8k words so it's a long chapter, no worries.

Turns out I can only manage one update per week but I'm gonna try and fasten the process.

Thanks for the love, hope you like this chapter. It's solely Haya and amir so just enjoy and send me some love.

Make sure to vote and comment, I'd love to hear what you think about this one because it's really long and filled with dialogues.

Love you 😚

Also, poor baby Haya

Haya x Amir.

"Amir, wait!"

Haya found herself rushing after the man who had his back turned around already. She was surprised and overwhelmed, she hadn't really expected him to show up here after all. At the same time, she felt so badly that she didn't have much energy to run after anyone in the first place. Still, she was able to reach him and while she wanted to stare at his face, it was almost bloody in her eyes.

"Amir." She couldn't focus on him, not even when she held his arm in a tight grip. It wasn't because she was scared to let go of him, just so he wouldn't leave but it was because she felt like she would simply fall on her ass if she didn't take any support.

"What?" It was the first word out of his mouth when she stared at him with drowsy eyes.

It was clear that she was drunk. She was throwing up, her eyes were red and her face was all flushed.

"What, Haya?" He tried to get her to leave his arm, because he didn't want her drunken state to impact his own.

He had just kept his fast, he wasn't going to let his wife's alcohol induced body affect that.

"I'm not feeling well, okay. Just don't, just wait."

Amir let out a huge sigh, because he really was done here. All he wanted to do was come here, have a talk with her and take her back home. Yet here she was, drunk and holding onto him..

"Come with me."

He blurted out, not thinking about anything else right now. He was mad because he had fought a battle within his own self to even come here. He had put his ego away, had tried to forget about the way she had hid another truth, had tried to only think about one thing and that was how much he missed her.

"What?" She tried to keep her eyes open, tried to get a hold of her own self but she couldn't. It felt like her body was so damn weak, she really couldn't feel anything going right.

Amir sighed, looking around.

There were people at a distance, music was loud and clearly everyone was buzzed enough to not care about Princess Haya's health.

"Come on, I'm taking you back." He let his own hand take a hold of her arm, it wasn't a tight grip but it was a firm authoritative one.

Haya frowned, not understanding the sudden idea. What did he mean by taking her back? Was this really so simple for him?

When he gestured her to walk, Haya scowled even when she wasn't so well and could barely see his face.

"Excuse me? What the hell?" She mumbled out, but he didn't stop.

Was he really expecting her to walk and go back with him without any talk or reason?

"Amir, stop. This is forcing me."

"You don't want to come back with me?" He asked, tilting his head in he direction and then looking behind her where he could still see the Jordanian Prince with a judgemental look on his face.

"No. Not like this." Haya replied, voice coming out worse than before.

"Well I'm sorry Princess, I can't stay here and see you with your ex." He retorted, pointing towards Hunain who was already making him way forward.

"Amir, salam." When he greeted Amir with a salam, the Prince didn't have it in his heart to say it back.

"You're taking all of this the wrong way. The article was all a lie, it's not true." Hunain stated, hopeful that Amir would understand and not make Haya suffer more.

"You don't need to tell me, Hunain. I trust my wife." The Crown Prince answered, not even an ounce of doubt in his tone.

"But she's coming with me right now." He added, looking at Haya again.

He wasn't taking her back anyway. He would take her to the Palace, get someone to care for her in her drunken condition and then have a talk once she was all better. He just couldn't stand being here.

"Amir, I really don't feel well. Please." Haya slurred out, causing Amir to hum like he understood.

"Because you drank? Perfect, Haya. It's Ramadan." He saw the way Hunain moved back again.

He didn't leave, he stood at a respectful distance but he didn't leave. It irked Amir. What exactly was he trying to do? Protect Haya? And protect her from what? Him?

"I didn't." Haya denied, but he could literally see her drunk.

"Another lie? You were puking your guys out there, Haya." He reminded her, seeing how they were still around people.

Even when they were at a distance, he was sure they could see him and Haya exchanging heated words.

"Your friends are here, people are watching. I don't want any more drama so just come with me." He slowly said, ushering her to come along like she was some sort of a child.

"No, not after the hell you put me through. No!"

She almost yelled, throwing daggers through her eyes.

Yes, all she had wanted and needed was for him to come and get her but not like this. She didn't want him to be this way with her. She didn't want him to usher her like that, invalidating everything that had gone down between them.

