Toottles *waves and hides behind bushes*

I'M BAAACKKK!

Killing a writer for lack of story updates is still a crime, just a word of caution.

It's been a long day, without you, my friends!

Almost a year, it's been, but a tough one with no story updates-- but I'll put a stop to that, I promise.

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Welcome back to emotionally heavy chapters*

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Hope you enjoy it :)

*********

Before they knew it, hours passed by, as two groups of friends spent time talking.

The train reached its awaited destination, and Harry picked up his baggage and made his way to the station, swirling in excitement and anticipation.

This was it, Harry thought happily. He couldn't wait to start having a loving family to lean on, his family at last-- whatever that experience might feel like, he would take it all in.

His family at last-- Harry felt a smile tug its way up his lips.

***
Ron waved at Ginny to come over, and together they headed to Mrs. Weasley, who engulfed each of them into a warm hug.

Molly squeezed Harry tighter than usual and whispered to him in a choked up voice: "I am glad you're back, Harry, such a relief."

Harry felt a smile of peace overcome him, when the maternal Weasley gently caressed him in her arms. "Thank you," he said, feeling slightly guilty for worrying her, to which she returned his smile.

Hermione bid them farewell, passing through the platform to meet her parents.

"And you two!" Mrs. Weasley directed her anger at Ron and Ginny. "How could you be so irresponsible to fly to the ministry and endanger yourselves?"

"Kinda surprised you didn't get a howler for that," was Harry's whisper to his best mate, and Ron only shrugged back.

"I was worried sick when your father told me what happened," carried on an aggravated Molly.

"Poor dad," mumbled Ron in a barely audible tone, provoking Harry to smirk back at him. They both imagined Mr. Weasley trying to calm down his raging wife from snapping at him and possibly even destroying her own kitchen.

"I am sorry, mum, but we just had to." Ginny spoke in a calm voice.

"Not good enough, young lady." Molly pointed a finger in threat, the worry lines evident on her face. "That was very dangerous what you did back there--"

"Do you blame Harry? Because we did it for him," recounted Ginny, stealing a glance at Harry who gulped nervously, somehow provoking Molly to only huff in badly-confided anger. "Yup, didn't think so."

"Alright, er sorry, I just gotta go," said Harry, not much interested in a full-blown rant, if any would resume.

"Lucky bastard," whispered Ron for only Harry to hear, before speaking in a louder voice with a genuine grin. "Don't make me wait for you, mate, for as many sleepovers as you want."

"See you then, bye," said Harry, smiling at all three of them. "Happy holidays!" He exclaimed with a salute, walking backwards and away from their ongoing talk.

Harry kicked his heels for his godfather to appear from behind the bustling crowd, but alas Sirius didn't show up. In the heavy ticks of minutes, everyone moved past Harry in a hurry, while he stood still... waiting.

Waiting didn't make Harry bored or frustrated; it left him two-times worried and lost... and even a little hurt.

What could have happened that Sirius couldn't make it here for? What should he, Harry, do now? Having no answer to his questions, he just stood by, sweating it out. Would this moment follow the example of his nightmare? He wondered with a heavy heart.

*****
Sirius was also waiting on the other side of the platform, where mainly the muggles adopted the crowd. He just couldn't get into platform 9 ¾ out of fear of being put under the spotlight too soon.

As a former mass-murderer in the eyes of many --whose stain of conviction was still very much in the air-- Sirius didn't want any more complications to arise.

He wasn't truly up to receiving looks of horror and/or disgust... most especially when around his godson. It had never unnerved him before, but Sirius couldn't implicate Harry in any possible way-- not again, at least.

Glaring at the barrier, Sirius had even slammed the wall and groaned in frustration. Muggle passerby gave Sirius weirdly troubled looks of pity for seeing him let out his anger on a brick-wall, and Sirius would just wave at them with an idiotic smile.

With enough suspicion at stake, a nosy blonde stranger had even kept a close eye on him from afar that Sirius couldn't even transform into Padfoot to fetch Harry, thanks to the bound of magical secrecy.

