I had gone home after my mild break down in front if Johnny. I was embarrassed beyond belief. If I were Johnny, I'd never speak to me again. I was too much work, and I knew that he couldn't handle it.

I was currently sitting at the dining room table, waiting for dinner. No one besides Soda and Darry were home right now, which was honestly surprising.

We usually had desperate bums scavenging through our house looking for food. Their names were Two Bit, Steve, and Dally.

I was brought out of my thoughts.

"Hey, Pony, you feeling alright?" asked Soda. He was smiling sympathetically.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I mumbled. I knew that I was lying.

"Quit the lying, Pony. We're your brothers. What's wrong?" questioned Darry. I shook my head.

"Really, guys. It's nothing. I'm just a bit shaken up about Johnny's recovery," I stated. Both of them threw me a glance, but didn't continue talking about the subject.

"So, school gets out next week, what are you planning to do over break?" asked Soda. I shrugged.

"I don't know, probably hang out with Johnny," I stated. I felt another weird feeling in my stomach when I mentioned him.

"What the hell is that feeling?" I asked myself.

I brushed it off when Darry started talking again.

"Do you want to go out to the country this summer?" asked Darry. I frantically nodded my head. I loved the country.

"That sounds great, Darry," I whispered. He put a hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, now stop stressing out about Johnny, buddy," he stated. I nodded.

Darry put the food on the table.

It was spaghetti and meatball with tomato sauce. It was our mother's recipe.

We all began to eat, feeling nostalgic.

-

I was sitting at the desk in Soda and I's room, writing. I was writing down my emotions.

The school counselor told me that writing down my feelings might benefit me since it would help me vent. She said that she understood what it felt like to be stuck in your own thoughts, unable to tell anyone about any of them.

Currently, I was staring at a practically blank page. The only things that were written were my name, date and the word "feelings" in the center.

I sighed, trying to think of words that described how I felt.

I picked up the pen and started to write them down.

Useless.

Pathetic.

Ugly.

Hideous.

Boring.

Plain.

Annoying.

Worthless.

Those were the words that described me perfectly. I was definitely all those things and worse.

I began to write again.

Waste of space.

Unnecessary.

Stupid.

Fat.

Unloved.

I knew that everything I had written was true. I knew for a fact that I was ugly. My face was hideous.

I also knew for a fact that I was stupid. No one ever took what I had to say seriously.

I was also worthless. I never contributed to anything. No one would miss me.

On top of that, I was a waste of space. If it weren't for me, Soda and Darry would have more money and less responsibilities.

My personality was also plain. There was nothing special about it at all. I was below average.

I buried my face in my hands, ashamed. I knew that I was nothing. No one had to tell me. It was just a gut feeling.

I was taken out of my thoughts.

"What are you writing?" asked someone. I immediately closed the notebook.

It was Soda.

"Nothing!" I exclaimed rather quickly. Soda looked at me weird.

"You know you can tell me-" he started. I cut him off.

"It was nothing!" I shouted. Soda looked taken aback. He sat down on the bed and looked me over.

Annoyed and self conscious, I walked out of the door, and slammed it hard behind me.

-

When I got to the living room, Dally was there sitting on the couch.

I looked him over quickly, when he noticed me.

He gave me a cold, hard glare.

I gulped.

This was not good..