CHAPTER 12

A ball of aggressive white flames shot from Ignis' hands but it was as if Milo was a mirage he couldn't hit. Milo hadn't attacked him once in the two days they've been training, he just parries and disperses the attacks.

"Aggression is not going to advance your training." Milo warned as he parried another two of Ignis' attacks. He gritted his teeth, it was almost as if Milo were playing on his nerves.

"And neither is firing at random intervals." Milo argued, coming as fast as a tidal wave toward Ignis, and bounding his hands in ice. He was quick to melt the ice cuffs off.

"I cannot train you until you've made peace." Milo said, and turned around.

"Make peace with what, exactly, Milo?" Ignis asked, trying not to sound annoyed but failing gloriously.

"Yourself, Ignis. Your inner turmoil is preventing you from progressing. Until you can face what you are hiding from in your subconscious, there is nothing I can do for you," Milo said dismissively, "spend some time with Vayu, he can help you with meditation, perhaps."

Ignis exhaled slowly, and dared to fire a fireball in Milo's direction in anger, and desperation, but mostly out of frustration. He felt his blood turn to ice in his veins.

Milo turned around, his eyes icy cold, "I told you, Ignis. There is nothing I can do until you find peace." He relaxed his grip on Ignis, and he felt himself regaining function over his arms and legs.

"I understand." Ignis said, almost sounding defeated.

"I know you underwent rigorous training at the combat academy, but all that taught you was to supress feelings and blast through a target. I'm sorry if the Aurean technique seems a little harsh on you, it's simply easier to learn to be more pacifistic when you are at peace with yourself." Milo held a tentative smile on his face as he placed a hand on Ignis' shoulder, "for what it is worth, you are an excellent fighter, and you'd give me a run for my money."

At this, he perked up once again, meeting Milo's gaze, "thank you, I'm assuming you wouldn't engage in a fight, then?"

"No, Ignis. My fighting days are long gone, my brother was the fighter. I've always been soft." Milo said with a laugh, and Ignis joined in.

"Understandable, are there any techniques you can recommend to speed up the process? Finding peace, that is." Ignis looked at him with curious eyes, and Milo shook his head.

"It's different for everyone, for Vayu it was easy, because he had been pacifistic his entire life, I sat with him for a couple of days and he was ready. Avani was more challenging, she struggled immensely to face herself. She could barely look herself in the mirror when she arrived. I spent an immense amount of time with her, and I know it does not seem that way but Avani is very much at peace with herself. By far, Nuri was the hardest. When I found him he was delirious with grief, so much so he could barely tell me his name. He blamed himself so much it almost killed him. I had to resort to more... extreme measures for him."

"Extreme measures?" Ignis questioned.

"Well, it's controversial among Aureans but some of Oceania's Children and the Children of the Wind have the ability to induce a sleep that forces the user to create an image of their self-conscious and defeat that version of themselves. For Nuri it almost didn't work. It's dangerous because if you are killed by that version of yourself, you will perish in the real world," Milo explained, "it's a risky procedure, and I've only ever done it once with Nuri."

"Was it successful?" Ignis asked.

"Not quite. Nuri still struggles with his conscience, so much so he loses sleep over it. I doubt he'll ever find the redemption he's looking for." Milo said gravely, "I love him, but I do not know if he will ever be at peace with himself."

"So we're in the same boat?" Ignis asked with a half-hearted laugh.

"I cannot assess your state of mind the way a doctor can, but your auras are quite consistent, and your state of mind isn't as muddled as his is. You must understand that what he did traumatised him, and will continue to do so because he associates his cursed ability with the death of his sister, and his parents," Milo explained, "Avani can use hers freely because she has stopped associating her cursed ability with the bad memories of being an assassin, but Nuri continues to live in the past, choosing to relive that day over and over again. If it continues, I feel he will never evolve. His father was a great Fire Child, and there is great potential within Nuri. If he cannot find some sort of solace, be it in religion, or taking the lives of others, I feel he will halt his development."

"He's at a stale mate. He doesn't want to face his past self, but he doesn't want to move forward either?" Ignis inquired.