It had been nearly fifteen minutes of anticipating Harry to just think it through, when he caught sight of the red-headed Weasleys. Sirius sighed and speedily marched towards them, asking if any of them could call Harry from the platform, which Ginny offered to do.

Ginny walked away, the last thing she heard was Ron telling Sirius that Harry hadn't slept well last night. She went through the barrier and instantly located Harry kneeling in front of his open trunk, in search of something.

"Want a hand maybe?" Ginny asked when she reached him, to which Harry glanced up at her for a flip but remained on-task.

"Just the mirror," he responded, gripping the shiny glass showing him only his reflection. "Sirius is late-- maybe this time, he'd answer me."

"How? Oh wait, don't tell me--" said Ginny, overly gasping in wonder, "it's like a felolone!"

Harry barked in laughter, making the mistake of correcting her. "A telephone, and yes."

Ginny scoffed, hiding the bright twinkle from her eyes to keep a glare in place. "That's what I said."

"Right, of course," muttered Harry, raising his hand in surrender.

"Anyway, I came back to tell you that who you're looking for, surprisingly, is waiting for you too-- on the other side," said Ginny, smirking to herself.

"Huh?" Harry asked, dumbfounded, not getting much from her words. "Not following, sorry."

"Of course you're not," said Ginny, shaking her head and rolling her eyes at him. "Just come with me."

Harry did as told, smiling widely at her. "Better you than the Dursleys."

Ginny looked into his eyes and granted him a small grin, leading the way to cross the platform.

"And just for the record, what you pulled with your mother was a low blow," said Harry to fill the silence, clicking his tongue in disapproval.

"Oh, get over yourself," replied Ginny, sarcasm swirling in her voice, to which Harry chuckled.

Together, Harry and Ginny went through the sandy brick wall.

**
Meanwhile, Mrs. Weasley had interrupted Ron in mid-conversation. "So, Sirius, you're taking him with you, huh," Molly stated firmly, her left eye twitching. "Are you sure you're ready for such a step?"

Sirius bit his tongue, gritting his teeth, as to not ask her ever-so-politely to mind her own business.

The Black heir hadn't forgotten when she had so bluntly thrown her hostile doubts at him-- "he's not James... who else has he got? You haven't done much for him, being locked up in Azkaban." Ever since then, the words had been left roaming around to haunt him for the silent weeks and dead months that followed.

Although Sirius never had it in him to react rationally when hurt, he had to work with the Weasley matriarch on building a foundation of mutual civil respect, whenever the newfound tension would arise-- and now was no different, he had to try, for Harry.

Because he knew how much Harry loved Molly, Sirius wouldn't throw his godson in conflict between them, force him to choose a side.

"You have nothing to worry about, Molly." Sirius managed to speak without even a single hint of snapping, adopting a cold smile and a reserved shake of his head. "I am his godfather, and he'll be perfectly safe with me."

"I hope so," replied Molly, catching onto the hidden attempt of their ongoing cycle of ups-and-downs. Now that Sirius'd be almost a constant in Harry's life, Molly wanted to make this moment a peak of elevation. "I have no doubt you'll do your best."

Deep down, Sirius knew that her harshness came from a good place, from her undying love and care for all her children, including Harry.

"Why thank you," said Sirius genuinely, giving away a close-mouthed smile.

**
"Sirius!" Harry exclaimed at once from behind them and ran into his arms, to which Sirius' face broke into a splitting grin.

Sirius held his godson close and exhaled in relief, before pulling away to playfully smack Harry on the back of his head. "Couldn't you have just passed through the platform?" 

"You gave me that mirror for a reason, might as well use it." Harry shot right back, couldn't help but chuckle with a challenging twinkle, "so guess we're even."

Sirius tried to return his smile but had only sighed, readying himself for the hard part.

Harry silently mouthed a thank you to Ginny, who whispered back a good luck and rushed after her mother and brother. Harry averted his gaze back to Sirius who now looked troubled and uneasy.

"Alright, erm okay, so here goes everything: there's something I have to tell you, Harry-- I wanted you to be aware of earlier, but I didn't get the chance to." Sirius spoke out of order, playing with the end of his sleeve to avoid Harry's gaze for as long as possible.

