"Worthless, pathetic, disgusting. Why did we ever bother letting such a pitiful fool on our team? Letting someone so stupid bring us down," They said. Looking down at me on the hospital bed, in tears. Why didn't they care that I tried my best to stay on the team? To work harder then everyone else even if it wasn't enough. How badly their words stung?

"Guys! Can't you see how your hurting him? " Daichi spoke up. I looked up at him with hope but that all came crashing down. "You guys are pathetic! That's the least you can do to him?" He laughed. This wasnt the Daichi I know, the team I know. Demons in disguise? I though that was only Tsukishima..

"Hinata! Hinata!!" They called out. No not these people. I jerked up, smashing the top of my head into Kageyama's chin. I had fallen asleep.

"GWahhh!! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!!" I spill out, shaking from the horrible dream. What if it came true? I looked up to see Meanyama-kun standing over me.

Kageyama was covering his mouth, he took his hand away and it was covering in blood. "Kiyoko! Yachi!" I spring up and run over to them. Then back and grab Kageyama. "What should we do?"

I was trembling, I had hurt Kageyama. He looks so pissed!! What should I do? What should I do? What should I do? Would he think I'm pathetic for falling asleep during practice?

"Hinata calm down. Its ok, Kageyama is ok. If anything its his fault for waking you up so abruptly. Right Kageyama?" Daichi asked, the way he said the right was harsh. Kageyama nodded.

"Still, I am really sorry Kageyama. My sister has a really bad fever but my mom hasn't been home for weeks. I don't know what to do for her," I confess. "I stayed up all night trying to comfort her and only slept a scattered two hours."

"Hinata why didnt you tell us? You do live quite a distance away from us but we would of helped you and still will!" Yachi spoke up. A sweet kind girl, adorable at that. "If my mom allows me I am willing to help!"

"Really? You would do that?" She nods viciously, a bright blush set on her face. It was normal for her though, not because of a silly old crush but because of her being so shy. My eyes started to sting, "Thank you, thank you Yachi. My sister is my world."

I heard a little, almost like an aw? Could you consider it that. "Hinata why don't you get back to practice?" A strong hand hit my back and I nearly fell off the bench. It stung badly, it felt like it had emotion behind it. Anger? Disappointment? Did Daichi somehow find out?

What if he had found out? What would he do? I cant leave volleyball just yet! I cant breathe. I cant breath. I CANT FREAKING BREATHE. What would I do if he found out about my condition? What if he kicked me off the team? What if they hated me and despised me? I cant breathe. Why cant I breathe? What if my mom comes back and hurts us again? I gripped my shirt with a trembling hand, my voice choking its way out. Gasping for air that never reached my lungs. As the air finally reached me, my breathe quickened and went faster and faster. Everything began to spin around me. Everything felt light.

"Daichi, Hinata is hyperventilating!!" Suga called out from across the gym, running over. I think? Everything was spinning and blurry. It felt like I still hadn't gained a breathe. "Cover his mouth!"

"Calm down, calm down Hinata," Daichi said slowly. Was he worried or disappointed in me again? Words started tumbling out of my mouth but no these were not words. Random mumbling and a lot of sorry's escaped. Out of breathe, a slow intake of air and trying to slow down my endless thoughts.

I tried to stop the tears and the shaking. But what if mom did come back? NO. Dont think about that and dont let them worry more about you then this fiasco that you have displayed in front of them? Do you really want them to think you have an abusive mother and trauma? No.. Thats what I thought. Dont want to show them how pathetic you really are. Couldnt even protect your little sister from your that demon. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!" I screamed out, gripping my head. My words came to a screaching halt.

"Calm the fuck down dumbass. We cant help you if we dont know whats wrong. You're panicking worse then you ever had in a match. So what the fuck is wrong," Kageyama spit out, he had smacked me hard.

"Nothing."

"Don't give us that Hinata. We are your teammates," Tanaka growled. No, no, no, no, no, no, no no, NO! Cant let them know, cant let them know, cant let them know, cant let them know.

Suga kneeled next to me. "Why did you scream shut up? Were you talking to us?" I shake my head no. "Then who were you talking to?" He asked calmly. I dont want to reply to that.

Would they think I was crazy if I told them about the voice in my head that always put me down? The voice that was my own and reminded me of everything and anything that has gone wrong and what could go wrong?

What should I do?

You should run, thats what. Don't let them find out about how pathetic you are. Who would want such a pathetic being on their team? So why dont you run on over to your bike and go home? Ditch school because who cares about that anymore. ..Ok.

I got up and ran. It hurt, it was hard. By the time I reached my bike I felt like I had run a mile. I couldnt stop though. I just left and went home. I didnt care I was still in my uniform for volleyball. That didnt matter. What would it? I made them worry too much already. I dont want them to. I just want to deal with this by myself. I had to deal with this by myself.

From now on, I wont do anything to make them worry. I'll just tell them that it was from a lack of sleep and the worry I had for my sister was the cause of all of this. I need to make it to the spring tournament, I need to fight with them. I need to stay alive and ok until then. Well Ill just have to look it on the outside.

..Because they don't care. Why would they care about a useless, pathetic being like myself?

_______

MY HAND SLIPPED