KABANATA 09:

Eteri's first day of modeling

✿❯────「✿」────❮✿

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❝ Well, I suppose I still have a chance. I couldn't stop thinking about you, no matter what I did. You don't have to be so completely perfect either; you're like a priceless gem that only I know was shining into my eyes. Even though your patches don't define anything ugly, I can't contain my love for you when I look at you from a distance.❞ — from the fragments of photographs

༄彡፨֍༄彡፨༄彡፨֍

PAGKATAPOS NG confrontation namin ni Steele, I've never been bothered by him again. Aba, naging tanungan lang naman ako ng mga babaeng may crush sa kanya, kahit na 'di ko naman alam kung nasa'n na ba 'yon! Bakit ako hahanapin ng isang taong wala dito and what's the purpose? Isa pa, hindi ko na dapat pang iniintindi 'tong bagay na 'to lalo na't espesyal ang araw na 'to para sa'kin.

I informed my manager over the phone today that I would not be able to work today. Naintindihan naman nila 'yon at pinayagan nila akong gawin 'yon, and they chose to assign my shift to the other part-time employee. I haven't met him yet, but I'm grateful that he has given me ample opportunity to prepare for the company's recognition of my abilities! Therefore, I might as well have a nice expression if I'm going to do this.

I paired my white pump heels with a brown A-line dress that had a plus polka-dot flutter-sleeve knot in the front. After getting my beige baguette bag, I arranged my hair in curls. Then, as usual, I tried to apply my face mask after applying my basic makeup.

Agad ko naman na kinuha ang bag ko at dali-dali akong bumaba aI was then ready to welcome to myself to others at umubo-ubo pa ako para magpapansin.

Tapos inayos ko na ang buhok ko nang makita ko sila na nakanganga isa-isa. Ang OA ha! I flipped my hair and laughed, asking them, "How do I look?"

"Idol, oh!"

"Miss, pwedeng makahingi ng number?"

"Chixxxxx!"

"Babe!"

"Baby, baby you're my sun and moon."

Pinagsasabi ng mga 'to? 

I warned them while letting out a sigh and tapping my heels nonstop. "Seryoso kasi!" sigaw ko na lang sa kanila

Una namang napatingin sa'kin si Lovelyn, at binitawan ang text book niya sa Nursing Pharmacology, at saka siya lumapit sa'kin and simply smiling at me sincerely, saying, "You're pretty, Ate! Ganda mo yata ngayon!"

C'mon, I told them to call me Eteri. However, they have been casually referring to me as "ate" because they feel compelled to show me respect in some way. It was cute, though.

Binitawan din ni Halley 'yung mga paintbrush niya na punong-puno ng kulay sa kaka-design niya sa interior ng kitchen. Pinunasan pa niya ang mukha niya at namarkahan 'to ng pulang pintura. Umiling-iling na lang ako at natawa sa kanya. Ang dugyot, girl!

Nabitawan din ni Halley ang isang brush na puno ng pintura sa paggawa ng interior ng kitchen. Kahit na pinunasan na niya ang mukha niya, nabahiran pa rin 'to ng pulang pintura. Napailing na lang ako at tinawanan siya. Ang dugyot, girl!

She smiled joyfully, expressing how warm she is, like the sun. "Ako rin, patingin nga! H'wag niyo ini-indian si Halley-sama rito! BWAHAHAHA!" Kakanood niya ng anime 'yan! Then, Halley approached me and placed her hands on my shoulder. Her piercing gaze made me a little uneasy, and she smiled at me. "Magandang-maganda! Ganda mong babae! Basta ha, balitaan mo kami sa first day mo ro'n! 'Pag may umaway sa'yo, resbakan natin!"

"Halley Levana manahimik ka!" Sigaw ko sa kanya

"Pahiya ka na naman, bunganga mo naman kasi teh!" Umirap si Cana kay Levana at nag-apir sila ni Lovelyn. Pinagdiskitahan na naman!

Even though I have Vitiligo, it made me giggle a little dahil nagiging confident pa rin naman ako sa mga gusto kong isuot. Whatever it is that makes me look good, whether it's a dress or makeup. Alam kong kaya kong dalhin ang sarili ko. And I can wear my vitiligo with confidence, so my insecurities don't diminish who I am as a woman.

Thus, despite my Vitligo—gusto ko pa rin ipamukha sa iba na kayang-kaya kong maging confident. So I am extremely happy with myself. I want to give myself a pat on the back for a job well done. I appreciate you being here. Thank you for persevering. Besides that, I'm pretty on the inside, so I shouldn't let other people's opinions make me feel inferior.

