ONE ☽ BREATHE

"people stared at the makeup on his face. laughed at his long black hair, his animal grace. the boy in the bright blue jeans jumped up on the stage, and lady stardust sang his songs"

lady stardust — david bowie

Eleni Demetriou lay on her back beneath the canopy of stars, their radiance casting a blue luminescent glow across her serene face, as she gazed up at the burning apollos between heavy eyelashes that threatened to flutter shut.

The armrests of the seats dug into her back, engraving ridges into her skin but she paid them no heed, tracing the canis major constellation with her eyes from the brightest star to the end of the dog's tail. The shutters of the compartment window were drawn, and a silencing charm cast, to allow a gentle tranquillity to distil in the small space, calming her torturous nerves. 

The tightness was always in her chest, constricting like the buckle of a belt around her lungs until it was hard to breathe. She survived off erratic gasps for air, an ever-present feeling that she was drowning. 

She heard the click of the lock turning and quickly closed her eyes to feign sleep. Eleni could make out a set of heavy footsteps stumble into the compartment, and then a mumbled "shit" when they saw her. 

Whoever had intruded on her peace had little intention to leave, and she felt their presence linger in the space, the scent of ash, hairspray, and faint cigarette smoke pervading the sweet smell of nothing. The worn and cracked leather cushion of the opposing seat creaked in protest as they sat down. 

Eleni inhaled a lungful of oxygen in case her breathing should falter, and then turned her head to see Sirius staring up at his own star. 

His black hair tumbled around his face, falling freely to his shoulders, and his leather jacket was worn, with cigarette-burnt holes. Sirius Black had derailed his style from that of his ancestral finery, yet his porcelain features were still those of the cold, aristocratic boy that had begged to be placed in slytherin in fear of the ire he would face. 

He watched the false sky and she watched him, until it dawned on her how uncanny her spectating him was, and with the subtlest of movements, averted her line of sight before once again closing her eyes. 

To her relief, Sirius left with the same unexpectedness as he had come, and when she was sure the door was shut, she sat up, running a hand through her dark hair. With a wave of her wand the projection of the night sky dissipated, revealing the blank white ceiling of the hogwarts express. 

Someone else knocked on the glass door, before it was pushed open to reveal a boy with tan skin and dark hair cut neatly, an ever-present glare of contemplation prominent on his face. 

"Why are you sitting alone in the dark like a reject?" Daishin admonished scornfully, crossing the small space to draw open the window blinds. Eleni squinted at the sudden beam of light that penetrated through the gloom. 

Rubbing the stabbing pain in her eyes, Eleni fell once again onto her back. "Fuck, Dai, why do you hate me?" she grumbled, slinging one arm over her face as a shield, the other hanging lazily over the edge of the seat. 

Daishin ignored this remark, dumping Eleni's uniform on her torso and eliciting a grunt from the girl. "Do not go back to sleep," he warned. 

"Fine," Eleni said, shoving the robes off herself where they landed on the floor in a heap, making Daishin roll his eyes. He pulled out a black leatherbound book which in his customary fashion of secrecy, possessed no title. 

A long slender girl with blonde hair slid open the door, standing in the entrance with the light reflecting on her like a halo. Céline had tanned considerably over the summer, yet she was still distinctly pale. 

She first saw Eleni who was closer to the door. "Hey, you," she said with a bright smile. "Long time no see."

"Hey, you," Eleni echoed, her voice resounding with lacklustre despite her genuine joy to see the girl. "Yeah, I know."

Eleni hated talking about the holidays and Céline never pushed it. Instead, she held out a small bracelet, which consisted of tiny oddly shaped shells looped together on a string. Eleni tied it around her wrist— where six of the same hand-made jewellery already rested. 

"Thanks," she said, and the half-smile she gave seemed to be enough for the other girl, who was watching expectedly. 

Daishin had not even acknowledged her presence, and Céline threw a tiny shell at him, missing marginally. "You're seriously going to continue reading?" She said with disbelief. "You haven't seen me all summer."

He looked up from the volume in his hands, scrutinising her with a once-over glance. "You look the same as you did last year," he stated dryly, barely ducking his head to dodge the second trinket which she threw at him again. 

The sun began to set outside and Eleni got changed, not caring about the evidently unbothered boy who sat in the corner of the carriage, his eyes glued the pages of his book, or the girl that sketched abstract doodles in a small shell-encrusted handbook. 

The carriages which took them to the school were pulled by skeletal creatures which vaguely resembled horses, with a reptilian hide, white eyes, and leathery black wings that sent shivers down Eleni's spine. Neither Céline nor Daishin could see them, so she brushed off any visible pinpricks of fear. 

"It feels strange, doesn't it?" Céline asked nervously, squeezing Eleni's hand as they began to move. "This is our last time going through these gates." 

"Except for when we leave," Daishin pointed out dully. 

She glared at him with annoyance. "Must you ruin every sentimental moment?" she said angrily. "I meant entering." 

"Must you turn everything into a sob story?" He sneered in response. "As if I didn't get enough of this from your letters over the summer. Not even Japan was far away enough from you." Céline gasped with offence, and Eleni watched their bickering amusedly. 

