The next day it was raining, and with this change of weather, my mood changed as well. After a good night's sleep, I was much calmer. He called me, as he had promised. That was a good sign, right? But there were still so many questions floating through my brain. Why would someone like him even look at someone like me? He probably had a lot of other girls drooling over him, why would he go after me? And why didn't he tell me right away where we would go? It was as if he tried to be a mystery on purpose.

The black dress, high heels, and Dan's hoody lie on the floor, like forgotten souvenirs from a different world. I pick up the hoody, the smell of his aftershave is like a faint memory, but it's still there. I put it on, as the rain made it chilly. When I walk to Meg's room, to return the dress and her shoes, I find her door locked. When she doesn't open it after I knocked several times, I remember she told me she went out with a guy and she probably wouldn't come home. I'm happy for her. Why can't I get a normal boyfriend just this one time?

It took some time to get over Joey's stab in the back, and I still have problems with trusting people, but I had some dates and even boyfriends after him. The last date I had was like two months ago. He was in one of my classes, he was smart and charming, but everything went downhill when he found out I'm a gamer. He made fun of me in front of his friends, calling me childish and immature. Too bad I had a sticky drink in my hand that ended up in his face. That'll show him childish and immature. I don't want to be with someone who can't accept who I am and gaming is just this part of me. Megan thought I lost my mind when I told her I broke up with him, but she's not the one to call me out on that. She changes boyfriends so quickly I barely have time to learn their names. Megan says she's just kissing a lot of frogs to find her prince charming one day.

I go back to my room. It's small but cozy. It has barely space for my bed and my enormous flatscreen. A comfy chair is placed in front of the screen, making it crammed even more. On my walls are pictures, of me and Meg, dressed in weird costumes, my parents, my brother Greg and my old gaming clan. I look so young in those pictures, although people always told me I looked old for my age, whatever that may be. Just looking at this one picture of my clan brings back so many memories.

They took it at some championship, I can't remember where exactly. We were the best players in the world and we formed a clan called Team Obliterate. We traveled to tournaments, to fight against other clans, and we were pretty much unbeatable. That's where I met Joey. I think we were both sixteen at the time and I thought he was the most amazing person I've ever met. He's standing next to me in this picture, we're actually holding hands, but we're hiding it for the camera. I thought he was smart, cute, and hot, with his curly brown hair and almond-shaped hazel eyes. When he laughed he had this dimple in his right cheek. He was my first boyfriend, the first I had sex with.

I blamed myself for what he did to me, although I never knew he was filming us... me. He set it all up in his room, he hid the camera well. He must have edited the material because I was the only one who was recognizable in that horrible tape. When I found out about it, it was too late and I couldn't believe what he had done to me. Megan was the only person I told what really happened and she swore she would tell no one, ever.

His betrayal hurt me badly and I left Team Obliterate without any explanation. I just simply stated that I grew out of the game and that I retired. Most of my clan mates were baffled I just quit like that and they tried everything to keep me aboard, but of course, there were also people who thought I used the fact that I was a girl to claim my spot on the team. They were glad I was gone and their comments were harsh. Some people thought there was something fishy about Joey getting this job and me quitting out of the blue. They had their theories, but I never enlightened them. Why would I? It's not something you just mention during a casual conversation. "You know what my ex-boyfriend did? He got this vid of me and blackmailed me with it. Nasty, right?". After I left the group fell apart quickly. People found other clans or moved on from the game. At first, it made me sad, now it's just another memory.

One guy, who I know online as BigAl42, thought it was all fishy and he suspected Joey had pulled a trick on me. He even left the clan as well, because as he stated "The hypocrites made him sick". We still have contact and eventually, he pulled me into a more casual clan. He's a forty-something dude and although that should set off every internet predator alarm possible, we've become good friends. I know he has a blog about gaming and random stuff, which is pretty popular. He is married and his kids are just a few years younger than I am. He's still pushing me to go back, just this one time to kick the crap out of Joey on a tournament, but I always decline in a friendly way. Al just keeps prodding as if he just knows that there's something more than meets the eye and I just keep denying everything. It's almost like that's our personal game. I guess some people you meet on the internet are just like that... they're humans, who could possibly become your best friend or break your heart and ruin your trust in people forever.

Did I ever think of revenge? I think I wouldn't be human if the answer was no. Of course, I thought about revenge. Sometimes it was bloody, sometimes bittersweet. But I knew as long as he has that video, all my actions will probably backfire on me. I actually thought of hacking him with some other people, but then I had to tell them what happened. I didn't want anyone to find out about what happened. So I just focused on constructive things, like my study and friends.

