Julian followed Adri's guard down the corridor to her temporary rooms, for it seemed she was also awaiting the test results.

He swung open the door and Adri was in her silk night attire, sitting on her bed, her pale skin glowing in the moonlight.

Her golden hair shimmered and she looked positively sweet, a stark contrast from her stern demeanor earlier that day.

"How may I serve you, Lady Princess?"

Adri smiled, despite herself,"Why did you allow Zandra Simmons to become a part of this? Her father is Chrissilinde's husband. If he is alive, and we have reason to believe he is, she is a target. Her mother died for the cease-fire after the Great War. We cannot let that sacrifice be in vain."

"Zandra found Liliana after she tried to escape. Chancellor had no other option but to tell her. Zandra thought we kidnapped a random Tellurian and she was armed."

Adri frowned,"It certainly complicates things, but I think we can work it out. She might be a wise ally as I am told she is excellent in combat."

Julian spoke carefully,"She is decent for her age. A worthy opponent, at best."

Adri laughed but Julian could tell it was forced. The worry lines that creased her forehead were a dead giveaway.

Julian sat on the bed beside her,"What is it Adri? I know it's something, don't bother brushing me off."

He could see shadows darkening under her eyes and her lips were turned downward into a grimace.

She had too much on her shoulders, baring the weight of an entire kingdom without the power to keep it balanced. There was no way for Adri to win until she ascended as Queen.

Adri sighed,"It's the usual, Julian. I feel like my kingdom is falling apart. My mother and father, the king and queen, don't want to believe that this kingdom is not a utopia. They are stuck in a world where the Silent and Great Wars did not happen. I was born only 8 years before war began. Chaos has surrounded this kingdom for far too long and I want things to change but there is absolutely nothing else I can do."

Her voice wavered at the end, which got Julian's attention immediately.

Adri never cried.

"It's not your fault, Adri," Julian replied, knowing his words were fruitless. He tried to keep his voice soothing to keep her tears at bay, but his efforts weren't necessary. Adri was stubborn and that was something he loved about her.

"That's like me telling you that sleeping with the entire kingdom won't make you happy. You know deep inside that I am telling the truth, but you won't let yourself accept it," Adri said softly.

Her words were neither untrue or unkind but he flinched back.

"Julian?" Adri's eyes widening,"I apologize for insulting you. I didn't mean-"

Julian squeezed his eyes shut,"No, Adri. Stop. Don't apologize to me. You didn't insult me. When I think about my coping methods, it brings me back. It's just Josie. It has always been her.What would Josie think of her big brother, now?"

Julian cursed, not allowing the tear forming in his eye drop. He hated when he lost control and it was the worst timing. Adri didn't need anything else to stress her out.

"Julian," Adri sighed sympathetically resting her hand on his shoulder,"That's not your fault either. Josie was killed by Knights, you weren't even there."

"But I should have been. I was so stupid. Ten years old, thinking I was some kind of hero. I hardly remembered the Silent Wars, but I was intent on remembering that one. I left her," Julian said through gritted teeth.

He laughed humorlessly, knowing full well that he was the biggest fool in the entire kingdom.

"We all have regrets, Julian. Now, it's time to make amends because we can't keep living in the past. The Great War is over. We have lost family and friends but now we have to make their sacrifice worth it."

Julian caressed the side of her face,"It was six years ago, but it feels like yesterday."

His voice was soft, thoughtful. Adri smiled but moved his hand,"Go flirt with someone else, Julian."

"I will if you command it, Lady Princess."

"I do, actually. I saw how you looked at Liliana. Why aren't you making moves with that one?" Adri asked, mocking sterness.

Julian sighed, his face reanimating,"What girl in their right mind wants to be with someone like me? She can do far better than me. I barely know her, but I can can't help but feel drawn to her. It sounds crazy."

Adri smiled softly,"No, it sounds like a guy who is finally letting down his walls. It's about time, really."

Julian frowned,"I don't even know her and I'm not sure I want to."

"No," Adri said,"I have known you for many years. I have never seen your eyes light up the way they did when you were just talking about her. I honestly believe the reason you sleep with so many girls is to punish yourself, not because you are actually interested. This girl has to be something."

Julian smiled to himself, just happy when he shut his eyes he saw an ill-tempered brunette with blinding blue eyes.

Julian scoffed,"You are over exaggerating, Adri. She definitely has my attention but my eyes aren't lighting up. I barely know her."

Yet, Julian mused, just to himself.

"Julian, it's sweet. You don't have to pretend. And the best part? You have a chance. You better act on it before you hate yourself any more than you already do," Adri chastised with a small grin.

His lips twitched into a reluctant smile. Adri knew him so well and sometimes he hated it.

"Speaking of love," Julian said, abruptly changing the subject,"How is everything on the Dimitri front?"

Julian knew Dimitri hadn't arrived yet, and Adri's current guards were out of earshot, as she had positioned them at the door.

