Chapter Thirty-Two

Armed with a book by some man named Edgar Allan Poe and the beginnings of an apology, Jessie stepped into the gun shop.

It was clear that Langley didn't notice her and she frowned when she realized he was simply sitting at a table toward the back playing Five Finger. Jessie felt worry for him grow. He seemed to be in a daze and not paying a bit of attention to what he was doing. What if the man cut off a finger?

"Langley?"

His hand jerked and the knife sunk deep into the skin between his fingers. "Shit!" he bellowed as he leapt to his feet and shook his hand violently.

Jessie tossed the book onto the workbench and rushed to him, yanking out her bandana as she went. She took his hand in hers before he could argue, wrapped the cloth around his hand and tied it tight.

"Are you okay?" she asked, looking up into his blue eyes.

Suddenly the room, which had felt just fine moments ago, didn't seem to have enough air. The heat became nearly unbearable. Yesterday she'd dealt with his coldness but there was nothing cold about the look in Langley's eyes just now as he stared down at her.

His every emotion was in his eyes and his expression and perfectly plain for Jessie to see. She saw the passion, confusion, hurt and sense of betrayal, but above all those things, she saw his love. Langley still loved her.

"I'm just fine, Jessie," he said gently as he pulled his hand away. "I'm tougher than I look." He shook his head. "What are you doing here?"

Jessie took off her hat and tossed it aside before shaking out her hair. "I'm here to talk to you, of course."

Langley grabbed his knife from the table and slid it back into the holster on his leg. "We already talked."

"No, we didn't," Jessie countered, crossing her arms over her chest. "I tried to talk and you shut me out...." She raised her hands. "Not that I blame you! After what I did, I reckon I deserve for you to hate me."

"I don't hate you," Langley whispered, his voice thick.

Jessie let out a long breath and figured the time had come to get down to business. "You know about my family, Langley. I told you almost everything but I never did tell you what my mom always said to me. Love wasn't for people like us. That what she used to say all the time. Over and over. She always said love was too fragile and we were the type of people who broke things."

Jessie's voice broke and her first instinct was to fight the tears and hide the weakness. Jessie fought against that. This was Langley and she could trust him.

"Jessie...."

She held up her hand. "Let me finish. I love you. I was attracted to you the first time I ever saw you. Remember when you calmed my brain addled horse down when you and your uncle first came to the camp? Of course the fact that I wanted to know more about you scared me damn near to death so I high-tailed it out of that camp as quick as I could. Then you found me shot up in Harper. I fell for you hard and I fell fast. But I just kept hearing my mother's words and I kept remembering the way her and my father were toward one another. I just figured that's how we would be. No matter how good it seemed, I figured we were bound to turn sour and so that's why I left. But you chased me..."

Langley's lips curved in the smallest hint of a smile. "And you opened up to me after that."

"Yes I did. Then all of that nonsense happened with Billy and once again my fears took over and I left again."

"I never should have done that to you," Langley stated firmly.

Jessie shrugged. "You just wanted to keep me safe and, like I said, I was kind of impressed."

Jessie wiped a tear from her cheek and saw Langley's fist clench. She wondered what was going on in his mind. "And you chased me again, Langley. Things were so good between us after that. Being with you felt right. It was the realest thing I'd ever experienced. Then I thought you died and it made me give up on living and once I realized you were alive, I was scared to death again. I know that's no good excuse but I was terrified. I was afraid of losing everything again and feeling that pain—that nothingness."

She shuddered with the force of the tears that began to fall. "Love wasn't for me. Love only hurts. I didn't deserve love. You were too good. Those were things I was hearing in my mind. Then when you mentioned marriage and forever..... I lost my mind. You have no idea how badly I wanted to stop you from leaving. I cried for a long time after you left, then I finally saddled my horse and left town. I went to see my mother and while I was there I got shot and nearly died. My ma seemed to change after that. She told me things... things I needed to hear."

Jessie swallowed hard and swiped at her face. "I'm not my mother. You're not my pa. Love doesn't have to hurt. We don't have to hurt, Langley. Please, please, give me another chance? I won't mess this one up, I swear it."

Langley stared down into her swollen violet eyes. Eyes that were full of the love and regret she was feeling. Damn, he loved her. But could he trust her? Could he be with her and know his heart was safe or would she rip it up and toss it back at him yet again?

A strangling nose left Jessie's throat and she shook her head as she took a step back and sounded as if she were choking. "Jessie...." He began, sure that she had misinterpreted his silence.

A raise of her trembling hand silenced him. She walked to his workbench and grabbed a leather backed book before returning to him. Langley raised a brow and took the book by Edgar Allan Poe from her outstretched hand. Before he could question her about it, Jessie dropped down to her knee and stared up at him with a tear streaked face.

"Langley, I am begging you from the bottom of my heart to forgive me and give me one more chance. I love you so much and I know I hurt you terribly...."

