"I am not beautifully broken, I was ripped to shreds from the inside out."

************

Max's POV

Lately, my sleeping schedule is getting all kinds of messed up.

My restless brain is depriving me of the main needs my body requires. I'd be tired, exhausted even, but I'd barely be able to rest my eyes for more than a couple of hours. Today is one of those days for example. I was able to sleep for only two hours, and it was four in the morning when I woke up.

I tossed and moved around, I tried for too long but couldn't get myself to go back to sleep. Feeling fed up and on the verge of exploding, I did what I usually do. I wore up my clothes, shrugged my sports bag over my shoulder, and headed for the gym nearby, a five minutes drive only from our house.

Much to my luck, it was closed for some maintenance.

Cursing under my breath, I pulled the car into the street, ready to head back home. Annoyance at this state I am in coursed through my veins, tightening my muscles and proving that there is no way I will be able to fall asleep now; I was fully energized for god's sake.

A thought clicked inside my head and I looked through the rearview mirror, observing how no car was in sight at the moment. I didn't waste another second as I turned my car around, pulled it in the opposite direction, and drove down the empty street, heading for the uni's campus. At least the gym in there stays open twenty-four-seven. I already have an extra outfit in the car, even my books and laptop are here as well. I can work out, take a shower there, change my clothes, and by then, my first class would've started anyway.

The drive there was short and quick, with only a few cars here and there. I reached the campus around six-ish, I pulled inside the parking lot and claimed one spot. I grabbed my sports bag and went down, locking the car behind me and heading toward the gym.

I spotted a few people around, some of them were the cleaning staff, and others were students, jogging and running around the campus, probably as restless as me, or just doing part of their morning routine. I pushed open the gym's door and turned on the lights, satisfied with the fact that I was alone. I opened my bag and pulled out my AirPods. Placing them in my ears, I turned on some music and started my mission to release this embedded stress.

I did some cardio, did some weight lifting after, and the more I worked out, the more energized I felt, unable to stop, in an immense need to let out whatever was piling up inside of me. The adrenaline pumped hard through my veins, almost burning me inside out, my heart beating a thousand miles a minute as it tried to make sense of everything I was experiencing at once.

I shook my head, dismissing it all away as I pulled my body inside the small fighting ring. I grabbed a pair of boxing gloves laying around and took my position, landing one punch after another at the punching bag.a

Sweat dripped down my bare chest, the one that heaved, up and down, with every punch I landed, letting the punching bag sway from its hanger, almost ripping it apart from its hook. My mind played its dirty game, transferring me back to that day. A low groan rumbled from my chest, from a wound engraved deep down, and invisible to the naked eye.

Frustrated and enraged, I took off my gloves, angrily tossing them away, and the next punch I threw, I imagined myself landing it over his face, the feel of the leather against my knuckles, I tried to envision it as his skin being torn apart. The blood that gathered over my tight fist from my raw attack, I took pleasure picturing it as his own.

I was in my own little world, desperately trying to change the past as if it could possibly alter the truth, trying to imagine how different it could've been if I had the power to fight them back. If I could've taken that knife and stabbed him right through his heart. One stab after another. A weird sense of satisfaction rushed into my chest at that image only, at him, a bloody mess in my hands and under my ambush. Dead; so he won't dare to hurt anyone else.

Shock at my own thoughts jerked my nerves, it left me baffled, how pleasurable it felt to just think of taking his life away. A loud groan rumbled from my throat and I landed one last punch at the bag, the metal hook made a loud clinking sound as it swayed far away from my reach, the force of my punch held within it all of my anger and despair.

The punching bag returned to its initial position and I stood there, panting as I tried to regain back my control, blinking as I focused my eyesight and arranged my messy thoughts. I pulled my hand up and rushed it through the wet strands of my hair, pushing them away from my forehead. It wasn't till then that I sensed someone standing somewhere in my peripheral vision.

My head turned right, my gaze falling on no one other than Valerie herself, standing still, almost frozen by the gym's entrance, her eyes focused on me only and if I wasn't mistaken, that seemed to be concern, the one that tightened her brows for a second or two as she assessed my state.

