four years. four years had gone by since jaemin last saw renjun at the park. it was almost ridiculous how jaemin went every day anyway. by now, renjun was most likely in college. perhaps he was with his boyfriend, jeno. whatever was happening, it didn't concern jaemin anyway. he wasn't anyone in renjun's life anymore. surely, it was better that way.

...right?

   since jaemin became an adult, ne had started working multiple jobs and eventually earned enough to move out. at first he was scared to. he was scared of what his father might do. his mother's rotting body still remained in the cellar below which jaemin was waiting to report as soon as he got the chance.

   he recalled the day when he first spoke up about leaving to his father, he had just come home from gambling with his friends. to no one's surprise, he was angry. his father wasted a shit load of money and was taking his anger out on his only son; jaemin.

   at first, jaemin just bit his tongue, keeping his expression stoic. the second his father brought up his sexuality, all of jaemin's patience ran out the window. he was sick of it all. he was sick of everything.

   "i'm leaving," he remembered saying. the look of anger that contorted to fear and quickly into rage was something that jaemin would never be able to forget. the murderous look in his father's eyes was a loud enough threat for jaemin to pick up the message, but oddly enough, he didn't care.

   before, his father threatened to hurt his mother. there was a clear answer in how that ended. next, he threatened renjun. thankfully, jaemin took care of that problem before anything serious happened. although he wasn't satisfied with the result, anything was better than renjun really getting hurt. now, when jaemin could care less whether he lived to see the sun rise again he simply laughed and scoffed. he held back everything he wanted to say and walked right past his fuming father.

   in the past jaemin feared his father hurting renjun more than anything else. with renjun even out of reach from jaemin, jaemin had nothing to fear anymore. he didn't fear death and he didn't fear self punishment. the only light in his world was gone so why should he care what happens to him? 

   the next day, jaemin stayed true to his word and was gone without a trace. he bought a cheap solo studio apartment that was near han river. with all his part-time jobs and no college loans to pay, the apartment was affordable for the long run.

   plus, jaemin had done research on investments and planned on moving out to somewhere bigger as soon as he could afford it.

   the clock signalled that it was forty-five minutes past four. jaemin sat up from his bed and ruffled his hair, pulling a warm coat around him before covering his neck with a scarf. emotionlessly, he wore warm boots and stepped outside the door, locking it with a key. then his walk to the river began.

   with the season being colder, golden hour was just about ending rather than starting. but jaemin didn't care, he wouldn't see renjun there anyway.

   he walked near the river bank watching the happy people at the park. everyone seemed to be there with someone. everyone seemed to be living a better life than he had. was it really fair? why did people do nothing and get great lives while jaemin had no choice but to suffer? anger and annoyance led jaemin's actions, but he tried hard to fight against his wants.

   maybe rather than that, jaemin should've been focusing on where he was going. exactly two seconds later, he ran into someone— their bodies colliding together and causing them both to fall.

   jaemin closed his eyes and let out a strangled sound whenthe other lnaded on top of him. it was only when he heard their voice that he opened his eyes.

"jaemin?"

-----

word count: 668

sorry for abondoning this book for almost 2 months

✎ ---- dreaminghyuck⤾