chapter twenty four
(not edited)

     I SIGHED AS I RESTED MY HEAD ON MY mom's shoulder. We were laying down in my bed with Friend's playing on my laptop in front of us. We needed something to lighten our hearts. I felt her warmth seep from her shoulder into my cheek, which helped me forget about my father for a second. Only for a second.

     "Mom." I cleared my throat. She hummed in response. "Do you know how dad found out?" I gulped, "You know, that I'm gay?"

     My mom shifted in her position so she was facing me completely. Her eyebrows were furrowed and the bags under her eyes were highlighted with dried tears. I hated that I made her feel this way. If I were straight or didn't come out, would everything be easier? Why is being gay such a crime?

     "No, honey." My mom pouted and shook her head. "I have no idea. But, I think he had lunch with Mason's father the other day, and, uh - maybe that's when it happened."

     My heart sank down to my toes as I looked away from my mother's face and began to play with the edge of my blanket. Why are there so many consequences that I'm having to face? Why can't everyone just accept who I am and then move on with their lives? Why do I need approval first?

     We turned our attention back to Friend's for a little bit while I had something to say on the tip of my tongue. I just couldn't quite get it out, though.

     "Mom." I finally said. She turned her body towards me and stared right into my eyes. "I - uh - I want to tell you something."

     "Okay." She gulped and nodded her head.

     The next words were going to be extremely hard; especially because I've never talked to her about this kind of thing before.

     "Remember Julia?" I gulped.

     "How could I forget?" She answered. "You guys were glued at the hip." Her lips curved into a small smirk. I gulped and looked down.

     "Yeah." I breathed. "I, uh, I've never told you this before, but we went to a party at the beginning of sophomore year. And, uh, I kissed her." I breathed, "And she completely lost it and basically ended our friendship right there."

     My mom's face was filled with sadness, concern, guilt, sympathy, all in one.

     "It's been a really tough school year without her. But, last week, she came up to me and told me that she wanted to be friends again and, just, I don't know." I closed my eyes. "I don't know what to do."

     My mom took a deep breath and placed her hand on the side of my head.

     "Hey." She said, causing me to open my eyes and really look at her. She just stared at me for a long time, probably wondering what to say. "It'll be okay."

My heart dropped even further. That seems to be the only sentence that people are telling me these days. Will it really be okay? What if it's not?

"Honey," she started again, "I know this must be hard. Especially because you have so much stress and pressure on you right now. But," she gulped, "if Julia came to you last week and you still don't know what to do," pause, "I think you're just trying to tell yourself to forgive her and be friends again."

I took a deep breath and thought about that for a little bit. Is it true? Am I really just trying to convince myself to forgive her? What's going to happen if we become friends again?

"But-" I gulped. I didn't really know what I was going to say next.

"But what?"

"Never mind." I shook my head as I felt my heart come back to its original position from being in my toes. "I just - I don't know what's going to happen." I sighed. "We were friends for so long and then she hated me for so long and -"

"Ashley." My mom whispered. "I think you should just try it out. See how it goes, you know? I'm sure she misses you as much as you miss her."

Do I miss her?

I sighed and stayed in silence for a full thirty seconds as I thought about the outcomes of this decision. What are people in school going to think? Will anyone care? Do I really miss her?

"Okay." I gulped. "I'll try."

"Good." My mom smiled. "I knew you would."

I smiled, as well, and turned my attention back towards the episode of Friend's we're watching. Joey said something about sandwiches and Rachael was on a boat, but I wasn't really paying that much attention. I wanted to tell my mom about May.

"Mom." I said with more confidence this time. She took her eyes away from the show and hummed. "I want to tell you something."

"Okay." She nodded her head and waited for me to elaborate.

"Um," I already felt the blush creep on to my cheeks. "I really like this girl." I gulped. My mom raised her eyebrows.

"Who girl?" She smirked, which only made me blush even more just thinking about her.

"Um," I cleared my throat, "she's the one I've been talking about a lot lately. May Parker."

"Oh May Parker." My mom snickered at the use of her full name. It's not my fault - May started it, actually.

"Yeah." I smiled. "I think we're sort of dating but I'm not really sure yet." My heart fluttered at the word dating.

"Oh, wow, so it's serious?" She smiled. "How are you not sure if you're dating?"

"Because it's not official." I answered. "We've only kissed twice."

"Oh, wow." My mom laughed. "Back when I was growing up, it was official when you kissed someone."

"Yeah, mom, it's 2015."

"Oh, I know." She shooed me with her hand. "Honey, in case you forgot, I'm not that old."

I smiled and nodded my head.

"I know." I rolled my eyes and scooted over so I could rest my head on her shoulder again.

"You should invite May over for dinner next weekend." My mom said. My heart pounded. "Ask her what kind of food she likes."

I smiled as I felt the blush creep onto the surface of my cheeks. My mom couldn't see since I was watching the television.

"Okay." I smiled. "I think she'll eat anything."

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

It's almost five in the afternoon and my dad still isn't home yet. It's been over six hours since he stormed out of the house with his keys and my mom is starting to get a little worried.

I can't help feeling that the whole thing is my fault. Technically, it is. My mom wouldn't be worried about him if I wasn't gay, my dad wouldn't hate me if I wasn't gay, Mason wouldn't be heartbroken if I wasn't gay, and Julia would still be my best friend if I wasn't gay.

If I wasn't gay.

"Hey, mom?" I called to her in the kitchen as I began to put my shoes on by the front door.

