《No Apocalypse Needed》

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"I knew you'd make my sister cry."

Behind Lilly, Tujo charges in like a boar sniffing out its next victim. He even looks a little boorish, his nostrils flared, cheeks flush, hair a disheveled mess that keeps getting snagged on overhead branches as he makes his way over. I plaster a smile to face and though I feel it wavering, I resolve to maintain it. No matter what came next, I wouldn't let the facade shatter.

"Jo-jo," Lilly says, slapping her cheeks lightly to stop herself from crying. Tujo, noticing her red eyes, bares his teeth. "It wasn't Ten's fault." She runs a hand across her eyes and blinks.

Tujo stops inches from her, doing a good job ignoring me despite my proximity to his sister. Instead, he leans over, swats Lilly's hand away from her face, and examines her. Surprisingly, now that he was in front of me, he didn't radiate as much hate as I thought he would. Tujo's not the volcano-shoved-into-a-pair-of-trousers I thought he'd be. He projects an almost soft aura as he brushes aside a few strands of Lilly's hair, the corners of his lips raising into a smile.

All the bite from that morning's session seems to have dissipated, though that might just be because he's looking at someone he loves, standing in a place he adores, and isn't thinking about me or my presence muddying up everything. Tugging on his sleeve, he runs it along Lilly's cheeks in gentle arcs. "I know," he says, his voice low and tender. "You always make yourself cry."

Lilly bats his hand away and harrumphs.

Then, Tujo turns to face me and it's like he's switched a flip. He locks eyes with me, all that perceived softness melting and reforming into a cold, steely veneer. We stay this way for a few seconds, neither speaking, as Lilly shoots off cursory glances our way.

Finally, Tujo exhales and shoves a fisted hand toward my stomach. I brace and close my eyes, fully expecting to feel a fist slam into my gut considering what had transpired between us earlier, but when I peel my eyes open, I find Tujo's hand, palm out, holding a small white dot.

He shifts on his feet and kicks at a nearby rock. "You didn't really think I'd hit you?" Jutting his chin, he gives his head a little shake causing a few hairs to fall in front of his eyes.

"Well," he says, giving me a sideways glance. "Take it." Lilly chuckles. Obviously, I hadn't been clued in to whatever this was. "It won't bite," Tujo says, scowling.

Beside me, Lilly gives my back a gentle push, goading me to take the dot. It's enough to stem my skepticism for now, so I pluck up the dot, careful not to graze Tujo's palm.

I hold the compact white dot between fingers, turning it so that the light hits it at different angles. "What's on it?"

Tujo shakes his head. "I told you, Ri-ri. She wouldn't get it." Still shaking his head, he reaches for the dot.

I bat his hand away, my finger grazing the small piece of plastic. At my touch, it lights up, and projects a single black cockroach into the air. "What's this?"

"A cockroach," Tujo mumbles, casting his gaze downward.

I'm about to ask why a holographed cockroach is spinning in mid-air, when underneath the image, a single sentence pops into existence. "Cockroaches until the end," I say, reading each electric green word. "Lukkas." I knit my eyebrows together. "Lukkas..." When my gaze meets Lilly's she nods at Tujo.

Lukkas. More than the holographic cockroach, Tujo had gifted me with his real name. Clasping the dot, I bring it to my chest. "I love it," I say.

Tujo shakes his head while he slams his hands into his trouser pockets. "It's no big deal." He shrugs. "Bought it with some extra money. Wanted to thank you and stuff." His face flashes red. "Though you've been pretty lame lately, but..." His foot finds another rock and he kicks it into a group of daisies.

I scour the ground until I find another rock, then raise my leg, and give it a good kick. It goes flying, past Tujo and where his stone landed and smacks into a maple tree's trunk. "Have I been as bad as Marava?"

Tujo's shoulders tense and he grimaces.

"Christ," I say wiping back a few flyaway hairs. "Really?"

Tujo gives me a single nod.

Clenching the dot, I say, "Sorry about that."

"No," Tujo shakes his head. "it's--" he gulps. "It's okay. I mean--" A flush creeps up his neck. "It's understandable given..." His hands shoot out of his pockets and start picking at his coat buttons. "How hard it's been for you to breathe."

I pat him on the back, which nearly causes his eye balls to fall out of their sockets. "So you overheard all that?"

He shrugs.

"Well," I say, clapping him on the back. "It still doesn't excuse my behavior." I glance at Lilly. "I'm sorry to you both." I smile. "For everything."

Tujo elbows me in the side. "Don't worry about it," his ears carry the slightest flush.

"Thanks again for the gift, Lukkas." The sound of his name causes him to bristle. Lilly and I chuckle.

"Cockroaches until the end." I fist bump the air.

A swath of deeper crimson takes to Tujo's cheeks, but he smiles, one awkward and boyish. Puffing out his chest, he thrusts both arms into the air and whoops. I'd never seen this side of him, and maybe this was the part of himself he'd only ever shown to Lilly. Maybe this was the real him -- brimming with undeserved confidence, but awkward and shifty. Slightly silly and overflowing with energy. Under the sunlight, beside his sister, I was mystified by the child I'd forgotten he was. Lilly was.

Underneath all the dirt and grime, blood shed and tears, they were, we were, all still children. Kids who'd grown up too fast, endured more than most, who'd suffered daily. Maybe it was for the best that the twins stayed here, where surveillance cameras scoured the perimeter endlessly with guards posted around every corner. In here, as long as they could be what Dove wanted, what he decided would be best for the FUA, they would be protected. Guaranteed safety, one of the many things I seemed unfit to give them.

