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THIRTY-ONE HER DAZED STATE

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       "I FOUND IT!" says Holly, an hour or so later, standing in some part of the Department of Mysteries. Her wand lights up a little area of the gargantuan place, but for the most part, their group is covered in darkness, making it nightmarish to walk through the aisles of shelves, all holding strange blue orbs.

       She stands next to one of the aisles, trying to light up the number of the row for the others to see, whilst they're catching up to her. She hasn't done something like this since the tournament, she's getting a little too excited, she forgot that she can run quite quickly for someone with short legs.

       "He's right down at the end," says Harry, the rest of them catching up to her. Holly's running on fumes now. Her feet are tired already and her mind hasn't stopped whizzing around since the start of the History of Magic exam — wow. It's hard to believe that a couple of hours ago she was writing essay answers for a school exam, with the biggest thought in her mind being, I really hope I can get a good enough grade to get into the N.E.W.T. class next year — I should've listened more, instead of talk to Pansy...

       "Anywhere here... really close..."

       "Harry?" says Hermione.

       "Somewhere about... here..." Harry keeps on looking. Holly glances behind, and manages to exchange a look with Hermione, a wary expression on her face. "He might be... or maybe..."

       "Harry?" says Hermione.

       "What?" he snaps.

       Holly frowns.

       "I..." says Hermione. "I don't think Sirius is here."

       The rest of them are standing around Holly now. Harry breaks off and starts running up and down the row, trying to find his godfather, and Holly frowns. She can feel her heart beating faster, because none of this sounds good. Even if Sirius isn't here — why would Harry be led to believe that?

       "Have you seen this?" she hears Ron say. Her brows furrow, and she sees Harry finally stop searching frantically. He looks a little less annoyed this time around, as he walks towards them, obviously under the impression that Ron's found something to do with Sirius.

       "What?" says Harry, now standing next to Ron, who's looking up at one of the glass spheres. The rest of them look up at the sphere in question.

       Holly steps further backwards, her brows furrowing. She uses her light as a wand, looking at the other shelves filled with the same glass orbs, all of which next to little labels, explaining the date of the sphere's creation, and who it involves.

       "It's — it's got your name on," says Ron.

       "My name?" says Harry.

       She glances back at her friends. This is strange. Holly doesn't like the sound of this... Why would Harry be under the impression that Sirius is being tortured, and that they've got to rescue him, when in actual fact they've been led here, to a strange department in the Ministry, with rows and rows of things that seem to be crystal balls?

       "What is it?" says Ron. "What's your name doing down here?"

       This is bizarre. This doesn't make any sense. Crystal balls, or what seems to be them. Why on earth would the Ministry of Magic have an entire area closed off, just for those? This is almost as weird as that Area 51 stuff her dad likes to talk about.

       "Harry," says Hermione. "I don't think you should touch it."

       "Why not?" says Harry. "It's something to do with me, isn't it?"

       Holly feels something grab at her wrist, and before she can let out a scream a hand is pushed onto her mouth. She tries to fight back, to stamp on the person's feet, but she hears a familiar voice whisper, "Holly, it's me."

       Atticus? 

       Why would her step-father, a presumed dead Death Eater—

       Oh, no.

       It's a trap.

       "Very good, Potter. Now turn around, nice and slowly, and give that to me," she hears her step-uncle say, back where her friends are. Atticus has his hand on Holly's shoulder, as if he's trying to keep her safe, as he and the rest of the Death Eaters move closer. Holly hears one of her friends let out a gasp.

       Her uncle Lucius stretches out his arm, waiting for the sphere.

       "To me, Potter."

       Harry doesn't reply. Holly's frozen stiff, having realised she's standing next to Bellatrix Lestrange. Her heart is beating faster than it ever has before. Holly desperately wishes this is just a bad dream — maybe the stress and exhaustion got the best of her, and she's just having a nightmare, and in a minute she'll wake up and she'll be in the exam hall, a couple minutes left until it's over.