I pulled my earphones out, silencing the music's sound and focusing my senses on her. I jumped off the fighting ring and only then that she shook herself out of her haze and stepped forward toward me, tightly clutching a bag to her shoulder, "What are you doing here?" I asked, trying to start a conversation, hoping she won't ask why I was punching the bag as if my whole life depended on it.

"Uh, sometimes I pass by here early in the morning," She mumbled, her eyes flickering around the empty gym, "There is usually no one at this time so I can comfortably work out," She added, her eyes falling back on mine as she paused a few miles away from me.

My eyes couldn't help but absorb in everything about her. Her face was its usual flawless perfect thing, while her ginger hair was pulled up into a high ponytail. She was wearing a black sports bra accompanied by black tight leggings; ones that hugged her body so sinfully I had to force my gaze away because I definitely didn't need that type of frustration this early in the morning, not when I was functioning on two hours of sleep only.

Every nerve in my body was still on edge and I really needed to get away from here, maybe just call it a day, go back home and try to get some rest, missing one day of classes won't harm anyone. I gave her a forced nod, "Okay," I mumbled, "I'll see you around," I added as I passed by her side, heading to grab my bag and leave when her hand reached for my arm, her soft fingers brushed my skin, in an attempt to stop me from going.

I paused midway, my gaze going to her face. Her eyes were on my arm, where her hand was before they flickered up to me. Her throat bobbed, swallowing hard before she spoke, "Uh, are you okay?" She asked, worried lines etching her forehead.

I nodded, "Yeah."

Her eyebrow raised, dissatisfied and detecting my lie, "You don't look okay," She commented and I shook my head, dismissing it, "I am," I added, edging away and allowing her hand to drop away from my arm.

I grabbed my bag and before I could make an escape for it, she jogged and came to a stop in front of me, blocking my way, "No, you are not going anywhere," She said, ever so seriously.

My eyebrow raised, "Excuse me?"

She nodded, so casually, and crossed her arms over her chest, my eyes involuntarily drifted lower; Don't look there, Max, damn it, "Yeah, you have that look in your eyes, I am not letting you leave," She explained and I confusingly asked, "What look?"

"The I am gonna jump off another rooftop look," She shook her head, her ponytail flying right and left, "Not letting that happen on my watch," Her words and playful tone had my lips slightly twitch and she inched closer, her hand coming up and pressing over my chest, in an attempt to push me backward but she totally failed, "Come on, go sit somewhere as I finish my workout, and if you were a good boy and behaved well," Her eyebrow raised, "I will buy you a coffee when I am done."

Her beautiful eyes challenged mine, narrowing and daring me to say no. A small smile pushed at my lips and I gave up to her, accepting the tempting offer. I guess watching her work out isn't that bad of a thing to begin the day with. Satisfaction and relief pushed into her gaze, softening them and she smiled; a cute tilt of her full lips, and I got lost in there somewhere.

Her eyes fell down, noticing her hand, the one that was still pressed over my chest. I don't know if she felt it or not, that electricity that surged my nerves at every little touch she made. I think she did because she pulled her hand away, rather abruptly, gulping down as she moved around, hiding her face away from me, refusing to acknowledge that maybe...maybe my presence affects her as hers does to me.

I let go of my bag and walked back in, heading for the fighting ring, I pulled my body up and sat on the edge, watching her as she moved around. She stared at the machines, trying to decide where to start, "Since you held me here against my will," I interjected, forcing her to face me, "I will be deciding which workout you have to do."

She shot me a hard glare, reading my mind and already regretting keeping me hostage. She rolled her eyes and inched closer, "Gosh I knew this will come to bite me in the ass," She grumbled, "What should I do first, Mr. coach?" She added in pure mockery.

I tangled my hands together and placed them behind my head, getting comfortable as I leaned against the heavy robs, pleasurably watching her as I said, "You can start by doing some squats."

She kept glaring at me, mumbling a few incoherent words under her breath, probably cursing me as she took her position and I eyed every single move she made. Damn it, getting sexually frustrated was definitely not on my to-do list for the day, but I don't seem to mind it that much...

She bent her knees backward and lowered her thighs down, performing her first squat.

I immediately shook my head, interrupting her, "Nope, nope, you misunderstood me," I said, "You should do it while facing the other side," I added, using my finger to make a twirl move, asking her to let her back face me. She understood that I was indirectly asking her to show me her ass, and her jaw ticked.