"Yes?" She called back. I could tell she was trying to keep it together, but it was hard when your husband won't even pick up his phone.

"I'm going to go on a walk." I gulped. "I have my phone."

Pause.

"Okay." Her voice quivered. "Be sure to answer when I call and don't be too long."

I nodded my head and opened up the front door.

"Okay, will do, I love you!"

"I love you, too." She replied. I shut the door behind me and stepped out into the warm California air in March. Sometimes I wish it gets cold here so I can sit outside and not feel any part of my body. I just want to see what it's like.

I whipped my phone out and debated whether or not I should text May or Julia. I mean, I could go to Julia's house right now and forgive her, or I could go over to May's and just, be with her.

My question was answered when I received a text at the exact moment I was staring down at my phone.

Julia: Look, I'm really sorry and now I know you'll never forgive me, but did you hear the news?

I furrowed my eyebrows together and began to walk down the street, heading in no particular direction.

Ashley: Um... No?

Julia: Oh ok. Uh... Would you like to come over? My mom ordered pizza and you're welcome to have some.

I furrowed my eyebrows at my phone. Since when does she invite me over?

Ashley: what's the news?

It took about two minutes for my phone to finally ding again. She must've taken a really long time to reply.

Julia: I'm sorry. I can't tell you over text. I just want you to know that I'm incredibly sorry.

Ashley: For what???

It took her three minutes to reply this time. I almost felt sick to my stomach when my phone dinged again.

Julia: Let's just say it's about Mason.

It didn't take me longer than five seconds to dial her phone number and press my phone up against my ear. What did Julia do this time? Why should I care if it's about Mason, we broke up.

"Ashley, look - I'm really sorry-"

"Julia." I interrupted her. She was silent. I almost felt proud of myself for finally being the superior one and taking her place from earlier. "Just spit it out."

There was a long pause as I just heard her breath into the phone.

"Mason came over last night." She was practically whispering. "And, well, um... Okay, I feel incredibly guilty about this, but, we um... We had sex. And I've never felt so ashamed of myself in my life and I don't really know how it happened but, I'm so, so sorry."

My heart only stopped for a second before I shook my head and took a deep breath.

"Julia," I breathed and interrupted her, "aren't you dating Chad?"

"What?" She questioned. "You're not mad?"

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I just sat down on the sidewalk in front of someone's house. I can't keep walking and talking, otherwise I'm going to run into a pole.

"No." I sighed. "Mason and I broke up. I don't care about what he does."

"But-"

"Julia, I think you already know this, but I'm fucking gay." I sighed. "Do whatever you want with Mason, I don't care, but I think your only concern should be about your boyfriend, Chad."

"But-"

"I'm not really sure how I'm involved in this." I opened my eyes and slightly chuckled.

"I thought you'd be mad and then never want to be my friend again."

My heart sunk a little. It sounded like she was on the verge of tears and I wasn't doing anything to help her.

"I'm still thinking about that." I said, even though I had a firm answer of 'I forgive you' an hour ago. She doesn't really sound like the same Julia anymore. "But, um, I have to go." I lied. "Bye."

"I'm sorry." She said again. "Bye."

I took a deep breath and then dialed May Parker's number with a smile glued to my face.

"Hello, Ashley James." I could feel the smile on her voice and it made my heart flutter. "How may I help you?"

"Hello, May Parker." I smiled even bigger. "I don't need any help today." I confessed honestly. "I just miss you." My throat tingled after I said those words and my brain mentally punched myself for being an idiot.

There was a little pause before her voice came back to my ear, "I miss you too, Ashley James." My heart fluttered. "But we saw each other this morning, remember? At Kyle's house?"

"I know." I beamed. "But it's been too long."

"Oh, shit, well yeah, I agree." She stuttered which made me smile as big as a watermelon slice.

"What are you doing right now?" I asked. It was so strange; I've never even talked to Mason on the phone like this and told him I missed him.

"I'm eating a sandwich, how about you?"

"I'm sitting down on the sidewalk." I laughed. "Where do you live?" I asked. "I've never been over to your house."

"Well," she laughed, "I'm looking out the window right now and I see a crazy girl sitting down on the sidewalk about a half a block away." She said. I sat up in my position and looked around. "Hang on." She hung up.

I furrowed my eyebrows at the phone and then stood up from the ground before brushing myself off.

"Ashley James!" I heard to my right. I looked over and saw May Parker running towards me in the middle of the street. I laughed and opened my arms as she got closer. She practically toppled on top of me, and brought us down in the grass of this strangers front yard. I laughed at this, even though my arm hurt a little bit, but felt crazy butterflies when I opened my eyes and saw her hovering on top of me.

"Hi." I laughed.

"Hello, crazy girl." She said and leaned down to kiss me. My heart practically burst out of my chest as I felt her body so close to mine and our lips moved in sync with each other. She definitely tasted like roast beef - probably from her sandwich.

I brought my arms up from my side and brought them to her waist, pulling her closer ever so slightly. She smiled in the kiss before we pulled apart and she flopped down beside me trying to regain her breath.

"We should miss each other more often." She laughed. I did, too, and reached down to grab her hand and intertwined our fingers.

This girl.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I should probably stop with the kisses in every chapter now, but oh well. Give me a break. They're cute and I love it.

(Also I didn't edit or read through this chapter so I hope it's okay. If there's any mistakes please let me know!)

I hope you guys liked this chapter! If you have any predictions of what is going to happen next, let me know!

Dedicated to @Larrys_Lady for making the lovely cover above <3

See you next week!