Langley let out a snort of laughter that stopped Jessie's apology dead. He laid his hand over his stomach as he doubled over with laughter and Jessie glared at him.

"Why are you laughing at me?" she demanded which only served to make him laugh harder.

Finally he took several deep breaths and managed to speak. "What are you doing?"

Jessie shoved herself to her feet. "What the devil does it look like I'm doing?" she blustered. "I'm begging and pleading. I tried doing things my way first but that didn't seem to be working so I begged and pleaded... I'd been told that works."

Langley shook his head and laid the book down on the table. His voice was soft. "My woman would never beg and plead."

Jessie nodded. "For you she would."

"I don't want her to," Langley countered. "She is strong and proud and tough and I love her that way."

Jessie's heart filled with hope. He loved her. She swallowed hard. "I messed things up so badly."

"Yes, you did," Langley agreed.

Her answering glare made him smile. God, he loved her. He knew she could very well break his heart to pieces all over again but still he was powerless to do anything other than place it in her outlaw hands. "I love you, Jessie. I shouldn't have walked away so easily that night. I should have fought harder for you. And I shouldn't have treated you the way did yesterday."

"I was arrogant yesterday and that was a mistake," Jessie added, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I just assumed you'd take me back."

"Yeah you did," he agreed with a chuckle. He placed a gentle hand on her cheek and her eyes slid closed as she leaned into his touch. "But you didn't assume anything wrong. I love you and for some reason my life seems to lose all meaning when you're not in it."

Jessie opened her eyes and stared up into his. "Are you saying you forgive me and I have you back?"

"Crazy woman. You never really lost me."

Langley lowered his lips toward her and their breath mingled as they hovered less than an inch apart. He smiled. "Who told you to come beg for me?"

"Does it really matter?"

Langley pressed his nose to hers. "No. No, it really doesn't."

***

"It's damn cold out there! Shit! In a way I'm hoping when I die I do go to hell just so I can be warm again!" Marston grumbled, as he came into the kitchen after feeding the chickens and pigs.

He breathed in the scent of bacon, eggs and oatmeal and wrapped his arms tight around his wife. Marston buried his frozen nose in her neck and she squirmed. "I knew there was a reason I married you," he growled.

"And that reason is?" she whispered, attempting yet failing to get away from him and his cold nose.

"Because you take care of the most important part of my anatomy."

Rose's eyes widened and her cheeks flushed redder than her hair as she spared a glance at Lucy sitting at the table drawing a picture. "Marston..." Rose gasped.

He laughed as he kissed her nose. "My stomach, love. I was talking about my stomach."

"Uh-huh, I'm sure you were." She swatted his arm. "Now let me go so I can get breakfast on the table."

"Yes ma'am," Marston relented and he sat down just as Jeremiah and Delilah came into the room with Duke and Carol on their heels.

"I just love how we're running a damned soup kitchen around here these days," Marston grumbled. "We might as well put a damn sign out front inviting folks from far and wide to come eat our goddamn food and sleep in our beds since they seem to be doing it anyhow."

Rose smiled as she went back to flipping the bacon. She knew that his grumbling and growling didn't mean anything. The man loved his family, whether he would admit it aloud or not. He loved having them close.

"I offered to pay you for my keep and you refused my money," Delilah reminded him curtly as she sat down.

Marston shook his head. "No, that pretty redhead in the apron refused your money. I was more than damn willing to take it."

"You're a cold-hearted man, Marston," Carol teased.

"I'm a goddamned iceberg," Marston agreed, a grin tugging at his lips.

Delilah sighed. "Marston, I am fully aware that this is your home and you've made it clear that you'll do as you wish in it but I must ask. Why do you curse so much? What exactly do you hope to prove by using such foul language all the time?"

Marston grinned. Folded his arms on the table and leaned toward her. "Why do I curse? Well, ma'am, I curse because sometimes words like golly gee and aww shucks just don't get my point across good enough."

Everyone else in the kitchen laughed and even Delilah was unable to keep a straight face.

The family bowed their heads when Rose joined them at the table and Delilah had just finished saying Grace when Kaitlyn and Pete came in.

Rose jumped up and hugged her daughter tight. "Come eat! It's been ages since we've had you here for breakfast."

Marston eyes stayed trained on Pete as the man stared determinately at the floor and kept swallowing hard. He was sweating bullets despite the fact that it was colder than a polar bears ass outside. Marston didn't like the looks of that.

"Mama, we actually came because we have an announcement to make," Kaitlyn stated, beaming with excitement. Marston saw Pete's face go white as he gripped the door frame in a vice grip. "Mama, pa, everybody, Pete and I are going to have a baby."

A shocked silence filled the kitchen just before Pete dropped like a rock into a heap on the floor. Jeremiah chuckled. "I see the father is overwhelmed with excitement."