Fire licked those beautiful eyes as they narrowed at me and she gritted her teeth, "Max, don't make me drag you out and push you off that rooftop myself!" She snapped, threatening me, so seriously, and to be honest, I believed her.

I chuckled and got up to my feet, "Also, you are doing it all wrong."

She rolled her eyes, "Here we go," She grumbled as I came to a stop right by her side.

I moved my hand forward, resting it over her inner thigh, gently parting her thighs away, oh fucking hell, "Your feet should be slightly wider than your hips," I said, my voice involuntarily coming out low at the thought of where my hand is now. My jaw tightened and I moved my hand to her lower back, the bare area between her sports bra and leggings, I pressed my palm over the soft skin, straightening her posture.

That little brush, the little taste of her skin against my fingertips, it left me aching to caress every part of her, feel all of her...My jaw ticked and I had to force my thoughts out of the gutter. She already calls me a creep, distrusts me beyond measures, and suspects every move I make. She makes me feel that only thinking about her in that way is a damn sin.

But damn it, she was everything I didn't know I wanted.

She didn't stop me for some reason, instead, her eyes followed my movements, her chest heaving up and down as I held her still in one spot. My other hand plastered over her stomach, slightly pushing her backward, giving her body the balance it needed all while knocking my control and leaving me unstable...

Her throat nervously bobbed at my touch and she finally spoke, "If you dare touch my ass, I will punch you in your throat," She threatened, her voice strained, trying to sound tough but miserably failing as she sensed my hand on her lower back involuntarily and slightly move further down.

I couldn't hold back my low chuckle at her specific warning. I pulled my lower lip between my lips, trying to stop myself from saying something and have her actually punch me. I expect anything from her. She really was like no one else I've met before. I mean I've had girls who played hard to get before, but they only did it to give the game some excitement while she on the other hand...She really isn't playing.

She is very cautious but I am not giving up anytime soon. I will slowly unravel down that guard and push myself in, hide with her behind that shield.

At first, I didn't understand the reason behind my insistence to follow after her. I mean I do love me a challenge, not gonna lie there, but this girl...she is occupying a rather large portion of my thoughts. I recently acknowledged that I am after her because she is giving me a goal, as minor as it is, she is giving me something to work for, to fight for in a time when I've lost the urge to fight for anything.

I mean it's been minutes only since she got in here but she succeeded in flipping my mood a hundred eighty degrees without even trying. It's like her presence got me all hooked up on oxygen, pushing it back into my lungs after failing to breathe since I opened my eyes this morning.

She was the first to move, breaking our contact. She pushed her body away from me and slapped my arm, "Let go of me," She ordered, although this time it didn't feel like she was scared of my touch, more like she was scared of how badly she liked it.

And like it, she did. I could clearly see the redness covering her cheeks and flushing her skin. Nervousness took over her gaze as she averted it away, trying to look at anything but my bare chest, the one that was pressing to her just seconds ago.

She cleared her throat loudly, "If you are not gonna let me finish my workout in peace, I am putting poison in your latte instead of ginger," She threatened again, deciding against making squats while I am near, and jumped on the treadmill.

I sat down nearby, silently watching her, a small smile on my face, almost like I was watching my favorite show ever. I didn't interrupt her this time, allowing her to enjoy her little session in peace. She would sneak a few looks at me every now and then, and she would ignore me for the rest.

"My mother liked you," I threw the comment, fishing for a conversation and just wanting to hear her voice. Her gaze fell on me, it lightened up, "I liked her too," She warmly smiled, "You have a great family," She was being oddly nice now, "Makes me wonder how you're connected to them," She added with a roll of her eyes and I shot her a glare.

Here I thought she was being nice.

She gave me a playful wink, turning the treadmill off and wiping the little towel over her face before she placed it around her neck. She grabbed the water bottle from her bag and gulped down a much-needed amount. She faced me again, her eyes involuntarily drifting down my chest as I stood up.

Her eyes wandered before they settled on one spot in specific. Lines etched between her eyebrows and she looked slightly taken aback. I knew exactly what she was looking at. She placed her water bottle away before she walked a few steps closer to me, facing me as she stated, "This can't be just the surgery's scar."

I shook my head, "I never said it was."