I blame Meg for my wandering mind. Why did she have to bring up Joey last night? Every time when I think I can live with it, that I gave it a place, something happens that proves I'm still a mess. Just like my room, I notice when I look around. My study books are spread all over the floor and my bed. I pick up my Grey's Anatomy and leave through it. I love the pictures and I can stare at them for hours. They just intrigue me, like X-rays of my own body intrigue me as well. To look at something that's in your own body, it's fascinating.

Meg thinks my study is just another obsession, to replace the one I had with gaming, but I don't agree with her. I can see myself actually doing this for the rest of my life. Curing diseases, battling inflammations, fighting illness. I almost make it sound like another game/battlefield, but this time it takes place in real life. This time I actually have an influence on other people's lives. It's almost like I can make things right again, although I know better than that.

When my mind is finally free of all my haunting memories I study until I'm almost drowned in medical terms and my mind can't comprehend anything anymore. My phone tells me it's two in the afternoon and I need some food. Our kitchen is next to the shared living room. Meg uses it the most, as I'm a terrible cook. Meg told me once I could even ruin boiling water. She's exaggerating, I never let a pan of boiling water cook dry. I prepare some toast, as Meg walks into our apartment.

"Do I have to get the fire extinguisher?" She sits down on one of the chairs, dropping her bag next to her. She looks tired, her hair is pulled into a messy bun. Some of her curls peak out, but there is something energetic about her.

"Haha," I say. "I'm not such a bad cook, I can handle a toaster."

She gives me a crooked smile. "You never know, Eli." She yawns loudly.

"Did you have a nice evening?" I keep my eyes on the toaster,  to prove I can handle this.

"The evening was boring, it was the night that made it interesting." A smug smile appears on her face.

"What's his name? Does this mean he's a keeper?" A little bell indicates my toast is ready. "See? Told you I could handle this."

Meg closes her eyes. "I'm so proud of you. Eli. I will call the fire department everything is fine now. " She yawns again. "His name is Nick, I met him at Dan's party. I don't know yet if he's a keeper. He keeps me entertained for now and he sure knows how to use his tongue." She points at her neck. There are some faint spots that might be hickeys "He started here." Her hands glide over to her chest. "Then he did something interesting here." Her eyes stare intensely at me when she says: "But you wouldn't believe how he made me feel when he licked my-"

"Okay Meg, I think that's just more information than I can handle." I know her stories and I'm not really in the mood for some detailed oral history. I don't want the image of a Megan in some sexual pose disrupting my mind.

"Poor shy Eli. You could have so much fun if you weren't such a prude." I don't like her sarcastic tone. I know I'm shy, but I wouldn't call myself prude exactly.

"The fact that I don't delve my claws in every guy that's interested in me, doesn't make me a prude, Meg." I know she doesn't really mean this, she's just tired, but that doesn't mean I can't defend myself.

"Mee-ow!" Meg makes some clawing gestures. "Well, at least I had a good time last night. So how's your studying coming along? Should I reserve a table at that fancy new restaurant to celebrate?" She stretches her arms above her head.

I feel like I'm a terrible friend. If Dan hadn't asked me out, we would have gone out and had a good time. Some of our other friends would have probably joined in on the fun. "Dan actually called me last night. He asked me out on a date this Wednesday."

Meg smiles. "O Elise, that's awesome. We'll go out some other day, just don't forget about your old friend, will you?" She lets down her hair and ruffles it. "Where's he taking you? Some fancy and expensive place? I'll help you pick out some clothes, as your fashion sense today is total crap."

I want to protest, but then I remember I'm still wearing Dan's oversized hoody. "You're completely right. I'm a walking disaster without you."

"Duh," Meg gives me one of her dazzling smiles. "I knew it. So where are you two going?"

"Actually I don't know yet. He said he would give me more information soon, but I haven't heard anything yet." I try to be as casual as possible about it, trying to hide my excitement.

Meg sighs. "Guys, what are they even thinking? That we look this nice without some preparation? Let me know as soon as you know more." She stands up and walks to her room. "I'm knackered and I need my beauty sleep. Dinner together?"

Before I can answer her, she closes her door. I get my toast and walk back to my own room. As soon as I enter my room, I see Megan's dress and shoes. I don't think she misses them yet, but I might forget to return them otherwise.

When I'm in the kitchen I see Megan's door is slightly ajar. I hear her voice, it sounds like she's on the phone with someone. Just before I knock to let her know I'm there, something holds me back. I hear Meg laugh. "She can't keep a casual conversation going, she's so socially awkward." I hold my breath. Who's she talking about?

A high-pitched giggle leaves Megan's mouth. "Yeah, I know! And the funniest thing is that she's thinking that she goes on a date with him this Wednesday! Isn't that hilarious? She must be completely out of her mind."

It feels like someone hit me in the face. Hard. For a few seconds, I just stand there, clueless about what I'm going to do. I walk back to my room, leaving her stuff on the kitchen table.

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AN: Thanks for reading! If you liked the chapter, please vote for it by pressing the little star :)