"Exactly." Milo nodded, "however that is all I have time for today, apologies. I must go and be with Meri now, but I will see you tomorrow, Ignis. Maybe spend some time with Vayu before dinner." Ignis gave him an obedient nod, and bit down on his lip. All this finding peace crap was only going to get him further and further away from defeating Hades. He didn't need to find peace, he needed to be ruthless, emotionless, a natural born killer if he was going to stand even the slightest of chances against a monstrosity like Hades. He needed to convince Milo to spar with him, because he could see it in the way Milo dodged and parried, he was a good fighter, but his peaceful philosophies were getting in the way of Ignis' training. He sighed, and walked inside, hoping to find Nuri somewhere to talk about his experiences in the mind-world. The sounds of an orchestra emanated from their room, and in the corner, on the floor, sitting on a pillow was Nuri, practically buried in a book, with the record player on full volume, blasting some or other symphony. The piano notes danced around in the air in jovial one, two, three's while Nuri engulfed himself in the book. Ignis sat down on the bed, and just kept his gaze fixed on Nuri for a while, it was interesting to see him totally immersed in something. It was interesting to watch his eyes flit over the words, and his hand turn the page eagerly, like he was a hungry beggar and he was devouring every single little piece of information the book was providing. He gazed up from his book, and his golden brown eyes caught Ignis' on the way down. Immediately he returned to his normal, overly polite self and scrambled to shut off the music with flaming red cheeks.

"I'm sorry about the music." He apologized quickly, "it drowns out everything else."

"I don't mind it." Ignis laughed softly, shaking his head at Nuri's politeness, "I had a talk with Milo."

"Oh?" Nuri asked, "about what?"

"You, and inner peace." He laughed once again, while Nuri held the gaze.

"What about me?" He asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"About your past, and your inner peace problems. Milo refuses to teach me until I can be at peace with myself, and he told me you have the same problem, but because you hold on to your guilt, and you're engulfed by the past." Ignis replied, while Nuri gazed down, guilty.

"He's told me that so many times. Nuri, you will never develop fully if you do not let go of that day." He mimicked Milo's accent perfectly, "I've tried everything from seventy-two hour straight meditation to the subconscious thing Milo did with me but I can't let them go, I can't let what I did go. I don't want to. I wouldn't be human if I forgot." He shook his head furiously.

"It's human to feel guilt, but it's unhealthy to let it eat you up from the inside out," Ignis reasoned with a small smile on his face, "you're letting it consume you."

"Maybe if it does, I'll finally find inner peace." Nuri joked, but bit his lip, knowing it was true. His guilt was eating him alive, it had been doing so since he set his entire village on fire. He couldn't help it, they made him angry, they killed his sister, they deserved it, but his parents and his best friend and his neighbours and grandparents didn't. None of them deserved to die. His childhood nemesis didn't deserve it. His parents deserved to live a long and happy life, not having to run from village to village because they had a faulty child. They deserved none of the things he did to them. He hadn't noticed he was crying until he heard the teardrop collide with the page of the book he was holding. He sighed and let the couple of stray tears slide down his cheeks, wishing he could get over this, but sort of knowing in his heart that his guilt would riddle him for an eternity.

"How did you get rid of it?" He asked Avani while she was combing her hair. He was lying on her carpet, facing the high ceilings of her and Vayu's room as he listened to the brush collide with the few knots in her silky black hair.

"Get rid of what, Bachmann? Be specific." She replied with her usual amount of sarcasm thrown into the mix.

"The guilt." Nuri emphasized the word as it created a hole in his stomach, this dull ache that always surfaced as he mentioned it.

"The guilt of being a serial killer? I don't know, you're a mass murderer, talk to Vayu about this. Man to man." She suggested with a half-laugh.

"Vani, I'm serious. I want to be at peace with myself like you guys are. I don't want to wake up in the middle of the damn night, drenched in sweat anymore. Do you know how many times I've had to get up and out of bed to change my shirt? My record is four times. In a night, Avani. Four." Nuri said.

