the beeping of the machine was a constant reminder that he had messed up. it was a sign that he failed to protect the most important thing to him. after releasing a shaky breath, the male sat down, grabbing one of renjun's hands and caressing it slowly. "i'm sorry," he said. 

   "i don't know if you can hear me, but i'm sorry. i shouldn't have said what i said to you. i shouldn't have treated you that way the last time we met. if i had just—," he paused, taking in a deep breath, "if i had just hugged you and told you the truth that day, you wouldn't be here. you wouldn't be like this," his voice was shaky, guilt rising in the pit of his stomach.

   he took the sleeping boys hand and intertwined their fingers together. a sad smile was on his face as he watched the older's peaceful face. "even now, i'm not supposed to be here. i don't even deserve a second chance, but if you— no, when you wake up, i'll explain it to you. all of it. i know it's no excuse for what i've done, but you deserve to have closure," he stroked renjun's head.

   "when you wake up, you might not know that i was here. you might not remember a word that i'm saying, that's why i signed the check-in paper at the front desk. i'm not supposed to, and it's way past visiting hours, but i snuck in and signed it. it was all for you. it's not much, i agree, but i needed to make sure that i left some proof that i came to see you. that i didn't abondon you," his eyes watered, blurring his vision.

   although his throat burned, he held back the tears. since he messed up everything good in his life, he needed to do one thing right. "renjun, i care about you. i care about you a lot, more than you'll ever know. that's why i did what i did before. you deserve someone better than me. compared to you, i'm nothing, and i mean it." the room fell silent as his chest rose and fell, his heart beating quickly in his chest. 

   "my world is too twisted and filthy for you," he whispered, meaning every word that came out of his mouth.

   "you're strong. you're the strongest person i know. that's why i'm positive that you'll get through this. i believe in you and you should believe in yourself too," a hot tear trickled down his red cheeks. "huang renjun, you're worth the world and don't let anyone tell you otherwise," he lowered his face to the chinese male's forehead.

   he took in the scent that he had come to love. it smelled like daisies and vanilla; it was renjun's scent. 

   "i'm sorry," more tears fell as he apologized whole heartedly. "...and," he lowered his lips to meet renjun's soft skin, planting a gentle kiss on his head. 

"i love you."

   with those parting words, the male left. there were so many more things that he wanted to say, so many things that he wanted to do, but there wasn't enough time. 

   just like that, alone, in the dark room with nothing but machines as company, tears rolled down renjun's face.

---

"delete it!"

   "never!" renjun giggled. he grabbed his phone and ran towards the river side, the younger chasing after him. it was silly and immature, the whole scenario was. yet, none of that mattered as the two laughed and ran around together, enjoying their youth. 

   jaemin paused and placed his hands on his knees as he breathed heavily. "huang renjun! you're going to get it!" he warned, taking off after the nimble chinese male. "you're going to have to catch me first," renjun teased. "look at that pretty yellow bird over there," jaemin called.

   "what bird?" the distraction worked as renjun stopped running to look in the direction where jaemin had pointed at earlier. "there's no bird," renjun turned around with a pout. he shrieked as he was just in time to see jaemin charging at him. 

   he tackled him to the ground, caving over renjun as they stopped rolling around in the grass. the two errupted in a fit of laughter and giggles. once they caught their breath, they noticed their intimate position. the brunette blushed furiously as jaemin chuckled. "i'll move," renjun squirmed underneath the taller. 

"what the rush?" jaemin raised a brow, "stay."

---

   "what's this?" jeno asked the nurse. "this was from last night at half past one on the morning," she held up a tablet with security footage. "who is that?" jeno asked, startled to see someone coming in renjun's room at an ungodly hour. just seeing them talking to him, touching him, looking at him. it gave him the creeps.

   she held up a clipboard, the check-in clipboard. "see for yourself," she pointed at the slot that jaemin had filled in before he snuck into renjun's room. "na jaemin...?" jeno read. that can't be... there's no way... the na jaemin that renjun was always on about?

   jeno took the pen attatched to the clipboard and scratched his name out furiously. as far as he knew, the whole reason renjun was in there was because of jaemin. everytime he visited renjun as he slept, he never failed to hear jaemin's name leaving renjun's mouth. it infuriated him.

   "please don't tell renjun about this, jaemin's been haunting him in his dreams. when we used to meet everyday, he would talk about how much jaemin hurt him. i don't think it'd be a good idea for renjun to know," he fibbed. he felt bad about it, but everything he knew about jaemin wasn't good. whatever good stories renjun had told him about jaemin seemed like lies to him now. 

   "alright, if it's good for the patient, i won't let him know," the nurse said. jeno and the nurse discussed renjun's condition for a little longer before she left to attend to another patient. once they were alone, jeno walked over to renjun's neat bed. 

   "i'm sorry i couldn't protect you from him last night. from now on i'll do everything i can to—," he was cut off when he saw dried tear stains on renjun's face. "what the hell?"

-----

word count: 1050

kind of a long update (for this book anyway)

i hope you like it

things are slowly being revealed 

✎ ---- dreaminghyuck⤾