Céline Durant was a luminous presence, her effervescent spirit often overlooked by those that could not see past her surface level prettiness, and the only reason her pursuit of better company than two morbid souls had faltered was her half-veela heritage.

On the other hand, Eleni still firmly believed that the only reason Daishin Sashihara tolerated her presence was because she rarely interrupted a settled silence. He had little interest in socialising, and seemed to fancy himself a modern-day Renaissance man. 

As the final carriages pulled through the school's gates and the doors to the great hall were flung open, Eleni lost Céline and Daishin to the table of navy and bronze while she sat with the slightly larger sea of emerald and silver. 

She never even got a moment's solitude. A girl with sharp features and piercing grey eyes which stood out against her darker skin took a seat beside her, a frown painted on her brow. The Selwyn heiress stood with the grace of a woman far further gone in maturity than the schoolgirl should.

"Oh, it's you," Valeria said distastefully, "I see you've crawled out of whatever hole you were hiding in." 

Eleni winced. If anyone held her accountable for her disappearances, it was Valeria Selwyn. "Hi, Val—" 

"Hi Val," she mimicked, still wearing a frown. She jabbed a finger at Eleni's chest. "One day, you are going to regret taking me for granted, and it will be too late." 

Eleni believed her. She thought her day of reckoning was inevitable; eggshells were brittle. "How was your summer?" she asked. 

"Eventful," Valeria said contemptuously. She dropped her voice to a low murmur to avoid the presence of any unwanted ears, although most seemed absorbed in their own conversations. "He Who Must Not be Named is gathering allies amongst the sacred twenty-eight."

Eleni paused, frowning as she considered the information. "And where do the Selwyn's stand?" She asked warily. 

"My father claims to be neutral, as of yet," Valeria said, yet the doubt enlaced in her words brought little solace. "But he's on the precipice of temptation, like the Nott's and the Avery's. Abraxas Malfoy and Orion Black have already pledged allegiance— I think the downfall of only one more prominent household would be enough to sway—"

She broke off abruptly, plastering on an amiable smile as a boy now sat down beside Eleni. He had curly black hair that fell messily over his forehead with a taller, lanky build. His expression was one of faux anger. 

"You left me alone with the pureblood circle of pricks on the train," Ted hissed at Valeria as he took a seat beside Eleni. "Under Regulus' reign of terror. Where were you?"

"I was alone, I couldn't find you," Valeria snapped, but Eleni noticed the faint blush which crept on her cheeks. "And what do you mean Regulus' reign of terror? That boy is as meek as a mouse." 

Eleni accidentally knocked her goblet and it clattered to the floor with a resounding noise. Ted looked up at her, eyes softening slightly. "Jesus, Leni, where have you been all these weeks?" He asked, rubbing her shoulder with warm affection. 

She opened her mouth to answer, but Valeria cut her off by clicking her fingers at him, to which Ted scowled unappreciatively. "Regulus' reign of terror?" She prompted, unbothered by his evident anger. 

"Everyone seems to be afraid of him now," Ted explained, retrieving Eleni's goblet from the floor. "There are rumours." 

"Aren't there always," Valeria sighed, though her gaze flickered nervously to the young Black heir, who was laughing at something Evan Rosier had said. There was an unspoken shift in their dynamic, Eleni noticed; all eyes were on him, lowered, and the arch in his back was stiff as a floorboard. His grey eyes were the same as Sirius', though ice cold rather than the turbulent storm. 

By the time the sorting ceremony had ended, Eleni was half-asleep, jolted awake by every cheer that erupted from her house members, and dozing off again in the silence in between. 

She did however listen to Dumbledore's speech with vivid intent. He made no mention of the ongoing political war, only allowing his tensions to stray as far as the dangers of the forbidden forest. The headmaster seemed to solemnly believe that no external harm could reach them within the castle walls; Eleni held her scepticism. 

The feast was an exercise in patience for her. Ted and Valeria chattered incessantly, mercifully resorting to ignoring her silent presence as they usually did. The insipid noise drilled into her skull. The crowd made it hard to breathe. 

By the time they were finally allowed to their dormitories, she felt weary enough to throw her shoes off and collapse. The gentle green glow of the lake cast a drowsy atmosphere over the small room, and with a wave of her wand she pulled the curtains around her bed shut. 

There was someone already in Eleni's bed, and she curled up beside him, careful not to accidentally touch any part of him. She heard his heavy intake of breath, before he turned to face her, eyelids still shut in slumber. 

Her hand enclosed around the stone on her necklace as she traced the outline of his features with her eyes, from slope of his cheekbones to the upward arch of his nose, the halo about him that glowed in the dark. 

Only the furrows around his neck, where the ligature had constricted, was a telling sign of his demise. Like an upside-down V shaped death sentence.

She heard Valeria whispering with the other dormmates, as they did most nights when Eleni hid inside the curtains around her bed. "It feels good to see everyone again," one girl said, and the others murmured in agreement. 

Eleni wished she could say the same. And then she felt sick with guilt at the fact that she couldn't.