We're kissing again, and we're standing in my typical sloppy student's kitchen. Dan's kisses are more insistent and rougher. We move around the kitchen until my butt hits the edge of the big oaken table. He shoves the chairs aside and in one quick motion, he lifts me up and places me on its surface. I kick off my shoes and I wrap my legs around his waist when he pulls me closer. His strong hands glide down my spine and I involuntarily shiver. A soft sigh leaves my mouth.

He chuckles and takes his shirt out of his pants. He takes my hand and leads it under his shirt. His bare skin feels as good as I imagined, warm and smooth. As my hands investigate his abs, I feel him shake. I give him a crooked smile as I suspect my hands probably tickle him. He bites on his lower lip. He looks so hot right now and my hands glide to his back when I kiss him again. 

His hands slip under the edge of my dress, close to my small breasts.  I'm not wearing a bra, I don't really need one and it would have ruined the low back of my dress. My nipples stiffen by the close proximity of his hands. When I gasp for breath, he catches my lower lip with his tweets and he sucks on it. As soon as he releases, I explore his face with my hands and mouth, giving him butterfly kisses, using my tongue whenever I feel like it. 

He slowly shoves the dress from my shoulders. It slides slightly down, barely covering my boobs. I'm not ready to show everything of myself and I try to keep my dress from falling down.His right-hand grabs my hair, as he ferociously kisses my neck, using his teeth and tongue, sucking on my shoulder, while his left hand is under my dress, slowly gliding up my leg to my thigh. I know he wants me, the bulge in his pants is quite obvious.

This is going way further than I normally go on a first date and I hesitate. Is this really what I want now? And as if it's her cue, Megan calls out for me. I completely forgot about her and my promise to bring her some clean clothes.

"Eli?" Her voice sounds panicky.

"I'm coming!" I yell. "Just give me a few seconds."

"Are you okay?" Dan asks. 

"I'm... I'm okay." I say, but I'm not convincing enough.

"I should be going." He says as he puts his shirt back into his pants.

"Wait. No!" I don't want him to go, but I don't want to go all the way either. And we both know where this is going if he stays. I try to make myself decent again, pulling my dress back up, covering my shoulders.

He presses his lips softly against my forehead. "I don't want to do anything we both will regret later."

This is so confusing. I almost want to tell him he can't leave me here as heated up as I am, but I know he's right.

"You better take care of your friend. I don't think she wants my prying eyes right now." He says and he kisses me one last time.

"But I want your prying eyes," I say and pout. What's wrong with me? I never pout. I think it's something for whiny, spoiled girls, and certainly not something I would do.

He smiles. "I call you tomorrow, okay?"

It's not okay. I want him to stay, but Megan's calls are louder and louder, so I just nod. I try not to look too desperate, but I probably fail. He cups my head and just when I think he's going to kiss me one last time, Megan shouts again.

"It's better that I go now." He says softly and he walks off, leaving me in my house of horrors. I hear his footsteps go down the stairs and I run after him.

"Dan!" I say and I grab his arm.

When he turns around I press my lips against his and for a few seconds, we just stand there awkwardly kissing. I see his eyes flutter as if he's observing our surroundings. Then he tears himself away from me.

"Go back, Elise. I call you tomorrow." He walks off and never looks back at me. I know this because I keep staring at him until I can't see his car anymore.

When I go back into the house, Megan is completely freaking out.

"Where were you?" She's shaking violently. "I thought you were coming back with clothes."

I try to calm her. "I'm sorry Meg, but I had to say goodbye to Dan."

Megan looks a bit better after she took a shower, but her eyes are big, red, and confused.

"I'm so sorry, I totally forgot about your date." She says. She's repeating herself, I think grudgingly, but can I really blame my confused, drunk friend?

"I hope I didn't scare him away." She says. Her speech is slurred.

I think of the mess at the apartment and the bathroom where we found her. If freaked out girls scare him, he probably never would have entered the house. "No, I don't think so."

"Good." She says. She doesn't ask anything about my date and I don't feel like telling her anything about it. I still feel his lips on mine and I wonder if there's hickey in my neck, but that's something I have to check later.

Megan picks up one of the chairs and sits down. I can never look the same way again at that table after tonight.

"Can you make me some tea, Eli?" Megan sounds drowsy as if her mind's not really here. "I don't think I can sleep anyway."

