hi so here's the first update in a while. like i said on the previous part, i'll stick around and see where this goes.

oke im gonna dip.
keep yourselves healthy!

______

something felt wrong. i walked around the house with soonyoung trailing behind me like a puppy. as soon as he settled before me in the kitchen, i noticed how he was fidgeting with his fingers. something felt really wrong. it made me wonder what he was nervous about. usually, he'd be laid back whenever we have a conversation but this time, he seemed to be different.

is he really hiding something from me?

"soonyoung," i called. the boy kept his gaze at the coffee mugs sitting by the sink. "soonyoung," i called again.

no response.

"soonyoung!"

soonyoung opened his eyes wider and a nervous smile appeared on his flushed face. "i'm sorry, i was distracted," he laughed. "what is it that you want to talk about?"

"i want to talk about jihoon."

soonyoung's eyes avoided mine at the mention of jihoon's name. with his face turning into a shade of red, he said, "is it about him being sick? because i really don't know anything about it. i swear!"

"no, it's not about that," i replied. "whenever he gets mentioned, junhui and the others always look at you or say something about you. it's just like some inside joke i can't get. is there something i should know? something you guys aren't telling me about?"

soonyoung sighed. his hands slid across the table to hold mine. "it's kind of a long story."

"then i'll listen. we have all day."

"ah, i was going to do something else today."

"soonyoung, just say it," i said, quite sternly. soonyoung only took a deep breath and looked away, giving me no answer at all. he avoided conversation like he was guilty of something, so i continued on my own. "if you just told me already, this conversation would have been done right now. it's just a short explanation of whatever that joke is—"

"you don't have to know everything about me!"

my hands moved back in surprise. soonyoung looked annoyed—his brows furrowed and his fists tightly clenched. the worst part is i don't even know what's gotten into him. he was never like this. he loved talking endlessly and he could keep a conversation going for hours. maybe i said something wrong, maybe i came out as annoying about this whole situation.

i mean, it was just a joke, right? if i needed to know, the boys wouldn't hide it from me. maybe there's nothing to be worried about, maybe i'm overreacting.

"sshhh!"

i looked to my left, seeing the rest of the boys peeking from the doorway of the kitchen. they all looked like they've been there for a while. joshua and the others left in a hurry while chan stayed to apologize. it's funny how his ears were bright red.

"i'm sorry, we were just checking up on you guys!"

chan ran off and i let out a sigh. "i'm sorry, that was very rude to raise my voice like that," soonyoung apologized. "i must have scared you. anyway, jihoon and i were best friends so they tease us because we're not very close anymore. that's just it."

"hm? i thought things are going well?"

"it's complicated."

"i see." i nodded. "you guys talk like you're in a relationship."

"what if we were?"

soonyoung had a serious expression on his face for a quick second before he replaced it with a smile. "i'm kidding, that would be crazy!" he chuckled. the sudden shift in his emotions worried me. that's usually how it is when he's hiding something, and everybody knows that soonyoung isn't very good at that. he's a chatterbox.

"listen, i feel like i need a break."

"you do look like you need a break."

soonyoung looked stressed out over something and i have to admit that i feel bad not knowing what it's about. but like he said, i don't have to know everything.

"no. you and i, we need a break."

what followed was a rollercoaster of emotion. i took it like a bullet to my chest. i felt my heart beat faster and i didn't know what to do, other than freeze. looking at him, i realized that we were only separated by the dining table between us, and yet he felt so distant. maybe this was what felt wrong all this time.

if i could describe soonyoung's expression, it would be like a blank sheet of paper. it was so strange that i resented the attitude he was giving me. his face was serious all the way from his eyes down to his mouth, and the moment i looked directly into his eyes, he broke his gaze. "not a break up, just some time off, you know what i mean?" he added.

it was quiet. i didn't know what to say next but i felt like i had to say something before the awkward silence got to the both of us.

"please don't go quiet on me."

there we go.

for a few more seconds, i was just looking at his hands holding mine. they felt cold.

"minseul? are you okay—"

"it's okay," i smiled as i gave him another glance. he kept his eyes steady this time, but with the same blank face. "just get back to me when you're better. i hate seeing you this way, soonyoung."

"ah, i'm glad you understand."

his eyes followed me as i stood up and reached for his face to pinch his cheek. then i walked off. that was it, i was right. something definitely went wrong.

"are you sure?"

i turned. "yes, soonyoung. it's okay."

____________

"no, it's not okay!" i whined and buried my face in my palms. mingyu took me out for a short walk around the block the moment he saw my crumpled expression. the boy was quiet for a while and he only listened to me vent about what happened not too long ago. but he did mention that it may be getting to the point where soonyoung can't wake up in the morning and spend the entire day together with me over and over.

"he just said he wanted a break but he never explained why."

it's true, soonyoung let all of it fall from his mouth like it was something light but every word landed on me heavily. i hope he talks about it as soon as he's okay.

"hey it's gonna be fine," mingyu assured, putting an arm over my shoulder. "is there anything else he talked to you about?"

"not really. we just talked about jihoon and then he was suddenly annoyed. i really don't get it. does jihoon know something?"

"ah," mingyu mumbled, "i don't know...they've been hella weird lately though. but i guess that's normal because jihoon has been acting out himself."

"and if i knew something, i don't think it'd be my place to tell," he added.

as much as i hate not knowing anything, mingyu is right. i shouldn't force soonyoung for an explanation if there's something he isn't ready to tell me about.

"but hey, since you guys are on break, we can hang out more!" the boy cheered. "i've always liked hanging out with you because the boys always drain my energy in one go." i looked at mingyu and he seemed to be very happy. he was genuinely trying to cheer me up and i didn't want to spoil the mood with me whining about soonyoung, so i smiled and told him to go get some snacks with me. maybe he will keep my mind occupied for some time.

"if it'll make you feel a little less awkward with soonyoung, i'll stay for the night too." mingyu's voice snapped me out of my thoughts while we strolled inside the store. that's when i realized that we have spent the last few minutes just pushing an empty cart around in silence.

"you really don't have to do that," i told him. the boy shook his head and let out a small laugh. "oh trust me, you need someone you can talk to without feeling awkward. i'm sure the others would love to stay as well."

"i'm sorry you have to deal with me and my stupid problems."

"oh come on, i care about you! and i promise i'll keep this thing between us," he said.

"brighten up, minseul."

it worked, i smiled.

"thank you, mingyu."