The tournament has already started when I walk into the arena. I missed the big opening ceremony on purpose. But when I heard the others talk about the opening ceremony, I almost regretted my decision. They said it was spectacular, with a CGI show that would make many Hollywood directors jealous, a rock band performing a couple of songs and, of course, the mandatory fireworks.

It's been six years since I went to a tournament, but I've spotted some familiar faces from that time. A lot of my former friends moved on with their lives. They finished their education, got regular jobs, doing grown-up things, but there are still some of them left. Some of them are involved with the organization of the tournament, some of them are participants. It will be hard to steer clear of them.

I look around in the big hall. The first qualification rounds have begun. I see rows and rows of gamers focused on their screens. The majority are still guys, but there are definitely more girls than when I first entered a tournament.

A shiver runs down my spine when I think of it now. It always felt like all eyes were on me, judging me, checking me out. I remember the whispers behind my back, the crude comments thrown into my face. They never said anything when Greg was there, they wouldn't dare, but when I was walking alone through the hallway they would say things, they wouldn't repeat if their mothers could hear them.

With a quick shake of my head, I try to get rid of those memories. A lot has changed since then. Not only more girls are participating in tournaments, but the game designers also added more female characters to the game. And not all of them wear chainmail bikinis, some of them even wear proper armor.

Several well-known YouTube commentators report and stream the most anticipated games on their channels. In my opinion, the first few games aren't that interesting, but I've been told some channels already have hundreds of thousands of views.

That's another thing that changed over the last years. When I quit a couple of years ago, there were a couple of channels dedicated to the game, but they had mostly strategy videos on them. Sometimes there were videos of tournaments, but they only contained highlights, not complete games. I'm not sure if I like this change. For my ultimate goal, I need to stay under the radar, attract as little attention as possible and that will be hard if cameras are on me the whole time. I try to pull my hood a bit further over my eyes.

The tournament has just started, and the room is buzzing with excitement. The games in the first round have a maximum length of thirty minutes, less if someone gains control over the battlefield within that time. There are several competitions, one for groups, one for individual players. I'm participating in the competition for individual players.

It wouldn't be fair if I tried to wriggle my way into the group my clan members already formed. They have been practicing for months. They know each other's playstyles inside out. When they work together, they're a well-oiled machine, crushing their opponents like they're insignificant bugs and it's a joy to watch them play together. I don't know if they will make it to the finals, but I know they will get through the qualification round.

Accompanied by the clicking of hundreds of mouses and keyboards, the soft and agitated murmur of players, I walk through the hallway, to the place where I will play the next game. Right now it's occupied by the big guy, who easily controls the game and he quickly finishes off his opponent.

I wait for him to leave the desk and I notice I'm chewing on my lower lip again. Relax, I say to myself, but it's no use. The whole situation is overwhelming, the bright lights shining in the arena, the heated comments of the commentators.

I start to pace back and forth and I stare at the thick red carpet that's covering the floor until I bounce against something soft.

A person.

A person I know. It's Cheng. He was my opponent several times and a decent guy. We talked several times with each other, about the game, about gear, about strategies.

"Sorry," I mutter under my breath.

"It's okay," he says. A smile appears on his face as if he recognizes me. I want to turn around, run away from this whole circus. Why did I even think this was a good idea?

"Do I know you?" he says. He tilts his head.

"I don't think so." The words are barely audible. My throat is dry and I avert my eyes. The guy who was sitting on my spot and who just won the game is gone and my desk is free.

"You definitely look like someone I know." He taps his fingers, while he looks inquisitively at me. "Do you have an older sister?"

I shake my head, raise my hands "Nope, sorry."

"I must be mistaken then." He smiles at me, but his eyes tell a different story. A story of a mind trying to work out who I am, because he's sure he has seen me before. "Good luck!"

I return the smile, trying to make it look as genuine as possible. "Thanks. You too."

And with those words I walk to my spot, unpack and install my gear. I close my eyes, trying to focus on the upcoming game, but the encounter with Cheng has left me unnerved. My blonde wig is so tight, it feels as if it is going to crush my skull. I already have a bad headache and this is only the beginning of the tournament.

Luckily I don't have too much time to fuss about trivial things like wigs and my first game starts soon.