       "Where's Sirius?" asks Harry.

       Bellatrix Lestrange lets out a nasty laugh. Holly, trembling, keeps a hold on her wand. She tries to talk to herself, reassure herself that everything will work out. We can fight, we know we can. She accidentally thinks of Durmstrang and the memories are too vivid, too strong, and Holly has to force herself back into reality. OK, so let's not think about that... But we can fight. We won the tournament, didn't we? We have Susannah, we have Vivien, we have Atticus.

       "I want to know where Sirius is!"

       "I want to know where Sirius is!" says Bellatrix Lestrange, her voice becoming high-pitched as she mocks Harry. Holly sees Atticus move, so that he's closer to Bellatrix Lestrange than Holly is. She breathes a small sigh of relief.

       "You've got him," says Harry. "He's here. I know he is."

       "The little baby woke up fwightened and fort what it dweamed was twoo!"

       "That's enough," says Atticus, casting a dark look in Bellatrix Lestrange's direction. Holly, for a second, thinks that her step-father's going to be a hero and save the day and help her friends — but no. Instead, he looks ahead at Harry, and says, "Give us the prophecy, Potter. We won't ask again."

       Harry finally notices Holly. "Holly—!"

      "Holliday did a rather marvellous job, didn't she, tricking you into believing your dream was real?" says Atticus.

       What?

       Holly opens her mouth to protest, to snatch her step-father's hand off of her shoulder and curse him, curse Bellatrix Lestrange, shout every curse she knows until she and the rest of her friends are safe. She is not pretending anymore. She is not choosing easy. She refuses. She's sick and tired of pretending to be someone that she isn't, pretending to be evil when she isn't, she doesn't want to be, she wants to be good and brave and kind and not the evil thing everyone views Slytherins as. She wants to be ambitious and get somewhere in life and go back to having the same pride and joy as she did when she was winning the tasks last year — she doesn't want to be buried six feet deep in worry over what if Voldemort finds out? None of this is what she wants. If she wanted darkness she would've stayed at Durmstrang.

       "I thought I could trust you!" says Harry, and immediately she knows. She knows what he's doing, and she hates it. She doesn't want him to pretend that her step-father's lie is the truth. She wants to be back on Harry's side, on the good side.

       "You can!" she shouts back, but she desperately hopes that this is enough for him to realise to drop this. She isn't pretending to be on the Death Eaters' side, she doesn't care if it's more difficult for her. She isn't choosing easy, never again.

      Bellatrix Lestrange lets out another cackle. "Did ickle baby Potter get his feelings hurt?" she says, in the same awful tone. Holly grits her teeth together.

       "Don't do anything," says Harry, to the rest of their friends. Holly's heart sinks. She should be on that side. She shouldn't be on this side, with the Death Eaters. "Not yet—"

       "You hear him? You hear him? Giving instructions to the other children as though he thinks of fighting us!"

       Atticus' grip tightens on Holly's shoulder, as if to say, you are not fighting Bellatrix Lestrange. But Holly wants to. Holly wants to get this wicked beasts away from her friends before blood hits the floor. Like she said earlier — her friends don't know dark magic, but she does, and if it comes to that, then so be it.

       "Oh, you don't know Potter as I do, Bellatrix," says her uncle Lucius. "He has a great weakness for heroics; the Dark Lord understands this about him." Because that's a bad thing? "Now give me the prophecy, Potter."

       "I know Sirius is here," says Harry. Holly wishes she could get his attention again, and shake her head. Sirius isn't here — this was a trap. For some reason, Voldemort must want that sphere — that prophecy — and they needed to trick Harry into coming here. "I know you've got him!"

       "It's time you learned the difference between life and dreams, Potter," says Lucius. "Now give me the prophecy, or we start using wands."

       Harry raises his wand, and the rest of her friends follow. "Go on, then."

       This boy.

