I was awoken to the sound of an alarm clock. I groaned, wanting to die. Today was Monday, which meant that I had five more weeks of school until summer began.

I rolled over and looked at the clock. It told me that it was six in the morning. I had about two and a half hours to get ready for school. 

I always did something weird. I managed time.

For some reason, managing time helped my stress go down. I knew exactly how long every set event would take. For example, school took six hours. It was set to start at nine, but it would always end at three. It never changed. It gave me a sense of purpose and direction. 

It made me more of a freak. 

I threw the blankets off of myself, and then I got up. I didn't want to be late to school. It would break my schedule. 

I walked over to my dresser, looking for something to wear. I had made a vow to myself stating that I would dress decent for the last week of school. I didn't want to look like a complete trash bag. 

I opened the top drawer, and rummaged through it. I pulled out a white t - shirt, a red and black flannel, along with some black jeans. The outfit was decent enough. 

I quickly put my clothes on, not wanting to spend too much time naked. It was awkward, and it reminded me of how much I hated my body. I took a deep breathe.

I walked over and grabbed a pair of shoes. Today, I decided to wear my white converse. They would go with the white shirt.

Lastly, I fixed my hair a bit. I greased it back slightly, careful not to make it look dirty. I didn't want to look completely poor.

When I was done, I walked out of the room.

-

When I got down stairs, I immediately went to the kitchen. I didn't really have an intent on eating much. I still didn't want to gain weight. I didn't want to be fat. No one would like me then.

When I stepped into the kitchen, Steve, Two Bit, and Johnny were there. They all looked up at me with wide eyes.

Johnny dropped his spoon, and his mouth was agape. 

Was I really that ugly that Johnny had to drop his spoon when he saw me? I asked myself. 

"What?" I asked, shyly. Their gazes softened.

"Damn Ponyboy! Who are you dressed so nice for?" exclaimed Two Bit. He was grinning really hard. 

I didn't want to tell the guys the truth about how I felt I needed to dress better so I wouldn't be hideous. I quickly formulated a lie.

"I'm just trying to impress someone, I guess," I mumbled, looking down. Johnny followed my gaze.

For some reason, I felt like what I said wasn't a lie. In the back of my mind, I knew that I was trying to impress someone. I just didn't know who it was yet. 

"Ooo, Ponyboy might get a girlfriend!" whooped Steve. He then high fived Two Bit. They were both thrilled with my answer. 

"Yeah, maybe," I replied. I forced a small smile.

"How come you never told me about her?" asked Johnny. He sounded a bit sad and hurt.

Why was Johnny sad and hurt?

"Can we just drop it?" I asked, rather harshly. All of the guys nodded in surprise. I guess they could tell I was getting annoyed. 

I walked over to the cupboard and pulled out a box of cereal and a bowl. I quietly poured some of it in.

I pulled out a chair from the table, and then I sat down. I began to eat my cereal quietly, thinking about my calorie intake. 

I was taken out of my thoughts.

"Is that all you're going to eat?" asked Steve. I looked up at him, but he was staring at my nearly empty cereal bowl. 

"Yeah, why?" I replied, rather dumbly. Steve sighed. 

"Cause that ain't much food! You could starve!" he exclaimed. I shook my head.

"Don't worry about it," I stated. I felt my palms get sweaty. Two Bit and Johnny were now staring at me too. 

I quickly collected my stuff, and ran out of the room.

-

I came back from school, feeling exhausted. I had walked instead of going with the guys in the car. I was too nervous to be in such an enclosed space with them. 

I was getting worse.

I walked up the steps to the front door, preparing myself. I walked in through the door, breathing heavy. 

Steve and Soda were on the couch. 

"Hi guys," I mumbled. I wanted to get upstairs as soon as possible. 

"Hey Pony," replied Soda. I saw him shove some popcorn in his mouth. Soda always ate, yet he was flawless. I wished that I had that feature. 

I began walking up the stairs, when I was stopped. 

"Hey, Pone! How come you walked home today?" asked Steve suspiciously. My eyes widened. 

I didn't bother answering. 

I ran up the stairs as quickly as possible.

-

When I opened the door to my room, I was horrified with what I saw.

Johnny was sitting at me desk, flipping through my notebook! His eyes were wide.

"Johnny!" I shrieked. He immediately dropped the notebook, and stood up. 

I stormed over to him, furious. I could feel my eyes going dark. My blood was boiling. 

"What are you doing?" I questioned. My tone of voice was harsh. 

 "I'm sorry! I just saw it lying there and I got curious-" he started. I immediately cut him off.

"Sorry? Sorry? I'm never going to forgive you for this!" I screamed. Johnny stepped back.

He was quiet. 

"How much did you read?" I growled. He stared at me for a few seconds.

He was silent.

"How much did you read?" I asked again, harsher this time. I waited for a response.

"The whole thing.." he whispered in response. My hands balled into fists.

"The whole thing?" I shrieked. I fell onto the bed, and put my face in my hands. 

"Pony, do you really feel that way? Ugly and worthless and stuff? I could help you-" he started. 

"Get out," I stated boldly. 

"But-" he started again. 

I jumped up. 

"Get the fuck out of my room, and never speak to me again!"