chapter seven

THROUGHOUT MOST OF THE DAY I slept some more and pondered over what May must think of me after what happened in the park. Does she think I'm some sort of lunatic? A freak? Did she suggest to walk me home because she didn't want to hang out with me anymore?

I must've been thinking about it too much because my mom asked me why the crease on my forehead seemed to stick there for ten minutes.

I immediately relaxed and blinked my eyes a couple of times as I looked over at her.

She had a mug in her hands filled with black coffee - she likes her coffee bitter - and her legs were crossed. She was sitting in a huge green chair (which is the ugliest chair I've ever seen, may I add, but my mother insists that we keep it because it was her grandmothers) and had wool slippers on while her long brown hair was tied in a never ending neat braid.

"Sorry, I was just thinking." I said regarding the comment on my forehead crease. She rose the mug to her lips and watched me as she took a sip.

"What about?" She asked and set her mug down on the table beside her. She squeezed her hands into the space between her thighs and shifted her position.

"Not much." I shrugged. I took a piece of my blonde hair and examined the tips. "Just... nothing, really."

My mom bowed her head and looked at me with wide eyes. She could see right through me; easy.

"Come on." She smirked, "spill."

I sighed and dropped my hair. There was no way I was going to get out of this, considering she was my mom and she knew everything about me (inside and out). The fact that she studied in law school and became a lawyer also helps. She knows how to get you to talk even if you don't want to. But it always feels better in the end - telling someone else your problems - because it relives so much stress.

"I was just worried what someone thinks about me." I confessed, immediately gulping afterwards and trying not to make eye contact.

"Who?" My mom asked. I cleared my throat and took a deep breath as I prepared myself for all the questions that were about to come my way.

"This girl named May." I answered.

"Are you two friends?" She leaned forward in her chair as she adjusted her position before sitting back again.

"Yeah, we just met, sort of." I said, finally looking my mother in the eyes as I shrugged.

"Well, if she's a true friend you shouldn't have any worries of what she thinks about you." My mom said. "I'm sure it's fine, sweetie." She grabbed her coffee mug and smiled at me. "Come on, what's not to like? You're a cute girl! I'm sure many people would die to be your friend!"

I chuckled and rolled my eyes as I mentally face palmed. Oh, mom. If only you knew.

"Thanks mom." I smiled. I leaned back onto the couch and pulled a blanket on top of me. I was about to grab the remote to the television, but my mom cleared her throat, causing me to look at her.

"You know your cousin, Sarah, is getting married, yeah?" She changed the topic.

"Mhm." I nodded my head slowly. Sarah announced her engagement a few months ago when she changed her status on Facebook, which, of course, made my entire family go crazy. I've heard she's getting married really soon.

"Well," my mom started, "the wedding is taking place an hour away, and Sarah was wondering if you wanted to come?"

My eyes widened as I sat up.

"I know the invitation says that only eighteen and up is allowed, but you're her cousin. So, obviously, you're invited too." She smiled.

I've never been to a wedding, ever, so this was a huge deal to be invited to one. I was ecstatic; the inside of my body was jumping for joy.

"I'd love to go!" I rushed, "when is it? And where?"

My mom chuckled at my outburst and set her coffee back down.

"It's next month, on the twentieth." She answered as she smiled. "You know that cute little town up north that we've been to a few times? The place with the beach and the really good pizza?"

"The pizza as big as your face?" I asked, knowing exactly the place she was talking about. It was a beautiful little town - I could imagine a wedding there perfectly.

"Yep, that's the place. It's going to be a beach wedding." My mom chuckled. "It'll be great, you'll love it."

"Yeah, I can't wait." I said with a huge smile plastered on my face.

"Hey, and why don't you invite Mason?" My mom suggested. "You should bring a date - the family will be all over your boyfriend." She smirked.

I nodded my head before turning back to the television and pressing the power button. The mention of Mason made me realize that I haven't called him or anything to let him know I was okay, and knowing him, he must be worried.

     I excused myself before heading to my room and dialing Mason's number.

     "Ash?" He picked up after the first ring. "How are you? Are you okay?"

     I chuckled softly and sat down on my bed.

     "I'm a little tired, but I'm fine." I answered honestly. I've only had a couple hours of sleep, so of course I was tired beyond belief.

     "Did you get any sleep?" He asked.

     "Yeah." I lied, "just tired." I laid down on my bed and pulled the covers over me.

     "Jesus, Ash, I was worried about you." He spoke fast. "I was up all night thinking about how you could've gotten hurt and-"

     "-Mason, I'm okay." I interrupted him.

