chapter seventeen

MASON DIDN'T TURN AROUND when I called his name. I was beginning to get embarrassed, due to everyone's eyes on me, but I knew Mason probably felt worse. I wanted to text May and ask for help, but that was completely unrealistic right now.

I followed him out the doors of school and began to run down the steps. I almost slipped because I was running so fast.

"Mason!" I begged, pleaded, yelled, prayed. He didn't turn around. He kept running down the street. "Mason!" I jogged and finally caught up with him. "Mason, please." I practically groaned. "Listen to me."

He finally stopped, which took me by surprise. His entire face and body spoke with an extreme amount of anger. I was scared, honestly, but I have to toughen up. I can't be a baby anymore.

"Mason." I whispered. He wasn't saying anything which made me even more nervous. He shook his head and looked down at the ground as his hands found their way to his hips.

I just stood in front of him as I watched him stare at the ground. He was taking deep breaths.

The second bell rung, telling us that class has started, but I couldn't care less. I had to fix this. Or, rather, I had to explain this situation to him.

     It felt like a minute had gone by without us speaking. I was waiting for his clarification; his indication that I was allowed to finally speak. He made no movements of those sorts.

     "I'm sorry." I breathed into the air. I managed to close my eyes and drop my head down as it hung from my neck. I was ashamed, embarrassed, lonely, sad, and lost all at once.

     "So it's true?" He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. I opened my eyes and brought my head back on top of my shoulders. Mason's eyes weren't the natural color they usually are. No, today they were darker and scarier. I gulped.

     "I'm sorry." I said again, this time with more conviction. The amount of negative space in between us was excruciatingly awkward. He's always on me, all the time.

     "Who'd you kiss, Ashley?" He titled his head to the side. I swear I saw his nostrils flare for a split second before they returned to normal.

     "It's not like that-"

     "Who did you kiss?" He slowed down the space in between each word. When I gulped, it felt like a million knives were suffocating me inside my throat.

     "Let me explain." I added a pause in between each word as well. Just so he could understand that I needed to explain like he needed to know who I kissed.

     He opened up his mouth and inhaled, but then shut it again. He did not look like Mason Baylor, sweet boyfriend of mine, no, he looked like Mason Baylor, a boy whom I don't even know.

"A couple weeks ago," I breathed, "I went to a birthday party. It was Olivia's birthday - she's a friend of May's." Mason stared at me with his scary eyes as his entire body remained still. He didn't move an inch. "Um," I gulped and fidgeted with my hands, "I - uh..."

"Is there just something with you and parties?" He furrowed his eyebrows together. I inhaled a sharp breath as I stared at the sidewalk.

"No." I said through gritted teeth. "But, uh..." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

I have to tell him. There's no way in hell I can explain the kiss with Fernando without mentioning that I'm gay. It's time.

"Can we take a walk?" I asked. He remained in the same untouched position.

"A walk?" He spoke as if it was poison on his tongue. "Why?"

"Because." I begged. I stared into his eyes as a way to connect and understand where he and I are both coming from. Nothing seemed to be working. He dropped his head and started walking further away from the school, answering my question with an unspoken yes. I walked beside him.

It took me a little longer to think about what I was going to say. How will this sound to him? Will he be upset? Will he accept me? Will he run away like he did in my dream? Oh, my God - the dream. The dream in which Mason, May, and Julia were all there with me in a huge field. Mason was the one who ran.

"Before we were dating," I choked, "I went to a party with Julia." I looked over at him to see any sort of reaction, but he was just staring at the ground and continued to walk. "Um... by the end of the night, we were playing truth or dare." Both of us stopped in our trail. "I kissed her, Mason." I spoke softly. He furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head slightly to the right. "I had a huge crush on her, and I kissed her."

I expected my eyes to get blurry and for my words to become fumbled, but nothing happened. I just had knives in my throat instead of tears down my face.

Mason finally shifted in his position, breaking the code of coming off as indestructible.

"And," I continued even though I wanted to throw up, "the whole time we've been together, I've been trying to get her out of my mind." His face was filled with confusion and hurt. "I'm sorry." I sighed and shook my head.

"Wait - but what was that guy talking about?" Mason stuttered. "At the library? Who'd you kiss?"

"I kissed, uh, Grant. A couple weeks ago." I answered honestly. I rubbed my lips together and looked at my feet. "I was trying to figure out if I had feelings for a boy."

The sentences that rolled off my tongue sounded ugly and misused. I knew they weren't, though. At least that's what May has told me.

Silence fell upon us. The atmosphere was growing thicker by the second and I had the sudden feeling of being choked. I opened up my mouth and stepped back as I took deep, slow breaths.

"Um." Mason said shakily. "Ashley."

I looked up from the ground and raised my eyebrows at him. He looked hurt and it was all because of me.

"I don't know what to say." He shrugged and stared past my shoulder. "I, um... yeah. I don't know."

I stood there, shocked. I wasn't expecting this. I was expecting a complete rejection of acceptance, not an unsure answer. Should I be relived?

"I'm sorry." I frowned at the boy in front of me. "I always told myself that I don't deserve you." I admitted. "And it's true," I gulped, "you deserve so much better than me."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because." I sniffed my nose and tried my best to stay focused on his eyes. I can't keep looking at the ground if I want to come out looking strong. "You don't deserve a girlfriend that lies to you and doesn't even know who she is."

His entire body fell, but he managed to put on a small smile. He stepped forward and hugged me, rather awkwardly, and I realized how much I needed a simple hug.

He pulled away and stepped back to give us space.

"I love you, Ashley." He frowned. "But, I uh... I guess it's time for us to break up." He announced. "It's just what we have to do."

I looked up to him, through glassy eyes, as I smiled. I never thought the words 'break up' would make me so happy. I am finally able to be happy without restraints.

"I'm sorry." I said as I shoved my hands into my jacket pockets. "Thank you."

"Thank you." He pouted. I furrowed my eyebrows, due to confusion, but he elaborated. "For our relationship. It was great."

My throat dried up and my nose sniffed. I laughed through a couple of tears.

     "Why do you have to be so good to me?"

"Because that's what people do when they love them." He answered. "It's going to be a while until I'm over you."

I wiped my tears and smiled at him, happily, before we hugged once more.

"I don't know if I'll be able to understand it," he whispered, "but I'll try my best."

"Thank you." I mumbled into his shoulder. "Thank you so much."

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I'm crying. No, really I am. I'm so happy that Mason wasn't a butt but, also, in reality, he didn't exactly accept her either. There are always challenges.

How're you guys liking this Friday update??? I was so inspired since the last chapter that I couldn't stop writing! Usually, when I can't update twice a week, it's because I'm stuck with a little writers block. It sucks. (Also school, duh).

I have a question! What do you see happening in the future of this book? Where do you want it to go? Any predictions?

Also, I just want to let you guys know that I absolutely love all your comments and I make sure to read every single one! It always puts a smile on my face when I see all the comments in my notifications.

I also love messages! Please don't ask me to read your book, however, but I love to talk to you guys! It's really funny and nice to hear what you want to have happen in the book. Some of you guys are crazy Mason fans while others root for Julia and May. (Some of you guys are even team Fernando). I'm loving all the ships!

See you guys on Sunday!