Next I posted a picture to Twitter and opened my second account, which is the one I typically use to communicate with my subscribers.

I uploaded a photo along with a note,

@eterimnathalia (sunshine Grin🌼) "Today is a big day, so prepare to smile, my grins."

(wala po akong makita na ibang dress close to the description I provided so ito na lang po muna, hehe)

also credits to pinterest for the photo. 

Actually, it was a private account and ilan lang talaga ang nakakaalam sa account kong 'to.

It's not that I come across as very secretive or anything; rather, it's that people find it amusing even on social media sa tuwing pinagtatawanan pa rin ng mga tao ang hitsura koand it scared me so much that I was afraid to share my social media with others, especially after my aunt and classmates started bullying me. Ultimo kahit ano'ng post ko, kahit 'yung mga bagay na kinasasaya ko na lang, may pake pa rin sila.

'Di ko alam sa kanila, para bang ang laki ng nagawa kong kasalanan sa kanila andf besides that, I feel like I'm being stared at everywhere I go, which makes me uncomfortable.

One of my friends appeared in the notifications. Natuwa naman ako sa mga comments nila. 

@love_halleylevana (halley niyo pagod na mag-aral😜): ★BASTA POST NI IDOL ⓛⓘⓚⓔ KO YAN.!!★ SANA LAGi KANG ACTiVE AH... para my # LiKEkana my #COMMENT kapa.

@eteri_mnathalia(sunshine grin🌼) : Manahimik ka, Levana.

@love_lovelyn(loves nila lahat🥰): Kalat mo kasi haha @love_halleylevana manahimik ka kasi, oy!

Syempre 'pag nauna talaga si Levana sa kalokohan, of course sasabayan na 'yan ng iba! Parang mas excited pa nga sila kaysa sa'kin, eh!

I tried to give a wave before I left at kinawayan din nila ako isa-isa. In fact, the wind was stronger now. The grass was dancing with the wind, which was whooshing at seven in the morning. I could feel the breath of the wind as it blew through my skin, and it was a powerful wind. Amihan season rin kasi, kaya't expected na malamig.

Napahawak na lang ako sa buhok ko dahil sa sobrang lakas nito, halos liparin na ang buhok ko. Inayos ko na naman ang buhok ko and I fixed my hair by sliding my fingers through it. Napatingin ako sa kalangitan, at 'di naman mukhang mainit, at hindi rin naman mukhang uulan. It was somewhat hazy and had a lot of clouds.

I could also hear the powerful wind gusts from a distance, which sounded like blades and whooshed everything that passed over it. To me, every gust feels like an invitation that offers you the tranquility of air you would desire for yourself.

Napakurap na lang ako nang matagpuan ko si Steele sa labas ng pintuanand he looks at me with piercing, sharp eyes that seem colder than usual. "Titingin ka lang ba, or gusto mo pang ma-late? Hurry up. Tory needs you for the photoshoot. At 'di lang ikaw ang model na kukuhanan ko ro'n."

Ang sungit!

What's wrong with him?

'Di ko alam kung may pakialam ba talaga siya o kung anumang pakulo niya. Whatever it is, it isn't amusing.

With my lips pressed together, I glared at him while biting my lip, furrowing my brows, and holding onto my bag. Lalo lang ako naiinis sa pinagagawa niya. At kung bibwisitin pa talaga niya ako ngayong first day ko pa talaga! There were no words to express how much I wanted to lash out at him like two flames colliding.

Kung sa tingin niya nakikipaglaruan ako sa kanya, pwes hindi!

I smirked at him as I stepped forward with my arms crossed. "Hindi ako sasakay sa sasakyan mo. We already have a car here at si Halley na ang maghahatid sa'kin. Tara na!" sigaw ko, sabay hinablot si Halley at ngumuso na lang siya since she still hasn't consumed her bread.

"Dalhin mo na lang 'yan! Malalate na ako!" suway ko sa kanya.

Pansin ni Halley na kanina pa ako nagtataray, kaya 'di naman niya maiwasan na matawa na lang sa kinikilos ko habang hinatak-hatak ko siya papunta sa harap ng kotse niya.She folded her arms at ngumisi pa sa'kin, "Ang taray naman ng ferson." And as she spoke, she reached for her cap at saka niya isinuot 'yon.

