"She is standing on the line between giving up and seeing how much more she can take."

*************

Max's POV

"So, based on what I explained, the neuraminidase is carried by which viru-" I paused midway through my words when my eyes fell on Valerie, sitting on the chair right next to me. Physically, she was here. Mentally though, I was more than sure that she was galaxies far away.

Her elbow was propped over the table, her fingers in her hair, tight around her strands, her eyes focused on the notebook below her gaze, but she wasn't reading, nor was she listening to anything I'd said since I got here almost an hour ago. Her body vibrated with a weird negative energy that had my eyebrows pulling closer, confused and slightly worried.

"Gingy," I called out for her, thinking that my voice might break through her train of thought but I was wrong.

She didn't even budge and I am sure if I stayed silent for the next hour, she won't even notice. Her expression reflected uttermost stress, the lines etching her forehead, the way her teeth tortured her lower lip, dug deep into the sensitive skin, biting on it every now and then just to stop it from shaking, the overwhelmed look in her eyes, the tightness in her jaw...something was just not right.

True, she was acting indifferent since the morning, fighting me on everything and pretending to be annoyed with all I was and my presence. But this...this was different.

"Valerie," I called for her again, seriously worried now by her silence and out-of-sort state. When I realized she wasn't going to respond, I brought my hand forward, resting it over her arm, "Val-" Before I could finish saying her name, my mere touch had her slightly jump, startled and her gaze shot up to me.

"Huh," She breathed out, her throat bobbing as she swallowed hard, facing me but she was still in a haze, nervous and stressed.

"You okay?" I asked the obvious and of course, she acted indifferent, her chest heaving up as she sucked into a deep calming breath, nodding her head and running her hand through her hair, "Uh yeah, yeah, you were saying ?" She questioned, urging me to not question further and carry on with my session as if nothing happened.

"Did you listen to what I explained?" I asked, my eyebrow raising as to call her off on her bluff.

She nodded her head, "Yeah, yeah," She said, her fingers tight around the pen, pretending to scribble something over the paper, "You were talking about the enzymes, and yeah...I got it, carry on."

"Since you so obviously got it," I mimicked her words and pushed the book toward her, pointing at the question I had just answered a few minutes ago, "Which virus carries it?" I added, forcing her, or else I won't get any other explanation from her about this hazy state she is sucked into.

She read the question, one time, two times, then three. She ran the pen in her hand over the multiple choices, thinking which one is the correct answer but unable to figure it out, "Uh," She let out a low huffed sound, lines pulling between her eyebrows, "Is it..." She looked up at me, so lost, "Is it adenovirus?" She asked, hesitant and not sure at all, which is never like her.

I shook my head and pulled the book back to my side, "No, and if you were listening to me," I pointed out as I circled the correct one, "You'd know it is influenza."

A low defeated sigh pushed out of her nose and I started to talk, "Valerie, this is the easiest question yet you didn't know it," I said, speaking out for her sake only, "And you have an exam tomorrow, I need you focused."

She nodded, fully aware of her distorted mood. Another sigh left her lips, her shoulders dropping down before she propped both elbows over the table and placed her face between her palms, "Ugh, I am just..." Her voice was low and a frustrated breath pushed from her nose, "I just need to..." She straightened herself and shook her head, thinking deeply about something.

Then out of nowhere, she pushed herself up to her feet and pulled the phone from inside the front pocket of her pack back, "I need to make a phone call, I will be back in a sec, okay," She said, giving me an apologetic look for being so distracted, "I will be back," She stressed out again before she headed toward the other end of the coffee shop, disappearing behind the staff's-only door.

Worry consumed me again and I leaned back into the chair, crossing my arms over my chest, and watched the door, waiting for her to come back and explain to me what the hell was happening. If she was in some sort of trouble, I can maybe help her out...that if only she'd tell me or talk about it, which I doubt she'd do. She doesn't trust me that much to let me in on her inner turmoil.

A total of seven minutes passed before she pushed the door open and came back to my side, seeming just as distressed as before. She stayed standing still, her eyes flickering over the books and the notebooks, thinking of something and trying to figure out what to do next. Her eyes fell on mine, so fragile as she mumbled, "Can I ask for a favor?"

I nodded my head immediately. Hell, I was ready to do anything just to erase that look from over her face, "I want...I need to go home, I just.." She shook her head, nervously tripping over her words, "You are right, there is an exam tomorrow and I am not fully prepared but I want to be home, with my sister now, so, can we...can we resume this from my place, if you want to only..."

"Yea..."

"I mean I am already taking so much from your time and you know what...forget it, I will study on my own, you must have plans, and I can't just force you to be consistent with my messy schedule, so just forget it, I can do it on my own, I will..." She was still rambling on nonsense so I brought my hand forward, resting it over hers to shut her up for a second.

She paused at my touch, her throat bobbing and I nodded my head, "Sure, let's pack these up and we can continue studying from your place, it's no big deal." Why was she acting like it was a huge deal?

My words still didn't relieve the stress and worry tightening her expression. She nodded her head nevertheless, appreciative of my effort, "Thanks," She mumbled lowly before she pulled her hand back from my hold. She started to close her books and pack them into her bag. I helped her and when all was ready, I snatched the heavy backpack from her, shrugging the straps over my shoulder and we bid Aubrey goodbye before we headed out of the shop.

