'Hey Felix' Hyunjin said happily and showed me his phone. 'We're both in the list of most googled idols!'

I smiled up at him and then took a closer look at his phone screen.

We were indeed.

On the list of most googled idols - category male.

male.

male.

The word echoed in my brain.

My smile dropped, I don't know why.

I felt like I didn't know anything anymore.

I had an uneasy feeling.

Seeing a picture of my face beneath the headline category male felt weird.

I didn't know why.

I wanted to cry.

And hide.

And never come out again until I had all these weird feelings figured out.

I am male, after all.

Nothing's gonna change about that.

That's how it is.

Is it?

.

.

.