"This elevator needs some sort of decontamination procedure or wipes or something," Lampert said, his voice sharp and edged with disgust. He backed away from the elevator railing, his bulb flickering faintly as he rubbed a foot against his leg. "Do you have any idea how much bacteria must be crawling all over this surface? It's revolting."

You stood there, dumbfounded, staring at the talking lamp creature in front of you. Its lampshade flickered slightly, emphasizing its annoyance.

"What the actual fu—"

Lampert cut you off with a dramatic flick of his lampshade, the bulb flashing rapidly. "Language!" he barked, his tone dripping with condescension. "Profanity is both unrefined and unnecessary."

You blinked at him, completely thrown off. "Sorry for wanting to curse—it's not like I stumbled into a walking, talking lamp in the middle of some Ikea-on-steroids nightmare! Sure, I'll just act like this is all normal."

Lampert let out a disdainful scoff, his hand—well, one of his weirdly anthropomorphic hands—landing on what you assumed was his "hip." His lampshade tilted, somehow managing to convey judgment. "People usually know what they're stepping into when they take this elevator. You're the one who came in here blind." He waved a hand dismissively, his bulb flickering faintly. "Honestly, the lack of preparation is stunning."

You laughed dryly, shaking your head. "Right, because everyone expects to meet an uptight lamp in an elevator. Totally normal."

Lampert sniffed—or at least gave the impression of doing so, despite lacking a nose. "If you're going to be uncouth, the least you could do is not project your disorientation onto me. I am perfectly normal, thank you very much. It's not my fault you entered this elevator without knowing exactly what you were getting into. Really, the nerve of some people."

You were about to retort when the elevator suddenly lurched to a stop. The faint sound of screeching subway brakes filtered through the sealed doors. With a creak, the doors slid open, revealing a dimly lit subway station. The air smelled faintly of rust, old gum, and the unmistakable tang of despair.

"Oh, fantastic," Lampert muttered, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "The subway. My favorite. Nothing quite like the damp, filthy underbelly of transportation to make this day even better." He backed away from the open door, clearly unwilling to step out.

Then, he entered.

"こんにちは! 今日は素敵な日です。"

A sharp voice broke the silence as a figure stepped into the elevator—a blocky, shadowy humanoid with piercing red eyes, beetle horns, and a devious grin that practically oozed mischief. His black torso bore bold red Japanese lettering spelling something you don't really know- and the numbers "1314" stood out starkly on his arm. His entire demeanor screamed trouble.

"Uh..." You instinctively took a step back as the figure's grin widened, his mandibles twitching slightly.

"Ah, Pest," Lampert said, his tone instantly shifting to one of thinly veiled disdain. "Just the sort of person I wanted least to encounter today. Or ever."

Pest didn't respond immediately. Instead, he casually leaned against the elevator wall, his sharp grin unwavering. "そんなこと言うなんて、悲しいね。" He tapped a claw against the railing before turning his gleaming red gaze to you. Lampert immediately recoiled, holding his glowing bulb protectively. "Oh, great. Just what this ride needed."

You took an instinctive step back, your eyes flicking nervously between Lampert and the newcomer. "Uh, who's this guy?"

The figure tilted his head, his sharp grin widening. "Pest," Lampert said flatly, his tone dripping with disdain. "Professional thief, nuisance, and chronic liar."

Pest ignored the jab, his grin unrelenting. "Nice to meet you," he said smoothly, though his tone made it clear he wasn't looking for pleasantries. "Don't mind me, I'm just here for the ride." He glanced down at you, his sharp red eyes narrowing. "New here, aren't you?"

"Yeah... and regretting it already," you muttered, trying not to make eye contact.

Pest chuckled, his voice low and unsettling. "Regret. The theme of the place, wouldn't you say?" His mandibles clicked, and before you could respond, you felt a faint tug at your side. You looked down to see his claw-like hand retreating, holding a handful of coins that had somehow vanished from your pocket.

"Hey!" you snapped. "Give those back!"

Pest examined the coins with mock interest, then shrugged. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said, slipping them into a small pouch on his hip. "You must have dropped them."

Lampert groaned, switching his bulb on and off in frustration. "Why don't you just crawl back to whatever hole you came from, Pest?"

"ピカピカになりすぎて見れるようになるまで、自分で磨きに行ってみてはいかがでしょうか?" Pest shot back in Japanese, his grin sharpening as Lampert fumed silently.

The elevator doors slid shut with an ominous clang, leaving you stuck between an overbearing lamp and a kleptomaniac insectoid guest. 

Lampert scoffed loudly. "Oh, please, Pest. Don't tell me you're trying to shake down our newest rider. Have you no shame?"

"Shame?" Pest repeated mockingly, raising an eyebrow. "Never heard of it."

Pest straightened up and turned back toward the panel, his grin now unreadable. "Well, if you survive the next floor, maybe you'll learn a thing or two about how things work around here."

Lampert crossed his arms again, muttering under his breath, "As if we need your input on etiquette..."

You, on the other hand, were starting to question all your life choices leading up to this moment.

All you wanted to do was bust some myth on an elevator, and now you can't even begin to process whats going on.


" Next floor? HA-! No- No thank you! I want out, where's the emergency stop on this thing? " 

The elevator shuddered ominously as you frantically scanned the control panel for an emergency stop. But the buttons seemed less like standard controls and more like an enigmatic collection of runes, symbols, and occasional chicken scratch. None of them screamed "Emergency Stop."

Lampert flickered impatiently, his light pulsing as he leaned over your shoulder. "Oh, for goodness' sake, don't touch those! You don't know what you're doing! Press the wrong one, and you could end up somewhere worse than here."

"Worse than here?" you exclaimed, throwing him an incredulous look. "We've got a sentient lamp and a kleptomaniac bug sharing an elevator! How much worse can it get?"

"You have no idea," Lampert muttered darkly, backing away.

Pest, on the other hand, seemed thoroughly amused by your panic. He leaned casually against the elevator wall, idly tossing one of your coins in the air. "Relax," he said, his tone dripping with mock reassurance. "You're not getting out. At least, not the way you came in. This place... it's not exactly an Ikea or a department store. It's more of a one-way ticket. No refunds."

"What's that supposed to mean?" you snapped, jabbing a finger at him. "And give me my coins back!"

Pest chuckled, pocketing the coin with a deft flick of his claw. "If you make it to the end, maybe I'll consider it. But right now? You've got bigger problems to worry about."

As if on cue, the elevator jolted violently, throwing you against the wall. Lampert let out a startled yelp, his bulb dimming as he braced himself against the railing. Pest simply swayed with the motion, his sharp grin never wavering.

" ....great. more unwanted pleasantries. " Lampert sighed, but then the door opens.


" ... Not that thing again- " Pest huffed, assuming something like that parasite's floor, only to see a large turret gun.

" THINK FAST, CHUCKLENUTS. "

The turret fired, you quickly jump to the railing at the sides of the elevator where the turret can't really fire, waiting for the gunshots to end.

When they finally did, Lampert groaned. " I almost forgot that floor existed. " He piqued as Pest sighed bitterly. 

" This.... ha- what was that-- " you sputter.


" Turret. " Pest deadpanned.


" You'll get used to it. The other floors are worse. " 

===============================================================




ACHIVEMENT MADE : 

DONATION -------> HAVE PEST STEAL FROM YOU