When we reached the parking lot, I unlocked my car and placed her bag and mine in the backseat as Valerie got herself settled inside. I joined right after but didn't start the engine yet. I faced her and her eyes met mine, questioning why I didn't drive off yet, "Gingy, you can tell me if there is something wrong," I tried to extend an olive branch but she cut it right away per usual.

She forced on a smile and nodded, "Thanks, but there is nothing wrong."

I decided not to question it any further, she would've told me if she wanted to and she clearly doesn't, so I can at least do my part and help her study for the exam. I pulled the car into the street and to fill in the tense silence, I turned on the radio to a medium sound, allowing it to blast soft music into the car and stop me from questioning and interfering more.

Valerie was more comfortable with the silence than I am and didn't utter a single word. She didn't even look at my side throughout the whole drive, her eyes were rather focused on the window and the outside world, knee-deep in her thoughts. Even if I spoke, I doubt she'd hear me. I shifted in my seat, forcing myself to give her space. I sucked into a deep breath and stuck to my boundary for the time being.

When we reached her house, I parked the car in the nearest spot and turned the engine off. She was first to go down, to open the backseat and pull out her bag before she headed for the door. The hour was hitting seven and due to winter time, it was already getting dark. Lights illuminated from inside the house, signaling that someone was in. I doubted it to be her mother for some reason.

Valerie paused by the porch, digging into her bag for the keys but before she could pull it out, footsteps echoed from behind the closed door and an elderly woman opened it, warmly smiling and greeting her in, "Hey sweetie, I heard shuffling outside and figured it was you," She said and Valerie returned the smile, so soft and genuine, the total opposite of how she interacts with me, "Hey," She said back and the women's eyes flickered to me behind Val, confused at the foreign presence.

"Uh, Martha, this is Max, he is my friend from college," Valerie explained and I tried not to comment nor roll my eyes at the friend word.

I greeted the woman with a small smile and a respectful nod, to which she returned. She focused her gaze back on Val, "I tried to make her eat but you know her," She shook her head with a heartfelt smile, "She said she will eat with you when you get back," Martha added, pulling her coat from the hanger and heading out.

Valerie thanked her again and asked her to say hi to her husband, "See you soon, honey," The woman said to her, waving a hand and throwing a smile at my side too before she stepped into the street and into the house across.

Valerie walked inside and silently ushered me to come in too. I was partially excited, I never thought she'd let me take a step into her house before but here we are, not that anything would happen anyway but still, I see this as an improvement.

Valerie closed the door behind us and took off her shoe, placing it on the shoe rack and it felt convenient for me to do the same. She took off her jacket, "Reneé, I am back," She called out for her sister as she placed her stuff on the hanger and walked further in.

I couldn't help but take a quick look around the house, merely curious about anything relating to this girl, thinking maybe if I searched around this place, I can understand her better. The house wasn't anything too big or fancy but it was still very nice and tidy. It was cozily furnished with colors that ranged in shades of brown and green. I could see the kitchen on one side, the living room on the other, and another door leading to some other room. Based on the size of the house and the stairs leading up, I supposed that two medium-sized bedrooms or maybe three small ones were positioned on the upper floor.

"I am here, Val," I heard a soft voice say from the living room, a voice that felt young but also not so young. A clicking sound echoed from that side, it became closer with every second, it felt like the sound of something slightly hard making contact with the wooden floor. I followed behind Valerie, whose back was so tense for some reason. I was very curious to meet her sister. Somehow, in some way, I felt closer to unraveling another piece of her.

I halted to a sudden stop when my eyes fell on the girl. Based on her face and features, I guessed that maybe she is twelve, maybe thirteen years old if I am not mistaken. Her features resembled those of Valerie's to some extent but the hair was different, while Valerie's hair was ginger-colored, long, soft but also chaotic at the same time. Her sister's hair was brownish, wavy, and short, barely reaching her shoulders.

But that wasn't the big revelation here. The thing that made me freeze in the spot, what made my chest tighten so badly and my heart squeeze and tremble, the thing that rendered me speechless was the fact that the young girl was leaning into clutches at each side, using them for support and balance, one leg perfectly healthy while the other was...amputated.

I didn't know how to act, or what to say so I tried to focus my attention on everything other than that fact. Valerie inched closer, giving the girl a quick hug and a peck on the cheek, whispering something to her that was incoherent to me, or maybe I was too much wrapped up in my head that I couldn't clearly hear anymore.

Reneè scrunched her nose at Valerie, "You smell a lot like coffee," She commented with a raised eyebrow and gingy sighed, looking down at her clothes, "Yeah, the espresso machine broke and I tried to fix it, and well...it wasn't pretty."

The girl chuckled softly before her gaze flickered to me, she seemed to be slightly taken aback by my presence but then she smiled, a smile that was youthful, innocent and so pure, "Hey," She was first to speak, a very positive vibe radiating off her, and it made my heart tremble once again.

I stepped closer, smiling as well, "Hey, and you must be Reneé," I commented, "Valerie told me so much about you," She didn't and she spoke to me only once about her, but it felt like the right thing to say at the moment.

