I stared at my computer screen, nibbling at my fingernails.

A huge dysphoria trigger for me was when people called me male and boy or man or whatever.

Of course.

Masculine pronouns as well.

He/him just wasn't me. It felt weird and unwieldy, edgy. Not like me at all.

If I'm making any sense.

So right now, I was searching for new pronouns.

There were tons of neopronouns. Short, seemingly random letter combinations.

I even found a few ones I liked, which felt like me and how I saw myself.

But it was a little too complicated, I thought.

Maybe later.

Once I am out and everyone is used to it.

Now, I wanted to go with the simplest version.

They/them felt good and most people knew them already as pronouns.

I smiled to myself.

It was so exciting and awesome to build my own character the way I wanted it, the way I was.

I knew I wanted to keep my name.

Felix was a boy's name, yes, but I felt like it had strong nonbinary energy.

Which fitted me a lot.

Also, the name meant 'happy' in some language. I think it was Latin?

Which fitted me a lot, too.

I also thought about my voice.

I would have expected to be dysphoric about it, too, seeing how it goes really deep and masculine.

But I'm not.

For one, my voice range was rather wide, so I could go really high as well.

And on the other hand, given my job as an idol, my voice was a crucial feature of me. It made me me.

It was such a huge part of my identity by now that I couldn't imagine wanting to change it.

I also fell in love with the nonbinary flag.

It was almost as beautiful as the bisexual flag (not quite tho).

I wanted to turn the colours into a make up look once I came out.

If I came out, that is.

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