only one update for the week, i'm sorry! i try to write for this during my free time but i always end up falling asleep bc i only get two hours of it at night lmao. this one took so long and it's not even well written bc i swear i swear i swear i just doze off while typing.

i'll mostly update on saturdays and sundays, but no update on this coming sunday bc im tired bois

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the boys and i walked our way back from the mart. seungkwan, chan and junhui were busy talking to each other while wonwoo and i walked together in silence. it made me wonder if anyone of them noticed how beautiful the sky was today. the soft shades of blue stretched over us, with clouds piled on top of each other. soonyoung would have loved how it looked, for it was just the perfect weather for his plants.

it's not even a week yet and i'm already missing him badly. it's worse knowing that we're just in the same house and he feels so out of reach.

"you're back! please tell me you didn't forget the drinks i asked you to buy!" seokmin greeted us at the door. his expression brightened when i told him we have it. his smile was blinding, really. seokmin then helped me take the bags to the kitchen, where i told him that i could take care of it from there.

i opened the fridge and was surprised, seeing it filled with just cans of soda and some other food the boys had let go to waste. nothing else. i started to take everything out so i could organize the produce well, and as i was doing so, soonyoung entered the kitchen and stood next to me.

"it's okay, soonyoung, i got this," i told him as soon as i realized what he was trying to do.

the boy didn't say anything. he just started to organize by himself, but he did it in a way that was very different to what i had in mind. so i stopped him, and told him i'll do it instead.

"seriously, i'll do it," i said. "i'm always the one who does it."

just as i turned around, he said something i did not expect to hear.

"you're so annoying."

it was the first thing he said to me that day, since morning when he was too busy ignoring me.

"what?" i asked, quite shocked

"i'm sorry," he apologized, "but you keep insisting. you don't have to do it just because it's what you're used to doing."

"hey, just because we took a break, doesn't mean that you can treat me this way. that's not how it works. what's wrong with you?"

"maybe if you weren't so annoying, i wouldn't have said those words."

"oh so it's my fault? is that it?"

"ah shut up, don't be so dramatic," he retorted.

"don't talk to her like that." mingyu told him. i didn't realize that he's been here the whole time. the boy stood behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders. "soonyoung hyung, just go."

"great, whatever," the older mumbled and stormed off the room, bumping onto me as he left. i didn't know what to do. one moment he's so nice to me, next minute i'm nothing to him. his decisions pull in opposite directions and it's so confusing. either way, i know i haven't given up trying to figure him out.

i glanced upward at mingyu, and he had a worried expression on his face. placing his hand at the back of my head, he pulled me in for a hug.

"does he hate me?" i asked "i think it would have hurt less if we just broke up for real."

"no, he doesn't hate you, he's just going through something right now. that's how it is with soonyoung hyung. when he has a problem, he'd rather keep it to himself and solve it without asking for any help," mingyu answered

"on top of that, he's highly irritable too, at times like this," he added

"has he been like this before?"

"oh, i don't know so much about then, i was only friends with hip hop boys before seventeen began, remember? maybe you can ask the performance team," he said. "seungkwan and wonwoo hyung have known him since forever too."

"i guess i'll try asking."

"but just so you know, it's jihoon hyung who knows everything."

i looked at him. "what do you mean?"

"just ask him whatever you wanna know, he might tell you if he's in his best mood," mingyu replied. "if he won't tell, get him drunk or something. then he'll talk. it'll be easy."

my eyebrows furrowed upon hearing that. i looked at him and hit his chest lightly, "what the hell?! i'm not gonna get him drunk! that's wrong!" the boy just burst out laughing at me and hugged me tighter as we go in circles around the room, saying that it should cheer me up faster.

i don't think we would have stopped if i didn't say that going in circles while hugging him was making me extremely woozy. he let me go and after a little while, helped me organize the groceries around the kitchen.

"you know," he started, "even if he's going through something, i still didn't think he would act this way and treat you very rudely. doesn't he see how precious you are?"

"precious? me? who told you that?"

mingyu laughed as he placed the fruits and vegetables on the counter. "i mean, you are precious, the way i see it. damn, if you were mine i wouldn't let you go. but then again, i don't know what it's like to be in soonyoung hyung's shoes. he's literally confused about his feelings for—"

he stopped talking all of a sudden, so i looked. he didn't stop working though, he was silently folding the paper bags and it took a few seconds for him to realize that i was waiting for him to continue talking. i found it odd how i feel like there's something in mingyu's silence, so much, he just won't tell me.

"hm? forget i said anything, i was rambling, sorry," he apologized. "anyway, i hope you two get along again."

"yeah i hope so. i'm sure he didn't mean to be rude," i replied. "i was surprised by how he talked to me but you know soonyoung and his tendencies to act out."

"right."

seungkwan entered the room just to sit on the chair and watch us work. i knew he wasn't going to keep his mouth shut any longer, because it's seungkwan we're talking about, so i kept stealing glances from time to time. finally, he crossed his legs and leaned in, about to say something. but he made sure to look back at the door first to see if anyone was eavesdropping.

