I love YOU and
you don't COME.

𓆨

November 23rd, 1982

It's been three days since anyone's seen Hana, and I keep replaying that night in my head. I keep thinking maybe she's still mad at me for what I said or... didn't say, for the way I couldn't tell her the truth- about how I really feel. I thought she was ignoring me, but now the police are involved. They came by today, asking if I was the last to see her. I had lied to them. I said she left my house around eight, that she was fine, and that she told me she would see me tomorrow like always- that she got on her motorcycle and drove home by herself.

But that didn't happen. Hana wasn't fine and that was my fault. I didn't stop her from leaving. I should have. The guilt is suffocating me. She looked so upset, and I just let her go. I keep thinking about the way we hadn't really said goodbye. What if something bad happened and it's my fault? What if that was the last I would ever see her?

God, please let her be okay. I just need her to be okay.

December 23rd, 1982

It's been over a month. It's been weeks since anyone's seen her. The police have been stopping by less and less every day. No leads, no signs of her anywhere. All that was left of her was her motorcycle. It had been damaged beyond repair and that scared me. Every time I think about it, I feel like I'm going to be sick. The thought of her lying somewhere, hurt, or... worse, its killing me.

I overheard my mom talking to someone from work- she doesn't think Hana's coming back. It seems that no one does. They're treating her like she's already gone, like she's a memory. I want to scream at them, to tell them they don't know her like I do. She's not someone who just disappears. She'd fight to come back. I know she would.

But I'm still holding out hope, or at least I'm trying to. Hana's friends, Rosemary and Carmen say to stay positive, to keep going, to keep putting up posters, to go to search parties until I can't anymore even if it gets hard.

I can't sleep most nights, and I think I hear her voice calling my name. I've woken up more than once thinking she's knocking at my window, asking to come in like she used to. But every time, it's just the wind or the creak of trees outside. It's false hope. Just my imagination. But I keep hoping.

They haven't found a body, and somehow, that's worse. I keep telling myself, if there's no body, there's still a chance she might be found. But the days are getting longer, and it's getting harder to hold onto the chances of maybe. It hurts, and I'm realizing now that it isn't just our friendship I miss. I miss her in a way I've never admitted to myself.

December 24th, 1982

For the first time, I didn't receive a snowflake. I keep checking my window, still hoping- no, waiting- to see her standing outside, holding a new one. I even opened the box under my bed and looked through all the ones she made me over the years I've known her. They're just paper, but they feel like the only thing I have left of her.

I found the one from last year, the one with the little star cut into it. She told me it was because of that time we snuck out and watched the meteor shower last summer. I don't know how she even remembered that, but I guess that's just Hana. Always paid attention to things, even when I didn't.

I remember how she laughed when I opened it, saying it wasn't perfect, but that's what made it special. At least to me. I didn't tell her then, but I loved it. I loved all of them.

I wish I had told her.

I would do anything for another one. Just to hear her laugh when I opened it. I don't even care what it looks like- it could be the ugliest snowflake in the world, and it would still be perfect.

But there's nothing this year. Just silence.

January 2nd, 1983

It's a new year. It's weird being without her. School feels empty- our spot by the lockers, the bench outside where we used to eat lunch. I just feel haunted, like my whole life is off-balanced now. I catch myself looking for her in the hallways, expecting to see her turn a corner, laughing about something, or waiting for me outside on her motorcycle so she could take me home. But she's never there.

Everyone's moved on, I guess. People have stopped talking about her like they used to. Her posters have started to come down around town. Hana's dad told the police to stop hosting the search parties- to give up, and her own friends seemed to have lost hope. It's like the whole world has decided to forget her.

I can't. I don't know if I'll ever be able to.

February 13th, 1983

Steve asked me out today.

He's nice. He's sweet. And for a second, I almost said yes. I thought maybe it'd help distract me, help me forget.

I've talked about him to Hana a few times, but it always ended with awkward tension between us. It's the reason she got so upset with me the night she... left. I didn't really understand why. I thought she'd be happy for me or at least pretend to be even if she disliked Steve. I knew he didn't have the best reputation. I thought she'd laugh or make a joke about it when I told her I liked him. But she didn't.

She just got really quiet, and her whole expression changed. I can't describe it, but it was this look of surprise and something else I couldn't quite place. Her face kind of tensed up, and she wouldn't look me in the eyes.