When I agreed to play in this tournament, I thought the qualification rounds would be easy peasy, a breeze, two fingers in the nose, nothing to worry about.

I was wrong.

My first opponent gives me a hard time and right at the start of the game, I lose important strategical fights. Ten minutes into the game and my situation looks dire. My eyes burn and I curse the blue contacts I'm wearing.

The longer the game takes, the more frustrated I get. My opponent has driven me to my last bulwark. If I lose this, he has won and it will be harder to get to the next round. It is as if that knowledge lightens a new fire in my determination to turn this game into my favor.

The character I play is best described as a thief, using shadows, sneaking around, trying to ambush my opponent, but all my attempts to gain the overhand have failed so far. What I need is a change of strategy.

So I do what no real thief would ever do; face him out in the open.

And that does the trick.

It doesn't click with him that it's really my character out in the field and he uses his special moves on the shadows of the trees, expecting that it's not a real character waiting there for him, but a mirage. Boy, he's wrong.

I know his special moves have a cooldown of thirty seconds and as soon as I'm sure he has used them all, I start to burn him down.

Adrenaline starts to rush through my veins when I win the first encounter. I'm back in the game and there's still a chance I can win this game. Slowly I start to retake the battleground, inch by inch, pixel by pixel. I feel more and more victorious, but when the end signal sounds, it's not good enough. I came back good, but I lost too much ground at the start. I congratulate my opponent, while I grit my teeth.

This was the only game I had to play today and I drag myself back to the hotel, where I can get rid of my wig and my contacts. I can't remember the last time I lost a game. I don't want to see anyone, I certainly don't want to talk to anyone.

Actually, that's not true. There's one person I do want to talk to and I grab my phone.

I stare for a couple of seconds at the screen of my telephone. I stare at his picture and his name. Dan.

A smile curves my lips, when I think of all the things that changed since I met him. I miss him. It feels like I miss a limb like something's not right since he went away.

I want to hear his voice. No, I need to hear his voice. He will make me feel good again, he will make things right. He will say all the right words and make me see things in perspective again.

"Call this number?" read the words on my screen and I push "yes".

As a sigh of relief leaves my mouth when I don't hear a lady announcing he's unavailable and leave a message after the beep, but a familiar tone.

His phone must be ringing right now.

"Pick up the phone," I whisper several times.

"Hello?" The sound of his voice makes my heart explode.

"Dan," I say. I don't know what to say anymore and I'm quiet. I realize that until now I never expected him to pick up the phone, not after he told me last time we couldn't call each other anymore.

"Elise?" It sounds as if he didn't expect to hear my voice.

I want to tell him so much, I just don't know where to begin, so I start with the obvious. "I miss you."

The words make me cringe. Do I sound too needy? I don't want to sound too needy.

I hear him slightly chuckle and I can almost feel his smile through my phone. "I miss you too."

Again we're both silent. Is this what being away from each other does to us? Making us both awkward and weird?

"I just wanted to hear your voice." I wish he was here. 

"How's the tournament going?" There's something strange about his voice, but I can't put my finger on it.

"I lost the first game," I say. I try to laugh my worries away. "Nothing to worry about got two more tomorrow and now I only have to win those. And how's the filming going?"

"Good. We're right on schedule." His voice sounds distracted and I think I hear someone in the background.

Then he continues. "But you really have to stop calling me. You make me... You make me too happy and the director wants me sad and depressed."

I hear a muffled laugh of someone on the other end of the line and a demanding voice telling Dan to hand over his phone. That doesn't sound sad and depressed.

"Let me finish this first, Jules," I hear Dan say.

"Sorry Elise, I got to go." His voice is lacerated with annoyance. "The director is confiscating my phone. I'll call you as soon as I get it back. Good luck with the tournament, I know you can win. Love you."

"Love you too," I say, but I'm not sure if he hears it, because he already hung up on me.

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AN: Thanks for reading! If you liked the chapter, please vote for it by pressing the little star :)

Okay, the game wasn't going as Elise expected and that phone call might have made things worse. Is Dan just working really hard and is Jules a demanding director or is something else going on?

Dedication is for ShatteredKiss. Check her story 'You'll never have me'. Thanks for all the support and for following this story!