Parehas na kaming pumunta sa kotse and Halley made the decision to take driver's seat. Hinawakan ni Halley ang manibela at saka niya pinaandar 'yung kotse and she tilted her head while glancing at the side mirror. Pinagdilitan ko siya ng mata bago pa makapagsalita. Mag-drive na lang siya, 'no!

The car moved slowly at umikot saglit si Halley para makalusot do'n sa butas and the engine was running quickly, giving the impression that nothing was wrong. Habang gumagalaw ang kotse, mapapansin mo ang ilang mga bahid pa ng baha sa'min and the trees' leaves are gradually falling at mukhang lanta na rin 'to. Ganito talaga lagi sa'min; madalas mabaha dito o masiraan ng mga puno.

She was driving the car steadily and at a high speed, and it appeared to be trouble-free. After an hour, when we arrived at EDSA, dahan-dahan nang gumapang ang mga kotse, at sinyales na mag-trapik dito. H'wag naman sana! First day ko pa naman ngayon.

Umubo si Halley habang nagmamaneho, "Ayos ka lang?"

"Indeed. Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" Tanong ko naman sa kanya. Masyado yata siyang nag-aalala sa'kin.

༄┤֍☽_____♚_____‡☽༆

FOCUS, ETERI! Focus! Isa pa, dapat mag-focus ako sa mga ginagawa ko sa pag-aaral ko. Magfocus ka din sa pag-aaral mo. Mula sa aking pananaw, mayroon pa akong mahabang traffic sa unahan ko, kaya kinuha ko na ang libro ko.

Importante rin kasi 'to sa field ng course na 'to. Because it investigates how society gathers, organizes, and disseminates information. I chose to read David Weinberger's Everything is Miscellaneous: The Power of the New Digital Disorder in order to gain more knowledge about this intriguing topic.

This book applies the fundamental ideas and methods of library science to digital information, but it does not concentrate on traditional library science. Weinberger concentrates on how websites catalog, store, and arrange information before attempting to apply these ideas to library science. Despite being written more for the general public than for a library science course, this book raises some fascinating issues regarding how the internet is changing information science.

"Hoy, hinay-hinay ah! Alam kong third year ka na, pero wala namang masama magpahinga. Hindi 'yung halos pagurin mo yata sarili mo sa lahat ng projects at thesis mo, jusmeo! Alam mo kung ano'ng sunod mangyayari—"

"Oo na! Oo na, manahimik ka na." Sabay tinakpan ko na lang sa bibig niya at inirapan ko siya. "Alam mong grade-conscious ako, at ito na last chance ko para makuha ko ang maging valedectorian, 'di' ba?"

She isn't totally incorrect, though.

Siguro 'di ko na napapansin but lately, I've been pushing myself too much. You know, there's nothing wrong with checking yourself. Consider whether you're doing too much and whether you're okay. Perhaps there are moments when you feel as though your mind is racing because you are unable to take even a brief respite. Learn to put yourself first because self-love is not selfish.

Yes, things could be more difficult. And you believe that the only option available to you is failure. You are not required to do that, though. It isn't necessary for you to allow those blue devils to rule your life. You simply need to become superior to them. Thus, don't give up. There's light at the end of the tunnel. You're not alone, either. Prioritize life over death. Remember that God is always there for you, so never give up or believe that you are alone.

Therefore, to everyone who has been experiencing mental health issues, please never forget that you're not alone. You're more important than your self-perception, and you deserve to be seen and heard. Remember to treat yourself with kindness and avoid overstressing yourself. 

Nang makarating kami ro'n sa building, nalula ako sa laki ng building ng kompanya. Siguro ito na 'yon—ang Glam Goddess Sasaki Make-up company. Napakurap na lang ako at inangat ko pa ang ulo ko. Parang konkretong gusali. At ito'y ginawa lamang mula sa matibay na kahoy.

Hold on! So this is the building where Steele and Ate Tory used to work?

'Di ako makapaniwala.

Anyway, it's here. It's either now or never. As a result, I took my time walking and couldn't help but stare at the employees. Inside the building, some distant voices can be heard. Grabe talaga! Parang palasyo na ata 'to eh! Tsaka na nga 'yan, Eteri. Andito ka para magtrabaho, okay? Work po. After pressing a button, I entered the elevator.

Nang dumating ako, narinig ko ang tili ni Ate Tory mula sa malayuan at sinalubong niya ako sa elevator para yakapin, "Eteri!" Sigaw niya then she gave me a tight hug and said, "I'm glad that you made it."

"Opo," Sagot ko na lang.

