"Nowhere for me to hide, 

no one understood what I feel inside."

Khalil Simple

0 7

Adrian

The sky was crisp and navy, with fixed, luminous sparkles vividly flickering. The stars reminded him of Alia's eyes, and suddenly Adrian decided he loved them. There was a warm, gentle breeze, puffing his hair in front of his eyes. He hauled a shuddering hand up, attempting to push his hair backward, but failed to do so. His hand limply fell back into his lap.

He was crouched down on the road, his legs folded underneath his backside. His mind was calmly tolling, but it wasn't terrible. In fact, he felt quite at ease, with the wind gushing past his ears and the empty and quiet of the street composing his heart. Which was already beating sedately and slow.

What time was it? He didn't know. He wasn't certain how long he'd been there, he'd lost track of time after a while.

A pinch of nausea prickled his belly and he frowned, a groan emitting his throat. Then, he inhaled deeply, the fresh air infiltrating his nostrils. When he exhaled, all traces of qualms disappeared. He felt very balm, like nothing could make him worry at this moment. He even tried to find a topic, a subject to think about, but his mind was blank. Blank and empty, like a hollow box.

Serenity washed over him, relief pulsing through his body.

Finally, peace.

In the moments after, Adrian was left to admire the vacant street and the beauty of sitting in the middle of the road, not feeling a bit concerned about cars knocking him down. In the excruciatingly long time he'd been here, not one car had passed and even if a car would, then so be it.

Twenty minutes later, two blinding headlights caught his attention. The car was driving at a slow pace, though it came right at him. Adrian smirked lazily, defiantly watching the car come closer and closer. It halted right before him, just several inches away.

It was a black, vast Jeep, which was so humongous it was more like a house. Or perhaps it seemed so big because it towered over him. Either way, it was a nice car.

The door to the driver's seat clapped open, revealing a petite girl wearing a satin, burgundy camisole and matching shorts. Adrian focused on the sound of her slippers against the pavement as she padded over to where he was seated, urgently squatting beside him. His smirk widened when her silky hand cupped his right cheek, her lurid eyes wide and serious. "Adrian," she lipped. "What are you doing?"

"Not doing anything." He slurred, raising his brows. She frowned, her other hand now cupping his other cheek. "Adrian," she said again, forcing his face in front of her own. "You're sitting in the middle of the damn road. Are you out of your mind?"

He rolled his eyes and lolled his head back, gazing at the sky above him. The stars glimmered and gleamed, which reminded him of Alia's eyes again. He slowly peeked at her face, at her eyes, and it was like they carried all the stars in the sky. He smiled in realization. "Alia," he mumbled. She inhaled deeply, running a single hand through his hair to get it out of his face. "Yes," she murmured.

"Stars," Adrian garbled. "In your eyes." It was so agonizingly clear to him that her eyes contained all the stars, which made no sense at all. If the stars were inside her eyes, it must mean that they detained the moon, too. And the sun, and all the galaxies in the world, with their stellar remnants and interstellar gas and dust and supernova's and black holes. Which, then again, did make sense, because a black hole is a place in space where gravity pulls so much that even light cannot get out. And although people can't see black holes because they are invisible, Adrian was certain Alia's eyes carried black holes, because of the way he was unable to forget them.

He was sucked in.

"Let's go, Adrian," Alia whispered, letting go of his cheeks. She clutched both of his hands and gave them a tug, as if to say, stand up. He swallowed and shook his head, suddenly concerned about how he was stuck in the black holes, his heartbeat upping. "I want out," he hissed, "out of the black holes."

Her forehead crinkled. "You're not thinking clearly. We have to go, Adrian." But he was definitely thinking clearly, and he didn't understand how she was unable to understand him. "I'm not going with you!" he snapped, "I know what you're doing!"

Alia's lips parted. She furrowed her brows and put his hands back in his lap, standing up. "Tyler!" she yelled, "Help me out here. He's lost his freaking mind."

Another figure exited the car. Adrian recognized his best friend, his heart gradually slowing down again. "Tyler," he mumbled with a sincere simper. "I'm stuck. Help me out of the holes."

Tyler glanced at Alia, who shrugged. "He keeps talking about black holes and stars, I have no idea what's going on with him."

Tyler kneeled down in front of Adrian, his brows knit together and his eyes urgent. "Adrian? What are you talking about?"

He wasn't stuck in the black holes anymore—Tyler had saved him. Tyler's eyes were brown, like tree trunks in a forest. Adrian clung onto Tyler's bare arms, gratefully breathing. "You saved me, thank you."