It was a look that made me feel guilty in a way. Like I hurt her somehow by bringing up my feelings for him. It wasn't my intention. I just wanted someone to talk to about it. She was always so willing to listen to me about anything and I thought that night wouldn't be any different for us.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm just torturing myself by holding on. Maybe that's what she'd want. The truth is, I don't know anymore. I don't know anything anymore.

August 29th, 1983

Summer's almost over. It's been nine months- months of silence, of no answers. I thought by now I'd have some sort of closure, but still nothing. Just emptiness. She's gone. Everyone says it now, even the police. They stopped looking months ago. I guess I stopped looking, too. I stopped expecting her to come back.

I've moved on, or at least I'm trying to. It feels like I'm supposed to, right? That's what everyone keeps telling me. It's what she would want. So I'm trying. I'm trying to stop imagining her walking through the door, or waking up to find her sitting on the edge of my bed.

Steve and I have talked a few times since he asked me out. It's... nice. But it's not the same. It doesn't feel right, not like it did with her. But I guess that's over now. It has to be.

Hana is gone and she's not coming back.

November 5th, 1983

It's been almost a year. Hana is dead. I didn't want to believe it at first, not even when the police declared it. But I think it's time I accept reality. I can say it now, without that lump in my throat or pit in my stomach. I've accepted it. We all have. There's no point in holding on to someone that's never going to come back.

I can barely remember her face anymore. Isn't that strange? I used to think I'd never forget a single detail- her smile, her laugh, the way she'd roll her eyes when I said something dumb. But it's all fading now. It's like she's slipping away from me in pieces.

I feel guilty. I've moved on. Things with Steve are going well, I think. He's good. But sometimes, in the quiet moments, when it's just me, I still think of her. I can't help it. I still wonder what might've happened, where she might be, what our lives would have been like if she'd just stayed that night. Would we still be us? Would I have figured out what I felt before it was too late?

But she didn't stay. Hana is dead. And I'm left here, trying to figure out what that means for the rest of my life.

𓆨

Jeon Jong-seo / HANA PARK.

𓆨

Olivia Cooke / ROSEMARY DUNN.

Andrea Chapparo / CARMEN CAMPELL.

Natalia Dyer / NANCY WHEELER.

Joe Keery / STEVE HARRINGTON.

𓆨

REST of CAST...

As described / Joni Park
Millie Bobby Brown / Jane Hopper
Finn Wolfhard / Mike Wheeler
Gaten Matarazzo / Dustin Henderson
Caleb Mclaughlin / Lucas Sinclair
Jaeden Martell / Will Byers
Sadie Sink / Max Mayfield
David Harbour / Jim Hopper
Winona Ryder / Joyce Byers
Charlie Heaton / Jonathan Byers
Maya Hawk / Robin Buckley
Dacre Montgomery / Billy Hargrove
Priah Ferguson / Erica Sinclair

...Everyone else as DESCRIBED

𓆨 DISCLAIMERS/WARNINGS: I do not own Stranger Things. All rights go to the original creators. I only own characters, their dialogue, and storylines. Before reading this book may contain topics such as: Internalized homophobia, homophobia, violence, mature language and content, blood, and psychological trauma such as Dissociation, Paranoia, and PTSD. Read at your own risk.

𓆨 CREDITS/RESOURCES: Every gif I used was found on Pinterest and/or Tumblr. Credit to Jellygifs and Lomapacks for most of Jeon Jong-seo's gifs.

𓆨 AUTHOR'S NOTE: I only really have to say two things. Firstly, thank you to romanoIogy for letting me use Carmen in my story and for literally being one of, if not, the only person to support my stories. I love you very much! Secondly, I've changed the timeline around a bit (and I'm not sure if I did it correctly lol) but originally Eleven fought 001 in 1979 which opened the first gate and it immediately closed shortly after 001 fell through it. In this book, this fight occurs in 1982 instead and I've stretched that short period where the gate is going to be left open to leave room for the events that cause Hana's disappearance. I've made it so that when that first gate is created, it'll have more impact on Hawkins.

So to be clear: Hana disappears on November 20th, 1982, and reappears on November 6th, 1983. Almost a year apart. Her reappearance falls on the day Eleven opens the other gate and Will disappears shortly after. Hopefully, that makes sense. If not, that's okay. It'll be easier to understand once I get these chapters out.

𓆨 DEDICATIONS: maenadscult quicksilvrs remorg cIearwaters ayoedebiris kinaiiya violetcresents <3

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