNER IN THE SUNRISE AWARDS 2019 1 OF 6 FINALISTS IN TEEN FICTION AWARDS 2018

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"This story was so, so, so beautifully written. I can't even begin to explain what a wonderful writer you are!" [Teen Fiction Awards 2018 Feedback]

"... your story is heartbreakingly beautiful and shines light on today's drug problem and what we all need to do to keep people of all ages away from it. It's one of my Wattpad favs" [@RD1730]

"Achieving Unbroken is one of a kind. It's unique and different in its own way, filled with a lot of lot twists from the start to the end and keeps your expectations up for the next chapter." [Review from @arthurajiri + @writeread76]

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"I love it so much. Thank you."

He looks much more at ease too, dropping his hands to my shoulders and pulling me forward to give me a peck on the forehead before taking the necklace out of the box and leaning towards me to clip it around my neck. The charm falls perfectly at the center of my chest.

"Perfect," I say to him once he pulls away to face me.

"Yeah," he smiles. "You are."

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Lilla Harris has a plan to help Jason Oakland.

Is it unconventional? Yes.

Is it the craziest idea she's possibly ever had? Somehow, yes.

But if there is one thing she's good at doing, it's helping people. And if this plan proves to be a success, then it might be the craziest, but best idea she's ever had.

Her only concern is falling for the broken boy. But that can be avoided... Right?

Even if he falls for her first?

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COPYRIGHT 2019 BLUSH&BOOKS
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Your title is interesting, and provides a curiosity-provoking first impression. Before reading on, having just glanced at the title, I'm left with a number of questions about the plot. Who is trying to achieve the unbroken state? What challenges stand in the way? Your title is clearly doing its job, and I think it is appropriate to the storyline.

Your summary, on the other hand, needs a serious adjustment.

At the risk of sounding harsh, I'll present you with my full opinion.

When you come across a book on Wattpad, before you click to see the full details, you only see part of the description. Usually, this means that your first few sentences should serve as a hook. Give us a reason to click onto your book.

What are we seeing here? All we get are your story's achievements and other people's opinions in the early sentences of the summary. I get it, you're proud of your story (we all are proud of our achievements) but what is going to make readers interested?

Your actual description is at the very bottom, and honestly it's not doing much for me. As a reader gaining a first impression, I would not be incredibly captivated by this description. It's okay to include a little about your story's success (such as its highest genre rank) but don't overwhelm us with these details when we came looking for a description of your plot.

I would suggest starting with the introduction of Lilla having a plan, and only include the part of your summary that follows.

As for the plot itself, I appreciate the way you're tackling real-world issues. I think you do a nice job of introducing us to your characters, though I would have liked more detailed physical descriptions of the most important characters early on. Your pacing is all right, though things do occur in a rapid succession at times. This isn't bothering me too much, and I think that the timeline is easy enough for readers to follow.

Your grammar, too, is quite good. You don't have many errors, and the ones you do have are expected in any draft. These can be easily edited out, and aren't likely to cause readers a problem.

My one overall complaint has to do with showing versus telling in your prologue. There's an issue with it here that I would like to address.

In your prologue, you write the following.

He used to be whole, strong, bright and lively and everyone loved being around him.

This is a bit too abstract for me. You're telling this to readers, but being whole and being loved by those around you can differ from person to person. Show us what this looks like for Jason. What was he like when he was whole and carefree, and why did others like to be around him. I think this prologue could pack more of an emotional punch if you showed us this contrast.

Overall, your story is put together nicely. Still, you can definitely improve upon it to create more of an impact for readers.

Would I recommend this story? Sure! Teen fiction readers will be into this, and if you like books that take on realistic topics, this is a nice read for you.

OVERALL SCORE: 89/100