"You can't just march in here and ask me to come with you! You didn't even ask me to stay when I left! You didn't do anything! You think putting a fucking post was all you needed to do?!"

It took all the willpower she had and more to say the words out loud with a strength.

"Fuck you, Amir. You ruined me. You destroyed my feelings. You disregarded me for weeks!"

She continued, anger seeping through her veins while her own body fought to stay still. She didn't know what was happening. She had eaten on time, had taken all of her medicines, hadn't drank a single sip of anything. Why was she feeling so damn hazy then?

"What have I told you about cursing at me, Haya?"

He slowly asked, eyes glazed with anger too. He looked intimidating but if there was someone who wasn't exactly scared of this look, it was Haya.

"Amir," it wasn't Haya who stepped forward, but her friend Hunain.

The Crown Prince raised an eyebrow at the man, frowning at the audacity.

"Stay out of this, Prince. This is a matter between my wife and I. Yallah, Haya. Let's go."

He held her arm with much more strength this time, ready to take her away and end the drama once and for all.

Haya found herself too weak to fight him off or say much, her stomach had started to hurt just as much as her head.

"What's going on?"

Illyas had been noticing Haya and Hunain walking around the island, while he kept talking over the phone. Once he was done with the phone call and went to get some drinks, he became too occupied with talking to everyone else around him.

When he couldn't find his sister or brother anywhere and his phone kept ringing over and over again, he decided to just take his leave and go back to the Palace. He needed some rest, he needed to get his mind off things.

It was only when Illyas found an entire convoy of a certain Maraaishi Prince that his own senses felt alert. He found Amir with a grip on Haya's arm, and his sister didn't look too happy about it.

Illyas stepped up, mouth turned into a straight line as he stared at Amir.

"Get your hands off my sister." He said, voice low but deadly.

Amir stared back, shaking his head at the man.

"Did you get your hands off my sister, Prince? You stay out of my personal matter." He instructed, looking back at his wife who looked drunk as hell.

"Haya, what's going on?" Illyas enquired, eyes focused on his sister as he completely ignored Amir.

He didn't need to suck up to the man, he didn't need to keep up with the facade of respecting his brother in law.

He only respected Amir because he loved Haya and always took care of her. He didn't hurt her before but now, he had.

"Illyas, I don't feel well." Haya moaned, blinking her eyes as she swayed from one side to the other.

"Because she's drunk. She was puking her guts out when I arrived. The least you could have done was look after her." Amir stated, not letting go of Haya's arm.

"Amir. Leave her arm right now. She is not well." Illyas stated, while Hunain simply moved back and stood at a distance. He didn't want to come in between the family drama, he didn't want to leave Haya either.

Still, he shook his head as he knew what was the right thing to do and nodded at Illyas. He had to leave. He would talk to Haya later but right now, he needed to leave.

"And who are you to tell me what to do?" Amir retorted, as Haya turned towards her brother.

Even Illyas looked blurry to her right now.

"Illyas, my heart is really heavy and I feel like I'll throw up again, my eyes hurt and my head is on fire. I don't know what's happening." She complained, letting out another groan of pain.

"My stomach hurts so much." She further said, as Illyas tried to intervene. How could Amir not see how sick she was?

Before Illyas could spew out his own list of insults, Yusuf was already coming towards them. He had been out of reach for the past two hours, unknown to the fact that Prince Amir was making a surprise visit to Buredaan. It was only when he checked his phone after getting off the yacht with Aaliyah that he found out about Amir's whereabouts.

"Amir? Salam, when did you arrive?" He greeted, throwing a nod in his direction. Amir left Haya's arm as Yusuf stepped forward and embraced the man.

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have been there to receive you." He said, but Amir shook his head.

"It was an immediate plan, Yusuf. It's good to see you." He replied, giving a small smile.

When Yusuf looked at Haya, he found her scowling and flushed at the same time.

"Haya?" He didn't want to discuss what was going on or why Amir and Haya were here, or why his grip on her arm was firm and tight before he left her to embrace him.

"She's not well, Yusuf." Illyas told his brother, seething as he said it.

"Your sister drank too much and now she isn't feeling well." Amir murmured, and Haya let out a sigh.

What the fuck? Why were they talking instead of taking her back to the Palace?

"I didn't drink." She protested meekly, but Amir didn't buy it.

She was amongst a hundred people who were all drunk, including her own brother. She was vomiting her guts out. What else could be the reason?

