!!Trigger Warning!!

Talks about suicide, suicide notes, depression, and abuse!!

"I'm-" Hasashi Yamada, Present Mics, voice broke. "I'm sorry." The class had never seen their English teacher like this; Fidgety, sad, small, quite. The class looked between the normally loud pro-hero, the eraser hero, Aizawa Shota, who wouldn't turn to look at them, and Midoriya Izuku's empty seat. Almost the entire class had felt an uneasy feeling in their stomach all morning, but they didn't quite understand why. 

"I'm sorry.." Yamada said again, this time the class could see tears threatening to escape his eyes. Suddenly Present Mic fell to a crouching position, one palm to his eyes. "I can't." 

1-A stared in shock. What had happened that would make even Present Mic break down in front of them? More importantly, why wasn't Midoriya at school today? Aizawa-sensei finally turned around, revealing the fat tears that ran down his puffy red cheeks. Some students gasped at the scene, Aizawa sensei was crying?! The students of 1-A, especially the ever observant Bakugou Katsuki, started to connect the fact Midoriya wasn't at class, and their teachers behavior. 

1-A had never expected to hear Aizawa's voice to break, nor to hold so much emotion. "Midoriya is dead." Complete silence. All of class 1-A felt like they had just been hit by an asteroid. suddenly gasps and sobs broke out in a chorus. Yayorozu Momo clutched her chest, Kaminari Denki clenched his hair, Mina Ashido covered her mouth with her hand, Ochaco Uraraka fell out of her chair, Iida Tenya stared off into the distance, and even Tokoyami Fumukage racked with sobs. 

Surprisingly it was Bakugou Katsuki that spoke. "How?" His voice was hoarse, and uncharacteristically quite and small. He was gripping his desk like it was his lifeline, trying so hard to not to cry. "How..?" He asked again, starting to let tears crawl out of his eyes to trail a path down his cheeks. 

"He committed.." Aizawa cleared his throat, hanging his head, while patting his husbands head who had not gotten up from the floor. "..suicide." Another round off sobs and gasps and heart wrenching shouts of 'Midoriya!' evaded from the room. Aizawa carefully lifted his head, looking from Todoroki Shouto who's palm covered his face, (but his shaking shoulders gave away that he was crying,) to Tsuyu Asui who had wide eyes with big tears streaming down her face with her hands trying to hold back her hair, to Koji Koda who was staring at the floor, and finally too Bakugou Katsuki, who was pulling his hair with one hand with another clenching his chest as if to rip his heart out. 

The heartbreaking sob that escaped Bakugou would've had everyone stunned, if they weren't all trapped in their own headspace trying to piece together what their homeroom teacher had said. 

Jiro Kyoka felt like she could still hear his giggling ring threw the classroom, Sato Rikido could still remember the taste of the horrible brownies Midoriya tried to bake once for him as an experiment, Aoyama Yuga could still feel his palm push away his cheese offering, Hagakure Toru felt like she could still see Midoriya teaching her proper form statue after he realized nobody else would try cause they couldn't see her. They whole class could still feel his kindness, his hospitality, the innocence of Midoriya Izuku in their hearts. But he was no longer there, and the thought broke them from the bottom of their hearts. 

Only catching some attention from very few of his students, Yamada finally pulled himself together enough to stand back up. Sullen he said, "He left notes.. for all of you." More students looked up at him with wrecked faces as he picked up the stack of papers he had set down on Aizawa's desk when he walked in. 

No one dared speak as Yamada passed out the papers, carefully placing each set down on a students desk like it was gold, and Aizawa promptly slid down the wall head in his hands. 

Bakugou didn't expect to get a letter. This was his fault.. he had no right to even weep his death. But as Yamada softly placed a small letter down on his desk, Bakugou wanted nothing but to dive into the words. He wanted to let his childhood bestfriends handwriting overflow him. He wanted, so bad, to just read how it was his fault. Because it was. 

'Take a swan dive off the roof of the building, and hope you get a quirk in your next life!'

"How..." Bakugou's voice didn't want to come out, it wanted to stay hidden. He never wanted to speak again, cause his words caused this. Never tearing his eyes off the small stack of paper, he whispered, "How'd he do it?" Complete silence. Bakugou realized he wasn't the only one not reading the notes when he looked around. Some of his classmates didn't even seem to notice the papers were there. 

Yamada stopped handing out the notes, but didn't look at Bakugou, so it was Aizawa that answered him. "He hung himself. We found his in his room.." The hero's voice was so quite, but it didn't matter. Not a single student made a sound besides the sobs that would escape. Plenty picked up on his room, it happened in his dorm room. In the dorm rooms they all shared. Guilt racked their bodies even more. Some blaming themselves, others blaming the universe. 