"What's going on?" Harry asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

His breath hitched, Sirius silently led his godson to an abandoned corner, behind closed doors.

"Whatever it is, just say it," began Harry, his worry riding full-board.

"I-- er, I can't take you with me, now." Sirius spoke in a heavy voice, his expression unreadable. "You have to stay with your aunt and uncle, Harry."

Sirius wished not to witness Harry's predictable outburst... but watching his godson's face fall, pained him even more.

"Oh," Harry spoke in an out-of-words whisper, hurting from the punch to the gut he had convinced himself won't arrive.

It wasn't a dream last night but a warning, was Harry's first thought. About time he learned to draw the line between dreams and reality.

As for his initial feeling, disappointment was on the lead. Harry had so strongly refused to believe that his godfather would ever turn his back on him... but then again, here he was.

"Why?" Harry scolded himself when he heard the crack in his voice, holding back the tremble in his breath.

Sirius opened his mouth, yet the right words didn't come to his aid, ending it with a defeated sigh.

Harry swallowed slowly, hurtful shock evident in his gaze. "If that's your nice way of telling me that you can no longer handle a burden, then--"

"No, no, no, that's far from the truth, Harry. I swear it," Sirius cut him off heartily. "Just listen to me, please," he continued in a hoarse tone.

Sirius placed a hand on his godson's shoulder, taking it as a positive sign when Harry only stared back at him without the need to shove his hand off. "Dumbledore talked me into this just before you gave him the prophecy, and I-- I didn't want to even consider it."

Harry's expression slowly relaxed from the tight frown that had been playing along the edges of his face.

"But?" Harry supplied with a humorless icy smile.

"But the blood protection from Lily's sacrifice will keep you safe from Voldemort and his death-eaters... especially now, Harry." Sirius explained, heaving another helpless sigh, his shoulders slumping. "I-- we don't know what his next move could be, but we can only expect the worse, so--"

"So you'll just leave me there?" Harry's unblinking eyes stretched in pain and his voice was sharp. "Seems like a poor way to show how much you care about me, yes?"

"No, Harry, hey!" Sirius exclaimed, frowning, before his voice dropped to a broken whisper. "I do-- care."

Really, you care? Harry drew in a shaky breath to ask him, but the genuine desperation etched on Sirius' expression wordlessly offered him the answer he so wanted to believe: yes, Sirius truly did care, very much, more than anything.

"The point is you have to go back to your aunt's every year as if it were your home, for the protection not to expire before its due-date," said Sirius, speaking quickly to get the concept through, his hands in motion as in a bargain. "But this time, it won't be for long, I promise."

"You mean like, a month?" Harry questioned, with doubt in his tone, relying on what the headmaster had once implied to him.

"A, a week," replied Sirius desperately, without thinking at all, shushing his inner voice of reason.

Harry felt himself slowly nod, heaving a sigh, after the judgement had been passed on them.

Although Harry hated the forcible fact of going back to the Dursleys, he had to accept that in order to reach where he would feel truly safe, he ought to overcome the life situation of where he didn't fit in as himself... for the greater good, apparently.

"It was Dumbledore's idea to make you believe that you had to live with the Dursleys for the entire summer, so that you'd feed-in the faith of having no home but theirs, to protect you even further." Sirius carried on, a frown plastered on his face.

"I just don't get the logic behind that," said Harry, his brow furrowed and shaking his head.

Sirius had nervous beads of sweat on his forehead as he spoke. "It was his assumption that somehow after telling you that I no longer care or want to offer you a family, you'd still accept me when I just barge into your life again in a month or so."

Harry felt heavy with betrayal all of a sudden. "Dumbledore wanted me to think you'd abandon me?"

"Abandon you? Like that will ever happen," Sirius scoffed incredulously, before he could stop himself. He offered Harry's stiff shoulder a gentle squeeze, feeling it relax under his touch, smirking widely. "Not a chance in Hell, little mate."

Harry exchanged an authentic smile with his godfather, with whom he felt safe and cared for... but the smile soon faded just as quickly as it had appeared.

Sirius watched his godson drop his gaze to the ground in abrupt silence. Harry sniffed, closely followed by a frown, deep in thought.