Reneé's eyebrow raised as she looked at Valerie, "Well, Valerie never spoke of you, but-"

"Uh, Reneé, this is Max," Gingy started to introduce me, "He is well, he...he is my tutor," God, I think I prefer the friend word over that.

I dismissed Valerie, "Not just her tutor," I commented, "We are in some sort of a...friendship," I internally winced at my words. Since when do I do female friends...I need to have sex ASAP and get back into my game before I lose it all.

Reneé's smile widened, "Well, my sister doesn't usually do friends, so it's really nice to meet you."

"Pleasure is all mine, Reneé," I said back with a wink and she giggled.

Even though the young girl seemed to be so outgoing and positive, Valerie was the opposite now, she seemed so stressed and nervous, very tense as she gazed at her sister and at me, almost like she wanted to wrap her up in a bubble and hide her away from everyone, including myself.

Reneé looked at her sister, "Valerie, seriously go change and take a shower, the coffee smell is nauseating," She said with a playful tone and gingy looked down at herself before she looked at me and I gave her a nod, signaling that it was totally okay, that I can wait for as long as she wants.

"Uh, I will just," She started to explain, "I will have a very quick shower and change, then we can resume, is that okay?"

I nodded my head again, casually stepping further in, "Yes, yes, sure," I said, "I will be here with Reneé, she seems to be more fun to have around than you," I added, trying to ease the tension engraved on her face but it didn't work.

Reneé chuckled and nodded, "See, told ya," She said as she looked at Valerie with an arched eyebrow.

Valerie was about to turn around and head up to her room but she paused, her eyes warily drifting from me to her sister, scared, and it kind of sucked that she probably doesn't trust me enough to have me around her sister. I gave her a reassuring look, urging her to relax slightly. She gulped down and nodded her head, turning around and heading up the stairs.

My gaze flickered from her retreating back and fell on the TV screen, then to the PlayStation connected to it, "Oh, you were playing overwatch?" I asked the girl as we both headed to the couch, "I used to play it back in high school," I commented and dropped onto the couch, holding one of the controllers and giving her a challenging look, "Wanna play?"

Her smile widened in excitement, "Oh cool," She commented, resting her clutches to the side and helping herself to the couch. I purposely didn't ask if she needed help, it seemed like she got the hang of it quite well and I didn't want to make her uncomfortable at all, "No one ever played with me since," She paused as she picked up the other controller, her voice lowering as she stared at the controller in her hand with wistful eyes, "Since dad," She added, a small smile breaking up into her face as she looked at me, "Be prepared though, I'm good at it and I will definitely kick your ass."

I let out a fake gasp, "I don't think Valerie will like you saying such a bad word," I said with a sarcastic playful tone and she chuckled, she was a bubbly cool little thing and I really liked her. She shook her head, "She definitely won't," She pretended to whisper as she leaned closer to my side, "So, this will be our very own secret word," She extended her free hand, "Deal, Max?"

I nodded with a serious expression, placing my hand in hers, "Deal, little Ree," My nickname had her expression soften slightly, almost like it reminded her of something but she didn't comment further and I didn't question as she pressed start and we began playing.

"You know, my sister must really like you," She started a conversation mid-playing, "She doesn't usually bring a guy home."

"I doubt that," Maybe she doesn't yet, but I will make her like me, one way or another, "Your sister is very hard to read," I added and she nodded her head, her eyes focused on the screen, "She wasn't always like this, you know," She added and I wanted to hear all she had to say, maybe she will let me in on the mystery that is Valerie.

"She just...holds the weight of the whole world over her shoulders," Reneé added with a somber worried tone and my gaze flickered from the screen to her, "I try to tell her not to, but she never listens to me."

The way she spoke reminded me of the one thing Valerie told me about this little girl before. How she was the young one but acted maturer than her age, I can clearly see that, "Anndddd you are dead!" She said in excitement, her eyes leaving the screen and looking at me. My eyebrow raised, "True to your words, you kicked my ass," I rested the controller over the couch, "Respect."

She smiled proudly and I couldn't help but start a conversation with her, and get to know her better, "So, Reneé, do you go to school?" I asked and she nodded her head, turning her body around so she can face me, giving me her full attention, "Yup," She looked down at her leg, "The whole special needs school and whatnot," She said it ever so casually but there was an underlying distaste toward that little fact in her tone.

My eyebrows pulled closer, "Do you not like it there?"

She shook her head, "Nope, not at all."

She let out a low sigh, "I just...I would prefer to go to a normal school, you know. I am not fully disabled after all, I can take care of myself and do it all like any other person," I liked her confidence and the way she addressed her condition directly, it only proved how she dealt with it in a healthy way.

"So, why don't you?" I asked and her expression fell down slightly, a low sigh pushed out of her chest, "Because of Valerie," She didn't say it like she hated that fact, she said it in a way that she appreciated what she had but wished her sister wasn't as protective, "But I get where she is coming from, she worries a lot about me, I just wish she wouldn't, for her own sake at least," She pressed her lips into a thin line, "I wish she'd see that I can take care of myself."

"Yeah, but it's kind of hard to think logically when it's your family," I mumbled, giving Valerie the right for being overprotective too.

She nodded, "I know," She said and looked down at her lap, saddened by the situation as a whole, almost like she didn't want to be a burden on her sister's shoulders.

