It had been a few days since Dally shoved me in the hospital. I haven't been back since. My anxiety was getting to high. 

I kept having terrible thoughts. 

Johnny doesn't want you around. He never will. You're just some annoying kid who keeps bugging him. He'd rather spend time with other members of the gang, like Dal or Two Bit. You meant nothing to him at all. He just wants you to go away. You need to leave him alone. 

So that's what I did. I stayed away from him. I haven't gone back to the hospital since. 

I really did want to visit Johnny, but I knew that he wouldn't want to see me. I was too annoying and embarrassing to be seen with. It was sad, but I knew that it was true in my heart.

I was currently laying in my bed, trying to find motivation to get up. I had none. It was Sunday morning, and I currently wanted to do nothing but disappear. I huffed, and hugged my pillow. 

I just wanted everything to go back to normal. I wished that my anxiety problem would go away. I wished that I looked like a normal boy. I wished that I wasn't ugly.

I knew that none of my wishes would come true, much to my disappointment. If there was a way to change myself, I would do it in a heart beat. 

No one could love someone like me. 

I already knew that I would end up alone with no one at my side. I would probably die a meaningless life. No one would care to remember me. 

I wouldn't remember me, either. 

I was too boring and too plain. Nothing about me was special. I didn't stick out in the crowd. I was just Ponyboy. I was just Ponyboy Michael Curtis. 

A no one. 

-

I had fallen asleep again. I was too tired to get out of bed earlier. I was having a weird dream

Johnny was looking over me, sort of like an angel. His skin was glowing, and his hair was fixed in a nice manner. His usually black eyes were an amber color, and he was smiling. I had never seen him smile like that before. He looked happy.

I felt something weird when I looked at him like that. 

I suddenly felt something shaking me awake. 

I opened my eyes and gasped. The dream that I was having was strange. I never thought of Johnny like that before. I tried to erase it from my memory. 

I then looked at who had shaken me awake.

It was Johnny. 

"Hi, Ponyboy," he whispered softly. He touched my hand. I felt my whole body buckle up.

He must have noticed, because he removed it.

"Johnny? What are you doing out of the hospital?" I asked. He looked down at the ground. 

"Well, it's been about four days since you last saw me. I recovered," he stated quietly. He wasn't smiling at all.

"Oh, well, that's good," I replied. I laid back down and rolled over so I wouldn't have to look at him.

"Ponyboy?" he asked. I hummed in response. 

"How come you didn't visit me?" he questioned. His voice was shaking when he asked. He sounded hurt. 

I found myself blurting words out.

"I didn't think you wanted me to visit," I said, panicking. I sunk deeper into my blankets. I heard a little gasp.

"Why wouldn't I want you to visit?" he asked, exasperated. I began to shake. 

"I don't know, Johnny," I mumbled. He put his hand on my shoulder. 

"What's bothering you, Pony?" he asked. I grunted.

"Nothing," I replied, rather hastily. I could hear him breathing. 

"Don't lie to me! You know that you can trust me!" he exclaimed. He turned me over to face him.

I don't know why, but when I saw his face again, I felt my heart beat quicken. It was a weird feeling, and I didn't understand it. 

"Can you leave?" I asked, suddenly. His eyes widened. I guess he didn't expect that response. 

"What? Ponyboy-" he started. I immediately cut him off.

"Leave, please," I stated. He looked hurt.

"Please don't do this. Just tell me what's wrong and I can help-" he began again. I wasn't having it. 

"I want you to leave. Now!" I demanded. 

Johnny gave me one last look. His eyes looked deep and sad, and he didn't look happy like in my dream. He sighed, but then stood up.

He walked out of the door. 

There was no way he was coming back.