"It's okay if you did, Haya. It doesn't matter, just tell me the truth atleast." He murmured, as Aaliyah neared the small crowd.

"I'm not lying, ah," Haya groaned out loud, putting her hand on her stomach. The tears pooled in her eyes due to the pain and she sniffed, hoping that someone would atleast try to understand how genuinely in pain she felt right now.

"Oh my God." Aaliyah noticed the splotches of blood on the back of her dress, frowning as she looked at Yusuf.

"Why do I see blood on her dress?" She pondered with worry, looking at Haya with a concerned expression.

"I didn't drink, Amir. I'm not lying." Haya didn't even know why she was trying to explain it to him, but in the very next moment, her own vision went black and she found herself falling against the darkness.

"Haya, come on. Haya!" Amir held Haya with panic, seeing the way she lost concisouness within a matter of seconds.

"Hands off my sister!" Illyas tried to take a hold of Haya, angry that he was accusing her of drinking even when she was sick and not in the condition.

"Illyas, don't." Yusuf shook his head, clicking his tongue at his brother

"Yusuf, for once think about our sister and not about who he is." Illyas snapped, but Yusuf wanted his brother to look at the bigger picture here.

"He's her husband. This isn't the time to argue. Look at her." He explained, as Amir held Haya like she was made of glass and would break at any time.

Within a moment, he picked her up instead of making her lean against him like he had been doing before.

"Amir, we'll go straight back to the Palace. The doctor will be there already." Yusuf said, gesturing Aaliyah to come along.

"I'm just going to make a call and meet you there."

"Illyas, behave." He told his younger brother, as everyone got ready to go back to the Palace instead.

"You had your period on time this year, Haya. Didn't you? Why are you bleeding then?"

He wasn't questioning her in her half concsious state, the one that she'd woken up from in the middle of the ride.

Yet, she had heard him and found the strength to glare at him with a deep rooted anger.

"Fuck you, Amir." She cursed, one more time. This time, he didn't even have the guts to tell her not to curse. She didn't look okay.

She wasn't really drunk. Was she?

He hadn't just misjudged her, he had also not believed her.

Amir let out a huge sigh, swallowing as he prayed in his head and recited surahs while staring at her. He didn't want her to be hurt, he didn't want her to look so weak.

"Just don't move." He murmured, since she tried to move herself away from him the moment she gained some concsiousness.

"Don't touch me." Haya snapped, he let out a nod and pulled his hand away from her forehead.

"Okay."

"But don't move, please. We're not really sure what's going on. Are you still in pain?"

It was a fucking stupid question. She was obviously in pain. When Haya was escorted inside the Palace, he didn't let anyone touch her.

"Slow, okay? Come on." He mumbled, and she couldn't snap or tell him not to touch since he was the Crown Prince of Maraaish after all.

When Illyas reached close to them, he tried to take a hold of his sister.

"Let me, Amir."

"That's alright, Illyas. Come on, Haya."

Illyas only shook his head, seeing how Amir had already led Haya inside a room as he stood there and waited for Yusuf.

The last thing he wanted was to get into a fight with Amir. Yusuf was the only one who could prevent that.

"What happened?" Illyas asked the moment Amir came in his sight.

The Maraaishi Prince was being catered like anything, since the King wasn't here and Prince Yusuf was just on the way. It was being done to the point where Amir had literally sent everyone away, telling them that he simply wanted a moment alone.

On the other hand, Haya was already inside the room along with two doctors and a few servants who were helping her change.

The last thing Amir wanted to do was leave her alone in the state but he knew it wasn't appropriate to stay there.

When Illyas saw Amir in view, he frowned at the fact that the Crown Prince was waiting outside. He thought the man was just drawing attention to himself but he also couldn't deny the constant worry on Amir's face.

Still, the man knew how much hurt he had put Haya through. Not to mention, Yusuf didn't know what Illyas did. Yusuf hadn't heard Amir talk about respect and honor that day in Paris. If he did, he would also have a different view of the man.

He knew he was being hard on Amir. He wouldn't really be so forgiving either but this was his sister. His sister, who had changed so much for the sake of this man. Couldn't he just let it go then?

"I wanted to give her the time to check Haya. She'll inform us when she's done." Illyas heard the Crown Prince respond, as he let out a sigh and sat on the sofa with his head between his hands.

"Haya hates being alone, especially when she's sick." Illyas responded, ready to just barge in there.

