chapter eighteen

WHILE ON THE PHONE WITH MAY, my heart was thudding against my ribcage at a million miles per second. I told her everything there is to know about Mason and Julia and I continually asked her if I said the right things.

"Don't worry about that." She answered soothingly. It was twelve o'clock on a school night and her voice just felt so melodic.

"Did I say anything wrong?" I felt like I was about to break a sweat even though I'm laying down in my bed. I was so nervous about the past events that I couldn't even comprehend them all.

"No." I could hear the smile in her voice. "You said all the right things."

"Really?" I sighed into a smile. It was so great to hear her personal acceptance of my actions.

     "Yeah." She breathed. I heard some shuffling for a few seconds before it went silent again. "Don't doubt yourself, Ashley James."

     I chuckled into a tired smirk. I stretched my legs out and reached my toes as far as they could go before I sunk back down into my bed. I was exhausted.

     "Yeah." I closed my eyes and was comforted by the silence on the other end of the line. You could tell we were both very tired.

     "Are you okay?" Her voice interrupted the quietness.

     "What do you mean?" I cleared my throat because it sounded scratchy.

     "Are you okay, now that you're out?" She added. I took a deep breath and sunk my head into my pillow.

There was a long moment of silence as I opened my eyes and searched my dark room for some sort of answer. Am I okay? Genuinely? Honestly?

"I guess so." I sighed and turned so my body faced the ceiling.

"You guess so?" She questioned. She was about to open her mouth, I heard, but I immediately cut her off.

"I'm just worried. You know, about what everyone is going to say." I gulped. She remained silent on the other end of the line. "I have no idea what to do about Julia, I'm not sure if Mason is ever going to talk to me again, and soon the entire school will know."

"Ashley-"

"What will my dad say?" My voice cracked ever so slightly. I was terrified of his future response. "I was already made fun of after I kissed Julia and I, I-"

"No, listen-"

"Sometimes I feel really happy that I'm out, you know?" I took a deep breath so I wouldn't cry. I've been crying too much in the past few weeks. "But then I remember all the people that will laugh and try to hurt me and-"

"Ashley James." May said sternly. Her voice was loud and clear with no hesitation. It immediately shut me up. "No one is going to hurt you."

"You can't be sure, though." I pressed my lips into a thin line and attempted to swallow my saliva to fix my dry throat.

"You're right." She said. "I can't be sure, but I can believe that no one will hurt you." She didn't sound mad at all. Usually, in this type of situation, Mason would get mad at me for not seeing his side. "And you should believe that, too."

I sighed and rolled back onto the left side of my body. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything at all.

"If anyone does try to hurt you, you have to understand that they're not worth it and they just don't understand." She rambled. "But, honestly, if anyone tried to hurt you they're just an asshole. It's two-thousand fifteen, for crying out loud."

"But not everyone is okay with people like us." I swallowed.

"I know." She sighed. "It's something we have to fight against. Both of us. You just have to learn how to be okay with yourself first."

My heart sunk but I know she's right. I'm not okay with myself and I need to be. If I want to be happy, I must accept who I am beforehand.

     "Okay." I smiled. "I'll learn to accept myself."

     "Yeah," pause, "okay, good." She chuckled. "And I'll be glad to help you."

"Okay." I breathed out and smiled bigger. A rollercoaster seemed to appear inside my body; riding all the way from my heart down to my toes. It was much more dramatic than the butterflies, I decided, but it still felt good in some way.

"Do you want to go to Lulu's surprise party?" She asked quietly. Her small voice sent another rollercoaster erupt inside of me.

"Kyle already invited me," I said, "but yeah, I'd love to go."

"Damn that Kyle." She laughed. I chuckled with her and turned on to the right side of my body. "He always gets to you first."

I furrowed my eyebrows together but I didn't ask for any clarification. I had no idea what she was talking about but I feel like I didn't even want to know.

     "I should probably be going to sleep." May chuckled lightly.

     "Yeah, me too." I smiled and closed my eyes. "But I don't really want to." I admitted as I pressed my lips into a tight, thin smile.

     "Me neither." She breathed. "But you know we're going to regret this in the morning."

     "I don't care." I smiled as the rollercoaster, yet again, started up another ride inside my body.

     She chuckled and soon we were met with a comfortable silence. It was nice; just laying in the silence with the company of someone else. Especially if May Parker is the company.

     "Ashley James," she breathed out, "you are something else."

     I felt a blush creep to my cheeks as I hid my face in my pillow. I didn't want to make any sort of weird noise in my mouth, so I tried not to breath. When I felt the noise go away in my throat, I brought my face back into the air with a smile.

     "I always say the same thing about you." I smiled and bit my tongue. A nest of butterflies escaped their home and fluttered through every detail inside me. Nothing went untouched, not even my earlobe or pinkie finger.

     I heard her chuckle slightly before our last statements resonated on me in silence. Maybe they were doing the same thing for her, I'm not sure.

"My mom called me today." She gulped.

I furrowed my eyebrows together until I realized that she doesn't even talk to her mom anymore because of her sexual orientation. Honestly, it makes no sense and it just breaks my heart.

