Ghoul: CarolineBarron123
Client: @vanshitaTiwari2403
Story: Dreamcatcher
Chapters edited: 3
Description:

1. The very beginning of your description is quite confusing:

"...Love is not to make one fall in love with you forcefully. It is to let him or her go with the one he or she loves."

It took me a second to translate this. I think a better alternative would be:

"You can't force someone love you. If you really loved that person, you'd let them choose who they love even if they picked someone else. "

This is because it is more simple. If you want to do something else, you can totally do that and maybe send me the excerpts.

2. The relatives she believed most after her parents betrayed.

This is an extremely confusing sentence. I honestly don't have the slightest clue what this sentence means. We'll need to find a way to reword this. I understand that English is not your first language, and I get that the structure of English sentences is very different from most languages.

Chapter 1:

3. Staring at the ground I walked...

"Staring at the ground"  is a participle phrase. A participle phrase is a phrase beginning with a verb ending in -ing. Almost all participle phrases beginning a sentence end with a comma.

Staring at the ground, I walked...

4. Nobody seemed...

I just wanted to comment on your good use of a technique called anaphora. This is where you repetitively begin several sentences with the same word(s) to add power and emotion.

5. Nope -still there.

This should be:

Nope-- still there.

This dash is called an m dash. Just type two dashes. Your computer or phone should combine the dashes, but if it doesn't, a good (and often used) alternative is to type just one dash:

Nope- still there.

6. Finally I am able to attend high school.

Sometimes you stray from past tense. This can disturb the flow of your story.

Finally, I was able to attend high school.

7. "I'm new here," I replied and continued, "Rose, Rose Collins," I said with nervousness, playing with the hem of my sweatshirt.

Because you used 'I replied,' the excerpts  'and continued' and 'I said with nervousness' are unnecessary. This is what I suggest you use:

"I'm new here. I'm Rose... Rose Collins," I said with nervousness, playing with the hem of my sweatshirt.

Or...

"I'm new here," I replied. " Rose, Rose Collins." I nervously played with the hem of my sweatshirt.

8. "1st... Maths... I just hate Maths 2nd... Bio..."

You should spell out numbers. Also, there should be a period after maths.

"First... maths... I just hate maths. Second... Bio..."

9. Instead of using the word 'specs,' I suggest using 'eyes.'

10. I love the first two paragraphs of the second chapter.

Everything after the first chapter was consistently well-written with only a few grammar mistakes. I just thought I'd go over a few grammar rules that may help your writing in the future or help you catch those 'oopsies.'

11. There is always a space after a period or comma.

12. If a new person starts speaking, you should create a new paragraph.

Incorrect:

"I love you," I whispered, gently touching his wrist to play with his bracelet. He smiled and said, "I love you too."

And...

"Did you know that you're really beautiful?" he asked and I responded, "Yes. Duh."

Correct:

"I love you," I whispered, gently touching his wrist to play with his bracelet.

He smiled and said, "I love you too.

And...

"Did you know that you're really beautiful?" he asked.

I responded, "Yes. Duh."

13. If you are making a list of more than one thing-- for example: 

chocolate, blankets, pillows

--there will always be a comma between the second to last thing and the word 'and'/'or'.

incorrect:

chocolate, blankets and pillows

correct:

chocolate, blankets, and pillows

This is because most published stories are written in MLA format. If a published author breaks this rule (or any rule for that matter) that is probably because they are famous and can therefore get away with it (Daniel Hawthorne, for example, used too many commas).

14. Dialogue shouldn't end with a period and a comma back to back. You also only use a comma if there is a 'he/she said.'

These are incorrect:

"Don't do that,."

"Don't do that., "

"Don't do that,"

These are correct:

"Don't do that."

"Don't do that, " he said.

You only need a comma if it says "he/she said" before or afterward.

15. Ellipses only contain three periods. No more, no less.

"I... don't know."

If you have any questions, feel free to ask!