Loki felt sick as she watched the plane land. Her stomach had twisted itself into knots and she was convinced if she tried to speak a word, she'd vomit.

"Are you okay, Mx Loren?" Peter asked from where he stood by her side.

"Simply tired, child." She lied. "I did not sleep much last night." That much was true. Despite the nice bedding, fear that her plan would fall apart today had kept her awake most of the night.

Peter looked concerned but was pulled out of the conversation when Shuri said something to him.

Brunnhilde had been needed elsewhere. It was strange, but Loki almost wished the woman was by her side too. She was sure if Agent Barton decided to attack her, the Valkyrie would've been at her defence, but as things stood, her only hope was Peter, who wouldn't dare attack an 'actual real-life Avenger' like the world didn't have those in spades nowadays.

The first out of the plane was a man she didn't recognise the face of but could guess from context – Scott Lang, the Ant-Man. From what she had seen of the Avengers' little civil war (if you could call that petty spar a war), the man was rather impressive in a fight, but she hardly paid him any attention. There were a woman and an older man by his size, both of whom she didn't recognise and gave no concern to either.

Wilson greeted Lang with something teasing, and the both of them laughed.

Loki continued to watch the door of the plane intensely until Hawkeye finally emerged. He greeted Rogers and Romanoff with an easy smile and made his way to the two of them.

"Do you think Mr Ant-Man will remember that I tripped him up?" Peter asked sincerely.

Shuri snorted. "You what?"

"He went all giant so I tied his legs together with my webs and then Mr Stark and Mr Rhodey punched him and he fell over."

"Star Wars style?" Shuri said.

Peter nodded. "Star Wars style."

"Nice."

Peter grinned and looked up at Loki. "We should get you to watch Star Wars. You'd probably like it."

"Yeah," Loki said distantly, keeping her eyes on Barton, "sure."

"Are you sure you're okay? You're being weird." Peter turned to Shuri. "She's being weird, right?"

"Really weird."

She sent a half-hearted glare at the two of them, before sending the two ends of her sash after them. One grabbed Shuri's foot and yanked it upwards, the other pushed the back of Peter's head hard.

Shuri fell right onto her backside and Peter went flying into King T'Challa himself.

Despite the horrible twist in her stomach – not simply butterflies, more like hundreds of terribly sharp knives – she found herself smiling as Peter stumbled his way through an apology with a jumbled "Mr King T'Challa sir" added in. Shuri seemed to find to whole thing hilarious and lamented that she couldn't record it.

Loki realised too late that they had drawn the attention of everyone else, and suddenly Barton was in front of her.

He gave her a smile, though she didn't trust it. "I guess you must be the Loren Laufeyson everyone's been talking about."

"Just Loren. You must be Agent Barton."

"If you're just Loren, then I'm just Clint."

That was far too casual. Perhaps Barton was a casual man, but she couldn't very well call the man she had willingly put under the thrall of the mind stone by his first name.

"I think not." Loki said, mentally slapping herself and waiting for Hawkeye's reaction.

Barton seemed to find it funny though. "If that's how it's gotta be then." He laughed and placed a friendly hand on her shoulder. "See you around."

As he moved on to someone else Loki's heart was trying to break out of her chest. She was sure if she had another conversation with that man, she would surely perish from it by the state of her nerves alone. The feeling of his hand on her shoulder lingered like a warning.

She crossed her arms, holding them tight to her chest. Her breathing was too funny. Her head spun. Her hands shook.

She caught sight of Peter, who looked very concerned. He opened his mouth to speak with Shuri spoke up first.

"I'm nearly ready to separate the mind stone from Vision." She announced before she looked to Loki. "Would you come with me? I'd like to have an expert on magical items there, just in case. You can say if something's going wrong or-"

"Yes, fine." Loki snapped. It made sense for her to be there, and she didn't wish to explain how she had been avoiding Vision as much as possible just to be away from that blasted rock and wanted to be nowhere near it ever.

Shuri looked a little taken aback. "Uh, thanks. Let's go then."

Lots of people followed them to Shuri's lab: Peter, General Okoye, Agent Romanoff, King T'Challa, Maximoff, Captain Rogers, and Bruce. Loki didn't care to ask where the others went.

Vision was lying on a white table, a computer doing some sort of work on the gem embedded in his forehead.

"Is everything going right?" Shuri asked him. "Magically, I mean?"

If by 'going right' she meant that its presence was growing stronger by every passing second, then yes. "It is fine."