       The rest of the Death Eaters barely even moving at the 'threat' of six teenagers. Holly keeps on seeing Atticus move around, changing where he's standing, trying his best to keep Holly away from the rest of the hooded figures around them. She knows he means well, but this isn't what she wants. She wants to be good.

       "Hand over the prophecy and no one need get hurt."

       "Yeah, right!" says Harry, letting out a laugh. "I give you this — prophecy, is it? And you'll just let us skip off home, will you?" There's a pause. Holly stands a little in front of Atticus, slipping through a gap to the side of him. If anything happens she has a clear path, she can run to her friends and they can get out. "How come Voldemort wants it?"

       "You dare speak his name?" says Bellatrix.

       "Yeah," says Harry, and Holly winces. She can see Hermione's lips move, ever so slightly. Ron does the same. It's the way messages used to get around at Durmstrang, it's the sort of whisper that's barely audible. If she wasn't scared she'd smile. They've got a plan. "Yeah, I've got no problem saying Vol—"

       "Shut your mouth!" says Bellatrix. "You dare speak his name with your unworthy lips, you dare besmirch it with your half-blood's tongue, you dare—"

       "Did you know he's a half-blood too?" says Harry, and for the first time ever, Holly wants to turn to Atticus and go, you see him? That's my boyfriend. (She thinks.) "Voldemort? Yeah, his mother was a witch but his dad was a muggle — or has he been telling you lot he's pureblood?"

       "STUPEF—!" 

       "NO!"

       Lucius stops Bellatrix's attack before it can make a mark. The red light shoots straight into one of the shelves, and the ghostly whispers of the smashed prophecies drift around her ears.

       "DO NOT ATTACK! WE NEED THE PROPECHY!"

       "He dared — he dares — he stands there — filthy half-blood —"

       "WAIT UNTIL WE'VE GOT THE PROPECHY!"

       Bellatrix goes silent for a second, before she starts to step around, moving up and down on the balls of her feet. Holly glances to the side and she sees Bellatrix give Harry a wicked grin. "Do you need more persuasion, Potter, to give us the prophecy?" she asks, her voice echoing through the rows of prophecies. A cold hand grabs onto Holly's arm and Bellatrix holds onto Holly. She can feel Bellatrix's manic heavy breathing down her neck, and Holly already starts to squirm. "You still care about little Holliday, dearest here, don't you? Let him watch while we torture her. I'll do it."

       Holly looks at her step-father, her eyes widening in panic. He steps forwards, stretching out a hand for her to take, and for him to pull her away from Bellatrix. "There is no need to bring Holly into this," says Atticus. The calmness in his voice doesn't hide the obvious anger on his face, as he raises his wand. "Get away from my daughter."

       "Do you want the prophecy or not, At?" says Bellatrix, laughing at the use of his nickname. Holly isn't sure if her mother was the only one that called him that, but she can see on his face that it's struck a nerve. "Look at Potter, look at the boy! He's already getting panicked — if Holly's as committed to this cause as her mother is, then I bet she wouldn't mind—"

       "STUPEFY!"

       Bellatrix goes slamming into the shelves, and Atticus pulls Holly away from her. The smashed prophecies cultivate together and make one loud, nasty noise, and wisps of smoke fill the air. A supernatural force pulls Holly by the waist, away from her step-father, and she runs towards her friends, reaching them as Harry shouts, "NOW!"

       The shelves above them being to topple inwards, and the group of teenagers start sprinting in the direction away from the Death Eaters. Susannah's busy trashing the rows behind them, making as much mess as her ghostly strength can manage. Holly stays by Harry's side, her eyes constantly darting back to the prophecy. As long as they have that they're safe — they won't do any proper damage if the prophecy is still intact, she knows her uncle will not allow it.

       They run towards a door to the side of the shelves. The door slams shut behind them, and Hermione shouts a spell that seals the door shut. Holly, catching her breath, looks around. Harry, Hermione, and Neville are standing in the room, but Ron, Luna, and Ginny are nowhere to be seen.