"It's not appropriate to be there, your sister isn't well." Amir added, looking at the man.

"I've seen my sister in every possible condition. I don't really care about appropriate and inappropriate, Amir."

Illyas stated, crossing his arms against his chest. At the same time, Yusuf arrived with Aaliyah trailing behind him.

"Illyas, I know you're worried about Haya but calm down." He murmured, throwing his brother a dirty look.

Aaliyah stared at Amir, seeing the concern etched on his face and the way his lips kept moving, like he was reciting something in his head.

"Yusuf-"

"It is enough. He's her husband and he's right. Once the doctors are done, they will tell us."

Yusuf's voice wasn't loud enough to be heard by anyone but Illyas, who rolled his eyes but didn't protest.

"Did you tell mom and Dad?" He asked instead, finding his brother mumble a no.

It was five thirty in the morning, their parents were fast asleep. He knew his father would wake up around seven and get to know everything but right now, he didn't need to know that Amir was in the Palace and Haya was sick.

Yusuf was handling it, that was enough

"They're already asleep, Illyas. I don't want to disturb them." Yusuf said, walking towards Amir as he sat down by the man's side.

He didn't really ask anything, neither did he look at him with a brother's judgement and protectiveness. He knew the man loved his sister. With love, came alot of baggage and hurt too. It wasn't his place to judge or say anything. Unlike Illyas, he wasn't impulsive like that.

After a few more minutes, one of the doctors came out of the room with an awkward smile and looked at Yusuf, the Crown Prince of her country.

"She wants to see the Prince." She informed Yusuf, gesturing towards Amir.

Yusuf let out a nod and stood up, as Amir did the same.

"Is she alright?" Yusuf only asked, as Amir was already moving towards the door.

"She's alright, I'll just finish it up inside and inform you of everything." The doctor answered, as Amir walked inside the room along with the woman.

Yusuf, Aaliyah and Illyas sat back down on the same sofa, with Aaliyah dropping her head on her fiance's shoulder and Illyas cancelling his morning trip to Azerbaijan.

When his eyes fell on Haya, she was leaning against the headboard of the bed and her clothes were changed. Her face was bare of all the makeup she had been wearing earlier, while someone was rubbing her feet because of how cold they actually were.

Her feet hurt, her legs hurt and her stomach still felt sore. She looked up to see Amir, as someone handed her a glass of fresh juice and she took it with a sigh, knowing that she needed to drink it to gain some energy.

An IV drip was attached to her arm, while her face was pale, the yellowish color replacing the earlier flushed face that he had noticed on her.

When Amir came and sat by her side, she didn't say anything and looked at the doctor instead.

He noticed how comfortable Haya was around the woman, making him realise that she was the same doctor Haya kept talking about.

Once she was sitting on a chair by Haya's side, she took a deep breath and started to talk.

"I think it's better if you both get to know of it together. When I was about to tell the Princess, she insisted that I call you here first."

The woman informed the Crown Prince, a little intimidated by his composure. He seemed calm, but he also seemed like he would explode at any given moment. She didn't want to be at the receiving end of her rage.

"Is she okay?" He asked the doctor, Haya didn't even have the energy to roll her eyes at him properly.

"She'll be fine. She's just a little low on energy but one week of bed rest and Haya will be back to being vibrant and full of sunshine." She assured, dreading the truth that was about to come out of her mouth in a while.

"Doctor, can you tell me if I was
under the influence of alcohol or anything? Infact, is there a test because apparently my word can't be taken as the truth."

Haya asked her doctor, who frowned at the comment. It was the most Haya had talked throughout the two hours of her being here.

"Haya." Amir mumbled, knowing that she wasn't really drunk. He had assumed the worst and not believed her.

"What? I just want you to know the truth, Amir." She taunted, wincing when she felt the tingles on her leg and the way her back ached.

"Behave." Amir said back, looking at the doctor who was ready to tell them what was going on.

When she mentioned that Haya's health was due to her hormones, Haya had asked her to stop talking. She told the woman that Amir needed to be here first, he needed to know through her.

She didn't want to hide anything and she was scared to talk about it if it was something really bad. Now that Amir was here, all Haya wanted to do to calm her wildly beating heart was to hold his hand.

She needed his support, even when she loathed herself for needing it.

It felt like he knew what she was going through, because before she could even process it, he was standing up from his place.