The mind stone's power was... seductive. Of course, when used, it could control minds, but on its own? It whispered your heart's desires sweetly in your ear and focused your entire life on it.

She remembered the last time the fog of the mind stone had rested over her head. The Other had presented Loki with a staff and within an instance, there was a presence in her mind.

"You wish to be treated as Thor's equal." It whispered, and Loki agreed.

"You wish to humiliate him. To teach him a lesson." Loki agreed.

"You wish to make your father proud." Loki agreed.

"You hate Odin." Loki also agreed to that.

"Your family cast you away." Loki wasn't sure about that, but then he agreed.

It gave him ideas. With Thanos' army, Loki could take over Midgard. Then he would rule a realm – Thor's favourite realm at that. Odin would have to respect his battle tactics. He would be on equal footing to Thor. Taking over Earth was the only thing Loki wanted.

Agent Barton was strange. He was smart and focused, a valuable asset, but he also seemed to dote on Loki like a mother hen. As much as a brainwashed assassin could dote anyway.

"You need to eat, sir." Barton said.

"What need do I have for food when there is a war to win?"

"With all respect, sir, not eating will lower our chances of success." He said.

"Fine. I will eat." The mind stone protested, but Loki convinced it that Barton was right. "For the good of the mission."

"You could also use some sleep, sir."

When Thor had grabbed them from the plane, Loki was suddenly rethinking everything. They didn't want to rule Earth, he just wanted to go home or-

"The mission. The mission. The mission." The mind stone reminded him.

And Loki remembered and forgot their worries about hurting Thor.

But the fault of the mind stone's influence was that it caused Loki to focus too much on simply completing the mission. They were so determined to get things done that they rarely remembered to use their magic or enact a strategy that wasn't completely stupid.

And so everything failed. The Hulk smashed Loki into the ground and as they let out a pained wheeze, they felt like crying. They were free. They were finally free.

And now the cloud of the mind stone was threatening to return. She couldn't let it cover her eyes again, not like before. It could be effective, sure, it would help her to focus on taking down Thanos, but it could make her more reckless. She could see Peter as a liability and try to kill him, she could stop eating and sleeping like she had before, or she could make stupid mistakes and forget about her mission.

"Loki," the stone whispered as the machines did its work, "I remember you. We did great things. We can do great things again."

No.

"Let me in and I can show you how to defeat Thanos. All you want is to avenge your brother, isn't it? Let me show you how."

No. No. No.

She was suffocating. The stone's magic was thick and heavy. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't breathe.

She screwed her eyes closed to concentrate – building up walls to protect herself from the gem's influence.

"Loren?" came Peter's voice. She barely registered it.

"These fools would destroy me. You know better. You can use me, take the upper hand."

Yes.

She opened her eyes as the machine lifted the stone from Vision completely and set it aside on the table.

"Her eyes!" Hawkeye exclaimed, but she was already moving.

She leapt forward, her long fingers curling around the stone. She felt a wave of magic surge through her. She could think clearly for the first time in a long time. Free from freedom, the stone would be her guide now.

"Mx Loren," Vision said plainly, "I'd recommend you put that down."

"You are better than them all."

"You dare tell me what to do, machine?!" She exclaimed, summoning a dagger and pointing it at all those in front of her. "Do any of you dare? You pathetic mortal worms. Once I could have come to this planet and been worshipped as a god and now you try to treat me as if we are equal. You are all of you beneath me, undeserving of my attention."

"Someone hit her on the head." Romanoff said. "That's how you break the stone's control."

Loki created an illusory double to stand in her place while she turned herself invisible. She moved aside as Okoye leapt over the table and aimed the butt of her spear at her double's head.

Her spear passed right through it, of course, and everyone looked around the room suspiciously.

"She could be long gone by now." Bruce said.

"This is bad," the Captain said, "What if the mind stone is still under Thanos' control?"

She took slow steps backwards. If she was lucky, she'd be able to get away without anyone noticing.

Peter caught her arm. "Spidey-sense."

She went to twist her arm away but found it difficult. She turned visible again. "Remove your arm, child," she said, raising her knife, "Or I will remove it for you."

"I know you, Loren." Peter smiled. "I know you would never do that."

She grinned, wide and deranged. "You know nothing about me."

She brought her knife down fast and Peter's eyes widened. A hand caught her wrist before she could do any damage and Peter let go. She was twisted around to face T'Challa, who punched her in the face. She stumbled backwards and the stone's hold on her momentarily loosened, but she was quickly pulled back under and prepared to battle her new opponent.

Until something hit the back of her head hard and she was sent flying to the ground.