       Holly begins, "Do we go after them—?"

       "Listen!" whispers Neville.

       Her brows furrow. She can faintly hear her uncle shouting at the others, "Leave Nott, leave him, I say, the Dark Lord will not care for Nott's injuries as much as losing that prophecy — Jugson, come back here, we need to organise! We'll split into pairs and search, and don't forget, be gentle with Potter until we've got the prophecy, you can kill the others if necessary, all except Holliday." Uncle of the year. "Bellatrix, Rodolphus, you take the left, Crabbe, Rabastan, go right — Jugson, Dolohov, the door straight ahead — Macnair and Avery, through here — Rookwood, Mulciber, over there — Atticus, come with me!"

       "What do we do?" says Hermione, her eyes wide.

       "Well, we don't stand here waiting for them to find us, for a start," says Harry. "Let's get away from this door..."

       The four of them begin to move through the room, Holly barely thinking before switching back into her mindset at Durmstrang, the couple of times she snuck out. Her footsteps barely make a sound, and she hurries her pace, trying to reach the exit at the other side of the room. She glances back, checking the three are still near her, when a loud bang comes from the door they had just closed.

       "Stand aside!" someone shouts. "Alohomora!"

       The door opens, loudly hitting the wall, but the four have already dived under the desks placed in the room. Holly keeps her eyes on the two Death Eaters, their robes visible from where she's hidden.

       "They might've run straight through to the hall."

       "Check under the desks."

       Holly tightens her grip on her wand, and waits a second, to have a clear view of one of the Death Eaters' legs before she lets out, "Diffindo!" A large slash cuts away at their robes, a thick cut slicing into their ankles. The Death Eater stumbles back, and Holly scrambles to her feet. They won't kill her, she's fine, she's fine.

       "Avada—"

      Harry throws himself onto the Death Eater, forcing him to the ground.

      "EXPELLIARMUS!"

       Holly spins, and sees Neville frightfully pointing his wand at the Death Eater, who's wand flies into the air, as does Harry's. She looks at Neville in surprise for a second, before she spots the other Death Eater, and she spins and shouts, "STUPEFY!"

       "Get out of the way, Harry!" Neville has a determined look on his face, as Harry tries to launch himself away from the Death Eater as quickly as possible, before Neville Stuns him.

       The Death Eater crashes into the glass cabinet behind him. His mask has fallen down his face so now he can't see, and he grabs his wand, wildly shouting the Stunning Spell in every which way. One hits Holly, who crashes onto the floor, her head hitting the ground. Holly clambers back to her feet, her head throbbing, as the Death Eater uses his free hand to pull off the mask.

       "STUP—"

       "STUPEFY!"

       Hermione summons Harry's wand, which is still hidden among the wreckage, before the four keep on running. Holly gets to the door, her hand on the door handle.

       "Look out!"

       Holly spins around, her wand ready. One of the Death Eaters had fallen and gotten his head stuck in a glass jar, which was now shrinking his head, leaving a baby's head on the body of a very tall, very large man.

       In the distance she can hear Atticus shouting, "HOLLY!"

       She keeps on running. Her head is still throbbing a little bit, from when she hit it on the bottom of the desk, but she's fine. She's fine. Her heart's hammering in her chest as her feet slam against the ground, running and running, shouting spells, remembering every second spent duelling at Durmstrang, every time she practiced for the Triwizard Tournament. She pictures the Department of Mysteries like a new task, a surprise event made to test the champions — she skids past fallen prophecies and runs like she can't stop, her mind racing from spell to spell, determined to get herself and her friends through this, all in one piece.

       She ignores her step-father, still shouting, still trying to find her. She sees Susannah every so often, but she seems to have used up all of her ghostly energy, and now cannot force any of the Death Eaters off of their feet.

       "Someone Stun him!" she hears someone shout, and seconds later she hears Bellatrix shout the Cruciatus Curse, making Neville cry out in pain. Holly makes a break for it, but Atticus appears out of nowhere, taking hold of her.