"Listen, if it's any consolation, Dumbledore truly believed it's for your best interest," said Sirius as calmly as he could master, attempting to not roll his eyes.

Right here and there, Harry felt his mind put the puzzle-pieces together. Last night's dream was a mental display of the possible scenario if Sirius had fully went with Dumbledore's wishes.

That implanted vision --where he felt so unlike himself and yet utterly himself-- played tricks on him or just perhaps made him ready for the unexpected.

But exactly how did that happen? he had no idea.

So now, Harry wasn't only being used to act against his will, but also being manipulated one more time to think and feel toward a fixed direction drawn to him-- to make him believe even for a limited time that he, Harry, was undesirable and unqualified for a real family. Great, just great.

"But hey, you deserve to know the real reason for going back to the Dursleys," continued Sirius genuinely. "I couldn't let you leave thinking you aren't loved enough or that I don't want you around-- because it's quite the opposite, Harry."

"Thank you," replied Harry with a weighty nod, letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

It was only when the gradual shift of Harry's expression went fully from hurt to trust, did Sirius visibly relax, releasing the tension from his muscles.

"So just a week, and please whatever happens until then, don't leave the house." Sirius continued in a serious voice, his gaze set up in a commanding manner, to which Harry made a mental note to obey. Sirius softened his expression further, when he received an affirming nod from his godson.

"I better get going then," said Harry, mentally coming up with a reasonable excuse for running late on Uncle Vernon.

"Wait," said Sirius right away, clasping Harry's wrist to stop him from leaving just yet.

Harry looked at Sirius, for once hoping against hope that his godfather's infamous disregard for Dumbledore's words would take a stand, any moment now.

As Sirius inhaled a breath to get the words out, Harry just knew he would say 'oh, screw that, I'm not leaving you.'

"I am sorry," were the words Sirius had actually said quietly, feeling a lump in his throat. "This is so not what I wanted... I hope you at least know that."

Or guess not.

Harry nodded in understanding, a sad smile drawn on his face.

"It's just that your safety is a top priority, Harry, the one and only thing I can't risk," said Sirius solemnly, releasing heavy breaths. He fixed his gaze downward while his jaw trembled a bit. "And I truly can't bear anything happening to you-- again."

"Yeah, I get that," said Harry, doing his best to sound considerate-- but Sirius still noted the twinge of sadness weighing on his voice.

Regardless of how arduous a task it was to keep his godson happy as much as safe --in quite an equal balance and at the same time-- Sirius knew in his gut that it would be totally worth the effort in the end.

"But trust me, I'll come for you, Harry-- I promise we'll be a family," said Sirius softly, a heavy smile overtaking him, before it was replaced with a worried sigh of anticipation.

Unlike in his dream, Harry felt loved and wanted. He was destined to be in the right hands, all in good time.

"I know, Sirius, and I trust that you won't give up on me."

The next thing Harry knew was having two strong arms pull him close and engulf him in a tight embrace.

What Harry didn't see was how his words had instantly brought a lit smile to Sirius' face, but he did feel his godfather's relieved happiness travel in warmth all the way through him.

In a peaceful grasp of fate, Harry tried to ensure himself that staying with the Dursleys for a week was a cheap price that he had to pay.

Only then would the remarkable bond he had with his godfather reach its flourishing destination of a real family and the build-up of the fresh scent of home.

*********
Sirius insisted on dropping Harry off by the doorstep to Privet Drive that would ensure his external safety.

The sun shone right above them, sending bright heat to their faces, easily mistaken for the nervous sweat.

The walk was a long silent affair until Harry asked in curiosity and more-or-less out of the blue, "how did you first know I lived here?"

"Lily," said Sirius simply, a small smile escaping him.

"Every year on your aunt's birthday, apparently ever since they were children, Lils would wrap a pair of roses together, a petunia and a lily-flower, for a gift. When they grew apart, she would just leave them over the doorstep for her sister to find."

Harry listened attentively, thirsty for stories about his mother.

"One of those times, when she was pregnant with you actually, James was on a mission, so he couldn't be with her," continued Sirius, sighing against his scratchy throat. "She told me her little secret, and without her even asking, I was by her side here."