Haya found him sit by her side, with his hand on her shoulder as he pulled her towards him.

The same Amir who hated holding her hand in front of people because he was so shy, was actually pulling her in without even a word from her mouth.

She didn't look at him, she stared at the Doctor.

"What I am about to tell you might sound a little complicated and unbelievable but be sure that this actually happens a lot and most of the times the women don't even know what has happened,"

She started off, causing both of them to frown at the same time.

"It's because you felt the pain and didn't let it go that I actually had to do a thorough checkup and make sure everything is alright."

When Haya didn't ask any questions, the doctor kept speaking.

"Haya, I've been treating you since you were sixteen and your hormones have been both balanced and imbalanced. I understand that you were trying to have a child, yeah?"

Haya nodded, while Amir looked down as he heard the open conversation.

"Haya, you were pregnant."

His head shot up, as he stared wide eyed at the woman. Haya swallowed, the use of were causing her own head to spin.

"Were?" She repeated, just as the same time as Amir did.

Both of them didn't dare to look at one another.

"My guess is she was around three weeks along and since it's really early, the pregnancy was hard to detect." The doctor added, continuing to give them more information.

"But, the cramping and the bleeding suggest a miscarriage. I'm so sorry."

Haya felt like her ears were ringing, and Amir's grip on her had loosened. She couldn't believe it. She really couldn't.

She knew that the way her health had been for the past few weeks and while she had an inch of doubt in her head that she might be pregnant, she never voiced it out loud. She was too scared to know, especially since Amir had told her he didn't want to have a child with her.

"So I was pregnant?" Haya asked again, just to be sure.

"Yes, you were."

"But I'm not anymore?" The way she questioned the doctor, it broke Amir's heart.

"I'm sorry, Haya."

He swallowed the bile down his throat, feeling his own heart ache.

"But it's okay. This means that you can carry a child, Haya. Sometimes, there are a lot of factors involved. Most of the times the reasons for the miscarriage cannot even be explained." She elaborated, giving an encouraging smile.

Haya pulled her legs up, gesturing the other women to leave.

"What I can say is is that I usually identify stress as the main factor behind a miscarriage."

The two doctors who remained in the room while everyone left, didn't really react. One of them checked on Haya's IV while the other kept saying more and more.

Haya knew she had been fucking stressed the past few weeks. Had her own stress caused her baby to die? Was it even a baby at this point?

"I am going to treat you the way I always have, don't you worry." She assured, as the one checking on her IV left with a nod and the older woman stayed.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Prince. I'm sure God has a better plan." She condoled, taking another deep breath.

"I'll give you both some time,"

"I don't want to have a child with you, Haya."

She repeated his own words and his heart sank, because they sounded much was coming from her mouth. He could still not rap his own head around the idea that she was pregnant and then she wasn't. While he was doubting her and thinking that she was drunk, she was actually losing their child.

"That's what you said. Guess what? God listened. He always listens to you."

He heard Haya say, as she shrugged off his grip and moved on the other side of the bed.

It was so difficult to even think of what had happened. How was she supposed to feel? Was she supposed to cry or lash out? She didn't even feel anything. She didn't even know she had a child inside of her. What could she possibly feel or say about it? How could she possibly grieve for something she didn't even have the time to get attached to?

"I didn't mean it. I've prayed for a child every night and day. It's not possible for God to hear the one thing that I didn't mean, Haya."

He didn't know whether he was trying to make his own self believe it or whether he was trying to make her believe it.

He knew she was right. Maybe this was God's way of punishing him for being so stubborn and not forgiving the woman who loved him.

Maybe this was a way to teach him a lesson. He had managed to tell Haya that he didn't want to have a child with her, knowing how obsessed she had been with the idea of having a child lately. He had managed to hurt where it would hit the most.

If she had hurt him, was it really necessary to hurt her back? Was his ego that big that he needed to hurt her to feel satisfied?

"Then maybe it's my sins, like your other mother said that day." She said bitterly, but the insecurity behind her words was easily observables.

Amir shook his head at her, not really believing that.

"It's not your fault, Haya." He stated, because he knew she hadn't done anything wrong when it came to the pregnancy or the baby. He trusted that.

"Just go away, Amir. I begged you to ask me to stay and you told me to leave. Why are you here?" She questioned, looking at him with a tired sigh.

