CHAPTER 13

"So, you're really setting off into the mountains?" Avani asked as Vayu threw a couple of shirts in a bag.

"Well, yes. It's said the air up there is purer and that it's the best place, next to hallowed ground, to embark on training," he said with a thoughtful smile, "plus I was hoping Nuri could give me some pointers on how to fight, since I've never really had any formal training."

"You could have asked me, Vayu." Avani laughed, "I had years at the Academy."

"I know, but I was hoping to get trained in the Aurean way, not the Academy's and Mr Milo thinks I'm nothing but an oxygen thief – literally – and I don't want to be that for the rest of my life." Vayu offered her an apologetic smile, "sorry, Vani. I promise we can hang out when I get back. I hope you remember what you're trying to remember."

"Guess I'll have to talk to Milo about it, maybe he can do that subconscious thing." She shrugged, "or maybe me and Meri will just have to become best friends."

"I didn't take her as your type? I thought you liked the kick-arse types." Vayu laughed as he strung his bag over his shoulder.

"I do, but I think she's cool. She's naïve but she wants to kick arse, you know?" Avani said, laughing along, "be safe out there, kid."

"I promise." He smiled, and brushed a lock of hair out of his eyes, "see you in four days. Don't die without me."

"No promises." She said with a mischievous grin but he knew she'd be okay, and she'd be careful. Avani was a little bit reckless sometimes, but she wouldn't just throw her life away. Ignis peered into the doorway.

"Hey, you ready?" He asked Vayu.

"I suppose, where's Nuri?" Vayu replied.

"In the room, he's kind of sort of freaking out." Ignis said signalling Vayu to follow him out. They returned to Nuri and Ignis' room, where he was sitting on the floor, trying to pick up his scattered belonging off the floor with shaking hands, muttering things in a foreign language.

"He's having a panic attack." Vayu said softly, "it happens whenever someone pushes him to face his sister and his parents. It's normal, we just need to let him freak out for a little bit, he'll calm down eventually."

"Really?" Ignis looked back to Nuri, who kept repeating the name "Kai" over and over again, apologizing to the Kai person. He closed his eyes suddenly, squeezing them shut, and shaking his head. They could see how his chest rose and fall with shaky but consistent breaths, and finally he looked up, opened his eyes, kissed two fingers, and pointed it at the sky.

"What's he doing?" Ignis leaned closer to Vayu's ear as he whispered.

"An old Aurean tradition. It pays tribute to the fallen, or something. It's his way of saying goodbye, but he never can." Vayu explained as Nuri turned to them with saturated cheeks.

"Oh, you're here." He said with his golden brown eyes wide, "how much of that did you see?"

"We just got here," Ignis lied quickly, mostly to spare him the embarrassment, "we were just coming to get you."

"Right," Nuri wiped the side of his eye, and picked up his bag, "let's go then?"

"Nuri," Vayu's voice was calm and steady as he spoke, "if you feel this might push you over the edge, there is no need for you to come along."

"No, I need this as much as you do," he protested, "I need to make peace with myself, I can't keep waking up in the middle of the night, or rolling around to try and get rid of the guilt. It's not going to go away unless I face it head on." He said with determination hanging on his every word, "besides, Kai would've hit me if she knew I was still having nightmares about this."

"Kai?" Ignis asked.

"My sister, she was always pushing me forward relentlessly." He said with a nostalgic smile, "anyway, we should probably get going if we want to make it up the mountains by sunset."