"Let's get him up, Alia." Tyler just said, hooking his arms around Adrian's shoulders. In a flash, he was up and standing, being dragged to the large Jeep. Adrian was fiercely aware of the dainty hands encircling his ankles, his heart thumping against his chest as he felt himself being thrown onto the backseats. After a lot of fumbling, Alia got his seatbelt enclosed and climbed into the space next to him. The engine of the car revved up, with Tyler behind the steering wheel and somebody else sitting shotgun.

Adrian slowly turned his head around, risking a glance at Alia. "Who's that?" he drawled out, pointing at the person next to Tyler. The person, a blonde girl, turned around in her seat and looked at him. Then, he remembered. "Oh, Gigi."

She turned back around.

He glimpsed at Alia again, carefully looking into her eyes.

Stars and the moon and galaxies, but no black holes. He puffed out a breath of relief, suddenly feeling juvenile that he'd been so afraid of these fascinating orbs before. "I like you," he decided to say, because he did. He liked that she had eyes so magical it was like he was floating through space. Alia's lips curled into a small smile. "You're crazy."

"Do you want to hold me?" One thing better than peacefully floating through space was peacefully floating through space together. She didn't say anything but unbuckled her seatbelt and positioned them in a way that made her hold him, gently caressing his hair.

Adrian simpered in satisfaction, closing his eyes. God, he loved aerospace.

On Thursday morning, the scent of French toast with maple-glazed bananas and walnuts woke Adrian up. He kept his eyes shut for a while, his ears perked as he listened to the hushed whispering bouncing against the walls, but he couldn't really hear that much. His clothes were cold against his skin, and he realized it had either dropped thirty degrees overnight, or he'd gone on a sweating-session and it was now dried. He feared the latter.

Slowly, his eyes fluttered open. The room he was in was quite dark, though there was a sliver of golden light that escaped the gap between the curtains. He swallowed uncomfortably, nausea spinning his stomach, as he traced his eyes through the room. The room was all-white, some colourful, single shoes scattered around, along with various clothing pieces. The walls were covered with photos; photos of landscapes, of the sky, of buildings, but also photos of people and happenings. Obviously, he wasn't in his own room.

He tried to sit up but decided against it upon feeling the pounding in his head. "Fuck," he mumbled inwardly, squeezing his eyes shut. The hushed conversation stopped, and there was an eerie silence before someone spoke up. "Are you awake?"

The voice was careful and soft, and girly. It was Alia. Adrian swallowed again, "Yeah."

"How are you feeling?" The bed dipped, followed by Alia's thigh accidentally brushing his foot. He cleared his throat. "Not so well."

"Yeah, we kind of expected that."

"We? Who else is here?"

"Gigi, but she's downstairs having breakfast. Are you hungry?"

Adrian opened his eyes. "It does smell amazing." He confessed with a sheepish grin, though the comment was meant to steer him away from gawking at her. She looked incredibly sexy, with her dark hair messily dishevelled and her body sporting satin pyjamas. The top was low-cut, revealing enough décolleté to make him aroused, and her shorts were so little he was forced to stare at her thighs.

He couldn't stop himself, really.

"Gigi got us breakfast from NoMad, hope you like that." She shrugged, "Although if you don't, that's your own problem. I hope you don't think I'll be cooking you food."

Adrian smirked, his brows arching. "NoMad is perfect."

There was a long, strangled silence.

"What am I doing here?" He wondered out loud. Of course, he didn't mind that he was in Alia's bed, but it was still canny strange. Especially since he had little to no recollections of his whereabouts of last night. He remembered where he'd gone the last couple of periods, of course, and he kind of remembered all the events after that, but last night was a total blur. Somehow, he kept thinking of stars.

Alia awkwardly scratched her arm, looking unsure. "Well, Tyler and I were...picking Gigi up, and then you called me. You wanted me to come get you or whatever, it was kind of weird, and then we promised you we'd come for you after we were done with Gigi, but we would've come sooner if we knew you were lounging in the middle of the road."

"What? Middle of the road?"

"Yeah," she said. "You were seriously just sitting there. And then I tried to get you up and you kept rambling about stars and black holes and being sucked in—it was so weird—and then Tyler and I lifted you up and put you in the car. I let you crash here because I don't know whether someone's home at your place and you needed to be taken care of... and also, I'm not sure you'd appreciate it if your parents found you in that state."

Adrian blinked. Everything she'd just said sounded extremely odd, though it did sound like something that could've happened to him. He was grateful to have friends like her and Tyler who'd look after him like they had done last night. Who knew what could've happened to him?

Suddenly, he felt a bold liking for Alia festering inside of him. "Al," he mumbled, cocking his head. "C'mere."