She was tired of crying and she did not want to cry again. But how could she not cry when she had just lost something she really wanted to have and her relationship wasn't as perfect as she thought it actually was.

Ever since she fell in love with him, she had really started to believe that love managed to conquer everything. Now, she was doubting that theory.

"Because,"

Amir looked at her with a sad smile, knowing she was biting her lip just so she wouldn't cry. She was looking at him angrily through her wet lashes, he ached to tell her that it was okay to cry right now. He just didn't think she would accept his touch, or his consoling.

"I miss you."

He admitted, shrugging.

Every day was a torture without her. He prayed for her every time he kept his fast and broke it, he prayed for their relationship and their love to always remain and he prayed to forget everything that had made his relationship so broken.

He prayed that he could get the ability to forgive her and let things go, and he also prayed for her to understand why he acted the way he did. He prayed that she would realise how hiding the truth led to problems, how even when it was a promise that shouldn't have been broken, he had every right to feel the way he did.

"Home hasn't been home without you. I can't even stay in the bedroom because everything reminds me of you. I can't even sit with my family because I feel angry at what happened that day, the way she treated you."

She didn't remember a single time where he had actually admitted the fault of his family, it was surprising.

"And then I think of your secrets that led other people to create distance between us."

He further said, and Haya nodded.

"You could have been the bigger person, Amir. You could have let it go."

She insisted, because he had always been the bigger person. Yes, she shouldn't have hid the truth from him. But it was a fucking promise she made to her father. She would've told him, had it been any other family member but this was her own father.

Besides, did he not understand that she had to think and analyse each and everything before telling it to him? She had to think of how his morals and his ideology would crash with her experienced and things would get tough.

"How many more times, Haya? I have a heart too. I also get angry and hurt, I also don't want to forgive and remain stubborn. I'm human. I'm flawed."

He stood up from the bed, because he knew that they were going to argue again.

They had lost a child. She had lost a child and yet, he knew in his heart that they would argue and fight instead of talking about it, instead of grieving for it.

"I would have told you if I hadn't made a promise to my Dad." Haya replied, not getting up.

When she tried to get a pillow to put it behind her back, he was quick to get it and place it there.

She didn't thank him, he didn't touch her the way he wanted to. When he tried to move away, his eyes stayed on her face more than he wanted them to.

She looked sad. Haya looked sad. Her eyes weren't bright, filled with mischief and wonder. They were filled with hurt and anger, guilt even.

"I'm sorry for saying that your country relies on mine. I am no one to say that. I was out of line." He apologized, all because her sadness was too much for his own heart.

"And I'm sorry for not wiping away your tears when you were crying."

He remembered how he had looked away the moment he saw her cry. He couldn't take it then and he knew he wouldn't be able to take it now. 

"But I'm not sorry for letting you leave, Haya. I know you made a promise but I was your husband. Did you not feel guilty when you would talk to the doctor in front of me and conveniently skip out the most important information?"

His own head screamed at him for restarting the whole debate but this wasn't something he could get over easily. He didn't know how to get over it.

"I have apologized enough, Amir. I won't apologise anymore." Haya snapped, because she really thought he would apologize and that would be the end of it.

Why couldn't he just let it fucking go? It had happened years ago.

"I only asked if you atleast felt guilty for doing this to me."

Haya knew she didn't need to do it, she knew she didn't need to say the words to hurt him but she was hurt and he was still questioning her about the fucking guilt!

Did he not understand that she regretted even having sex with someone that night, all because it was impacting her life now?

"Do you?" Haya asked, staring at him.

"What?"

"Do you feel guilty for causing me to stress enough that I lost the baby? The one I didn't even know about?"

"Haya." His face paled, he swallowed.

"The doctor said it was stress, Amir. I've literally not thought about anything or anyone but you in the past few weeks."

She pointed out, angry at him.

"I've cried myself to sleep because of you. I've cried because I hated you, and I loved you, and I missed you."

She further said, because how could she not understand the hell that she had been going through too. It wasn't easy on her. She gave everything she possibly good for him to make her stay and he still didn't want her to stay.

"Now here you are, asking me if I felt guilty for not telling you about my abortion that took place ages ago instead of talking about the child we just lost."

She wanted to throw something at him and she wanted to throw her arms around him. She hated how much she loved him.

"How do you feel?"

He suddenly asked, causing her to frown again. What was this random question?

"You care?" She enquired with a scoff and Amir sighed.

