Jeongguk was having the best time of his life, he could say.

Every time he tried questioning Taehyung about the whole thing with his cousin, the boy would change the subject or simply pretend he didn’t hear him and then disappear with a faint pink tint on his cheeks.

And it was one of the most adorable sights ever for Jeongguk.

How could he stay moody when he had a stunning fluffy-haired boy getting all fidgety and flushed just because he wanted to talk to him?

It didn’t bother him, though, that Taehyung avoided him like he did when they had first met. But something didn’t match as he puzzled over it. Why did Taehyung care if he had a girlfriend or not if Taehyung liked Inhyuk?

Maybe he didn’t have an answer for that question, and maybe he was uncertain about a lot of things, but he was determined about one thing; he would get his answers whether Taehyung wanted to give them or not.

. . .

Taehyung chewed on his bottom lip as he slipped his clothes into his bag, stewing over how he would dodge the expected questions Jeongguk would fire at him sooner or later.

What he didn’t expect was Jeongguk sneaking an arm over his shoulders and offering him a warm smile. “You ready?”

Taken aback by the action, since Taehyung thought he would scold him for avoiding him, he smiled in surprise and anchored his hand on his waist. “Yeah.” He noticed his smile stretching into a bigger one as they headed upstairs. Maybe he won’t ask me anything after all.

Saying goodnight to their boss, manager, and fellow employees, the two boys exited the cafe soon enough and trod to the car.

Everything was going pretty well as Taehyung thought. Jeongguk led him to his side of the car and waited for him to open the door as he did every time.

He saw Jeongguk reach for the handle, but out of nowhere, his back was found pressed against the car, his slim body trapped between two robust hands, and a coyly smirking Jeongguk was a few inches away from his face.

A small yelp seeped through his lips, eyebrows flying high in astonishment, and palms gently slapping his chest as they flattened over it.

The silence that enveloped them carried on for a little more, the air around them clearly electrified, heated, as they gazed into each other’s eyes.

“I’m curious about something, Taebear,” Jeongguk began, his voice a drop louder than a whisper. “Why did you seem to care so much about if I had a girlfriend or not?”

Taehyung hung his head, a titter jumping out of his throat. “It’s p-pretty late, so why don’t we j-just leave? I have to wake up early tomorrow s-since I’ll come to your house and—“

“Why, Taehyung? Why did you seem so relieved when I said that Sejeong was my cousin?”

If Taehyung wasn’t as stiff as a rock before, he definitely was now. “To be honest, I can’t w-wait to see your parents again, they're so nic—“

“Were you jealous?”

“No.”

The corner of Jeongguk's lips twitched into a crooked smile at how fast he answered. “Why would you, right? I mean, you like Inhyuk after all.”

“Yeah,” Taehyung whispered, his heartbeat hammering in his ears, his breath uneven.

“And besides, we’re friends, right?” Jeongguk edged closer as he brought his hand up, holding his chin between his knuckles.

“This is r-really uncomfortable.” Taehyung squirmed in his place and nipped at his lower lip, refraining from making eye contact.

“Aren’t we friends?” Jeongguk tilted his head to the side an inch, eyes falling to his lips, and mirrored Taehyung's movement of biting on his lip absently.

“For a friend, you—you’re too close.” Taehyung pressed his palm a bit more against his chest, wanting to push him away, but he didn’t budge.

“Then why are you so flustered about it? Why is your face red? Why is your heart pounding?”

Taehyung gulped dryly, his breath speeding up more. “Why is yours?”

“If you answer me, I’ll answer you as well,” Jeongguk said in a hushed tone as he moved another inch closer, testing his boundaries.

“Je—Jeongguk.” He twisted his head to the side, but the said boy brought it back to its place.

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” he muttered, their breaths mingling together as their gazes locked.

“We—We are.” He fisted his sweater, his head now dizzy by the proximity.

“Yeah?” Jeongguk’s hand crawled up his back and rested on his nape as he curled the other around his waist, attaching their bodies firmly.

“Yeah.” Taehyung gripped his hips, letting him press their chests together, foreheads now touching and lips a breath away.

“Then I shouldn’t be doing this, right?”

“Right.” His eyes fluttered closed while he felt every inch of his body as if it were blazing.

They didn’t know what exactly happened next or how, but their lips came into an eager clash, soft hums emitting from both as Taehyung ceded to his hidden longing, and Jeongguk finally got a taste of him like he was pining to for so long.

Their movements were avid, greedy, but tender, as they devoured one another. It was a mutual decision — yearning — to open their mouths just enough so they could connect their tongues, and the effect was inflaming.