"What'd she say?" I cleared my throat and closed my eyes. I just wanted to focus on listening, not on the dark outlines of my room.

"I don't know," she paused, "I didn't answer the phone."

My heart tore into small pieces, one by one, as it ached for her. I can't believe a mother of May would leave her so fast.

"I'm sorry." I sighed.

"Yeah." May breathed in deeply, and then out. "She left a voicemail, too, but I deleted it."

"Did you listen to it?"

"No." She cleared her throat and sniffed her nose. Was she crying? Was May Parker, one the coolest and strongest people I've ever known, crying?

"Are you okay?" I pouted. "I mean, like, right now. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," her voice cracked, "of course."

In this moment, that's when I realized that May Parker isn't the perfectly strong girl she makes herself out to be. Sure, she's strong, but not all the time. This is the very first time I'm seeing, well hearing, her at a low point. A point in which I'm the person that needs to help her. Usually it's the other way around.

"It'll be okay." I pouted. I'm not even sure if I believe the words coming out of my mouth. "Your mom is just one of those assholes that we have to fight against."

She chuckled before I heard her sniff a few times. I just knew she was crying. I wanted to be there for her, right now, and I wanted to hug her like she does for me. But that's unrealistic.

"Hey," I attempted to sound stronger than I actually am, "we're going to have so much fun at Lulu's surprise party on Saturday." I smiled. She sniffed a couple times but I knew she was still listening. "And we're going to forget all about your mom and her stupid phone call. You know why?"

"Why?" She choked. My heart broke for her ever so slightly.

"Because we're going to be with a group of people that love and accept you for you." I felt a tear roll down my face. "All those people outnumber your mom by plenty."

"Yeah." I heard some shuffling and then it stopped. "Thank you." She breathed. "I don't know why I get like this sometimes." She laughed. "I guess nighttime is the one to blame."

I smiled and inhaled deeply.

"Hey, May?" I whispered. I didn't want to wake my parents up.

"Yeah?" I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Do you think we really did become best friends in three weeks time?" I smirked. It's been over a month since we met.

She laughed which only made me smile bigger.

"Maybe three weeks was a little extreme." She laughed, "but I'd like to think we're pretty damn close." Her voice sounded a lot less sad which only made me happier.

"Yeah." I chuckled and felt my heart pound against my chest. "I'd like to think that, too."

"Yeah." She gulped. I craved to be with her, right now, so I could see her face at the same time she was speaking. Is that weird?

"May." I started. She hummed in response. "I don't think I can forgive Julia." I sighed.

     Pause.

"Is that your decision?" She asked quietly. I gulped and opened my eyes to the ceiling.

"I want to be friends again, I really do." I admitted. "But I feel like that's something I wanted a long time ago when I really think about it." I closed my eyes again and gulped.

"Okay." She breathed.

"I feel like, if I forgave her," I gulped, "she'll hurt me again." May didn't reply or make any noise, so I just sighed. "I don't know."

"No, that makes sense." May said. "It's hard, I get it."

"Yeah." I sighed. "But, the thing is, when we were friends we were, just... We were amazing, you know?"

"Yeah." May said after a brief moment of silence. "This is all up to you, you know that, right?" I felt the smirk hidden beneath her voice. "Sometimes it's easier to move on, but, on the other hand, it's also good to go back to her." She spoke. "People usually say that relationships are always stronger after they've been through a tough time."

I gulped.

"I just can't even imagine a future where we're stronger." I shrugged. "I'll be worried to be with her because she might go off telling people my secrets."

"Then go with that." May said quietly. "This is your decision, Ashley." She breathed. "And there's no deadline to decide what you want."

I let her answer resonate on me as I sighed and turned on to the other side of my body. How is May Parker always right about everything?

"I love staying awake and talking to you, Ashley James." She chuckled softly. "But I have to wake up in five hours."

I pulled my phone away from my face and saw that it was close to one in the morning.

"Okay." I chuckled. "I'll tell you if anything happens tomorrow."

"Yeah, I'd love that. Remember to listen to yourself, okay?" She advised. I nodded my head but realized she can't even see me. "This whole thing with Julia is all on you."

"I know." I sighed. "I'll figure it out."

"I know you will." The smile was evident in her tone. "Goodnight, Ashley James."

"Goodnight, May Parker." I smirked. "How about we talk again, same time, tomorrow night?"

"I'd love that." She laughed. "Can't wait."

"Me too. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

I hung up the phone and managed to fall asleep with a smile glued on my face and a constant roller coaster riding around. Oh, May Parker.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Wow, I feel like I literally just updated! (Haha, because I did).

This chapter is a little filler/fluff with the beautiful May Parker and Ashley James. I couldn't help myself but to dedicate a whole chapter to the two of them just talking. I mean, why not?

I'm really excited for the next few chapters!! You guys don't even know (but you will know soon).

Wouldn't it be amazing if this book had a trailer? Does anyone know how to make those? PM me if you do! Also, if you guys have any fan art, that would be absolutely amazing if you could PM them to me! I'll put them up in the multimedia and dedicate the chapter to you!

See you guys soon!