"Haya," He murmured, a hand on her thigh. She wanted to move it away, but she didn't.

"You're my life. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be here."

He told her the truth and even though she knew it already, she just didn't want to give him the satisfaction of it.

"You're only here to prove to the world that I'm still your wife. You're here to save your own image." She pointed out, he shook his head.

"I'm here because I love you." He said it simply, causing her heart to ache and warm all at the same time.

"Because while I'm still mad at you, I can't stay away from you." He added, she groaned out loud.

She didn't even know what to say or feel. She was supposed to feel upset that she had just lost a child but she was upset because her and Amir had been at odds for so long now.

"I don't know how to feel about a miscarriage. I don't know how to feel about a pregnancy I didn't even know I had."

She let the words out of her mouth, looking at him.

"I want to be angry and blame you for losing it, but, I can't."

"I can't blame you or anyone because I don't even know what I lost, Amir. I didn't feel anything and now there's nothing."

Her lips trembled as the words shot out of her mouth.

"And you know, I have been thinking too."

She had been thinking about this quite a lot lately. She had been thinking that she wanted to raise her children the way she and her brothers had been raised. She didn't want her son or daughter to live in a restricted environment where they would have to hide a lot of things for the sake of it. She didn't want her daughter to end up like Suhoor, she didn't want her son to end up like Adil. She knew Amir didn't think of this environment as constricted and to him, it might not have been but she felt like it would be that way for her future children.

They would compare their lives with others, with the children of her brothers. She knew it was a thinking that was way too future bound but it was still there.

She hadn't really thought of any of it before.

"I have been thinking about how much I would loathe you if you put my daughter through what you people put your women through. You make them feel like living their life according to their own terms is a sin."

She stated, seeing the expression change on his face.

Haya looked away but didn't stop talking.

"I feel like I would hate you if you ever did to our daughter what you did to your own sister. The same sister that you claim to love like your own child."

Haya said, remembering the entire drama that had happened in Paris.

"You took her away from her dream of studying abroad because she chose to do something that you don't approve of. As if that was not enough, she was kept locked in her room for a whole week."

It was still hard to believe that Suhoor was told to simply stay in her room, just like that.

"You remember when I said I can't even breathe there, this is the reason why I can't. Suhoor told me that life there was Golden for me only because you loved me, I guess she was right."

Amir stayed silent throughout the entire talk, not really knowing what to say or how to explain himself. Haya wouldn't understand. Their ideology and mindset was way too different.

"The moment I caught a glimpse of the powerful Crown Prince who has the world in his palm, I couldn't breathe. You made me feel so little in that one moment."

She breathed out, remembering how tiny she had felt when he told her that he was the Prince of a country that her country relied on.

"All you had to do was forgive me, all you had to do was let it go but you let me go."

She whimpered, keeping her tears at bay. Amir looked at her with flushed cheeks, embarassed and upset all at the same time.

How did she have the ability to make him feel guilty for something that she had done?

"Haya." He said, but Haya didn't stop.

"And now, we lost a child we didn't even know we had. I had a miscarriage and I didn't even know. You didn't even trust me when I was vomiting, you thought I was drunk."

She accused, taking a deep breath as she knew she wanted to say more but she was just exhausted.

"I have so much to say and yet, I'm too tired to speak."

Amir got up, giving her the glass of juice she had only half drank. Haya took it, not thanking him as she just stared.

He sat on her side this time, putting a hand on her thigh.

"You've so much more you want to say, I know, I can see it but you need to rest. I'm sorry that we lost a child, Haya. I'm sorry we lost a life that we didn't even know existed but it was God's plan."

He believed that everything happened for a reason. This did too.

"We're no one to complain about God's plans."

When Haya didn't respond and only drank another sip, he knew he was the one who had to do the talking now.

"You can't breathe there, I know. You think I'm a shallow minded person, I know. You think that my ideology is not right and yours is, I know. You think my culture is outdated and stupid, I know."

He didn't want to beat around the bush this time.

"You think my family's not worth the drama that we have to go through, I know. I know what you think of me, Haya. I know what you think of my family and my morals but I also know that despite our differences, we've managed to come so far."

When it came to children, he would never subject them to be raised in one single way. He was raised by both his father and mother. He had both their characteristics. His kids would have the same.

"You're my wife, I claimed you as mine in front of the world and made you the Queen of my heart. There's no one I've loved more than you, no one I'd ever love more than you."