She did, inching closer with her eyebrows raised. Adrian took a deep breath and then curled his lips into a lopsided smile. "Thank you," he said softly. "For taking care of me." And then, he pressed his lips against hers, simply because he wanted to.

The kiss was warm and earnest, but Alia pulled back after a brief moment. "What was up with you?" she questioned, but the edges of her lips were faintly curled.

"I think I drank too much." He responded indignantly. She narrowed her eyes, and it almost seemed like she was going to scold him. Adrian set his jaw, "Don't say anything."

She sighed. "Fine. You can take a shower, I put clean towels and my brother's shampoos on the cabinet. Oh, and also, your uniform is inside the bathroom, too. I'll be downstairs with Gigi."

"Okay," he murmured, the sudden urge to shower growing. "Thanks. You're an angel."

"Barely." Alia shot back, but she was chuckling all the way as she ascended the stairs.

After a fresh, long-anticipated shower and having changed into his Dalton uniform, Adrian made his way down the stairs, half of him expecting to see Alia's parents or at least her brother. Surprisingly, the only two people downstairs were herself and Gigi, and they were awfully quiet. They weren't even looking at each other.

Were they fighting?

"'Morning, Gigi." Adrian said, as he sat down on the couch. Gigi smiled shortly. "Hi, Adrian. Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, much better."

"Great." She went back to looking like she was smacked in the face. They were both wearing their Dalton uniforms, which meant that they were ready to go. Adrian raised one eyebrow ever so slightly, looking at Alia. "Where are your parents and brother?"

"Alim is fixing something at his dorm and dad's at work."

"And your mom?"

Gigi visibly winced and then excused herself, hastily making her way through the front doors. Adrian was left stunned, pushing himself off the sofa as he schlepped over to where Alia was. She was frantically putting the leftovers of breakfast in a bag, and everything that didn't fit went into the fridge. She moved fast, her heels loudly clacking against the hard tiles on the floor. "She's dead." She muttered softly, proceeding to stuff the fridge with pancakes and salmon sandwiches.

Adrian drew in a sharp breath, instant sympathy washing over him as he leaned his hip against the counter, watching her whiff around. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault. You don't have to be sorry." She bit back, rearranging the order of the sandwiches and pancakes in the fridge. Adrian frowned and took one step closer to her, grabbing the hem of her blouse. Gently, he pulled her away from the fridge and closer to himself. In fact, she was so close he could feel her chest heaving up and down against his own.

Slowly, he let go of the hem and enclosed her waist with his hands, desperately seeking her eyes. "You move a lot. It's giving me an even worse headache."

"I'm just putting everything in the fridge." She mumbled, staring at the ground.

"I'm really sorry," he repeated. "I didn't know." He meant it.

"I told you it's okay. You couldn't have known." She smiled, though Adrian suspected it was fake.

The corners of his mouth tug up as he dipped his head, stealing a chaste kiss. Her lips tasted like blueberries, which left him wanting more. Alia snickered—adorably, he thought—looking at him suggestively. "That's all you got?"

"You want more?" he responded, his smirk from ear to ear. Alia rolled her eyes and cloaked her arms around his neck, pushing herself up on her tippy toes. She wasn't wearing her notorious heels and it made her all the way shorter. Hungrily, she kissed him.

The kiss turned into a full blown make-out session, in which Adrian occasionally grunted and Alia sometimes whimpered. His hands were all over her body, roaming, gripping, squeezing. He didn't know what it was, but something about kissing Alia made him feel like he was flying. His mind was clouded with a white noise that, if you listened closely, really was nothing other than aliaaliaaliaaliaaliaaliaaliaalia.

He didn't know why he kept kissing her, and a small part of him warned him that as long as he didn't put a label on it, it'd come back to bite him in the ass.

No, Alia wasn't like that. She was chill and free, not dramatic and not expectant. If she didn't want to do this—she wouldn't do it. He doubted she'd go along with something as long as her heart wasn't in it.

Kissing her made him forget about all the crap he was putting up with.

During lunch, they were all gathered in the cafeteria, since the fields were fully covered with lounging students. The weather was as sizzling as yesterday, but none of them felt compelled to go and get burned outside. Etienne was munching on a muffin, and Nate contently chewed a protein bar, and the rest wasn't eating anything. There was definitely a squelching aura vibing around them, and Adrian wasn't sure what had caused it. Was it his stupidity from last night? Was it the unsaid fight between Gigi and Alia?

Because by the time Alia and him had stopped groping each other and had left for school, Adrian was certain. The girls didn't even look at each other, never mind talk to the other.