I felt like she needed to speak of anything else so I changed the subject, "So, I heard you haven't eaten yet," I commented and she looked at me, nodding her head, "Yeah, I try to wait for Valerie most of the days."

She sighed, "True she obsessively takes care of me, but she never takes care of herself, she exhausts herself all the time and I know that there are days when she doesn't eat at all," Worry tightened her expression, "So, at least like this, I make sure she eats with me when she gets back home."

A smile pulled over my lips, "Looks like she is not the only overprotective sister over here."

She chuckled softly and nodded, "Looks like it."

"Since we are all hungry, how about we get some takeouts before Valerie gets back," I suggested and Reneé nodded her head, agreeing, "What do you feel like eating now?" I asked.

Her eyebrows pulled closer, "Uhm," Then her eyes lightened up, "Burgers," She said, "There is a great place so close to here, it makes the best burgers ever," She informed and I nodded my head, "Great, let's go get some," I suggested, getting up to my feet, hoping that maybe if we were to prepare the food and eat all together, maybe it will help Valerie's mood get better.

Reneé hesitated so I spoke again, "Uh, if you don't want to go along, just tell me where it is, and I will quickly go and get us some," I said but she shook her head with a smile, helping herself up and resting her weight over the clutches as she joined me, "Let's be fast so it can ready before Valerie finishes up," She said, having the same thoughts as me.

We get out of the house and when we reached my car, I hesitated whether I should help her get settled in or not, but she smoothly moved around, and with absolute determination. She looked like she wanted to be independent, to accomplish things on her own and I let her, watching closely in case I needed to interfere. However, she really proved that she could do it on her own as she helped herself into the passenger's seat and rested her clutches in the back. I smiled because she smiled, she was giddy that she did it without help and she flashed me a knowing look, appreciative that I wasn't making a fuss over her state like I guess most people do.

This young girl's bubbly happy state, her determination, and the way she seemed to be able to overcome the difficulties surrounding her, it had me pause and take a look back at myself. Maybe my own disability wasn't seen by the outside world, maybe it wasn't something physical; not a broken bone or a broken organ, but there was something not right within me, something shattered in my chest and gut, something abnormal and holding me back...

But if this hopeful young girl could fight through with such grace, then probably I can too.

****************

Valerie's POV

I stared back at my reflection in the foggy mirror as I dried my hair with the towel, my chest tight with worry and my head heavy with the headache rocking it due to the massive stress I am subjecting on it. I am teetering right on the edge again, I haven't been able to take one normal breath since that one single message arrived.

One message only.

No calls came after, and no other texts. Just one single message. It was enough to flip my world upside down again. I tried to think positively at first, that maybe it is not him, maybe it is a prank, maybe I am imagining things, maybe and a thousand different maybes...

But, it is him. It is only him. He knows my address now, oh my god...what will I do? How can I fight him again when I have no one protecting my back this time?

I am unable to focus on anything, not on myself, not on my studies and exams, not on anything but this immense fear eating me up from the inside out. He could show up at any minute, at any day and god knows the things he could do this time, those that he could hurt again. I felt the fearful tears threaten to fall but I held them back. I can't fall weak. I needed to be strong. I needed to be fully awake and aware, I needed to fight back, and I needed to stay strong. I have to find ways to keep strong...

There is no dad around to keep me safe. My mother barely comes home anymore, not that she'd care anyway, she'd rather throw me into the wolf's claws herself if given the chance. There is only me, and there is my little sister who needs my protection. She's been through enough already, I can't let her worry or feel threatened at all.

I tried to better my mood with positive thoughts, it was impossible but I had to. I wore one of my pajamas and left my room. I can busy myself with studying for now, it was another important thing I can't look past. I can't fail any of my courses, one F on my paper and I am out of the scholarship program.

The stress clawing on my nerves was nothing against what I felt when I reached the living room and neither Reneé nor Max were around. Panic hit me with a wave and all the rationality eluded my brain, it felt like everything sprung out of control within a few seconds only as I looked around the whole house and couldn't find her anywhere, "Reneé!" I shot out, one time, two, three, but she wasn't there.

I pushed myself out of the house, shoeless and mindless as I frustratingly looked around. Max's car wasn't even where he parked it first and I couldn't fathom a single logical thought after. I felt like I was in the eye of the tornado and wreckage was occurring all around but not touching me yet. The message from David before and now this...I was so damn close to losing my mind.

The sound of a car coming from the end of the street had me rush out, stepping over the porch and into the street, I didn't care that I had no shoes on, that it was winter and my hair was wet, I couldn't care for anything but the sudden relief when I saw Reneé stepping out of the car, healthy, unharmed and with a smile on her face as she chatted with Max.

Then, within seconds only, all the relief flipped into pure anger and rage. Reneé noticed me and her eyebrows pulled closer when she noticed my state, "Val-"

"Where were you?" I shot out, interrupting her, "Where the hell did you go, at this time, and without even telling me?!" I added, my voice only getting louder because I wasn't...thinking. I was just reflecting on the mess occurring within me out loud.