"Good idea." Vayu vouched for him, giving Ignis a look that said 'don't take it any further'. He could see Ignis was dying to know absolutely everything about Nuri's gory past, but Vayu knew Nuri wasn't ready. He knew that he still struggled with accepting it, and until he could accept that he had murdered his family, be it intentional or on accident, he was going to struggle with telling people about his past. It was something they'd accepted, but he could see Ignis was struggling with it. Maybe things were different at the Academy, maybe people went around comparing their sad stories there, or maybe they were taught that the gorier your past was, the better warrior you'd make. Vayu didn't know anything about Academy traditions, so he didn't understand why Ignis would want to know so badly. He supposed it was the mystery that intrigued him, a good mystery that kept him entertained. The fact that Nuri refused to discuss any of it with anyone, and the fact that they knew a little more than he did, but he was closer to Nuri than anyone of them must have annoyed him just a little. Vayu understood that, but he knew Nuri would tell Ignis – and for that matter, everyone – when he felt he was ready to face his sister, and his parents, and tell them what he'd done. It wasn't exactly easy to come to terms with, Vayu of all people knew, when he realised it was his ability that killed all those Sovereign Knights it felt like someone had stolen the air out of his lungs instead, and he just collapsed, and sat there, trying to get air into his lungs. He remembered how it felt like his lungs were going to explode if he couldn't get air back into them, but every time he caught sight of one of the Sovereign Knights' horrified faces, it just knocked the air out of his lungs all over again. He doesn't remember if he blacked out from loss of air, but he does remember the shocked face of the Sovereign Knight who found him in the middle of the pile of bodies, and he does remember crying, but no tears would come, just like he couldn't get air into his lungs, he couldn't show remorse, even though he wanted to. He knew knowing that you were a mass murderer isn't something that you simply accept. It's not just something that you bring up in conversation; it's not just something you can live with. It eats you alive sometimes, and other times it's like you've completely forgotten all those poor souls you sent straight to Hell. Vayu sometimes wondered about Hell, his father always used to say that those Aureans who started the cursed bloodline in the first place were burning for an eternity, and that wasn't something he really wanted to experience. The pain must be excruciating, he thought, burning forever, feeling your flesh sear off your bones every day, and feeling it the next, and the next and the next. The everlasting burn marks, the everlasting charred skin and the wretched odour of burning flesh burning in your nostrils. Vayu used to think that living with the guilt of being a mass murderer was the worst thing, that being here on Earth was Hell, but every time the thought of everlasting flames flits through his brain, he knows he's got it pretty good, and hopefully Mother Nature will show him mercy one day when he finally reaches the end of the Universe.

Avani went up the stairs in search for Milo, but instead found Meri lying on his balcony floor, apparently staring at the clouds.

"What are you doing?" She asked as she sat down next to Meri.

"Honestly, I don't know. I keep trying to find faces in the clouds, but all I see is Aziel's eyes." She sighed as Avani lay down next to her, "it was so anti-climatic, his death I mean. What was that thing anyway?"

"That thing is something Ignis calls Hades, but I doubt that's its real name. It sounds strangely familiar, like I've heard it somewhere before." Avani sighed, "I wish I could remember what happened that day. It's like a part of my brain is throwing me the finger."

"The finger?" Meri looked to her with confused eyes, while Avani just laughed.

"Right, Mountaineer. I forgot your people don't use the finger. It's pretty obscene and I'm eighty per cent sure Milo will murder me if I teach you it." She shook her head.

"I'm guessing you learnt that in the Capital?" Meri asked.

"The Capital teaches you a lot of things you don't think you'll ever learn," Avani mused, "like how easy it is to pop someone's eyes out of their sockets, or how much blood there really is in the human body."

"Gross. I'm squeamish." Meri said with a grimace.

"You come from a hunting village, how are you squeamish?" Avani laughed.

"My brother always used to do the hunting, I would just wash his clothes. I never watched them drain the blood out of the animals, I was a village maiden." Meri replied.

"Sounds better than being an assassin." Avani said in thought.

"I think I'd prefer being an assassin." Meri said without thinking.

"You wouldn't last a day out there," Avani said with a laugh.

"I'm tough," Meri argued, "I can totally make an assassin."

"You can barely take me on in battle, I doubt you'd survive in the Capital." Avani replied, "it's a good thin, though. The Sovereign Slums are no place for a girl like you."

"Maybe it'd give me some character," Meri thought, "but the Slums is neither a place for you nor me."

"Oh, I fit in perfectly. Squeezed in between the murderer, the violator, and the thief," Avani replied, "I'm two of those things so it's easy to put myself in the Slums again, but you're a village maiden."

"You're a murderer and a thief?" Meri looked to her, "that's bad-arse."

"You're learning from Nuri, aren't you? I swear I'm going to murder him." Avani shook her head, "yeah, I nicked Ignis' watch the other day, he still hasn't noticed."

"What if he does that thing with the magic on it?" Meri asked with a laugh.

"Divination magic?" Avani replied, "if no one tells him, it won't come to that." She said with a mischievous grin.

"You're actually really nice, you know." Meri remarked, "when I first walked in I thought you looked like one of the City girls I'd seen prancing around in fancy dresses with their noses in the air."

"Really?" Avani looked to her with a frown decorating her forehead, but a smile hanging on her lips, "you thought I was prissy City girl?"

"You had that attitude going." Meri admitted.

"I'm socially inept, and that's an understatement. I don't trust people, it took me years to get comfortable around Nuri and Vayu, but I guess I've accepted that you and Ignis are going to be around for a while, so I might as well try and get used to you." Avani said with a genuine smile.

"Especially Ignis. I mean, have you seen him around Nuri?" Meri giggled like a schoolgirl.

"Oh Gods, I have. They're kind of gross around each other, I just want to push their faces together, and yell KISS!" Avani laughed.

"Nuri would die of embarrassment." Meri laughed along, "can you imagine his reaction?"

