"Are you suggesting that I'm gay?" I yelled, standing up.

She gave me a scared look, but slowly nodded.

For some reason, a thought hit me.

"You think I'm gay for Ponyboy?" I questioned. Her bottom lip quivered.

"Yeah, I do. I'm sorry if I offended you.." she said, trailing off. She stood up and walked by me.

Unexpectedly, I threw my arms around her.

"Thank you," I mumbled. She pulled away from me.

"For what?" she asked confused. I gave her a smile.

"For helping me realize my feelings for Ponyboy. I'm in- I'm in love with him!" I exclaimed. I was shaking like crazy.

I finally knew what to call my feelings for him.

"That's great, Johnny! I'm so proud of you," she stated, giggling.

I really liked her.

Then, I realized something.

Ponyboy was sick.

I forgot all about it.

Suddenly, I broke down.

"Johnny?" she asked. She looked scared.

"Ponyboy's sick! He's in the hospital unconscious!" I yelled while I was sobbing. She turned white.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! Please, sit down on the chair," she said.

Instead of sitting down on the chair, I sat down on a pink bean bag. I heard her sniffle.

"Ponyboy took a liking to that bean bag, too," she mumbled. I looked up at her.

"Pony comes to you?" I asked. I felt a sinking feeling in my chest.

I couldn't look at her anymore.

"He does," she whispered. I clenched my fists.

"How often?" I questioned.

"Twice a week.." she stated, trailing off.

I took a deep breathe.

I began to sob again.

"He n- never told m- me. He d- didn't trust m- me!" I yelled. I felt her sit down next to me.

"It's okay Johnny, it's okay!" she whispered urgently.

"It ain't okay! Nothing is okay!" I raged.

I took a mug off her desk and threw it against the wall.

It shattered.

It shattered like my heart.

-

I got into Steve's car. He was taking me home today.

I was sitting in the front seat, right next to him. I sighed.

I was still mad at him, but I didn't want to walk home. I was too scared of getting jumped.

"Something wrong?" he asked suddenly. I closed my eyes and breathed in.

"Yeah, there is," I stated. He turned the car on.

It roared to life.

"What's going on?" he questioned. He sounded sincere.

He was probably faking it.

Bitch.

"Why should I tell you? You don't care," I replied. I heard him sigh.

"I do care, Johnny! Why are you pushing everyone away?" he asked. I clenched my fists.

"I ain't pushing anybody away, Steve! At least my emotions are real!" I screamed. "At least I ain't a piece of shit like you!"

I wasn't expecting the reaction I got.

Steve pulled the car over, and he began to sob.

-

When I got back to the Curtis house, I decided to take a shower.

I walked into the bathroom, when I saw something on the counter.

It was a razor blade.