Taehyung’s hands fiercely traveled all over his back, faint whimpers leaving his throat as Jeongguk’s tongue glided against his nonstop, in pure lust, exploring his mouth in depth.

The younger kept one firm arm around him, holding him as close as possible, while the other roamed in various places; from cupping his face to running his fingers through his locks and tangling them in his hair, from holding his nape to sliding down his back, squeezing bits of his tantalizing body in the process.

His pent-up desire for this astonishing fluffy-haired boy and the feelings he was bottling up for so long rendered him incapable of pulling away, even when his lungs started burning from the lack of oxygen.

Taking his bottom lip between his teeth and tugging it, Jeongguk cracked an eye open, feeling the urge to glimpse at the boy’s beautiful characteristics. Taehyung’s blissed-out expression empowered him to suck his plump lip a whit harder before going back to tasting every part of his mouth.

Taehyung was in a spin; his stomach flipped in a wild frenzy of unexpected emotions, his ears buzzing with Jeongguk’s honeyed, low groans, his heart on the verge of malfunctioning by its manic rhythm.

The end of that kiss was inevitable at some point, but both did everything they could to ignore the burning in their lungs and their aching jaws.

Pulling away for Taehyung meant that he had to give answers and actually talk about it, as for Jeongguk meant that he had to confess and probably prepare for rejection, despite that Taehyung was kissing him as hungrily as he was kissing him.

And the moment they wanted to avoid the most eventually came.

They broke the kiss in unison as the necessity to breathe properly struck them to the hilt. They kept their eyes closed as they linked their foreheads, bodies squeezed together, arms encircling one another.

They let the silence reign over them — their breath gradually stabilizing was the sole thing they could hear at that moment.

Until distant chatters and laughs came to their senses, something that made them snap their eyes open and jerk away from each other a second later.

They got into the car in a hurry, not wanting to encounter their fellow employees, and Jeongguk drove off without delay.

It was awkward, tense, uncomfortable even. That goddamn silence went on strong for a long, long time. Taehyung didn’t even venture to speak when he noticed that Jeongguk drove past the subway.

Jeongguk didn’t know what to feel. Although several minutes ago he had — if not the best — one of the best kisses in his whole life, he didn’t know what to do from here. Maybe kissing Taehyung out of the blue wasn’t such a good decision, because if he liked it as much as Jeongguk did, why didn't he say anything this whole time?

But was I the one who leaned closer? Jeongguk crumpled his brows insensibly as he tried to recall the moment before their kiss. Was it mutual? Was it... him? No, no way, right? I don’t fucking remember.

“Jeongguk?”

The boy flinched at the call of his name and threw him a wary glance a beat later. “Yeah?”

“Do you think some of us are bound to grow old alone? Without a loved one?”

“Well... no. Who—Who wants that, right?”

“It’s not about what we want sometimes. Maybe we will never be able to find the one, you know?”

Jeongguk didn’t try to find something to say. He simply stayed mute, feeling Taehyung’s words drill a tiny hole in his heart. The thought of never finding the one heaped up an awful feeling of emptiness inside him and adorned his eyes with dejection.

With a single glance, Taehyung detected that the sadness in his eyes matched with his, and maybe he didn’t know it, but the thought of growing old without a loved one had spread a similar feeling inside him as well.

“What do you think?” Jeongguk murmured, a flicker of despondency in his voice.

“I think... we all have that one somewhere. But are we lucky enough to meet them? And if we do, are we good enough to let them in? Or make them stay?”

“I-I see,” was all Jeongguk managed to say as another ocean of poignancy rushed through him.

Silence ticked on once again, both sunk in their thoughts. Before Taehyung realized it, the younger had parked the car a few meters away from his house.

With the engine now off, Jeongguk drew in a mouthful of air and focused his eyes on him. “Taehyung.” The boy gave him a sidelong glance, still not meeting his gaze. “Tell me something, anything... about what happened.”

Tucking his lower lip between his teeth, memories of their kiss flashed up into his head, his eyes closing as he clutched his hands together. “I-I don’t... I don’t think I can—I’m just not—” He heaved a deep sigh as he ran his hands down his temples.

“Why are you struggling so much?” Jeongguk asked as he reached out to intertwine their hands, letting them rest on Taehyung’s thigh.

“Jeongguk... I-I’m broken.” His voice cracked, just like Jeongguk’s heart upon hearing those words. “I don’t h-have control over my life. I don’t know what you’re looking for, but I probably can’t give it to you. I don’t want to drag y-you in my misery. I don’t w-want to be a b-bother.”

It was true. He was broken. He didn’t have control over anything. His hyung’s beating over the years had soured him towards trust, love, and the idea of someday living a joyful life. How could he just let a happy, kind person like Jeongguk enter his miserable life?