Her frown deepened, worry mixed with curiosity as her gaze flickered down to my abdomen again. Against her better judgment, her hand edged forward, her fingertips brushed the surgery's scar, a feather-like touch that had every muscle in my being tighten and I pressed my eyes shut, biting the inside of my cheek.

"You said it was an accident," She whispered, her eyes still focused there as her mind tried to analyze the situation, "I thought it was a car accident," Her eyes met mine as she finished that sentence, questioning the truth.

I shook my head again, "It wasn't a car accident."

Her eyebrows furrowed in curiosity, "Then, what was it?"

My lips tilted up slightly, "What makes you think I would just answer that," She looked taken aback and my eyebrow raised as I edged my head closer to hers, "I gave you something to think about and keep you questioning like you do to me," I gave her a wink before I edged a fraction and lightly pecked her cheek, "I need to head out, see you later," I said, edging backward and walking past her.

I grabbed my shirt and shrugged it over my body before I pulled my bag, ready to head out when her soft voice interjected, "Will we meet today?" She asked and I turned my head, looking at her clueless pretty face, "I mean for..." She pressed a hand over her forehead, scolding herself for sounding eager, "I mean for our tutoring session."

I was planning to just head home but the longer I stared at her, the more I wanted to see her again today.

I nodded my head, "See you at five?"

She nodded her head immediately, smiling, "At five," She agreed.

**************

Five p.m.

Valerie's POV

I placed the two latte cups over the table, grabbing Max's attention away from his phone and to me. I flashed him a smile before I dropped my notebooks on the table and sat down.

He took one of the cups and opened the plastic cap, he inched it closer to his nose and smelled it, his wary eyes flickering from the cup and to me. I rolled my eyes at his dramatic response, "I didn't put poison this time," I commented, my tone warning him that I might do it one day if he does something wrong.

"Is it wrong that I don't trust you," He responded, his eyebrow raising before he pushed the cup closer to me, "Take a sip," He said and I wanted to just pour down the whole thing over him. I snatched it from him and took a sip, closing my eyes and humming in response at the sweet taste, "Mmm, perfecto," I said, licking my lips and pushing the cup back to him.

He nodded, satisfied and he brought the cup closer to his lips and took his first sip, totally not minding that my lips were on the same cup and on the same spot. I watched him for a second or two, observing him up close. He was wearing a different shirt from today's morning, a dark green one that suited him too well, although he surely did look better without any shirt on...

Look, I don't trust the guy, that's true. I don't like him either, that's a fact. But that doesn't mean I am blind and can't acknowledge when a hot guy is standing ahead of me. And damn, seeing him this morning, punching that bag, his biceps tightening and flexing, it gave me a whiplash.

I have a weakness for biceps and he has the most perfect ones. Damn it.

I couldn't stop my eyes from admiring him, but what I didn't expect is the scene that welcomed me at his lower abdomen. I knew he had surgery, so having a scar there in its place was normal. The thing is, it wasn't one scar, no, there were a couple more, ones definitely not caused by surgery but rather by something else.

I don't need to study it in class to acknowledge that simple fact. The weird thing, it left me curious. I mean he was the open one between us two, I practically learned his whole life story in our very first meetup, but realizing that there is still more hidden underground, it left me yearning to learn every single about him.

I shook the silly thought away and focused on what is important for now, which is me passing this course. I grabbed my notebook and scooted closer, sitting right next to him. I opened the notebook on the latest lecture and placed it over the table in front of us both. The side of my arm brushed his at the closeness and I turned my face to the right, meeting his eyes again.

Being this close helped me observe the very tired look surging through them, the chaotic mess reflected how restless his mind must be, how he wasn't comfortable nor at peace. The urge to bring my hand up and caress the area under his eyes, ask him what's wrong, see if I can possibly take some of the weight off his shoulders, it left me baffled. The thought alone had my throat bob and I flashed him one hell of a fake smile, turned my head away, and rampaged through the notebook.

Don't you dare care for him, Valerie. That's how it always starts.

He is nice to you, that's why you have the urge to soothe his pain as well. Just don't cross your limit.

Max extended his hand forward, pulling the notebook closer to him. My eyes fell into his hand and I gasped, my hand immediately going over it, my fingers brushing his bruised knuckles, my wide eyes went up to his face, "Does it hurt?"

