CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT.

               DEJA FUCKING VU. THAT was what Felicity had as she turned the corner onto Watery Lane and caught sight of the blond boy standing in front of her with a wide smile spreading across his cheeks as he caught sight of the girl nearing him. She remembered all too well the days where he would wait for her, back against a wall and foot kicked up against the bricks as he smoked a cigarette that he had no doubt only got because his mates in the school yard had managed to nick them from their parents. Because Jack's didn't smoke ― it was all too dirty a habit, they said. Although they must have been the only ones in the whole of Small Heath that thought so.

"Jack?" She started to question, slightly startled at the sight of him.

The blond―haired boy grinned as he nodded, taking steps towards Felicity. "Hiya, Lissy."

Lissy. 

Curse his old nickname for her ― it was far too close to Tommy's, after all. She almost choked out a cry and walked away. . . but she didn't. Felicity held her ground and forced her eyes to meet her old childhood friend's.

She took a small step backwards as she returned his grin with a tentative grin. "What are you doing?" Felicity asked slowly. "What are you doing. . . here?"

"I live over the road, don't I?" Jack answered. 

He was so evidently amused by her confusion, no doubt taking it all to be a jest or a joke, and whilst he registered that he was stood outside of the Shelby residence. . . or at least, she reckoned that he did. He had to. They'd grown up together, well aware of the three ― then four ― brothers that roamed the streets with their ever―growing confidence and disturbing lack of fear that only seemed to accelerate when they came home from France. 

"I know," Felicity returned with a small huff. "But, what are you doing. . . you know, here? You always would tell me to not go across the road to this bloody house, but here you are now."

"I guess that changed when I saw you on the arm of them Peaky Blinders, eh?"

Felicity swallowed the lump that had taken to growing in her throat. So he knew. And then she shook herself, because of course he knew! This was Small Heath, for Christ's sake. It was in the name ― Jack could have heard of the news from anyone or everyone. . . or, hell, he could've seen it for himself because it wasn't as though Tommy and Felicity had been secretive. Secret relationships weren't really a thing when you were with the leader of one of Birmingham's gangs. 

And even when you weren't with one, not technically anyway, it wasn't as though the rest of the city were aware of that. They only saw the shining razor blades in the caps of the men beside you, surrounding you like a shield even though their general was trying so hard to ignore you. 

"Yeah, I guess," she eventually responded, pressing her lips into a small line and hoping that Jack wouldn't notice how anything was wrong. 

"You'll come by mine one day, won't you?" Jack asked her, and Felicity let out a sigh of relief once it was evident that he didn't notice a single thing. "Or, you know, by the factory. How you used to, yeah?"

Felicity nodded ― a little too hurriedly, as she wanted to finish the conversation as quickly as possible. It didn't help that he emphasised the 'how you used to', either, and she prayed that he might leave soon. It was getting far too late, anyway, so that could be her excuse, she supposed.

"Of course!"

The blond boy smiled, although it quickly turned wistful. "I miss you, Lissy."

She could have groaned, had she not been perfectly aware of just how rude that would have been. So instead, Felicity settled for returning the expression and nodding along with it, as though she agreed; as though she too had thought about it; as though she had not had bigger things on her plate rather than reminiscing with an old best friend that hadn't the slightest idea how much the girl had changed in the past year. It must've been two bullet wounds and a broken heart since their last meeting, and sure, whilst that made her sad, it wasn't as though she was utterly depressed over the idea that she hardly saw the boy she'd grown up with recently. People changed, people moved on. She had changed, she had moved on. She supposed he had, too, in a way. Yet his hair still had the shine of grease in it, and his fingernails were forever stained black, so perhaps not. 

"I miss you too, Jacky." She might as well throw in her nickname for him whilst she was at it, hadn't she? 

It worked. Jack smiled and began to back away, heading back towards his side of the street. "Don't be a stranger, alright?"

"Would never dream of it," Felicity replied. Painful exaggeration, but it was working. . . and besides, it wasn't as though it was a lie. It didn't harm anyone: not her, not him. She would go and see him one day, she was sure of it, so it wasn't as though it was a promise that she had no intention of attempting to keep.

 Once he had returned to his house and disappeared within its walls once more, she turned back to the home before her too. The one that was hers, but also wasn't. The one she had a key for but was hardly welcomed within its walls by a majority of its members. The one she so longed to return to, back when it was in its state of three months ago: happier, freer, completely and utterly clueless about Felicity Woods and all the chaos that she would bring. 