No matter how much Taehyung yearned for him, that boy deserved so much more.

“Taehyung—“

“No, let—let me finish,” he breathed out as he wiped his wet cheeks with his sleeve. “I don’t want y-you to waste your t-time on me. You can h-have anyone to hook up with or—or whatever, but I’m like no fun at all. Look at me, I’m crying again.” He furiously brushed off the tears that continued streaming down his face. “I feel... I feel like I don’t deserve to have fun. I-I don’t deserve to be happy or laugh. But you... you’re so n-nice and kind and be-beautiful. You don’t deserve to get dragged in my life.”

Jeongguk waited to see if he finished talking. Even though he wanted to interrupt him at every word that came out of his mouth, he managed to contain himself since he asked him to. “Hey, Taecute?” he uttered and saw two big, tearful eyes look up at him. “You forgot to say something.”

Taehyung sniffled, his brows creasing in confusion. “What?”

“Did you like the kiss?”

Taehyung threw a hand over his face, covering it, as he felt timid real quick. “Jeongguk!”

“What?” A fond chuckle tumbled out of him as he tightened the grip on his hand and placed the other on his nape, bringing him closer. “Look, I’m sorry, but I don’t care about what you think. Because everything you just said is what you think. I feel your pain, Taehyung. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you, but I feel you. I told you that my heart aches for you, together with you. I mean it. It pains me to see you like this, and it pains me that I can’t do anything about it right now.

“And you can’t drag me in your life because I’m already in it, dummy.” He offered him a faint, warm smile and pecked his wet cheek. “And honestly? I want to be in it. I want to know you even more, to spend time with you, to protect you, to be there for you, to hold you, to... kiss you again, if you want that too.” He felt a flicker in his heart when Taehyung cracked a smile and glanced away bashfully.

“If I’m nice, kind, and beautiful—thank you for saying that, by the way. You know I’m a sucker for your praises,” he said, something playful lacing his words, and he beamed as an endearing giggle rang in his ears, feeling so, so soft for him. “If I’m all that, youʼre ten times nicer, kinder, and so damn beautiful. And you don’t deserve to be happy? Please, Taebear, never say that again.

“You can’t let that disgusting excuse of a hyung you have to convince you that you don’t deserve to be happy, have fun, or laugh for fuck’s sake. I know it’s hard, but remember that he means nothing. What he says means nothing because he’s a fucking stranger. He’s your hyung, but does he know you? Like Jimin, or even like me? No, he doesn’t.

“I’m not gonna say more about this because I know how hard it is to change the pessimistic thoughts we have about ourselves, but you don’t have a say about my feelings. You can’t say that you don’t want to waste my time, that you’re gonna be a bother, that you can’t give me what I want. You don’t even know what I want!” He chuckled then, placing another tender kiss on his cheek.

“Okay, I’m fucking rambling over here, so let’s sum it up. You’re breathtakingly beautiful—pretty, actually, I like calling you pretty. You are kind and nice, you’re absolutely fun to be around, you deserve only good things, especially after everything you went through and you’re still going through. Your hyung is a worthless piece of shit who should just disappear from this world because he only brings you pain.” He tugged at the boy’s hand in a silent request to get on his lap, but Taehyung didn’t seem to get it. “Taebear, come here.”

Taehyung felt his cheeks blush when he comprehended what he was asking, but complied. He climbed over him, straddling him, hands holding the back of his neck in a loose grasp.

A soft smile sprawled on Jeongguk’s face as he cupped his cheek. “I want to be a part of your life, and even if you don’t let me, I’m gonna fight for it. I want to be there for you and protect you and try to make you happy? I don’t know if I can, but I really want to try that. I’m not looking for a hookup. You’re the person who sparked something inside me after three whole years. But I also don’t want to pressure you into something you’re not ready for. So I only ask you to let me stay in your life, let me hug you all I want, and let me kiss you again. Every day, actually.”

Taehyung buried his face into the crook of his neck, feeling an immense warmth engulf his chest at his words as he held him tighter. “You—You like me?”

Jeongguk’s shoulders shook with his mild chuckle as he caressed his back. “No, I just go around and kiss boys because it’s fun.”

“Yah!”

Another round of a notch louder chuckles flew off Jeongguk's mouth. He untucked his head then and held it gently, looking into his glistening eyes. “I like you. I like everything about you. I want to be your friend too, but I don’t like you as a friend, just to be clear. I want to be whatever you want me to be.”

Not trusting the raging emotions roaring inside him, Taehyung pulled him in a rather desperate kiss, letting it say whatever he couldn’t say himself.

⚜✳⚜

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I surely enjoyed writing it💜