"Honestly?" She looked at him as she tied her second bun up, "I don't know how to get rid of it. I mean I still feel it sometimes, like when I was going to slit Aziel's throat, I felt bile in my throat like I was going to projectile vomit everywhere instead of slitting his throat. The thing is I've accepted the things I've done. I've killed two hundred plus people and I got paid for it. I've done horrific things, but I'm okay with it, I guess. It doesn't mean I'm proud of my body count, it just means that I'm okay with it. Does that make sense?" She asked.

"A little," Nuri replied, "a lot actually. I just have to accept that I killed my entire village?"

"Yeah, but it's a little more complicated than that. You have to get rid of the version of yourself that keeps dragging you back to that day, you have to break the association." She explained, "next time you use your cursed ability, think of something you enjoy. Every time I use mine, and this sounds super bad, but I think of gathering sticks with my dad for the fire, and it just... makes it easier to do it, I guess."

"Learn to like my cursed ability. That's going to be a walk in the damn park, Vani." Nuri laughed as he shook his head, looking back up at the ceiling and watching the shadows of the trees reflect on it.

"Hey, if you ever need a partner in crime, or someone to take that stroll with you, you know where to find me, Firefly." She said with a genuine smile, and he laughed from the floor.

"Thanks, Space Buns." He shook his head, "you'll be my first option."

"That's what I like to hear! Now let's go watch Milo torture Ignis!" She grinned, laughing as she stood up.

"You're a sadist, Avani Sai, you know that, right?" Nuri shook his head as he stood up as well.

"Daddy's little monster, Bachmann." She threw him a wink and disappeared down the stairs in a fit of giggles. It was nice seeing her so happy, he thought, he'd never seen her smile so much and he didn't understand why. But he liked it, and hoped there was something he could do to keep it that way. Something about his baby sister and an everlasting grin sounded pretty damn good to him.

Outside, Ignis and Milo were at it again, except this time Milo was standing while Ignis and Vayu seemed to be meditating.

"Oh, this should be good." Avani said as she took a seat next to Meri on the couch, "how long have they been at it?"

"Since sunrise, but Ignis is starting to crack." Meri remarked, "look at his eyebrows, he's freaking out on the inside."

"Damn, you're right. Let's watch and see how this pans out. Bachmann, plant your butt next to me!" She said and Nuri joined them on the couch, watching as Ignis' brows scrunched together in concentration.

"Focus on breathing, Ignis." Milo's voice rung through the backyard, and they could see Ignis relax slightly, but he was struggling to maintain his position. He eyes shot open, and immediately his hands were alight with sparkling white flames. Vayu sprung into action, removing the oxygen and watching the smoke billow from Ignis' hands.

"I can't do this, Milo. I'm not a peaceful person, is there no other way?" Ignis asked, a slight tone of desperation hanging onto his words.

"I am afraid not, Ignis. I was afraid my training might be of no use for you. My apologies." Milo apologized quickly with that signature soft smile on his face.

"Please, isn't there any place I can go?" Ignis asked.

"You can trek into the mountains, but I am afraid the Knights might find you there." Milo reasoned, "perhaps if you take Nuri along with you?"

"Hey!" Ignis called to Nuri, "you up for a road trip?"

"Always!" Nuri replied with a smile.

"Alright, but more than four days out and it will become dangerous. Do you boys understand?" Milo asked as Nuri appeared next to them.

"Yes, Milo. Understood. We will return in four days time, and hopefully both of us will have made peace with ourselves." Nuri said with a smile.

"I should come along," Vayu suggested, "I can induce the coma."

"Good idea." Ignis replied, now smiling.

"Take precautions, Vayu. Do not let him die." Milo warned, and Vayu nodded.

"I will, Mr Milo. I promise I will look after both of them." Vayu swore with a smile on his face.

"Please do not cause any trouble for the mountaineers, the Gods know you two are trouble magnets." Milo remarked, focusing his gaze on Nuri and Ignis, who held a mischievous grin.

"We promise, Milo. We won't get into any trouble." He said sincerely, "I'll keep you out of trouble if you do the same for me, deal?"

"Deal." They shook on it with a smile, and walked back into the house with smiles on their faces, hoping a change of scenery would induce a change of personality, and mental state.