He shook his head, "Not as bad as it looks," He commented and I wanted to scold him for doing that to himself. I knew there was something so off about him as he went on punching that bag with such rawness, almost as if his eternal enemy was standing there.

"Now, stop talking, and let's start, I don't have all day," He said, eyebrow playfully raising, changing the subject and picking up a pen as he started to explain. I forced myself to listen and not get sucked up into everything he is.

We were halfway through, and Max was totally indulged in our session, his attention and senses all occupied by me and our lesson that he didn't notice the girl sitting to his other side; the one stealing glances at him every now and then, rather obviously, trying to grab his attention but failing.

He was doing me a solid favor, so I decided to do the same for him, help the poor guy get laid, and maybe he will feel better because he still seems to be all out of sorts. He looks like he needs it. I nudged his arm with my elbow, interrupting him. He paused and gave me a questioning look.

I inched my lips closer to his ear, whispering, "Three o'clock."

His eyebrows pulled closer, "What?" He said, so clueless and I rolled my eyes, "Three o'clock, you stupid, a hottie been eyeing you since we got here," I explained and gave him a wink, "Do you want me to play as your wingman," My eyebrows pulled closer, "Wingwoman I mean."

Max's confused eyes flickered from me and went to his right, in the direction I just mentioned, falling into the girl. Their gazes met and she offered him a small smile, a my-panties-are-already-wet smile and he'd be a fool to miss this chance. Max returned the smile, rather forcefully before he averted his gaze back to us, "Can you focus on the lesson please, and not on the girls surrounding us," He said, lowly grumbling, his eyebrow raising and scolding me.

I shot him a glare and snatched my notebook back, I closed it and hugged it to my chest, "Look, I understood this chapter very well, it was an easy one, we don't need to carry on," I added, "So, why don't you go for it, come on."

Lines etched his forehead, "Why are you insisting on it?"

I shrugged, "I am just helping you get laid," I said.

His eyebrow raised, "If I wanna get laid, I can do it without your help, I assure you," I rolled my eyes at his everlasting ego. He tried to snatch my notebook back but I moved away and pushed it inside my bag.

"Come on, do something, the poor girl is dying for a look from you," I whisper-yelled.

"I don't want to," He said, his jaw ticking as he glared at me.

"Why?" He is insane I swear, "She is a hottie," My eyes went back to the girl, she was as flawless as they came, her smooth hair falling over her shoulders, not too much makeup over her face, just enough to highlight her beautiful features. She fixed the collar of her top, slightly pulling it down, making the view better and more accessible, "Even I would hit that, you are insane."

"Now that, I would be interested in," He said, smirking and I slapped his arm.

"Come on," I said trying to understand how the whole wingman/wing-woman thing works, "She has nice bewbs," I mumbled and Max's eyebrow raised, his lips twitching, "Nice what?"

I rolled my eyes, "Come on, I am trying to do what you guys usually do, justify women and all that," I grumbled and his lips curled in annoyance, not liking my comment very much.

"Imma make this work, hold on," I said and edged my body forward, trying to get closer, "Uh, hey, excuse me," I said, calling for the girl. Max's hand wrapped over my arm, pulling me back into my seat but I shrugged him away. The girl's eyes immediately found mine, and damn they were crystal blue, talk about perfection, huh?

She offered me a small smile in return, she seems to be nice as well, got the whole package; "Yeah?"

"Uh, my friend over here thinks you are really beautiful," I said, pointing at Max, feeling his eyes shoot daggers into my skin, "But he is a little shy," I wanted to laugh at my own words, "He is been trying to gather up the nerve to ask you for a coffee, so I decided to do it on his behalf," I looked at Max, winking and he looked one second away from murdering me, probably imagining my face instead of the punching bag this time.

Max turned to the girl, trying to pull on his most innocent polite face, "Uh, never mind my...friend," He gritted his teeth as he said that word, but the girl was eager enough to interrupt him, "I wouldn't mind a cup of coffee," She said, shyly biting her lower lip and her eyes twinkling in pure excitement.

"Great!" I said excitedly, getting up to my feet, "I was just leaving, so why don't you come here and take my place," I suggested as I quickly gathered my stuff.

Max's hand curled over my arm, pausing my movement, "Valerie!" He hissed.