It was strange.

Etienne was the first to address the awkwardness. "Alright," he said. "I might be paranoid. Is everything okay between everyone?"

Nate nodded feverishly, his mouth full with proteins. "Yeah, seriously guys. You're all silent. Is it about Adrian?" he looked at Adrian, an apologetic smile stretching out over his face. "I heard you were an idiot last night."

"I was," Adrian truthfully said, a timid grin curling his lips. "But I don't think that's it."

Tyler shrugged, and the girls kept silent.

"Really? No one's going to say anything?" Etienne spat in irritation. Etienne had a couple of things he was fond of. Girls, booze, his best friends and travelling. His biggest wish was to travel around the world, to see all the places the stuck up Upper East Siders would never wish to see. Secondly came his best friends, who were more of a family to him than his actual family was. And Adrian knew that Etienne absolutely hated it when they fought.

"Fine." Etienne snapped, his eyebrows knitting together. "Then, I have another question. Don't hate me, mate." He was looking at Adrian. Adrian shrugged once, "I doubt I will. Hit me."

"What did Ava want to talk to you about two days ago at Nate's? You never told us. And I hate her. I mean, I don't know. She's not my favourite person in the world."

"You had your arms around her and Sophie two days ago, though."

"She told me you guys resolved your issues! Before you broke up she was part of our group as well, so I thought things were back to normal. I'd rather have you than her—don't get me wrong, it was just a mistake." He looked desperate to convince Adrian that he hadn't meant to do what he'd done, and Adrian simply shook his head, smiling softly. "Etienne, don't worry. Honestly I'm just fucking with you."

Etienne exhaled loudly.

"She wanted to get back together," Adrian explained, memories of their conversation flashing in his head. "I told her she could go fuck herself."

Ava and Adrian dated all throughout junior year. She was the most popular girl in school, and he was one of the most popular guys, so it was logical they'd hit it off. Adrian, used to his player-y ways, hadn't declined her offer to hang out sometime. He thought she was hot and wanted to have sex with her, along with the ten other girls he often slept with. So, that's how they started dating. They'd keep up the façade in school and displayed warningly high amounts of PDA, and then Adrian would go back home and find somebody else to sleep with.

She knew, too. It was like an unsaid agreement. She got the attention she wanted, and Adrian would get all of the whiny girls off his back.

Four months of this, and Ava had developed real feelings for him. Or so she claimed. She started to become clingy and angry, getting upset whenever she found out he was sleeping with other girls—which was ridiculous. She'd always known, so why did she start making a problem out of it? Adrian always tried to soothe her and talk her back into the agreement they'd previously had, but truth to be told, he did like her more than in the beginning. With all the time they'd spent together, it was basically inevitable.

But then it started. His biggest secret, the one thing he'd never tell anyone. Never. Not even the guys, and there weren't many people in the world he loved as much as he loved them. None, even.

After Ava found out, she became his safe haven. She comforted him. She talked him out of doing stupid things. She made sure he was okay; no matter what. He loved her then, he loved everything about her, from the way she was able to make him feel good regardless of the situation to the way she never judged him for his juvenile mistakes. He saw her more often than not, and rather spent time with her than with the guys.

It was because she was there for him, even though he hadn't given the guys a chance to be that, too. There had been some mild complaints from his friends about the fact that they never saw each other again, and because Adrian loved them, he decided to spend more time with them.

Which he did, as promised. Ava wasn't fond of that. By the end of junior year, he'd gotten so irked by her he'd broken up with her.

And that's when it started. Ava was the only one who knew his secret, and she threatened him daily to tell everybody if he thought of breaking up with her again. Naturally, they got back together. How could Adrian not? There was no way in hell his friend—or anyone, really—could know!

Whatever it was that happened those last weeks of junior year, Adrian was grateful for it. Ava decided she was bored with him and dumped him, promising him that she wouldn't tell anybody as long as he stayed away from her. Which he happily did, of course.

So why did she want to get back together now? Was it because she knew Adrian had lost all of his interests in her?

"She's a witch." Etienne agreed, "It's good you told her to go screw herself."

"Yeah. I don't even know where it came from." Adrian risked a peek at Alia, but she seemed fine.

"I mean, she's not that bad when she's alone, but with you?" Etienne shook his head in disbelief. "She gets crazy. Do you remember those weeks? We never saw you!"

"I know. I still feel bad for that." Adrian mumbled sheepishly. Nate chuckled softly. "That's okay, man. We know you're sorry. We're just glad you got her off your back. Please don't get back together with her again."

It was a plea Adrian was happy to oblige to.