"Think that did the trick?" Rogers said from beside her.

Loki, on her hands and knees, was released from the control of the mind stone and was close to crying.

Another thing about the stone was that it was like a parasite. Hold it for long and it would slowly drain the life out of you. She felt weak and dizzy. Her head was pounding like an anvil and she was terribly aware of the sweat trickling down from every pore in her body. Her magic was practically all gone.

She put her hand forward and dropped the stone onto the cold white floor.

With much effort, she got to her feet and let her belt take her dagger (there was no way she had enough magic to send it to her pocket dimension without fainting).

"Thanks." She mumbled to the captain before she fled the room, avoiding looking at Peter whatsoever.

She could feel vomit trying to work its way up her throat and she couldn't remember where her room was. She just kept stumbling along hallways until her legs eventually failed her and she fell to her knees.

She was too weak to stand. She couldn't do this anymore, she just wanted to be with Thor and her mother again. Her motivations – self-preservation, validation and vengeance – all seemed to crumble away. She didn't care anymore. She was done. Thanos could destroy half the universe for all she cared, her family was dead anyway.

"Hey," said a horribly familiar voice as Agent Barton knelt down beside her. "You looked a little green back there. Grabbed you this from the lab." He passed her a small trash can.

She was going to refuse and insist that she was fine when the vomit came rushing up her throat and she heaved the contents of her stomach into the bin. She looked up, more than a little embarrassed. "My apologies."

He seemed unaffected. "Please. I have three kids, I've seen worse."

"Still-" was all she got out before she vomited again. This time, Barton held back her hair until she was spitting bile.

It was all very uncomfortable.

"Why did you come after me?" She asked suspiciously, sitting back and wiping her mouth with her sleeve. "Surely you could not have known I was going to be sick just from seeing me run from the room."

He shrugged. "I mean, I have good eyes – it's in the name. But really, I kinda just knew? This is what Loki was like when he had the mind stone, and even then he never touched it directly."

She wanted to bring as little attention to the subject of herself as she could, so she focused on the gem. "The mind stone is parasitic. It draws on the energy of its users and they don't care because it promises them their hearts desires. The stone doesn't need the energy it just... finds it entertaining to take it."

Barton frowned. "You know a lot about the stone for someone who only had it for a few seconds."

"Do you think you're good at reading people, Agent Barton?"

He narrowed his eyes. "I'd like to think so."

"Well so am I. I'm also very sensitive to magical energies – that's why I study the treasures of Asgard. The energy that magical items put out is like a person's tic. Sometimes the energy can even register as a voice for those well enough versed in magic to understand it. These voices, especially from sentient items like the infinity stones, are often screaming to be heard." She managed to push herself up, even though the dizziness threatened to pull her back down again. "And I am always listening."

"What's yours?" He asked.

Loki looked down at him. "What's my what?"

"Heart's desire?"

She thought about it and about how pointless her goals had felt just mere moments ago. But when she thought about chopping off Peter's hand, she felt uneasy. When she thought about the people she put under mind control when she knew how suffocating it was, she felt guilt. Hawkeye, with his three kids and his need to help a complete stranger, did not deserve to die at the hand of Thanos. Peter with his wide-eyed enthusiasm and charming naivety, did not deserve to die at the hand of Thanos. Neither did Brunnhilde or Bruce or Heimdall or any the remaining Asgardians. Neither did Thor.

As much as she hated Thor's love of sentiment, she was the exact same. She didn't care about saving the universe. She couldn't care less about the other trillions of people that would die if Thanos got his way. But she wanted to save the few people she liked, and avenge the one that she couldn't.

She grinned, wild and dangerous. "I want to see Thanos' face when he knows I have bested him, and then I wish to split him into his smallest parts – until he is nothing but unconnected atoms – and then I'll destroy those too. There will be no body – no trace of his existence left when I am done with him." She took a step forward and then looked over her shoulder. "Apologise to Peter for me. I believe he may be upset after that event."

She managed to get back to her bedroom and shut the door behind with a loaded sigh before she took a few steps forward and collapsed to the floor. She was pretty sure she passed out for a bit and didn't feel much better when she woke. He woke, actually, he became vaguely aware of.

Not having much self-control in such a weakened state, he let himself slip into his masculine form with what was left of his magic. He was really scraping the bottom of the barrel to do so, he doubted he'd even be able to change the colour of his eyes if he wanted to.

There was a knock on the door.

He reached for his magic to fall back into his feminine form but it was like trying to catch smoke. He was stuck in this form and he hadn't even locked the door.