I pushed his hand away from me, "You can thank me later," I said, casually tapping a hand over his shoulder, "Your wing-woman to the rescue, always," I added teasingly, giving him a wink as I took my bag and moved out of the way, giving little miss perfect place to take my spot beside him.

I waved my hand at them, "Have fun," I added, my tone rather enthusiastic as I jogged away, heading for the coffee shop's door. I turned my head around before I exited, my gaze met Max's and he was already looking at me, glaring to be specific. He really isn't liking this. I bet his mind will change when he indulges himself with miss perfect.

I wiggled my eyebrows at him, secretly asking him to just let go and have some fun before I pushed the door and exited the shop. I hugged the books to my chest and walked away, heading for the bus stop. But the further I walked, the less enthusiastic I felt and my smile involuntarily dropped down.

Anxiety twisted my stomach, uncomfortably.

I shook my head, forcing myself to be okay again. I am not allowing myself to care for him too much. I can't. I have to fight it at all costs.

*************

"She fell asleep around half an hour ago," Martha said, warmly addressing Reneè and I nodded, smiling, "Thank you so much," I said, so appreciative, she was always a big help with Reneè when our mother wasn't around and when I had to rush to one of my jobs.

After I left the campus, one of the families I babysit for called me for a last-minute arrangement to look after the kids for the evening. Knowing it was a good income as any, I couldn't refuse and headed there immediately. I called Martha right away, asking her to check on Reneè and make sure she was all okay alone.

Martha returned my smile, "It's nothing," She waved her hand in the air, "You know how much I love that girl," She was already walking out of the porch and heading to her house next door, "Have a goodnight, sweetie," She said and I bid her goodbye as well, waving my hand, "You too, tell Eliott I said hi," I added, addressing her husband, who was just as sweet as she is.

Closing the door, I dropped my bag and walked further inside the house, I covered my mouth when a tired yawn escaped my lips. I was in desperate need for some sleep. I walked into Reneè's room, I silenced my footsteps as I edged closer to the bed, fixing her blanket and dropping a small kiss over her forehead.

I left her door ajar and headed for the kitchen, opening the fridge in search of anything edible as my stomach made weird grumbling noises considering that my last meal was at eleven in the morning. I checked my watch, damn it, that was twelve hours ago.

Finding no leftovers and nothing to be quickly made, I pulled the cup of cream cheese and grabbed a piece of bread. I sat down over the table, opened the cheese, and smelled it, making sure it hadn't went bad. Thankfully enough, it was edible still. I placed some over the toast and took my first bite, enjoying my little meal for now.

I pulled my phone out, going through my messages, my mind still occupied with the boy I left back at the coffee shop, curious about what he did. Gulping down the food in my mouth, I found myself opening our chat page, my fingers hovering over the keyboard, ready to type something out.

Contemplating over it, I gave up and typed down a simple, "Hi."

One second. Two seconds...and the bubble showed up, reflecting that he is already typing. Damn. He is fast.

Kidney boy: Hey.

What's up? I typed.

I am so lame, I swear.

Kidney boy: Good.

What the hell does that mean? Good, as in good I just got laid with the girl you set me up with, or good as in I left her in the coffee shop and went home to get some rest? CAN'T HE SPECIFY?

I waited, hoping he would say something else but he didn't.

Groaning in annoyance, I pressed the dial icon beside his name and pulled the phone to my ear.

"What's up, gingy," He said, his tone oddly neutral, "Can't sleep before hearing my voice?"

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, it's almost like my life depends on it," I added sarcastically.

When he kept silent in return, "So, how did it go?" I asked, trying to make my tone playful, "Am I good at the whole matchmaking thing?"

"Yeah, good," He answered. Why is he being so vague?

"So, tell me, what did you do?" Why do I sound so desperate, "I mean, as your wing-woman, I wanna know if I succeed," I nervously bit at my lower lip, torturing the poor skin, "So, go ahead, explain, what did you do?"

"I did what I was supposed to do," He simply answered.

The hell does that mean-

My fingers tightened over the phone, "So, it was good?"

"Great," he replied, his tone neutral and he couldn't sound any less enthusiastic.

"Uhuh, good, good," I mumbled, at a loss of what to say next as I took another bite of my dry toast, all of a sudden losing all my appetite.