And yet with the fear that she might wallow in thoughts that she knew wouldn't change a thing, Felicity took out her key from her pocket and slipped it inside the lock, turning it so that she may enter the house that wasn't a home. She slipped into its shadows and crept upstairs, careful to not step on the floorboard that creaked every single fucking time.

 It wasn't until she was nearly along the whole corridor that she caught sight of Tommy's bedroom door ajar, with light flung across the room as though he were awake. . . and yet he wasn't. The man was deep in slumber with only the shovels to keep him from actually being able to rest, and his juddering and jerking alerted the girl to this. His night terrors weren't new ― it wasn't as though she could have ever helped to rid him of them completely, no matter how many romantic poets tried to say that love could do such a thing ― and she used to be there to ease him awake gently. Just like she longed to do now, as she couldn't even begin to imagine just what was going through his head at this very moment, as he let out a grumbled cry in his sleep. Felicity remained frozen to the ground, unsure of whether she should wake him despite the man still being slightly cold towards her, or whether she should leave him be. If she should risk the wrath that might ensure if he realised it had been her, his wife and, well, betrayer, that had come to comfort him in the vulnerable state that no veteran could deny they were in during the times that havoc rained on them at night.

And yet she just couldn't take it any longer. 

"Tommy?" Felicity whispered, crouching beside his bedframe and keeping away from his arms reach should he fling out and catch hold of her in his state. 

"Tommy, Tommy, shhh. You're home. You're safe. You're home."

There wasn't anything else she could do. Nothing, not a single thing other than gently shushing the man as she tried in vain to comfort him, to fight against the shovels and battle to win just a small corner of his mind so that he might be able to at least shake himself awake. 

His shuddering continued and he gasped, groaned and cried out, trembling as he fought to wake himself from the ever―occurring nightmare. And when he did wake, when Felicity's heart stopped trying to leap into her throat at every jagged breath and shuddering state, he opened his lungs up to air before anything else. Gasping for it, desperate to regain some sense of control after a night where he had none. 

It wasn't long before he caught sight of the blonde―haired girl before him, though. Kneeling on the floorboards with one hand on the bedframe and her other fist in her mouth, biting crescent moons into it to stop herself from crying at the sight of Tommy's anguish. 

"I'm sorry," she eventually stammered out, after his gaze had been on her for far too long a time. "I shouldn't have. . . I shouldn't have come in here."

Tommy didn't say a word as he struggled to figure out all that he was feeling. Gladness? That it had been her to find him, to wake him, rather than his brothers? Or was it annoyance that she still thought she could do such a thing? 

No, it wasn't annoyance. Nor anger, nor any single negative emotion, which confused him the fucking most because he knew, what with everything that had happened and everything that was happening, that he should feel something that wasn't remotely close to gladness. 

"You were just so upset," Felicity continued shakily. "You were. . . I never could stand seeing you upset. I didn't want you to. . . I didn't want you to hurt yourself. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

He paused, unsure of what to say. . .  "You shouldn't have come."

Felicity grimaced, feeling sheepish as she turned her gaze back down to the floor. "I know. I'm sorry, I really am. I just. . ."

"Didn't like seeing me like that, I know," Tommy sighed. 

She bobbed her head slightly.

"I didn't say I wasn't glad, though, for waking me," he continued lowly, now forcing himself to get out the words. "Because I am. I guess, er, thank you." 

Felicity nodded and she tentatively met his eyes once more, trying hard not to smile ever so slightly because after this, it at least proved that they were slowly emerging out from the hostile lands and entering newer, less angry ones. Ones where they might understand one another. 

Ones that she would forever wish might turn into something more.

"I'll say goodnight, then," Felicity stumbled over her words and straightening, preparing to exit the room as flustered as she was.

"Goodnight," he agreed, watching her disappear from the room before extinguishing the light so that darkness took over once more. 

A darkness with a strange sort of light, though.

Golden.

AUTHOR'S NOTE!

i thought we'd get to see a little bit more of jack :) and try and patch up felicity and tommy's feelings this chapter, although just how successful i was is kinda questionable </3

also i'm so sorry for the slow updates on all of my books! i'm writing something special and one part of it is nearly done so i'm focusing all of my time on that because i'm actually motivated to write it recently :') i promise i'll update sooner, though, because i miss tommy and felicity so bad omfg

anyway, thank you all so much for reading! i love you loads <3