"Valerie, we just went to-"

"Who gave you the right to go out without my permission!" I didnt hear her, I didnt hear anything but the loud beating of my heart and the deafening sound of my memories. The sight of her, passed out under the wreckage, bleeding out, it rushed back with full force and clouded my judgment, "How many times should I tell you this, Reneé!" I snapped, the words scratching at my raw throat, reminding me how I screamed her name many times, trying to shake her awake, how I couldn't move nor reach for her, "How could you-"

Before I could carry out the rest of my words, a hand landed on my arm and I whirled around, my eyes falling on Max and my rage only intensified, "We just went to get food, Valerie," He said, calmly, his eyebrows pulling closer, confused at my unnecessary outburst but he doesn't know, he knows nothing, "Nothing happened," He added.

I snatched my arm out of his hold, my eyes fuming, "Who gave you the right to just take her with you and go anywhere, without even telling me, who do you think you are?!" I snapped, I wasn't making sense anymore but I didn't care, "Why can't you just stick to your limits for once and not interfere in my personal life!"

"Valerie, we-"

"No, no, shut up!" I was probably screaming by now, I am not sure, I was having an angry episode because if I don't, the panic will have me break down at the seams, "You are not my boyfriend, you are not my friend, you get that, you are nothing to me, you can't just take my sister out of my house for any reason ever," My eyes fell on the cartoon bag of food in his hand and I snatched it before I angrily threw it away, "I don't trust you, I don't want anything from you, so just stop interfering in my life, I don't want anything from you," I was repeating myself, I wasn't aware of what I was saying, "Just leave me alone, get the hell out of here and leave me alone, I don't want to see you anymore!"

"Leave!" I shot out again.

His expression went totally blank after my outburst. He didn't speak a single word. The muscles of his jaw ticked before he silently went back to his car and drove away. The car sped off before it disappeared down the street and when he was far away, I felt the weight of everything crash down over me again. I couldn't breathe again. I couldn't hold myself up and straight again.

My chest heaved, I was panting and when I looked at Reneé, she gave me a very disappointed look, "This was very wrong and you know that," She said, shaking her head at me disapprovingly, "He was just trying to do something nice for you."

I shook my head, wanting her to stop talking too, "Reneé, sto-"

"No, Valerie, no, you don't get to turn this on me," She pointed out, she was angry now too, "I get where your anger is coming from but you need to understand one thing," She stated, "You need to understand that not everyone is David!"

"Do not-"

She was the one interrupting me now, "If you didn't trust him, you would've not brought him into our house, okay, so why are you overreacting now?" She questioned, stating facts my messy scared mind couldn't answer now, "For once since the accident, someone finally treated me like I am...normal, but you just can't accept that."

With that, she whirled around and stormed into the house while I stayed standing at the side of the road, shoeless, hair wet in the cold air, chest heaving, and head ready to explode. My eyes flickered around the calm empty road, to the houses around us, some had their lights on, and some didn't. At last, my gaze fell down onto the cartoon bag I threw away, some of its content had fallen out and spilled over the street.

I still couldn't think straight. I had no time to go over what happened so I moved forward, took the bag, and gathered its content back inside before I threw it into the trash bin. With one last look at the road, I turned around and walked inside, slamming the door shut and locking it very well.

I wanted to go after Reneé but she went into her room and slammed her door with a loud bang, signaling that she wasn't interested in talking to me now. I didn't fight her further on it, I have a long night ahead and I can't...I can't fall asleep.

He knows my address, I just can't fall asleep anymore.

I went into the kitchen and I opened the drawer, I searched inside and pulled out the biggest and sharpest knife. I needed any type of weapon. I needed to fight back if he would decide to drop by. I kept the knife with me, in my tight grip as I sat over the table and opened my books, trying to study.

Four hours passed and the clock hit midnight. Still, I couldn't focus the slightest on my studies. I couldn't absorb any information and I became more sure I was going to fuck up on the exam tomorrow. That didn't feel important when I suddenly heard shuffling noises coming from outside. My eyes widened and I shot up, my heart hammering inside my chest as I thought of the worst scenarios ever.

I picked up the knife, tightening my grip over it before I walked out of the kitchen and toward the door. On careful silent footsteps, I made my way there, the panic resident in my chest and the fear plucking on each nerve in my being. I paused when I reached the threshold, my grip tightened more over the knife and I gulped down before I leaned forward. I looked through the peephole and when I saw just a stray dog messing through the lawn before he ran out, I almost crashed down into the floor.

I pressed my back against the wooden door and slowly went down, sitting on the floor, the knife still in my grip and I finally allowed myself to react to the message I received this afternoon, the right healthy way. Tears rushed to my eyes, so fast and so hard, I couldn't see anything anymore. They fell down my cheeks and I hiccuped a low sob, the inner pain stabbing at my stomach and I let the knife fall to the ground as I hugged myself, hoping to whisk the pain away.

I cried, from a deep wound engraved inside my chest. I cried out, my heart breaking a thousand times, I cried and cried, hoping there won't be any tears left when I am done. I rocked myself back and forth, trying to find a safe ground to settle on but found none. I cried because I was so alone I just couldn't take it anymore.

"Dad," I mumbled out brokenly, "Where are you?" I whispered, looking around, trying to imagine that he was here, that he was looking over me, that I wasn't utterly alone, that he had my back like always...

