It took them almost a full year to finally give my coming out the greenlight.

Still a bunch of cowards, I guess.

But I'm not complaining.

•°

'You got this, ok? We're here.' Chan gave me a hug.

I was gonna film a coming out video.

The whole room was crowded with staff people and my members, too.

They wouldn't appear in the video, but wanted to stand behind the camera, supporting me.

I originally wanted to do this in a live but the management didn't want to risk that. A video had the advantage that we could do multiple takes.

Though, I already decided for myself that I'd do this once and once only.

I knew exactly what I wanted to say. But, well.

I was freaking out.

Just a little bit.

I was really really really thankful that everyone was here for me.

They all hugged me several times, reassuring me.

Seungmin was the only one who knew what I was going to say.

I had practiced my monologue with him. And he had helped me a lot with the wording and how to convey the message I aimed at clearly.

He hugged me a second longer than usual to whisper in my ear: 'You are going to be amazing. You fought hard for this. You deserve this. Go be free.'

'Stop, if you make me cry again, the make-up artists will murder you.'

I actually felt like crying.

Or throwing up.

Or both.

Simultaneously.

You get the idea.

I closed my eyes.

My head was empty, every thoroughly practiced word vanishing from my mind.

Great.

'Are you ready?' our personal manager asked. 'You look a little pale.'

'I'm alright. I'm gonna do this. I'm not gonna bail.'

I didn't know if I tried to convince him or myself.

He gave me an unsure glance but then patted my shoulder sympathetically.

'Get the cameras ready' he said to the staff.

One of them guided me to the place they wanted me to stand.

I wish I could sit down on a chair or something but that was seen as 'unserious'. Didn't help my nervousness at all.

They adjusted the cameras, fixed my freshly dyed hair one more time, then everything was ready.

'Okay, just pretend you're on a live. That'll make it easier. Maybe. Cameras are on, begin whenever you like.'

I took a deep breath, looked one last time at Chan, Seungmin and the others, who were warmly smiling at me, before finally turning all my attention to the camera.

Another breath.

I shortly nodded to myself, then started.

'Hello, I am Lee Felix from Stray Kids. And this is an official announcement.'

I smiled a little.

'Before we get to the serious part though, I wanted to express my huge gratitude for all of your support. Thanks to you, Stray Kids achieved so many things and we are able to keep doing what we love. Moreover, I'm the happiest I've been for years. That is all thanks to you. We love you, Stay. I love you.'

I made a short break to let the words sink in. The staff gave me thumbs up at what I was saying and how I was doing this so far. The members applauded in small, careful not to make sounds.

'Now, I want to take a further step. I want to truly become myself and share all of my happiness with you.'

I let out a small chuckle and added:

'Before you ask, no I don't have a partner. I'm still single, don't worry.'

'Can I be your boyfriend?' Jisung mouthed to me, earning a slap from Minho.

I had to laugh at them.

After short contemplation, I turned back to the camera and explained:

'I'm sorry, I can barely concentrate right now, because all of the members are behind the camera. They're making funny faces at me.' I laughed again. 'They know I'm nervous.'

'Stop stalling!' Jisung called.

They all started to giggle while Changbin forcefully pressed his hand over Jisung's mouth.

The staff wordlessly asked me if I wanted to continue the video despite the (audible) interruption. I signaled that I'd keep going anyways.

I smiled at the camera.

'Han Jisung, dear listeners. Excuse him.'

'He's right, though. Stop torturing them and get to the point!'

That came from the most unexpected corner: Seungmin. He nodded encouragingly to me.

I gave him a small nod back and braced myself.

'The point, yes. I'm gonna get it over with.'

The room got quiet again. I suddenly remembered what I planned to say.

'To be honest, I haven't been so well about a year and a half ago. Which is why I'm now all the more happy, of course. But back then I was feeling really weird.

I would feel extremely uncomfortable all of a sudden - with myself, the attention and just everything around me. If you rewatch some of the concerts from that time you might even notice it.

The problem was, I- I couldn't understand it, couldn't explain what I was feeling and why and how to get out of it. That really, really pulled me down. Almost to the point where I silently debated wether the live of an idol was still the right thing for me.

