A/N: Sorry for the kind of short chapter but people were begging for an update so.. here is one! I think you guys will like the new perspective, but please comment what you think since writing from Johnny's POV is a challenge for me! <3

Johnny's POV

I ran out of the kitchen with tears in my eyes after Ponyboy had snapped at me. I felt sadness shake my whole entire body, my heart beating out of its chest as I ran to the lot to try and calm down. I could hear the bottom of my torn up converse beat against the pavement, my hair flying everywhere as I sprinted. 

I sat down on the ratty couch in the lot that was close to falling apart, curling into a ball as I stared up at the blue, empty sky above me. I felt so childish as I held myself, shivering because of the frigid wind that hit my skinny frame. 

"Hey Johnnycakes, you okay?" said a voice above me. I looked up and saw Dally, his white hair covering his striking eyes. I wiped my eyes quickly, not wanting him to see me cry.

"Don't call me that," I mumbled, diverting from his gaze. "Only Pony calls me that."

Dally sighed before taking a seat next to me on the couch, putting his arm around my shoulders as he pulled out a pack of cigarettes with the other.

"Well, since you don't want to tell me what's wrong, how about we just smoke it out, eh?" asked Dally almost sarcastically. I just nodded my head, taking a cigarette from his pack before lighting it up.

I felt the burn in my lungs as I smoked, realizing that maybe I had made a horrible mistake. 

-

Dally had left after maybe an hour, not giving me much attention except for a few light brushes of his hands. I felt so distant and fragile around him- he was so rough and egotistical that I could feel myself fade away into the shadows. Whenever we were in a room, it always felt like Dally took up all the space with his smoldering good looks and sarcastic charm while I was left to recoil in the corner. 

I don't know why I had pushed Ponyboy away so easily when all I had wanted was to be with him for months. He was so kind and gentle, his hugs always so warm and reassuring as we would fall asleep next to each other several times. He knew almost all of my secrets, even the dirty, shameful ones that I tried to bury away. He was just so beautiful with his golden brown hair and his bright smile, his intelligence and way with words making him even more interesting. 

Ponyboy could be anyone or anything in this world if he wanted to.

Instead, he chose me and I said no. 

Suddenly it dawned on me- it wasn't that I didn't love him. I loved him so much that I didn't want to hurt him or hold him back. He was so perfect and he radiated goodness and I felt like I wasn't good enough to be with someone like him. As long as I had known him he had been kind, smart, pretty, and everything that someone would need to be to truly make it in this world and be liked. I was the exact opposite with my skinny frame, dirty face, slow mind and selfishness. 

I knew that I needed to keep away because it would help Ponyboy in the long run. Maybe his feelings for me were just a phase that he could get over eventually with distance- he was already furious with me about Dally. I didn't want to hold him back anymore, forcing him to live in our dirty, run down neighborhood when he was destined for big cities and even bigger dreams.

I could feel my heart ache because I knew I was hurting myself, but I had to convince myself that this was for the best. I could love Dallas if I tried, I knew I could convince myself somehow. If I had to throw Ponyboy away to protect him then I would because he deserves so much more than me and some dead-end job that I would surely keep him in. 

All I could do was cry tears of pain, my misery overtaking me as I thought about Pony's future- a future without me in it.