Dear diary,

I'm hurt.

I'm desperate for answers.

Recently there was an interview with Bangtan, and they discussed about love.

They mention the love they had for their fans and family, but when it came to love—Taehyung's face looked so emotionless.

The blank expression that lingered on him for a moment made me wait and see his reaction.

When it was his turn he only laughed.

Yeah, laughed.

Laughing as if I was nothing but a funny joke—I probably was.

I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt me not one bit.

How he faked a cool image by looking like he was not at all fazed by the topic. I could tell exactly how nervous he was by the constant twiddling of his fingers.

But what hurt me the most was when he gave details about his ideal type, which was what I exactly wasn't.

The slim, skinny, pale, and doll-like girl he spoke of didn't match me at all.

My self esteem was ripped out of me with every characteristic Taehyung mentioned.

It was funny of me anyways. With his position he could have any girl he wanted, and they would be beautiful in every single way.

Unlike me, nothing but a fan with no chance of ever matching up to his expectations.

I could be the only girl he would ever need. Yet I'm nothing but a lost memory, and I desire to see him in person just once to tell him how much I still care about him, but now he's gone.

Sincerely,

Taehyung's first love