"Sure, any preferences?" I use our old kettle, while I wait for her answer. But when I turn around, I catch her staring in the distance.

"Earth to Meg!" I wave my hands in front of her and finally, her eyes seem more focused again.

"Do you ever think of him?" Meg says. Her question surprises me.

"Hmmm?" I feign I didn't hear what she said, but I need a second to compose myself.

"Greg, your brother. Do you ever think of him?" It looks as if she became older in the last couple of seconds, the lines in her face are hard, her eyes are piercing.

"Of course!" I say. "I wonder what he would do nowadays. He probably would have his degree in computer science by now and work for a company like Apple or Microsoft. Or maybe he would have established his own company..." I keep babbling about superficial stuff because I don't want to upset Megan.

"I still think I see him." Her voice is soft. "I know my mind is playing tricks on me. But still, I think I see him standing in the shadows now and then, keeping an eye on me. Sometimes it's someone else, who exactly smiles or moves like him, sometimes it's just a shadow."

The water finally boils and I make us some jasmine tea, while Meg keeps talking.

"It's so unfair. Sometimes it feels like we broke up and that I can walk into him every second, but then I realize that will never happen. " A shivery sigh leaves her mouth.

I give her a mug, I don't really know what to say to her. Greg was my only brother. He was two years older than me and we got along well. There are moments I wish he was here. 

He was Megan's first boyfriend. I remember how they fell in love. When they were younger, Greg always ignored Meg. Don't get me wrong, he was polite and everything, but she was my friend, not his. Things changed when she was fourteen, and he sixteen. When she and I were hanging out together, she disappeared now and then and I always found her in Greg's room where they were chatting and laughing with each other. And if Meg and I were in my room he always dropped by with some lame excuse.

I know exactly when they first kissed. It was during the summer and we decided to camp in the woods. At first, it was just Meg and me, but somehow Greg ended up going with us as well. It was probably my parent's idea. We all had our own tent, but I remember Greg helped Meg first with hers.

The first night we made a campfire. We talked about what we wanted to do with our lives, about crushes, and everything else you talk about at campfire. We sang songs and looked at the stars. At some point, Meg had to go to the toilet, but she was afraid to go alone. Greg offered to walk with her and they left me alone at the campfire. I think they were gone for an hour. Since that night she was Greg's girlfriend. 

"It's almost seven years ago," I say, dismissing all the thoughts of the past.

"So?" She says sharply. "I compare every guy I kiss to him. And the worst thing is, they can never live up to his memory."

She blows on her hot tea to cool it a bit. I had no clue she felt this way. Of course, I know she misses him, but not that her loss was still this sharp. I think of the never-ending stream of guys she dated the last couple of years. I always thought it was because she's an outgoing person, but now it almost feels as if she's been torturing herself all these years.

"Is that what happened tonight?" I say. "Was it just you finding out Nick wasn't Greg?"

She nods. "Nick was okay, I guess. Maybe if I wasn't this messed up, I could love him. I don't know what triggered it this time, maybe because I was- no, because I am drunk, maybe it was something he said, but I knew I couldn't be with him anymore and I freaked out. Completely." She takes a sip from her tea.

"And I feel like if you're going away in a couple of weeks, I lose my last connection with Greg. You are the only person I know who has memories of him. Heck, you even look like him."

I want to tell her I'm only moving to another city, and that we will keep in contact. But I'm not sure that will comfort her tonight. We have to talk about this when she's sober.

"When you were looking through your options what to do after your study, I hoped you would find an internship here. But I don't want to keep you back from your goal. I guess it's time for me to move on as well."

She yawns. "And maybe it's time to go to sleep now."

She stumbles around and I help her to get in her bed safely. Soon she's fast asleep and I start to clean the house. Most of the blood is dry already and it's hard to get it all clean. I also try to fix our door, but I end up barricading it with a broom and some heavy boxes. When I'm finally done, I drop exhausted on my bed. I close my eyes and I drift away, until my phone buzzes.

"Hey you, I  had a good time tonight. Let's do this again, but this time without friends who try to ruin the evening. I call you tomorrow, sweet dreams. - Dan"

I send him a short message and I finally fall asleep.

AN: SONG: Do I wanna know - Arctic Monkeys

For people who read this chapter before 23 Sept 2015, I changed this chapter a bit, removing all the explicit parts of what happened to Greg.