"okay, i got a gossip for y'all," he whispered. mingyu and i didn't know how to respond to that. we just stared at each other and let the boy speak.

"soonyoung hyung is so weird, can you believe it? i asked if i could borrow his phone because he has some great games in there, and he didn't even respond. he just looked at me!"

i knew it was gonna be about him.

"seungcheol hyung offered him some food too and he didn't say a word. he just went straight to the bedroom with an angry face," said seungkwan. "i don't even know why he went to the bedroom, it's not like jihoon hyung has the patience to deal with him sulking like that, y'know?"

"makes me wonder what's going on. i kinda wanna investigate," he added

"don't do that," mingyu told him. "he's going through a phase."

"isn't he done with puberty like, years ago?"

"boo what the hell?" i laughed, "let's not talk about him like this."

"but he's acting like a sulky teen!"

"because he's a teen," mingyu replied, "give him a break, he'll be back soon."

"young."

"stop it."

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[third person narrative]

"not in the mood to do anything again?"

soonyoung turned to glance at jihoon, who seemed to be waiting for an answer. soonyoung didn't even want to look at him, but he was far too cute to ignore. he then sighed and stared down on his own hands, head drooped forward as if the weight of his own skull was crushing his neck.

"you go take a break while i work on the bridge," said jihoon, who was already writing down lyrics on his notepad. he then hums a tune that soonyoung haven't heard before.

"that's the next line?" he asked with furrowed brows. "it doesn't sound like it fits."

"no, it's a different song."

"you're writing two at the same time? i thought we only needed one."

"well," jihoon mumbled, "you all had me locked up in here with nothing but my phone and a guitar. what do you expect me to do?"

"what's the other song then?" soonyoung asked. his eyes landed on the papers inked with unfamiliar lyrics which were right next to jihoon. he tried to reach for them, but the younger was quick to stop him.

"ah ah you can't look, it's a secret."

"you're still keeping secrets from me? i thought everything is clear between us now that you admitted that you like me."

jihoon firmly held onto soonyoung's arm to stop him from grabbing the papers. "that's not how it works," he told him. "we're not together, i'll keep secrets if i want to."

"fine." soonyoung moved a few inches away from jihoon to go back and mope. the younger couldn't believe he was this moody today. it made him wonder what happened before soonyoung came here, since he entered the room with an irritated expression all over his face.

jihoon wanted to ask but he knew it would only make soonyoung angry. he called him instead and told the boy to sit next to him, which soonyoung did so, willingly. he even rested his head on jihoon's shoulder. jihoon would usually push him off but he thought maybe his mood would lighten up this way, so he simply let it be.

"i still don't know what to do."

"about what?"

"about the break," soonyoung mumbled, "i'm being mean lately and it's not what i want. i feel like i've developed anger issues."

jihoon chuckled. "it'd be hypocritical of me to give you advice about anger management. i have issues myself."

"i don't need advice anyway," soonyoung replied, "i just want you here with me."

"my god that's the cheesiest thing i've heard all day."

"i'm serious!" soonyoung swore and tuned to face him. "i really like being with you."

jihoon almost let his face split into a wide, embarrassing grin, but he pursed his lips and looked away briefly. "whatever, soonyoung," he muttered. he looked at soonyoung once more, and the boy was still staring at him with so much admiration

jihoon shook his head and placed an arm around soonyoung to let him rest on his shoulder again. then he continued to write lyrics down on his notepad while soonyoung watched intently. to soonyoung, it was calming to see the boy's hand glide over the paper, with traces of ink trailing down the page. it was interesting to see how he worked on songwriting, jotting down the initial lines he could think of, then crossing some out or making small alterations.

all of it put soonyoung at ease, it made him feel drowsy.

"jihoonie."

"yeah?"

"can i sleep here tonight?"

jihoon furrowed his brows and checked his phone. "it's just 4:30," he said.

"i know, i'm obviously talking about later," soonyoung mumbled. "i don't wanna see minseul or the boys."

oh god, jihoon mused. this is gonna be harder than he thought. anyways, he nodded and told the boy that it's okay, since it was his room after all. jihoon was worried about spending so much time with soonyoung while he's sick, but he couldn't drive the boy away. it's impossible to.

he wasn't showing any symptoms of the new virus anyway, so maybe it's fine to keep soonyoung company while he's going through something. he's the only one who knows about the break after all.

there's no doubt that soonyoung could tell any of the boys if he wanted to, but it would be difficult. even the calmest and most sensible one, wonwoo, would give him a two hour lecture on it. (maybe three if he somehow finds a way to make it philosophical) either way, jihoon knows that soonyoung has had enough of that.

"jihoonie."

"hm?"

"thanks for dealing with me. i didn't think it was possible to get closer to you, knowing that we can only stay friends. and that you will only ever see me as a friend."

jihoon felt a buzz once soonyoung drew close to kiss his cheek.

"...but to me, you're endlessly precious."