"Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold."

I thought that those words would be Johnny's last, but I was wrong.

-

I was sobbing, holding Johnny's hand. He was dead. I was sure of it. He had sunken into the pillow, his body looking dead. I began to wail. 

"C'mon Johnny! Come on! You gotta stay with me!" I shouted. I felt someone shove me away from him. 

"You have to leave! We need to operate!" screamed a nurse. She shoved me out of the room along with Dally. We both crumbled to the ground. 

-

Dally and I had relocated to the waiting room. We were both choking on tears. I turned to face him. 

"Do you think Johnny's going to make it?" I asked. He wiped his eyes.

"I don't know. I hope so," he replied quietly. He was practically speechless. 

"He has to make it!" I stated, sort of yelling. Dally reached out and put his hand on my shoulder. 

"I know how you feel, kid," he whispered. 

We both went silent again. 

-

Dally and I were staring blankly at a wall when a nurse was standing in front of us. Her hair was tied up and she was silent for a few seconds. 

"Ponyboy Curtis?" asked the nurse. I blinked a bit, surprised that she said my name. 

"That's me," I replied quietly. I gripped onto the chair. 

"Johnny made it through the surgery. He'll be alright, he just needs to recover," she said with a smile. I smiled back.

"Thanks," I exclaimed.

"Johnny's been asking for you," she stated. I felt my mouth go dry. 

"Did he say anything about me?" questioned Dally. She shook her head. 

"I'm sorry, no," she replied. Dally huffed, and gripped his seat. I could tell that he was pissed. 

"Fine, whatever. Go ahead, Pony," grumbled Dally. 

I stood up quickly and quietly. 

-

I was standing outside of Johnny's hospital door, trying to calm myself down. The nurse said he asked for me. I wasn't intruding. 

I had a secret. Something that I hadn't told anyone yet.

I had a terrible anxiety problem. 

I would tremble and quiver as dark, unnecessary thoughts filled my brain. They scared me sometimes. They would often prevent me from doing things or speaking my mind. 

I took a deep breathe. 

You're not intruding, I thought. I needed constant reminders. 

I pushed open the door, and I stepped into the room. 

-

Johnny was laying on the bed, hugging his blanket close to him. It seemed like he had more tubes attached to him, keeping him alive. 

I walked closer to him, and took a seat next to the bed. He smiled when he saw me. 

"Hi, Pony," he whispered. He grabbed my hand from my side and lightly squeezed.

I felt something in my stomach, but ignored it.

"How are you feeling, Johnnycakes?" I asked. He giggled. I assumed that he was still on some sort of pain killing. 

"I'm feeling a bit better," he stated. He was slurring a little bit. 

"How long are you going to be here?" I asked. He shrugged. 

"I'm not sure. Maybe a few days," he replied. I nodded. 

Before I knew it, I was sobbing. 

"Ponyboy, why are you crying?" asked Johnny. I tried to wipe my tears away quickly.

Crap. I really messed up now, I thought to myself. 

"I'm not crying," I mumbled, looking down. Johnny squeezed my hand as tightly as he could. 

I looked back up at him, and studied his features closely.

His hair looked like a rats nest. Black stands were everywhere, falling on his forehead. His normally tanned skin was almost as white as mine. His lips looked dry and cracked, almost like he was dehydrated. His cheeks had no color to them at all. 

But, his eyes were still shining bright. He had been on the brink of death, and his eyes were gleaming. 

They always said that the eyes were the windows to the soul. 

I finally decided to respond. 

"I thought you were going to die. I thought that what you said were going to be your last words," I sobbed. I heard a gasp.

"I'm so sorry for scaring you, Pony. I'd never leave you on purpose!" he exclaimed, trying to smile. I felt a twinge of something in my heart when he said that.

I pushed that feeling away almost immediately. 

"You promise, Johnnycakes?" I questioned. He let go of my hand, and wiped the tears off of my cheeks. 

"I promise."

I felt him wrap his arms around me. 

-

I didn't know it back then, but I was in for a roller coaster ride...