"Kacchan? When we grow older, and become the best hero's ever, will you promise me something?" 

Bakugou finally reached for his note, careful to keep the pages intact, and away from his sour tears. 

"Promise to be there for me." 

Before Bakugou could even start reading a broken sob escaped his throat. He felt absolutely miserable, but he had no right too. 

"Okay?"  Izuku said, looking at Bakugou, who still had his all might figurine high in the air. His big green eyes looked so full of wonder, and hope. Bakugou couldn't tell at the time what the feeling that erupted from him at that moment was. He figured it must of been protectiveness. He would protect this broccoli from the harsh world that he'd have to suffer to become a hero, if it killed him. Later he'd come to know that little three year old Izuku had already suffered hell. 

While Inko put up a front with the Bakugou and really anyone other than her husband, Bakugou found out Inko had been the opposite of how he remembered her. 

Bakugou felt jealous, seeing Inko hold her son with love in her eyes. His mother never did that. He never got to see the love from her, but at the time it didn't seem like to big of a deal to Bakugou. He'd act on it when he got into middle school with the quirkless Izuku. 

Lifting his head up, Bakugou tried to read the neat handwriting once again. 

"Dear Kacchan,

Its peaceful accepting you'll never be enough. I know you'll blame yourself, but I want you to know it wasn't you. I've spent my entire life wondering why you didn't love me, when I should have been asking why I don't love myself. I know you don't care anymore and I know you don't love me anymore. But just for a little bit I liked to pretend you did. Maybe just for a second pretend you loved me like I love you, so my last memory of you won't be angry. I have never hated you, my Kacchan. The voices in my head aren't pleasant, they're mean, and they make me hurt myself.. but at least they never left. 

I am messed up, but I thought maybe becoming a hero would fix me. But All Might was right. I can't become a hero. I'm too much like her, too much like my father, I'm just too shattered Kacchan. Broken things can be fixed, I am not able to be fixed. I've gone threw to much. I've seen to much. It was never an option, no matter how hard I tried to be a true hero, it would've turn out bad in the end. I would've hurt all of you! I'm sorry. 

The stories are wrong. When you experience heartbreak, you don't just go numb. You feel every bit of it. You feel as though your heart is being stabbed, over and over again until you feel it cracking open. You feel as though your throat is being squeezed so tight you can't talk or breath, you feel as thought your plugging into darkness and you have no idea where it leads, but you know there's no light at the end of the tunnel this time, Kacchan. Sometimes happiness has a price to pay, and I couldn't pay it this time I guess, but I happily paid it for everyone else I hope. I was happy for a second, but only when I was with you. You made me happy. But my happiness was only temporary.

Now I know, forever has a limit. An expiry date. And I had taken everything for granted all in the name of 'Forever.'  Sometimes giving up is the only way out. 

The star will die, the hatred will stop, but my love will forever be with you. Kacchan. We were the perfect match, that's why we burnt out. 

You know, they say happy endings are right in front of you. I believe I never had one, but you do Kacchan. Face the demons, stare at your happy ending; for me? This life just wasn't made for me, I'll see you soon. Goodbye, My Katsuki."

Bakugou wracked with sobs, as did most of his class. The pained wail he let out nearly copied previous others that his classmates had made. The longing to just hold Deku, to just be next to him for gods sake, was so intense he couldn't think strait. Self destructing thoughts was the only way Bakugou could even comprehend a sentence anymore, he felt so utterly wrecked, tortured, and guilty. So, so guilty. Would Deku not have killed himself had Bakugou grown some fucking balls and confessed to him? If he hadn't of bullied him, would he still be alive? If he had just grown up in Middle school, would Deku have taken better to his parents abuse? 

Katsuki couldn't hold back another wail of pain as he soaked his school uniform sleeve with his tears, very careful to not harm the precious letter that he would treasure till he died. He felt every bit of the heart break, just like Deke's letter said. He felt like tearing himself to shreds, right here. He hated himself. So much. 

"Cause I promise to never leave you Kacchan!" His Izuku smiled, looking up at Bakugou who had finally brought down his All Might figure, staring at his innocent broccoli. 

"You promise Izuku?"  

"I promise Kacchan." 

Katsuki didn't know it at the time. But that warm fuzzy feeling he got in his chest and tummy, it was love. 

Midoriya loved him, and he loved him back, but like most of the best love stories ever told: it just wasn't that simple.