"Wow," muttered Harry, feeling sad for and proud of his mother who never failed to care in extraordinary intensity.

"I thought she'd need a shoulder to cry on, but oh Lily, she didn't even shed a tear," said Sirius in a quiet tone, in appreciation of the strength she had shown even though she had been --he could only guess-- on the brink of a breakdown.

"She likes being strong... and kind," Harry spoke his thoughts out loud, the words coming out as a factual statement as if he already knew her.

"Oh, you have no idea," responded Sirius genuinely, reminiscing on everything.

Sirius cleared his throat, riding the nostalgic wave that hit him all at once. He felt his godson's worried gaze set on him and glanced sideway at Harry who smiled back at him, and Sirius slid a carefree hand over his shoulder. "Well, third time is a charm."

Harry knew his godfather was thinking of the last time he had been here, Padfoot's first stop after escaping Azkaban, to catch an overdue glimpse of the godson he missed.

Not long after, did they arrive to the mere sight of the house Harry grew to hate. They stopped in their tracks, where for long moments, no one dared to break the silence, neither ready to say goodbye.

Harry averted his gaze from the closed door he dreaded knocking on, to his godfather, his sparkling eyes held a plead: please don't leave me here.

The sharp shift of expression he picked up on in Sirius, left Harry both relieved and scared. He knew, somehow, this silent message was the last straw for Sirius.

"That's it, you're coming with me," began Sirius, his grey eyes roaring in determination.

"But... my safety--"

"I'll protect you... with my life," said Sirius forcefully, his jaw set. "Wherever you are."

"I know, and I am grateful," Harry felt a smile come over him, "I can see it in your eyes: you mean that."

"You just say the word, Harry!" Sirius exclaimed heartily. "And you won't set foot inside."

Harry weighed his options carefully between doing what was right and what was easy --living with Sirius right away would make him beyond happy, but having to suffer under the roof of abuse until he's deemed worthy of an escape was the bitterest pill he had to swallow.

Harry was leaning toward the immediate gratification, but he found himself saying quite the opposite of what he wanted: "I can survive another week here."

Sirius shook his head, opening his mouth to argue.

"I'll be fine, trust me," said Harry softly, channeling his Gryffindorian bravery, though the occasional tremble in his words was audible. "Don't worry about me."

Harry had to do this, for Sirius... to lessen his godfather's constant terror of losing him.

Being gripped by fear and always on guard against foes seen and unseen, was no way to live. And Harry insisted that his beloved godfather deserved a much better life, a life where inner peace rolled on all its dimensions.

If there was a way to protect himself and subside Sirius' worry even if just a tad, Harry would take it.

"I have to stay here," said Harry in a rush before he could change his mind.

Sirius nodded slowly against his better judgement, "If anything were to happen, just--"

Harry didn't get to know what to be done then, since the front-door blasted open, and there stood a flushed Petunia Dursley in ragged apron covering her perfectly polished dress.

Harry felt something slide into his pocket, and with a swift whoosh of air, he knew Sirius was gone.

"Oh, it's you again," sneered Petunia coldly, regaining her composure after she had stumbled backward.

"Yes," said Harry indifferently.

Harry glanced to his side to where Sirius had been, and his heart dropped to find no one there.

Petunia huffed in irritation, fixing the loose hair strands that had infiltrated her bright bun. She narrowed her eyes, studying him over searching for a sign to claim him unfit. Sadly finding none, she walked away, with a grunt, and merely left the door open to grant him entrance.

Harry felt his jaw trembling from the added weight of his ongoing heavy breaths. He closed his eyes and could feel his heart beating in his ears... his inner child hoping Sirius would still take him away right now regardless of what he chose.

Harry hesitated by the door, swirling around at the sound of a loud bark from the wild bushes. His heart swelled, catching sight of his Padfoot leaving paw-prints in the same spot where Harry had once been terrified to see the grim.

Padfoot wanted, yet again, to catch a final glimpse of his pup before they departed ways.

With one last smile and an encouraging nod, Harry closed the door behind him, ready to battle his childhood demons.

*****
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