       "You are not fighting!" he says, shouting over the noise. "Holly, it isn't safe!"

       "I DON'T CARE!" she shouts back at him. Only, with her, the shouting was meant to convey every ounce of anger she's felt, ever since she stepped into Grimmauld Place and was seen to be something wicked, something she is not. Ever since she went to Malfoy Manor and she was expected to pretend to be evil, something she is not. Ever since she went back to school and had no choice but to go back to the old façade, pretending she hates her new friends, pretending that she's something she is not.

       "You don't realise what's going on!"

       "And what, my mother did when she joined the Death Eaters at sixteen?" she shouts back at him, trying to wriggle out of his grasp. He's holding onto her arms, trying to stop her from running away. "I don't care if I get hurt! I want to do what's right!"

       "You are not getting killed because of that boy!"

       "Just because you took the easy option—!" 

       More people appear. She sees Tonks send a Stunning spell at Lucius, and for a second she sees Atticus freeze, like he would start to help his brother if he wasn't concerned with her.

       "Come on — Holly, we're going!"

       "You wimp!" she shouts. "Don't you see who you're helping? They're hurting my friends — they're trying to kill children!"

       "We're going!" 

       "NO!"

      "Holly—!"

       "Just because my mother would do it, doesn't mean I will!" she shouts at him. She manages to get free of him, and she gives him a glare. "You can pretend to be this, but I'm not. I'm going to help my friends, whether you like it or—"

       Her gaze falls down to the centre of the room, just as Sirius falls backwards into the archway in the middle, disappearing. She sees Harry shouting out for his godfather, and Holly can feel her own heart sinking and twisting.

       "You did that," says Holly, turning to her step-father. Atticus looks down at her, frowning at her, and she tries to shove him, but ends up hitting him in the chest. "You're here pretending this is good but you let that happen! He's already lost his parents, was that not enough for you?"

       "I didn't do that," says Atticus, trying to speak calmly. "Holliday, we need to go — you got hurt, didn't you? You can't stand properly, you must've hit your head, you won't be able to defend yourself if—"

       "How do you know that?" she shouts. "You are not my dad! You don't know me, you don't know what's best for me — leave me alone!"

       "You don't mean that — Holly —"

       She spots Harry next to Neville, and Holly bolts down the flights of stairs, narrowly missing a couple Stunning spells. Someone shouts "Diffindo!" and a cut slices open her leg, making her stop for a second out of shock. She ignores how much her head hurts, how the room's starting to spin a little, and she continues.

       Harry's gone by the time she gets to Neville. "Where did he—?"

       "Dat way," says Neville, his injured nose muffling his speech. "Bud he wants to kill Bellabix Leb—"

       Holly starts running in the direction Neville points to. She can feel her head, her heart, her feet all pounding but she keeps on running. She'll be fine later, but for now, she has to keep on going, she isn't giving up.

       "Never used an Unforgiveable Curse before, have you, boy?" she hears Bellatrix shout. Holly stops moving for a second, holding onto her wand. She keeps herself in the shadows, but for enough for her to think her way through this, to work herself up.

       "You need to mean them, Potter! You need to really want to cause pain — to enjoy it — righteous anger won't hurt me for long!"

       Holly thinks about it. She remembers how she was thinking early, how she kept on hearing Bellatrix taunt her friends and she wanted so badly to fight back, to hurt her. She remembers Durmstrang, she remembers the way the students learnt to bring up that amount of anger, that intense will to hurt someone else. She feels as if her blood is boiling beneath her skin, her fingers tightening around her wand.

       "I'll show you how it is done, shall? I'll give you a lesson—"

       "CRUCIO!"

       Bellatrix is knocked off of her feet, and Harry turns around, looking at Holly in surprise. She looks at him, and shouts, over Bellatrix's screams, "GO! She isn't worth it! You can't let her get the prophecy—!"