"I need you," I mumbled again through my tears, "I need you, please, just...please," My words weren't coherent and my shoulders shook, I couldn't stop the tears, I couldn't stop myself from breaking, "I can't do this on my own, I can't..."

I pressed my eyes shut and rested my forehead over my knees, "I can't do it on my own, I can't do it alone..."

I was so in my head that I haven't heard Reneé coming down the stairs, I haven't heard her come close to me and drop to the ground by my side, I only heard her soft words, "You are not alone," She whispered and when I looked up at her, she had the same tears brimming her eyes.

She pushed herself into my embrace and I cried some more, wrapping my arms around her and hugging her so tight, "I am so sorry," I mumbled and she hugged me back, holding into me as I held into her, "I am so sorry," I mumbled into her hair a thousand times.

I cried that night and cried till there were no tears left anymore.

****************

Next Day...

Just as expected, I did badly on my exam. I won't fail it, but I ain't getting a good grade either. So, if I don't fix my grade through the final exam, my scholarship percentage might decrease and I can't afford the slightest of decreases. I have to make up for this one way or another.

I leaned across the counter, my gaze flickering around the semi-empty coffee shop. We only had four customers since I got here and it's been three hours. Aubrey is freaking out and I can do nothing to motivate her, I needed to motivate myself first.

My eyes kept going to the door every now and then, waiting for him to pass by. It had become a habit for him to drop by here every day, in the morning, and at five for our tutor session. I had gotten used to it more than I should have. I asked Aubrey and she informed me that he didn't drop by in the morning when I wasn't here, which means he is mad at me...and he is totally right.

A loud breath pushed off my nose and I wanted to slam my head against the wall. It wasn't till today that I got to realize the outcome of my exaggerated outburst, it wasn't till I cried my heart out that I woke up from the haze and the anger/panic attack and knew that I screwed up big time. I was drunk on emotions, on fear and I had to let it out. Still, that is no excuse for me to snap at him the way I did, especially when he had done nothing wrong to me since we met. The opposite actually, he helped me without asking for anything in return...

I am stupid, I swear, I am so stupid.

I pulled out my phone and unlocked it. I went to his chat and typed down: 'Hey'.

I needed to apologize to him, I need to explain that I was just so messed up and he didn't do anything wrong. Minutes turned into hours and he never replied to my innocent Hey. I tried calling him once but he didn't pick up. I didn't know what else to do so I asked Aubrey if I can leave earlier today. Considering we had no customers, she didn't mind at all and said that she'll close up early too.

I took my things and headed for the parking lot, I went to the spot where he usually parks in and almost squealed when I found his car in there. He is at the campus, yay. I stood by his car and waited for him, it was the only way I will be able to reach him considering he won't pick up my calls.

An hour passed and I was still waiting. I stayed determined despite all. My legs were throbbing from standing on my feet and my whole body was aching from lack of sleep and food but I didn't care. I rested my bag on the ground by his car and sat on it. I was gonna wait for him no matter what, even if I have to stay here all night long.

Half an hour later, I heard footsteps nearing me and a voice that resembled his. A smile spread over my lips, feeling accomplished that I caught him before leaving. He paused when his eyes fell down onto me, stupidly sitting by his car, it must be quite the scene. He seemed to be taken aback but he shook that expression off immediately.

He had the phone held to his ear, speaking with someone.

I pulled myself up and wiped at my pants, slapping the dirt away before I pulled my bag, looking at Max and flashing him an innocent smile. His expression remained impassive, giving me nothing, "We'll talk later, bye," He ended up his call and I found that as my cue to speak.

"Hey," I said, softly, my fingers fidgeting with my cardigan as I thought of what I could say next.

Almost like I didnt exist at all, he looked away and walked past me, totally ignoring me before he got inside his car. My eyes widened and I whirled around so fast, "Max, wait," I said, hurrying up behind him.

He roared the engine to life, more than ready to take off. I let out a low frustrated sigh as I latched open the passenger's seat and joined him inside.

He turned to look at me, his eyebrow raised at my action and I gave him a sheepish smile, "I think this is the first time I got into the car without you forcing me, that must count for something-" I tried to play it coy, maybe he would forget what happened and forgive me right away.

His jaw tightened and he moved his attention ahead of him, ignoring and still not speaking with me. Shit, he is really angry.

Gulping down, I reached forward for his arm, resting my hand over it, "Max," I mumbled, my tone somber and grabbing his gaze back to me, "I am sorry," I shook my head, going into the apology headfirst, "I should've not talked to you like that, I am really sorry," I added, meaning every word. I wasn't someone who apologized so often, but if I was wrong, I will do it without hesitation.

His eyes stayed on mine for a second too long, and I could see how close I was to having him speak to me again. I nodded toward outside, "Can we sit somewhere and talk?" I asked, offering him an olive branch with a small guilty smile.

Without saying anything, he turned his head and pressed his feet over the gas pedal, pulling the car out of the parking lot. My eyes widened at first, "Where are you going?"

Without looking at my side, he spoke, "To sit somewhere and talk."

A smile broke into my lips as he finally talked to me. I nodded my head, satisfied, and leaned back into my side. He gave me a side look and ordered, "Your seatbelt."

