renjun looked up from his seat, eyes widening when he came face to face with someone who felt so familiar, yet distant. "you're...," renjun's voice trailed off as he racked his brain for answers.

   it felt like he was stranded at sea, so close to shore, yet everytime he was in arm's reach, a wave would come and pull him back in. his head would dunk under water and he would struggle to reach up to the surface for air. it was the same pattern over and over again.

   "jaemin," the other male finished for him.

   as if time was repeating itself, renjun found himself scooting over and jaemin carefully took a seat next to him.

   "do you want this?" jaemin asked, passing the chinese male a pack of strawberry gummies.

   the whole world was put on pause as the memories came flooding back like a riptide, overwhelming and painful. now, renjun was far away from shore, stranded at sea. instead of going under water and back up, he was sinking. water filled his lungs and he was drowning with no chance of survival.

   all the past dreams of being with someone in the park, all those moments of pure bliss, it hadn't been jeno. it had never been jeno. it was always jaemin.

   "wait- i don't understand," renjun suddenly stood. the younger followed his actions, standing up too. they faced eachother with renjun's head tilted upwards due to the height difference. "i'm sorry, renjun," jaemin said.

   "things were never supposed to go the way things did," he began, "you were never supposed to get hurt." renjun didn't even realize that he was crying until jaemin wiped a stray tear from his face. he recoiled from his touch, taking a step backward. "you left me," he said, voice cracking.

   "i loved you and you left me," his voice was barely above a whisper. he wasn't even sure if his words had been carried away by the wind, or if they were delivered to the male in front of him. the look of surprise on jaemin's face told him enough and he mentally cursed at himself. renjun had hardly admitted to himself that he loved jaemin, and now he did right before him.

   "i left you to pretect you because i was too scared to face my own problems," jaemin tried to explain. "i would've helped you if you gave me the chance," renjun argued, now aware of how quickly the tears were streaming down. 

   the visible distance between them hurt as jaemin stared sadly at the chinese male. the second he realized that renjun wasn't just some ordinary boy that he met at a park, he promised to himself that he never wanted to be the reason for his sadness. guess i fucked that up too, he thought, clenching his jaw.

   "renjunnie i—," jaemin was cut off sharply.

   "renjun."

   "what?"

   "my name is renjun, so don't call me anything else. nicknames are reserved for loved ones."

   the taller nodded bitterly with no choice. "renjun," he swallowed harshly, "i promise i would never do anything to harm you intentionally, i had no choice. are you willing to listen to me?"

   "i think...," renjun trailed off. his voice was shakier than he wanted it to be and he was trying hard to ignored the lump in his throat. the last thing he wanted to do was show that he really did want to listen to what jaemin had to say. he had to appear strong. using everything he had, he held back his tears and cleared his throat, starting over on what he originally meant to say.

   "i think you should go away and never come near me again."

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word count: 617

yikes... can't believe this is the first update of the year

happy new year everyone

✎ ---- dreaminghyuck⤾