I don't remember much of what happened after he died.

I remember his limp, dead body. His numb, gloved hands. His lifeless eyes, once a lively, warm brown, which I had closed to maintain my sanity.

I do remember Thranduil's words. I repeat them to myself every day.

"Because it was real."

Legolas had left straight after the battle had ended. I haven't seen him since.

Thranduil had invited me back to Mirkwood, offering back my place as Captain. I accepted. There was nowhere else I could go. Thranduil had nothing more to worry about. There was no Prince I could lead astray this time.

I remember the funeral. I remember the tears shed - the Company's, the townsmen's. And mine.

I remember trailing along behind Thranduil back to Mirkwood, my mind lost in a labyrinth of darkness and doubt. Going back to my little cottage, lying on my back on my bed and staring blankly at the ceiling.

I remember never feeling the same again. Not after witnessing the horrors I had seen. The heartbreak I had suffered.

I remember spending day after day aimlessly, taking nothing in, never talking nor mingling with the other Elves. My mind was still on Kili.

Kili. We had something real. The first real thing in my life, only to be robbed by fate. Something that was like a flower; nurtured and taken care of, it could have been something beautiful.

But it was not to be. The bud never got to bloom. Its roots were ripped out of the soil leaving only the dead petals.

I had felt something with Kili. Something I had never felt before. Something magical; almost like a breath of fresh air that I had never breathed before. Like I was holding in my breath all this time and Kili let it out.

Love. Is that what it was?

His messy, dark hair. His lively, brown eyes. His deep, soothing voice that told me everything was going to be ok.

I miss him. I miss him everyday.

I know why I'm feeling like this. And so everyday, when I make my bed, when I guard the borders, when I eat, when I sleep, I repeat the four words that have kept me alive.

"Because it was real."

This is sad. :(

I feel like all the fanfics I'm writing right now are sad.

Except Transpire. Transpire is the polar opposite of sad. :D

I hope you like my little spin on their story!! It hasn't really revealed itself yet, and you might be a little confused on how this is going to work, but it will I promise. :D

residenthobbit49 :) <3