     "I should've driven you home, I-"

     "Mason!" I raised my voice to cut him off. "I'm okay," I breathed, "you don't need to worry anymore."

His mouth was silent and the only thing I could hear from the other end of the line was his breathing.

"Mason?"

"Yeah, I'm here." He said. "I - just... Next time something like that happens, I don't want you to run away-"

"Mason, you-"

"-Can I please talk?" He shot. I immediately shut my mouth and looked down at my hand that was currently resting on the pillow beside my head. "You don't know how worried I was, Ash." He said. "You were my responsibility and I just blew it! If something happened to you it would've been my fault and I wouldn't of been able to live with myself."

"Mason," I sat up and cleared my throat, "stop it. How many times do I have to tell you that I'm okay? You need to stop worrying about me because I'm my own responsibility. You did the right thing by letting me go, and I was thankful when you did." I gulped.

"That doesn't make me feel any better." He sighed. I furrowed my eyebrows and took a deep breath - he was about to get really mad; I could just feel it. "I was worried sick all night and when I tried to call you or text you, you didn't answer."

"I turned my phone off."

"That was stupid, Ashley." He shot. He never calls me by my full name, I mean, not usually, and it took me by surprise. "I love you, you know that right? I don't want anything to happen to you."

"And nothing did happen to me." I said, still trying to get that across his mind. Why is he still worrying about me when I've told him I'm okay a billion times? "I'm calling you right now, aren't I? To let you know that you don't have to worry because I'm okay?"

"Ashley, if you're trying to start a fight with me I don't want to hear it right now." He groaned.

I couldn't believe it. He was the one that was being dramatic, yet I was the one to blame. How does that even work?

"Mason-"

"-You know what? Call me back when you decide we can have an actual conversation."

With that, he hung up.

I felt like I sat there with the phone pressed up against my ear for hours. But in reality, only three seconds had passed before I tossed my phone on to the other side of the bed and screamed into my pillow.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Later that day, around the time I usually eat dinner, I started wondering what my dream really meant. It's not usual for me to dream about the people in my life that are telling me to take their hand. And the part with Julia when she apologized. Did she really want to? You know, in real life?

I sat down at my desk and opened up my laptop, immediately going on Google and typed in 'what does my dream mean?'

Millions of links popped up. As I searched through some of the websites, none of the dreams seemed to be anywhere close to mine.

If it's not a common dream, than why should I be worried about it? It's probably nothing, I mean, it doesn't even make sense anyway.

I dismissed the topic as I logged into tumblr, a website in which I only go on when I'm bored, and started scrolling through my feed. I reblogged a few pictures of dogs and food and was about to exit the website when I landed upon a picture that caught my eye.

     I couldn't help but stare at it. It was a photo of a girl with long, brown hair who was smiling as wide as her face and was holding hands with another girl. The friend of the brunette was shorter and had blonde hair that stopped above her collarbone and was also smiling.

     I clicked on the profile of the girl who posted it and began to scroll through her page.

     There was another picture of the same two girls, only this time the brunette was giving the blonde girl a piggy back ride. Again, the smiles on their faces were contagiously huge.

     The next picture I saw made my heart stop for a couple of seconds as I looked at their lips connecting. I glanced down at the tags and saw that one of them said '#girlfriend'.

     Why do I suddenly feel a craving for the same thing those girls have?

     My eyes widened when I realized what I was thinking and I shut the computer immediately. For some reason I was breathing like I had just run a marathon as I stared at the wall.

     Oh, my God. I really just thought that.

     Tears sprung my eyes as I shook my head and gripped on to the roots of my hair. It hurt and I wanted to stop, but I deserved this. I made a vow to never, ever think of a girl like Julia ever again. I need to live up that vow and make sure it comes true.

     "Ashley, honey, dinners ready!"

     I let go of my hair and dropped my head into my hands as I let myself cry. I can't believe myself. I can never let myself think like this again because it's infuriating. It has to stop.

     I slipped my flip flops on and walked to the front door.

     "Hey, dinners ready." My mom said when she saw me in her sight.

     I glanced over at her in the kitchen and took a deep breath as I opened the front door.

     "I need some air." I called behind me as the door shut and I ran down the steps.

     I need a lot of air.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

You guys. How much do you love me for this super early update? Like, on a scale of one to ten. (If it's below five, I swear-)

School starts really soon for me (I know, I'm starting stupidly late this year) so I'm trying to write as many chapters as I can. (I'm already on Chapter Twelve... ahahahaha)

Sorry for the filler chapter! The next chapter is going to be so fuuuun *winky seductive face*

Dedication to @grungelookingflower for making the lovely banner above <3

See you soon, lovelies!