Don't worry, now I'm quite sure it is.'

I smiled and threw a meaningful glance behind the camera. After all, that was their credit, mostly.

'Well. After a while of this I started watching myself more thoroughly and doing some research.

I think subconsciously, I already had an idea what was up for quite a while.Yet, you know, it is a long way from knowing something somewhere in the back of your mind and actually being true to yourself and accepting it.

And today, here, now, I'm ready to take the final step of this journey of self-discovery together with all of you.

Now, I'm finally proud to share with you: I, Lee Felix, identify as nonbinary.'

Short silence spread out. Then, Minho let out a silent whoop at that statement, the others started to cheer as well.

I gave them another smile and continued.

'What does nonbinary mean? Well it's a term for people who don't fit into the binary of men and women. Not everyone is just male or female, there are way more gender identities between and beyond.

I personally feel like I'm something in between male and female, maybe combined with a bit of something else entirely.'

I chuckled. I really liked this explanation.

'That is why I'll change my pronouns from the male ones to they/them which is gender neutral and thus feels way more like me. I'd love if you'd respect that when talking about me. Thank you. I'll keep my name for now, though.

I want to be able to be myself, my true self. You always gave us nothing else but your truth, and I owe you that. You were always honest and open with us, and now it's my turn.

I'm afraid, yes. But today, I don't care. I want to be myself, I want to learn a whole new level of happiness, I want to thrive. Together with all of you. And together with all my members.

They were there for me the whole time, holding me up.

I wouldn't be standing here right now if it wasn't for them.

I'm so thankful for them, my family.'

Suddenly, they stood next to me, in front of the camera. Before I could react, I was engulfed in a group hug, squished between all of them.

Just then I noticed that my face was wet from tears. I buried it inside a convenient shoulder. Maybe Chan's, but I wasn't sure.

'We're so proud of you', they whispered.

'Our little Felix all grown up', Seungmin said, smiling warmly.

For minutes we were silent, still hugging. I took my time to stop my sobs and just enjoy their closeness.

Then finally, I looked up and back to the camera.

'And do you know what?' I said to our listeners, 'You're a part of this wonderful family, too. Come and let us thrive. Together.'

I nodded and the stuff turned off the cameras.

'That was good' our manager said. I could swear he also had a few tears glinting in his eyes.

'You wanna do another round?' he asked me. 'Without them being a noisy mess in the background?'

'No, it's perfect this way. It's who we are.'

•°

(comments)

Yassss

I'M SO PROUD OF YOU FELIX

Slay!

OH MY FUCKING GOD at the beginning I thought Felix would announce that they leaves skz or something I started crying omg I'm so happy now tho

I don't understand can someone explain

Woah that's so brave

Can you say hi to a fellow queer?

Wait does that mean he leaves skz-

WHAT IS HAPPENING

Sending all my love <<<3

You're so cute

Wow now he thinks he's a girl someone help him please

This is such a huge step! We're here for you, Felix!

He looks so happy omg

I think it's a little stupid but everything for my baby <3

Look at them they're gorgeous

FELIX'S SMILE

like the bisexual thing was alright but this is just too much what do you want

omg enby

That's so hot

FELIX MARRY ME PLZ

How can you be bisexual and nonbinary at the same time how does that work huh

what does that mean whatttt

Can't wait to see them in skirts more often omg

Have you guys heard his voice??? with that voice you're a MAN

so happy for all of them

stray kids writing history

Can we now say "wow she's hot" to you

write all the hate comments you want - because, guess what they'll just turn them into a song - and it's gonna be a banger

Felix being out there getting queerer every second AND I'M HERE FOR IT

You're so beautiful

FELIX LEAVE SKZ

Can you dye your hair dark again?

Is that the end of stray kids? I say yes

absolute legend

he'll go down in history books for this

Stray Kids I miss the old times

Jeogiyo noona hokshi namja chingu isseyo?

haters just piss off no one wants you here

I'm so proud

I'm nonbinary too omg hey Felix welcome to our community

Felix first f****t and now a girl haha

STOP BIAS WRECKING ME

@ /haters we'll shut you down

we stan an absolute king/queen/highness/majesty omg

loveeee <3

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