Wanting to stem the turn my thoughts had taken, I grab Lilly's hand and stomp on the ground. She gapes, undoubtedly surprised by my sudden burst of silliness. I lift both our arms into the air, urging her to join in. One of her slim, blond eyebrows arches suspiciously. "Come on," I shout, wiggling her arm. "A cockroach can't celebrate alone!"

I twirl around, forgetting the fabric constricting my body and clawing at my throat. I'm reminded of those times when I used to dance with my mother, in our living room. When I'd felt sad, she'd always pull me toward her and flail around me until I gave in. I'd never smiled as much in my life as I had when I danced with her. Lilly joins in with Tujo and the two whoop and howl. The people consigned to watching the cameras must think we're insane, but I can't stop myself. With each twirl and stomp of my foot, it feels as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I don't feel like I'm on the verge of getting crushed. For this one moment, I can breathe.

Laughter pours out of our mouths. Sweat drips into my eyes and down my face. Tujo huffs as he leans forward, gasping for breath. Lilly's cheeks are colored a pretty candy-apple red.

"We must have looked insane," Lilly says as she rubs her brother's back.

I nod and toss my bangs out of my eyes. "What else should we be given our predicament?"

Tujo straightens and undos his jacket buttons. He unleashes a sigh of relief that's as loud as a lion's roar and juts out his stomach, relief spreading across his face.

I ruffle his hair, much to his chagrin, though he doesn't bother to slither out of reach. "Thanks again," I say.

Tujo pouts. "Quit thanking me." Extending a leg, he kicks a nearby patch of moss. "It's gross."

I smile and its not until I rub his head harder that he back steps to avoid further kid-treatment. "It's no grosser than gifting someone with a holographic cockroach."

Tujo grins. Lilly chuckles. I join in until we're all a bunch of smiling cockroaches, basking in each other's presence, despite the budding stink of sweat, until a crackle of static floats into the room. All at once, our smiles are chased from our faces.

Potentials, the monotone voice says. I gulp. The twins stare into each other's eyes, Tujo's hand finding Lilly's. Graduation will commence in one hour. Please return to your rooms until it is time to reconvene at the Inner Chamber.

My gaze wanders over Lilly and Tujo. Tujo scratches the back of his head. "So..." he squeezes Lilly's hand. "I guess..." Tears stream down Lilly's cheeks. "Hey," Tujo says, hurrying to mop them up.

She puts an arm out to stop him. Shaking her head, she says, "Eventually, you're going to have to let me cry."

Tujo's hand seems to wither in the air between them. His face darkens as he returns his arm to his side.

Despite the tears dampening her cheeks, giving her a dewy look, Lilly manages to squeeze out a smile. "You can't protect me all the time. Especially," she casts a cursory glance my way, "since we've decided to graduate."

His hands ball into fists. "I know that but--"

"We'll have to start protecting each other now."

Tujo's eyes widen, as if this is the first time he'd ever considered such a thing. Bleary-eyed, Lilly wipes the last tear off her chin. "Let me protect you."

Reluctantly, he gives her a sheepish nod.

At the very least, they would have each other. I hoped what Izzer had said about the twins was true and that they proved problematic. Not because of opposing views on how infrastructure and Aviary affairs should be conducted, but because they acted with their own self-interest in mind, putting each others' needs above the FUA's.

I turn away from Lilly and eye the door. "Guess it's time to go." I run my thumb over the surface of the dot.

"Guess it is."

I take a step forward. "Well," I say, glancing back at her. At Tujo. "When you toss off your graduation caps, do me a favor, try to get one of Dove's eyes."

Tujo's mouth falls open. I chuckle. "You know, do what Sin did and stick him with the pointy end. In all those vids, the grad caps seemed pretty dangerous if used as," I rub my chin as if pondering some great mystery, "as one would wield a fork."

Lilly smiles. Not a frail, ghost of a smile, but one that radiates more warmth than the true sun ever could. A smile that would burn in my memory for years to come. "Can't make any promises, but we'll try."

I turn around and give them a wave. "Praise Dove," I say, scraping together every ounce of happiness I could spare and forcing it into my voice. I give the twins a mock salute. I didn't believe in the Council's ideals or way of running things and I wasn't foolish enough to think that Lilly and Tujo would impact anything -- they'd most likely take to the Council's rhetoric like fish to water -- but I allowed myself to believe it would, crafting one last lie before I cast aside being Ten once and for all.

As I walk toward the door, I choke back the urge to vomit, to scream and turn around, grab Lilly and Lukkas' hands and escape with them before Dove and the Council could mold them into mere puppets of the FUA. I clench my jaw and swallow hard. I couldn't do that to them. They'd made their choice and whatever consequences came with it, whatever blood stained their hands, from now until they died, would be theirs to deal with, just as I would have to cope with the fallout of my actions. The merry band of cockroaches we'd been could no longer walk the same path. Councilor robes and high-backed thrones awaited them while who-knew-what awaited me.

Maybe I'd get to see a bird take to the sky before I died.

The double doors to the arboretum slide open with a whoosh of air and I step into the hallway, my future, for the first time since I arrived at the Facility, a complete unknown. Terror grips me, rattling my bones and making my whole body shake as I trudge back to my room to prepare for expulsion.