       "I don't have it!" he shouts back.

       The screams echoing throughout the room stop. Holly feels an intense sense of dread fill her stomach, and her knees almost give in. She can't stop hearing the screaming. Why was that the first spell she thought of? Why can't she get away from that damned curse? She can hear all of the screams again — every single student she hurt, every single plead and cry for her. She can see their eyes, all glassy and wide, desperate for some form of mercy. She sees the horror on the last one's face, she sees the anger on Karkaroff's face. She shouldn't have used that curse, why can't she think of anything but that curse?

       "The prophecy smashed when I was trying to get Neville up the steps!" Harry shouts at Bellatrix, who has now scrambled back to her feet. "What do you think Voldemort'll say about that, then?"

       "LIAR! YOU'VE GOT IT, POTTER, AND YOU WILL GIVE IT TO ME — Accio Prophecy! ACCIO PROPHECY!"

       Holly steps to the side, trying to forget the screams, the pleading, but before she can do anything and snap out of it, she feels as if everything's spinning. Her vision goes blurry and her knees go weak, and she thinks she sees her step-father running towards her. But she stumbles to the side, feeling as though a bubble was separating her from the rest of the world. Her eyelids feel heavy and her hearing becomes blocked, and she faintly remembers when she had a horrific nosebleed when she was seven, and how she almost fainted because of that.

       But this time, her dad doesn't run out into the playground to scoop her up from the tarmac, after she fell from the top of the jungle-gym. She hears her step-father trying to reassure her and holding onto her, but even in her dizziness, she keeps on thinking, I want my dad, I want my dad.

       Because this is the thing: she thinks she's started to view Atticus as a parental figure (maybe not as much as Eugene — maybe Eugene, a couple years after she was introduced to him) but he still isn't her dad. He isn't Gus, and he never will be. If he was her dad, he would've understood why she didn't want to get out and abandon her friends; he would've wished her the best of the luck, and helped her as much as humanly possible. If he was her dad, he wouldn't be here anyway, and that's one of the reasons why she loves her dad so much.

       He's this clear thing, he's got nothing to do with the wizarding world. Her dad was raised by a father and grandfather, both of which holding tales about their own wars, along with his mother, a wonderful woman that would move the world to help her son.

       (She thinks she blinks, and suddenly, she isn't in the Ministry anymore — she's being pulled and twisted and the headache grows worse and worse.)

       Her dad, for as long as Holly can remember, was always like that. He would do anything in order to keep Holly happy. And sometimes she hears Draco's stories about his parents and she realises, even though they were raised by very different people, they've both been raised by people that loved their child fiercely, with every fibre of their being... She hopes her cousin has enough of those family values to not hate her, after all of this. She knows he's a bully and that his views have been distorted by his parents (who are great parents, they just have terrible beliefs) and she still hopes her cousin will speak to her after this.

      (She blinks again and she thinks she's back at school, but she isn't sure, because quickly her step-father disappears from sight and her eyelids are getting heavier and she thinks she hears Madam Pomfrey, walking her to one of the hospital wing beds.)

       She thinks about her dad again. She remembers the final task of the Triwizard Tournament last year, where she returned from the nightmare and her dad was there, like he was in the playground, ready to scoop her up and hug her and comfort her. She thinks it again — I want my dad — as she rests her head on the pillow in what she thinks is the hospital wing (Pomfrey's here, muttering something that Holly can't comprehend in her dazed state) and her eyelids grow heavier, heavier, until they close, the red lights from the Stunning spells still lighting up the insides of her eyelids...

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atticus malfoy did no wrong like hol,,,,,,,,, what kind of father lets you fight literal criminals like how the fuck does she think gus would allow that either what the fuck anyway (also gonna be honest i don't really like this chapter because it's a niiiiiightmare to write the department of mysteries without it dragging on bc there's about fifty million different conversations but yes anyway i hope you enjoyed and let me know what you thought!!!) :-)