I nodded my head and fixed the seatbelt, a bit relieved now that he didn't kick me out of the car as I kicked him out of my house. He was the bigger person and hopefully, I can fix this. Whether I am going to admit it out loud or not, I love having him as a friend. I shouldn't lose that. He doesn't have to tutor me anymore, I can figure that part out on my own. I just can't have our relationship, whatever it was, end up based on last night.

He didnt say a single word as he drove, which was so not like him and I didnt know what to say to initiate a conversation. I shifted in my seat uncomfortably and I kept sneaking a few looks at him every now and then. My stomach tumbled up and down, and I blamed that on my lack of nutrition and not on him, and on how good he looked while angry.

When he parked the car, I noticed that we were beside the park we once dropped by before. It was semi-empty considering the weather, it wasn't raining or anything but it wasn't hot enough for a picnic. Max went down and I followed him, he didnt even spare me a look as he headed inside and I shot a glare at his back before I followed. As I walked, I watched how some people were running, earphones plugged into their ears as they released their stress, and those who sat down by the bench with a thermos and a book to end the day on a peaceful note.

Max stopped when we reached what resembled a gazebo, it wasn't too big but enough to occupy two benches underneath. Max sat down and his eyes flickered up to me, his eyebrow raising in questioning, ushering me to sit down as well. I dropped by his side and pushed my hands into my cardigan's pockets, my gaze flickering around the peaceful surroundings before they went to him by my side.

I stayed silent and so did he, but it got too uncomfortable for him, so he finally spoke, his jaw working, "You wanted to talk, so?"

I nodded my head and nervously bit down at my lower lip, "Uh yeah, I am just," I let out a low nervous chuckle, "I am not really good at starting a conversation," I mumbled with a shake of my head. I swallowed hard and focused my eyes on him, his expression neutral still as he listened to me, "I am just really sorry, Max," I added, genuinely, "My outburst had nothing to do with you, I was on my nerves and stressed and I let it out on you, it wasn't right, and if I hurt you by doing so, I hope you'd forgive me."

He kept silent, his eyes flickering all over my face, almost like he was trying to read between the lines, "We don't need to do our tutor sessions anymore, that's not why I am apologizing, I just...I think I like you as a friend."

My words, instead of calming him, they had him wince. His expression shifted and he grimaced, "Again with that word," He grumbled, almost like I had insulted him.

I sighed, "Okay, not a friend," I mumbled with a roll of my eyes, going on with his silliness, "Whatever it is that we have going on, I don't want to lose it because of me stupidly snapping at you last night."

He didn't say a thing in return and his silence had me shift in my seat, "So?" I asked, my eyebrow raising, "Am I forgiven?"

He shrugged, "It is still up for debate," He answered but I could almost catch the underlying playfulness in his tone.

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Don't be an ass."

My word had his lips twitching before he covered it up, "Then answer this," He said, "What got you so riled up last night?" He asked, digging through very dangerous territory.

I thought it through for a second and found out I could answer him without the need to explain everything, "Remember how I told you that I had one relationship before," I recalled back and he nodded, "His name was David, and it didn't end well between us," I kept it to minimal details because, in truth, it ended in a tragedy...

"And yesterday, after almost one year without hearing anything from him, yesterday he texted me, and it just got me all over the place," I added, "I was just scared and stressed he'd come back into my life after so long, and I really don't want that."

Max intently listened to me, his eyes focused on mine, and he wasn't stupid, he knew I wasn't telling the whole story, he knew but he didn't ask more and for that I was grateful.

"And with the exam's stress and Reneé and just everything, it got all piled up and I exploded on you," I added with a low sigh, "So, that's that."

He nodded his head, "I get it," He answered, "And I understand how you are overprotective over Reneé and hell, I would be too, but I think you need to believe in her more, to give her a bit of space sometimes or else," He shook his head, and I knew he was right, sometimes I barely let her breathe from the pressure I push on her, "Or else she will explode on me one day soon," I said, completing the rest of his words and he nodded.

"It's hard, I know," He added and I sighed, "It's so hard, because if I didn't...if I didnt protect her, who will," I mumbled sadly.

I felt Max's hand rest over my arm, grabbing my gaze back to him, "Valerie, if you are in trouble of any sort, you can tell me," I knew he could see past the surface, I knew he could sense it, "I can help in any way I can, you are not entirely alone," His eyebrow raised mockingly, "I can pretend to be your friend if I have to."

I chuckled lowly and nodded my head, "I will keep that in mind."

My words had his lips slightly twitch but he didn't believe my bluff. There is no way I can let him in on more. It was dangerous, and it would be reckless and stupid to pull him into this mess with me. He could get hurt, because of me, and I have enough guilt as it is.

"So, we are okay?" I asked, with an angelic smile that could break through to him.

He nodded his head with a small smile of his own, "We are okay."

I breathed out a low relieved breath and he added, "Although I think I have a solution for your Dav-whatever-his-name-is problem," He added and my eyebrows pulled closer, waiting to hear more.

He shrugged, like it was so simple, "Easy peasy actually," He said, "You just need a rebound," He added and I rolled my eyes at him. He raised his hand up, acting all sheepish and charming, "I volunteer!"

I shook my head with a smile and slapped his hand down, "No."