Ate Tory then turned to face me, grinning as if she were examining every inch of me. 'Di ako sanay na tinitignan ng tulad niyang magandang babae. Nakaramdam tuloy ako ng hiya hiya dahil sa ginagawa niya. Naging concious tuloy ako ng hindi oras.

Kinapa-kapa ko naman ang mukha ko and I gave her a pout. "Ate, pangit ba ako?" Today, I put on some makeup at sinadya ko pang bumili ng magandang dress sa mall na suot ko ngayon dahil alam kong first day ko pa naman. Kinakabahan tuloy ako.

"Oh, you dumb girl! You have no idea how much Steely has been observing and following you." Binungga niya ako and I simply laughed at her nervously. "Ganda mo kaya!"

Pinapasok na ako ni Ate Tory sa loob, pero sa sobrang hiya ko ay napayuko nalang ako. Strange, huh? There doesn't seem to be anyone in this building staring at me or making faces. Binabati nila ako tuwing nadadaan ko sila. Syempre ngumiti ako at binati ko rin sila pabalik, at gano'n din ang sukli nila sa'kin. Maya-maya, dinala rin ako ni Ate Tory sa Steele kung sa'n ang pwesto niya, at kanina pa siya sa abala sa pag-picture do'n.

As he took pictures of his models, he appeared very serious and was clicking the camera. Parang alam na alam na niya ang mga gagawin niya. I always knew how much he enjoyed taking pictures back then, so I turned my head away from him while still wearing a pained expression. I also ran my fingers through my face because I was so uncomfortable with him; it felt heavier than I had anticipated and like a string that I was trying to break free from because I was feeling so heavy at the moment.

Ngayon na mas makakasama ko na siya sa trabaho, pa'no ko mapapanindigan na iiwasan ko na siya?

Mali nga ba talaga ang pagkakakilala ko sa kanya? Masyado ba akong naging harsh sa kanya no'n since I got ghosted? Oh no, Eteri. Trabaho lang 'to. Avoid getting hurt again by allowing yourself to be influenced by that man. Ikaw ang may gawa ng sariling kagagahan mo!

He was referring to me as Ry only a day ago!

Ano 'to? Bigla na lang siya nagpapaka-professional dito? Napakunot ako ng noo sa kanya at 'di ako makapaniwala sa kanya. I felt as though the heat was building up between us and was just waiting for me to lash out at him, so I just closed my fist and stomped angrily on the floor. Napairap na lang ako sa kanya at 'di ko maiwasang mainis.

"What are you trying to say? May iba pa bang Magallanes dito? Mukhang 'di ka interesado. Okay, then. Then, I can search for other models as well." Ngumisi naman niya sa'kin.

It seems as though the calm I've managed to achieve has begun to erupt, with no escape route. Alam mo, siya lang talaga may kakayahang bwisitin ako ng ganito! Only him! Ano ba kasi ang kinaiinis ng lalaking 'to?Is this because of what happened at the mall back then? Mas lalo akong nainis and gradually, the anger that was building inside of me caused my cheeks to turn red.

As I approached him, I stomped my heels forcefully, became agitated, and crossed my arms. "Hindi kasi ganun!"

"What are you referring to?" Tanong na lang ni Steele and he gave me a raised eyebrow. Wow ha, maang-maangan pa talaga! Pasalamat siya at kapatid siya ni Ate Tory, kasi kung hindi, baka sinuntok ko na siya!

Pilosopo!

I stepped in front of him at huminga na lang ako ng malalim and I drew nearer to him, but this man was completely emotionless. Or perhaps more accurately pinagtritripan na lang talaga niya ako! I put my hands to my chest and gave him a glance.

"Pwede mo naman kasing sabihin 'yung morena, 'yung babaeng may kanela at halos tsokolate ang kulay ng buhok, na may blonde and floral violet highlights at may mahaba at kulot na buhok." Diretso ko na lang sinabi at napairap ako.

I also continue to scold at him. "May magagandang mata, matangkad, 'yung nasa College of Education, na future librarian, In other words, a lady such as Eteri Rylnn Magallanes!"

Napakurap na lang ako.

Wait. How could I have said that?

Parang wala na akong mukha pang ihaharap pa sa kanya! Dahan-dahan akong napalunok at napaatras hanggang sa madikit na ang likod ko sa dingding, at 'di na ako makatingin sa mga mata niya. Kahit saan-saan ako tumingin h'wag ko lang siya tignan and I felt like I had no chance of getting away at this point because my cheeks were burning and I was avoiding looking at him at all.