"What did you do?" He asked and I leaned back in my chair, munching on my food, "I had some babysitting to do, I just got back home."

"Do you ever rest?" He sounded genuinely worried.

I nodded, "Yeah, in a bit I will go and crash headfirst into my bed," I mumbled, fidgeting with the old piece of bread, nervously playing with its edges, my mind busy imaging and cooking up scenarios about what happened after I left. That whole thing was a stupid idiotic idea, why did I even do it?

"Okay, stop talking now and go have some rest," He said and I hummed in response, "I will."

We both stayed silent for a long second, and I was the one to break it.

"Max."

"Yes, gingy," He replied.

"Did she go back with you?" I mumbled, not caring if I was being too nosy now.

"No."

"Did you...go back with her?"

"No."

Phew.

"How was the coffee?" I asked.

"Didn't even get to that," He answered, "I told her I am tired, excused myself, and went home."

I didn't expect the wave of relief that washed all over me at that answer. Oh dear god.

"Really?" Sound less excited, Valerie, less excited.

"Yeah, you know that my lattes are only reserved for you," He playfully added and my lips twitched, smiling, "Not gonna share that with anyone else."

"Good," I said, and I am sure he could hear the smile in my tone.

"So, tomorrow," I mumbled, "See you at five?"

"At five," He replied, sticking to our schedule.

"Goodnight, gingy," He added, "Don't forget to dream about me."

"Definitely will," I sarcastically added, "Goodnight."

I hung up with a stupid relieved smile on my face. Right then, I heard the main door open and consequently, my smile dropped. I was hoping to be already in bed when she got back.

I immediately got up to my feet, tidying around the table when I heard her footsteps get closer. She walked inside the kitchen, her disinterested eyes falling on me.

Too tired to start another fight, I offered her a small smile and mumbled, "Hey."

She silently nodded her head in return, taking off her flight attendant jacket and resting it over one of the chairs before she opened one of the cabinets and pulled out some painkillers. Placing two in her mouth, she filled a cup of water and gulped down the whole thing.

I fidgeted with my sweatshirt before I decided to just speak, I was planning to text her about this, avoid speaking to her but can't run from her all my life, "Tomorrow is Reneè's check-up at the hospital, it's at two p.m., can you please take her?"

She shook her head before she sat down, tiredly messaging her temple, "No, I am fully booked for tomorrow, take her yourself."

"I have classes, and a-"

"You can skip your classes, I can't skip my job," She interrupted me, her tone turning stern.

I shook my head, "I can't keep skipping my classes every time, you can switch your shift with someone else, you always did that before."

A loud sigh parted her lips and annoyance twisted her expression, "Valerie, I desperately wait for the second to come home and have some rest, I really don't need shit from you now," She added, her tone hardened as she angrily stood up, looking at me with utter distaste, "It's your fault that your sister is in this state," She said, her eyebrow raising, "So, take responsibility for your actions and fix what you broke."

With that said, she turned around and headed for her room, not even willing to listen back to my response. I bit the inside of my cheek, trapping inside feelings I am not gonna allow myself to feel now. I pressed my eyes shut, refusing to cry again over this. How many times did she say it before, how many times did she blame me? Uncountable, yet it still hurts every time, her words like a knife slicing right through my heart.

I shook my head, seeking control and refusing to fall weak. It's okay. It will be okay.

I calmed myself down and headed out, turned the lights off, and went into my room, closing and locking the door behind me. I crashed into my bed, pulled the hoodie I always kept in there, and wrapped myself in it, imaging that it was him here instead, his arms wrapping around me and soothing me.

I buried my nose into the fabric, my gaze on my window, staring at the dark sky above, hoping he could hear me somehow as I brokenly whispered, "I miss you so much," No matter how hard I tried, the first tear fell, followed by another and another till I was a mess again.

My heart broke with every beat, my hands were shaking and so was every alive nerve in my being, "Did you forgive me, dad?" I mumbled through my tears, pressing my eyes shut and burying my face between my hands, "Or do you blame me like she does?"

****************************

These two have total opposite lives, yet still,both are deeply struggling with something :(

Maybe they could learn to heal themselves together soon ;)

Anyways, what's your thoughts on the chapter ?

Will be working on the bonus chapter and UH during the weekend.
See ya soon!