Even so, Adri's voice dropped into a whisper.

Her smile fell,"He's one of my guard. I am first in line for the throne. I can't have these feelings because it doesn't make any sense. The age gap doesn't help. I'm eighteen and he is twenty-six. I'm basically a child. He couldn't possibly want me."

Julian shook his head,"That is a bullshit excuse, Adri. You are going to be crowned queen next year. You can marry whoever the hell you want to. He would be an idiot not to want you. You are stunning and the bravest girl I know. And so what if he is your guard? We've-"

Adri cut him off with a sharp glare.

Julian's lips turned tugged into a small smile and his eyes practically glinted with wickedness.

There was no denying they had sparks, but they had long decided they were much better as friends

Even so, Adri flushed a deep shade of red and tried to play it off.

Adri rolled her eyes,"We were fourteen. It happened. It is over. Get over it."

Julian smirked,"Either way, Adri, you can't know until you take a chance. In our line of work, we already have plenty of regrets. Don't add any that can be avoided."

He meant it, too. Politics were messy and he and Adri had dealings with it everyday, her dealings being far more, public, however.

"Goes for you, too, Julian. Don't be a hypocrite. Make your move and maybe I will make mine," Adri remarked.

"You know what? I am going to her room right now. Who is a hypocrite, now?" Julian asked, a challenge in his voice.

"Still you, Julian," Adri called after
him.

He laughed, not turning back to meet her undoubtedly alluring eyes.

"Good night, Your Highness."

Julian shut the door and let out a breath. His heart quickened in response to what he decided to do in that moment.

He was going to talk to her and tell her that he was interested.

He turned down the corridor and spotted the door Laurel had assigned to Liliana.

Julian hesitated with his hand on the doorknob.

What if she doesn't like him?

Julian felt himself backing down. Her mother just died. She needs to grieve.
The last thing she needs is some idiot she barely knows to ask her out.

But they could be friends.

He smiled to himself and swung open the door, freezing once he made out what he was seeing.

Liliana was asleep and she was holding hands with Audric Keensly.

Snuggled onto his chest.

It looked suspiciously like a post sex position, but he couldn't tell if she was dressed.

Quite frankly, he didn't stay long enough to find out.

She looked happy, her lips forming a slight smile, even as she slept. Her brunette hair swirled around, framing her face. She was so beautiful.

He felt something sour in his chest.

Julian shut the door and ran to the community guest restrooms where he promptly vomited his contents. Julian didn't know what was wrong with him but he felt satisfied as his stomach emptied.

Painful water rose in his eyes, but he blinked it away. It was his fault, that he was certain of.

He already blew it.

He was too boring.

Had too many secrets.

Too deeply invested in his cover.

She deserved better, anyways.

She was far too intelligent to end up in the arms of someone who hadn't slept in his own bed for weeks.

He didn't know why he even cared. She was a little girl he just met. Liliana wasn't anything special.

When the tears started rolling, he cursed. He hated feeling. The salt on his lips was a comfort, but the stickiness on his cheeks was a weakness.

He just didn't know what was wrong with him. He didn't love her. He had just met her.

He took his fists and rubbed his eyes, as if he could force the tears out of him.

Julian walked over to the sink. His eyes were red rimmed and his face was pale. He looked like shit.

Julian groaned, scowling at his reflection.

Julian wiped his eyes. Blinked. Pinched his cheeks. Smiled brightly at his reflection. Blinked again.

He smiled at his reflection.

What did his mother always say?

Fake it, till you make it.

He looked as normal as he would get in that moment.

Julian yawned with sleepiness and all he wanted to do was hibernate for awhile, which of course was ridiculous. He just met Lili. She was replaceable, easily replacable.

He knew what had to be done and hated himself for it.

He employed his comm-chip and sent a DL to a girl he met at the bars several months back; she was his go-to.

At her reply, he left the Outpost and ventured to her house.

He barely remembered the walk; it was as if he floated the entire way.

Next thing he knew, he was on her bed and she was whispering in his ear,"What can I help you with tonight, Ancelotti?"

She pinned herself on top of him and for once, he didn't mind relinquishing control.

"Give me pain. I haven't been a good boy," Julian said, almost sing-song.

This was the worst side of him, his weakness still not erased from his eyes and his voice slightly uneven.

Julian was throughly disgusted with himself, so he chose his next words carefully.

"No limits."

The girl laughed and swung her hand at his face,"What did you do?"

The sting against his cheek was good, but far from enough.

"I've let my emotions get the best of me."

He said it simply, not bothered to deny it.

The girl frowned slightly, as if she pitied him, she had known him too long and gotten him to reveal too many secrets whispered across the damp pillowcases.

Julian shook his head silently.

No.

Pity wasn't going to help him learn, pain would.

She nodded slightly, as if she understood what he was trying to say.

"Follow me to my playroom. Tonight, all you will think about is me."