"He'd launch into an apology and then not look at anyone for a week straight." Avani laughed, shaking her head, "you know the first night Ignis arrived here, I brought them breakfast, and I find them literally tangled up in each other, like Nuri's got his head on Ignis' arm, and Ignis has his arm around Nuri and they're sleeping together like a married couple."

"No," Meri's mouth went open in faux-shock, "no way!"

"Really, I'm not even kidding." Avani said with a serious face, even though she was still smiling, "but I've never seen Nuri so happy, so I guess it's a good thing they met."

"He cares about you a lot, you know that?" She continued with a smile.

"Well, yeah. He saved my life." Meri answered.

"No, more than that. Nuri has this complex, he wants to save everyone, and he needs to feel like he's protecting us otherwise he'll go insane. I'm not some damsel in distress, but you were that night, and I think it sort of gave him the opportunity to hold onto that tiny bit of sanity he has left." Avani explained.

"It's kind of sweet. I don't talk to him all that much, but it is kind of sweet." Meri said with a smile.

"He's super close with me because I remind him of Kaia," Avani said, "his sister. She used to put him in his place when they were little and he associates memories of her with me, I mean, one night after I found him sleeping on my bedroom floor, and woke him up because I didn't want some dead animal on my carpet, he looked straight at me with tears in his eyes and called me Kai."

"Has he ever told you what happened?" Meri asked.

"Well, yeah. Once, while he was half-asleep, on my carpet again, I keep a mattress under my bed now, so he knows what to do when he comes in, he started muttering about Kai, and eventually I caught onto the story. It's gory, and it's sad, and I know why he's so messed up about it, he watched his entire family die by his own hand." Avani explained, "but he'd murder me if I told you."

"Yeah I can imagine." Meri replied with a curt nod of her head, "you and Vayu seem hesitant about your pasts as well."

"Not really, if you asked me, I'd tell you all the terrible things I've done. Nuri just hasn't accepted it, but I have." She sort of shrugged, "it's easier for me to talk about if because I've made "peace" with it, he still struggles with it. It's the same with Vayu."

"I remember the night we were all telling secrets and Nuri just skimmed over his, Vayu went into detail, so I guess you're right." Meri agreed.

"I've known him for four years, he's like my lost little brother. Except he's older than me." Avani laughed.

"He is?" Meri asked.

"Yeah, he's the oldest, he's about my age, eighteen. You're sixteen and Vayu's turning fifteen soon. We're all just kids, but our lives are pretty screwed up." Avani said, this time with a bitter laugh.

"I know." Meri agreed.

"At least you had a sort of childhood. I wish I had something to look back on that actually brings happy memories back, whenever I think back of the past it's all blood, murder, and gore." She shrugged her shoulders, "guess it's my fault for being a damn assassin."

"Do you regret it?" Meri asked, "being an assassin, I mean. I know you've accepted the murders and everything, but I'm wondering now."

"I don't think so. I didn't have any other options, I was practically a kid when Iman adopted me, and I worshipped him. I didn't have an education, and the Academy wasn't going to take in some starved orphan, so I agreed to kill for him." Avani explained, "I don't resent him for it either, but that doesn't mean I don't resent him."

"You resent him, I get that. He kind of ruined your life." Meri said with a slight laugh.

"That too. I can't really remember why I resent him, I just know I do. I guess it'll come back to me when my brain stops being an arse." Avani replied, joining in with a half-hearted laugh.

"It will come back eventually," Meri assured her.

"I sure as hell hope so," Avani answered.

"I've been reading up on Sovereign History." Meri said suddenly, "after Ignis mentioned Hades, it felt like it could be something that must be written down somewhere."

"I never cared about Sovereign History. It's written by the victor, it makes the Aureans seem like monsters," she said, "but then again the Aureans make the Sovereign Capital sound like the gates of Hell."

"And the Magi Clans make us sound like mythical beasts." Meri chimed in, "anyway. I was reading up on Sovereign History because when Ignis mentioned Hades, it rung a bell. It felt like someone, somewhere, and somehow had mentioned the name Hades somewhere. It's not like he's the guardian of the underworld, what would the guardian of the underworld want with a cocky mage?"

"So, I read up about Hades. It turns out, he was a person, a while ago, who rose from the Sovereign Slums as a ruthless assassin. Hades was a name he was awarded for his cruelty, he would torture his victims before he killed them."

"However that's not the worst part, Avani. The worst part is that you knew him, you knew Hades." Meri said with her eyes locked on Avani's.

"That's ridiculous. I never worked with anyone named Hades." Avani protested.

"Because you didn't know him as Hades. You knew him as Kuro." Like a flash of lightning, it all came back to her. The ice dart, his presence, his name in her throat, and his eyes, haunted by her.

And then she swore, "Ignis is going to kill me."