"Come on, rebound sex with me is guaranteed to erase him and any other guy from your mind forever," He added, and I wished it was that easy. He thinks I am still hung up over a guy, he has no idea how dangerous that guy is and how he ruined my whole life and could easily ruin it again.

When I shook my head, Max shrugged nonchalantly, "Your loss."

We chatted some more about school and everything and when it got late, he drove me back to my house. I thanked him and went down the car but he followed me down as well, coming to my side before I headed for the porch, "Gingy," he called for me and I paused in my steps, turning around to look at him.

"I will say this again, but if you need anything," His tone was serious now, "I am one phone call away."

I nodded my head, appreciating his effort, "I know."

His face relaxed a bit, "Say hi to Reneé," He added and I nodded, "I will."

"I will see you tomorrow at five?" He asked, indirectly signaling that he wanted to resume our sessions and I smiled, my heart felt all types of weird and I nodded my head, "See you at five."

A small smile broke onto his face before he leaned closer, his hand rested at the side of my waist and he innocently but not-so-innocently pecked my cheek, "Good night," He mumbled, edging back just a little, and keeping himself so close that he threatened to erase all of my rational thoughts.

I gulped down as I stared at him up close getting consumed in all he is. He smelled like something fresh and sensual, like cedar, soap, and something so manly. I sucked into a deep breath when I felt like I could fall forward into his embrace and sink there forever. I wanted to slap myself when my gaze flickered down to his lips, they looked pink and so soft, they looked like they could eat me alive if I let them, and a big part of me wanted to know what they'd taste like...

I wanted so badly to be irresponsible at this moment. My eyes flickered back to his beautiful green ones as my chest heaved to catch a normal breath that wasn't surrounded by him. Max brought his hand up, his fingers rested over my cheeks, brushing my skin and something flashed through his eyes the longer I looked at them, "Don't look at me like that," He whispered.

"Like what?"

"Like if I kissed you now, I will be breaking your heart."

I wanted to tell him to do it, to throw caution to the wind and just do it, see what it will feel like but the sound of my name and the sound of her voice broke down all of my fantasies within a mere second, "Valerie!"

The hair stood at the back of my neck and I jumped away from Max, abruptly. My gaze flickered to my mother as she stood by the house's door, her dissatisfied angry eyes on me. I gulped down and felt the blood rush to my brain so fast, I felt dizzy and hot, my heart speeding off like I was caught doing an unforgivable crime.

Max's eyes flickered from her to me and before he could say anything, "Uh, I have to go, bye," I mumbled and hurriedly whirled around, rushing inside the house and having her close the door before she'd go out and snap at him too.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" She shot out as I took off my shoe.

"Nothing, I didn't-" Before I could finish my sentence, her hand curled over my arm, so tightly as she pulled me up, "Valerie, I can't and won't deal with your bullshit again, you get that?!"

I swallowed hard and my eyes fell on her tight grip on my arm, to her nails digging into my skin like she wanted to claw me from the inside out, "Mom, I didn't do anyth-"

I couldn't get the chance to finish my words, her hand left my arm and went to my hair, fisting it in her grip as she pulled me closer. My eyes widened, and I could smell the alcohol on her, "You did, you did do everything," She grated out through clenched teeth, her fingers tightening over my hair from the back as she pulled me even closer.

Tears stung my eyes, the pain was nothing against my unwillingness to accept that this version of her exists; what happened to my mother?

The one that loved me, the one that took care of me, the one that supported me through everything...

"If it wasn't for you whoring around that first time," Her teeth clenched, spitting hurtful words in my face again, "I would've not lost my husband," Her words were like another stab to my weak shattered heart. Even when I try not to blame myself, she comes and says things that force me back into that pit.

"Mom, you're hurting me," I mumbled, letting my eyelids fall down as the pain throbbed at my scalp with how hard she was gripping me.

"I want to hurt you," She admitted, the look in her eyes unrecognizable anymore. Tears brimmed them and I couldn't hate love more. Love does this to you. She loved him so much and it is doing this to her. She loved him too much she couldn't recover, she loved him too much that Reneé and I don't exist to her anymore...

"You should've died that day, not him," She added and my vision blurred, I thought I had no more tears left but I was wrong, I had enough hurt and tears to suffice me a lifetime, "I really wish it was you," She added and a low tortured sound erupted from my throat when she finally let go of me, her tight grip letting go of my hair and she walked away, to drink some more and bury herself deeper into that pain.

Tightness pressed over my chest and I couldn't breathe. I clutched into where it hurt the most and I knew I couldn't stay here tonight, I knew I was going to explode so I wore my shoes back and clutched into my backpack as I rushed out of the house, slamming the door shut behind me.

I was more than glad that I finally allowed Reneé to stay over at her friend's house tonight. She doesn't need to see this again.

The rain started to fall down, one drop after another, slow at first before a heavy downpour crashed over the town and me. Still, I didn't walk back to my house...no, it wasn't my house even. It hasn't been since dad died.

Aimless, I walked under the rain with no destination, in the cold, in the night and I didn't care for anything anymore. The water mixed with my tears, my hair and clothes all wet and I couldn't think straight. All I wanted at this moment was for her wish to come true.

I wish it was me who died that day, too.

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