I almost ran home.

I was so happy, felt so light and free, I could hardly understand it. Tobirama... The white beast of the Uchiha clan. The second strongest after Hashirama, yes, but the most feared due to his absolute lack of mercy and compassion, wanting me. Me.

Before I knew him, I had believed him to be stubborn and unkind. But that first time when I had sensed him in the cave, I had sensed nothing but kindness. And not only was he indescribably empathic; sometimes, when I looked at him, I wanted to scream at him to get out of my eyesight because he was so beautiful that I couldn't stand even seeing him. His translucent skin, his completely white hair, his colourless eyes that scared so many, but enthralled me. And he seemed so incredibly unbothered by it, which made him even hotter than his appearance made him on its own.

But I had also been afraid. Not of him, feeling he could never hurt me, neither physically nor emotionally. But I was afraid of what my brother would think.

I loved nobody more than I loved Madara. We had shared bed since I had been born up until the day Madara turned eighteen, and we had shared a room until I was eighteen and moved out of our parents' home, Madara not having wanted to get a home of his own before I left, too. We talked about everything, visiting each other almost daily, and sometimes even stayed over each other's houses, more often than not falling asleep together in the same bed, arms wrapped around each other.

But Madara's pure hatred for the Senjus was widely known, not only locally but nation-wide. His hatred for them scared even me at times, even if me and my brother never talked about the clans specifically, only the politics surrounding it. But after this night, when Tobirama had taken me and made me his own, I knew I must tell Madara. I had known in the way Tobirama had wrapped his arms around me and fallen asleep right there in the cave, trusting me not to hurt him. I had known in the way I had woken up at dawn to him lying on his side, popped up on one elbow, looking at me with a crooked smile. I had known in the way he had gently bushed my hair with his fingers as we bathed.

But I was terrified. I knew I couldn't keep going without my beloved brother's blessing. But I also knew I couldn't stay away from the beautiful Senju that had come to mean so much to me. How these two ultimates would meet in the middle, I didn't know.

I was terrified as I knocked on the door to Madara's house, which was small and humble even if he as clan leader had the right to a much more luxurious villa. But when he opened the door, all my nerves evaporated, and instead were exchanged for fear.

Madara had been crying. He was dressed and proper, his black hair gleaming, his skin clean, but he had clearly been crying, his eyes red and swollen. I had never, ever seen Madara cry. When Madara got sad, he showed it with anger. Ice cold dread grabbed my heart.

"Madara, what in the world happened to you?"

"It's Tobirama", he wailed. I flinched. Did he know already? How? I did not understand. "I'm sorry, Izuna, I've been meaning to tell you. We've been having a relationship, him and I. And I've realised I love him. I love him so much, I-"

And Madara flung himself at me and burst into tears against my empty soul. 

My world shattered.

It felt like days passed as Madara hugged me and cried, yet it was only seconds. Slowly, with a trembling hand, I peeled Madara's hands and arms off of me, feeling terribly guilty but not being capable of staying put in this situation I had gotten myself into.

"I need to go", I said, turning my head to the side so Madara wouldn't see how distraught I was.

Madara backed off immediately, dried his tears.

"Sorry. I understand how disappointed you must be. But, Izuna, please-"

I couldn't listen to his excuses. I just turned around and left, feeling terrible that Madara had misunderstood my emotions, but what the fuck could I do?

I went home. Once home, I didn't know what to make of myself. I walked back and forth, not being able to decide on anything; making tea, preparing food, taking a bath, tidying up. In the end, I just leaned my back against a wall, trembling, slid down until I was curled up, and cried until it felt the only thing left to cry out were my bones.

When evening came, I didn't go back to the cave. The morning after, after an Uchiha spy was discovered on Senju ground, a battle was once more declared between the two clans. I had somehow managed to get into my bed and cry myself to sleep. And somehow, I managed to drag myself up, even if it meant dealing with a world that had been torn away from me. I tried not to wonder if Tobirama had come to the cave that night as we had promised one another to do every night from now on, because it would hurt too much. I didn't know what hurt most, though; him not showing up because he secretly loved Madara, or him showing up and genuinely being hurt because I wasn't there.

I washed up, not really necessary before a battle but I felt dirty, bandaged my torso for support, put on clean trousers and a silk robe.

Then, I stood in front of my sword that I had hung on the wall, the one that had been with me through all my battles, the one that had battled Tobirama with. When I took it down from the wall, something new lit up within me I hadn't felt before regarding Tobirama.

It was anger, and an instinct to kill.