Despite the ache, Haya wanted to hold his hand. She didn't.

"So even when I'm mad at you, even when I don't ask you to stay, even when I feel like I'll never be able to forgive you, I love you."

Haya knew he did, she knew he loved him. But was love enough?

"You let me go." She stubbornly said in response, Amir sighed.

"We're going to keep running in circles this way, Haya. You hid one of the most important truth of your life from me, what did you expect would happen if I got to know?"

He asked, moving away again.

"I expected you to understand." She said as she saw him get up from the bed.

Amir picked up a glass of water and slowly drank it, putting it back on the table. She felt like it was done as a reflex to calm him down.

"Understand that my wife didn't tell me she had an abortion? That I had to find it through my mother?"

And then, there was that vile woman.

"Yes! Your other mother." Haya stated, ready to yell out curses at the ugly woman.

"Your other mother who shouldn't have dared to come near me, who shouldn't have tried to find anything on me, who shouldn't have tried to make my life miserable because her daughter tried to live for once."

She winced as her voice got loud, as she felt the pain shoot up her leg.

"Your actual mother, the one who birthed you, she has been nothing but lovely to me and while I might not care for anyone over there, I do care for her. In fact, I expected her to call me when I left and when she didn't, it impacted me,"

She actually did like his birth mother. She understood her to a certain level and even when she didn't, atleast she didn't call her out.

"You stood there and said nothing to defend me, you literally didn't say anything."

Haya didn't know that Amir had talked to his mother, he had defended her in his own way. But he understood where she was coming from. His mother had invaded Haya's privacy. It wasn't right.

"Haya, she's my mother. It doesn't matter if she birthed me or not but I love her. She loves me. Yes, she shouldn't have dug up information on you but you can not say I didn't defend you."

He replied, continuing when Haya looked at him like she didn't even believe him.

"Unlike you, I can't just insult people regardless of their age and relationship with me." He commented, Haya felt like she couldn't do this.

She couldn't fight more, even when she wanted to.

"What do you want, Amir?" She asked, a tired sigh escaping her mouth.

"I'm here, aren't I?" He retorted, looking at her like it was so obvious why he was here.

"I'm here because I didn't ask you to stay." He stated, causing her to sigh again.

"I regret that I didn't ask you to stay."

He regretted it every time he closed his eyes and he knew she wouldn't be by his side. When she had left, she told him that she wouldn't be there when he went home. The words struck hard every single time.

"When that article came out, I didn't really know what to do. I wanted to call you but I was so mad at you."

"But I didn't doubt you for a single second, Haya. I wanted to tell you that myself."

Haya let out a slow nod.

"I know you love me, I knew you wouldn't doubt me. I don't understand why you came all the way here to tell me that."

She replied, because she wanted to hear more. She didn't want to know the things that she had no doubt in.

"I also came here to ask you to come back home."

Haya had wished for him to say these words every single day, and now that he was saying them, she didn't even know how to feel.

"This is home." She insisted.

"No, it's not. Home is where we're together, Haya." Amir responded, voice just as soft and tender as it had always been.

It was loving enough for her to forget all the shit that had happened lately.

"So you're saying that you forgive me?" She questioned, he let out a nod.

"Yes." He affirmed, but how could he forgive her so easily when he had repeatedly talked about how wrong it was and how she didn't even feel guilty.

"I don't forgive you." Haya replied, her face turning stern.

"Haya." Amir murmured, knowing that she was covering up all her hurt and trying to remain strong.

"No."

"Haya, we lost a child. Let us grieve together."

Haya shook her head again, especially when he came near her.

"You didn't want to have a child with me, remember?" She bitterly said, causing him to swallow.

"Haya." He whispered again, holding her hand.

"Amir." She didn't want to break down, didn't want to give into this vulnerability.

"Please, baby." He pleaded, Haya shook her head but she wanted to break down and cry in his arms.

She wanted to sleep and actually fall asleep in his embrace. She wanted to feel at home.

"No." But she was already hiding her face in his chest.

"Haya, look at me." She shook her head as she felt his arms tighten around her.

"No." She didn't even look up, but she put her arms around him too.

"Hayati, please."

He murmured, when he felt her sob.

"It's okay, it's alright. The pain will pass." Haya cried even harder at the assurance, and Amir wiped away a tear that had left his own eye.

"You'll be fine, Haya. We'll be fine."

___

Thoughts?