Johnny's POV

I had school today, and I completely dreaded it. Yesterday, I stormed out of the hospital. I had no intent of going back.

Last night, I had slept in Pony's bed alone. I refused to let anyone in the room, including Soda. I didn't care if it was technically his room, too.

I was so upset at the world.

I was upset that Ponyboy was dying in the hospital. I was mad that Steve was acting like he cared about Pony even though I knew he didn't.

But, to make matters worse, I was also mad at the fact that I didn't know what I felt towards Ponyboy anymore.

It wouldn't matter, because I felt like he was going to die.

Two Bit convinced me of it yesterday after his mental break down.

-

I walked into the Curtis living room. I had just gotten back from the hospital. The whole room was dark.

I turned on the lights.

Everywhere laid broken things. Dishes, furniture, and torn books were scattered on the floor.

"What the fuck?" I whispered to myself. I walked further into the room.

I heard a thud from upstairs. 

I immediately grabbed my pocket knife, and flipped it open. 

I was scared, but I decided to go see what was going on. Someone must have broken in.

I slowly climbed up the stairs, careful to not make a noise.

I heard a whimper coming from Pony's room. I gulped, but slowly stepped in.

The window was open, and the curtains were flying everywhere because of the wind. The room was basically untouched.

Then, my eyes laid on someone.

On the bed, Two Bit was submerged in blankets.

I stepped closer.

I could hear him sobbing.

"Two Bit?" I asked. He immediately stopped.

 "Yeah? Did you like m- my p- prank?" he replied, trying to laugh. He began to sob again.

He was the one who wrecked everything.

He couldn't keep his act up anymore.

"Two, he's gonna be fine," I stated. He shifted under the blankets. I could see his face.

It was all white, and his eyes were red and swollen. There was blood oozing out of his bottom lip. It was split. 

I glanced at his hands. 

His knuckles were bruised and bloody too.

"He ain't gonna be fine, Johnny! You h- heard the d- doctor! They don't know w- what's wrong, and- and.." he started. He couldn't continue because he was sobbing again.

I started to tear up too.

I had to tell him what I knew.

"Pony t- told me that he has an eating problem, and I d- don't think he's been e - eating well," I sniffled. 

Before I knew it, I felt a pair of arms grab me by my shoulders, shoving me to the ground.

I felt pain shoot through my body.

"You knew? You fucking knew and you didn't say or do anything?" he shouted. I could see he was raging.

"I trie-" I started. He immediately cut me off.

"Fuck you, Johnathan Andrew Cade! Fuck you!" he spat. 

He stormed out of the room, and left me on the floor.

-

I wanted to be mad at Two Bit, but I couldn't. He was right.

He was right in the sense that I should have done something.

I did nothing. 

This was partially my fault. 

My fault. 

-

When I got to school, I barely looked anyone in the eyes. 

I accidentally bumped into someone. 

I looked up at them.

It was Ms. Zeller, the counselor. 

"Sorry," I mumbled. The least I could do was be polite. 

I probably ruined that poor woman's day with my face.

"Are you Johnny Cade?" she asked all of a sudden. I was taken aback.

"Yeah, who's asking?" I replied. I was screwed, wasn't I?

"Come with me," she stated.

I wanted to die in that moment.

-

I sat down across from Ms. Zeller as she studied my features. I tried to ignore her.

"I heard that you're friends with Ponyboy Curtis," she began. I nodded my head.

"Yeah, so what?" I growled. I didn't want to be reminded of him every second.

I had to be tough and cold like Dally. 

"I want to talk about him with you," she said. I wanted to be mad at her, but she sounded sweet and genuine. 

I could never be like Dally.

"Okay," I whispered. She smiled.

"You guys are best friends, correct?" she asked. I nodded. "How do you feel about Pony?"

I had to think about what she asked for a second.

"I feel like he's the person I can't really live without, y'know? He's always been a huge part of my life, and I want him to be next to me for all of it. He's the only one who can make me feel good all the time. I'm always happy with him. He cares for me, and I share the same caring feeling for him," I stated. 

I could swear that she smiled.

What did this woman know?

"Could I ask you something personal?" she asked. I nodded nervously.

"Go ahead," I mumbled.

"Have you ever considered Ponyboy to be more than a friend?" she questioned. I raised my eyebrows.

"Well yeah, he's my best friend," I replied. Did she not hear me say that we were best friends earlier or something?

She giggled.

"No, that's not what I meant. I mean romantically," she said. 

......Pause.