Hey, Chris. I heard about what happened with your boyfriend, and I wanted to offer my deepest condolences. I don't know if you remember me or want to even talk to me, if that brings back trigger memories or something like that. But I still wanted to be a good person and message you my best wishes. I wish I could see you in person, but I understand that you're busy with... everything. Just know that I'm always here if you need someone to talk to, ok?

Oh, this is Jonny by the way.

I smiled at the incoming messages on my mobile. I hadn't heard from Jonny since the night of the accident, though I had thought about him every day, wondering if he would ever message me, like he promised. Despite the circumstances, I was glad that he kept his promise.

I quickly slipped it out of my pocket and into my hands, preparing my thumbs.

hey jonny. im actually rlly glad u messaged. wanna come over? im feeling rlly lonely atm :((

I sighed. None of it was untrue. Since Guy had died, I had felt even more lonely than usual. He had been my soul mate, my love, my everything, and I killed him in my stupidity.

That was another thing; I had never known that a man could feel so much animosity towards himself. I felt guilty every moment of the day. Why was I awake and Guy not? Why was I the one able to make myself breakfast? Why was I the one sitting in front of the telly? Why was I the one doing all these things without my partner beside me? Why couldn't it have been Guy standing in my place?

I sighed, and hadn't noticed that I was crying. I looked up to the heavens, hoping that's where Guy was now. I don't know what I was expecting. Guy staring down at me? His face turned into a smile as he waved at me? I don't know, but I was disappointed when all I saw were fluffy, grey clouds rolling in, to cover the clear blue that had been above me before.

I sighed and looked down, somewhat pleased to see that I had a new message from Jonny.

Of course! Anything to help you out. Just send me your address.

I sent him the address and scrambled inside at the sound of thunder. "Fucking climate change," I mumbled, suddenly angry at nothing in particular.

I kicked a recliner, turning it upside-down. I had actually been living with Guy until the accident- the place I was living in now was actually my brother's flat, but he was on holiday for a few weeks with his wife. My knees gave out and hit the hardwood floor with a crack, though I was in too much pain emotionally to take care of it.

A knock at the door forced me to stumble to my feet, and I prayed for the neighbour's sake that it was Jonny and not some sort of prank (which Al had warned me about). I opened the door and was very pleased to see Jonny standing there.

He gasped when he saw me, and he probably had a right to. I hadn't taken a shower or shaved in days, all of my clothes were taken from Al's drawers (and, unfortunately for me, he was shorter than me), and I had probably lost weight from not eating. "Chris, you look awful," he said.

I just rolled my eyes. "Thanks, Jonny."

He sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm just worried about you."

I shrugged, and motioned for him to come inside. He looked around at the messy room and the stain on the mahogany-colored tiling left from my fall to the floor. He gasped again, then turned back to me. "What's this blood from?" He asked, and I mechanically pointed at my knee, as if I had done it a million times before.

"Chris! We need to dress your wound!"

I shrugged again. "Why? What's the point?"

He stared at me as if I had just told him that I eat babies for a living. It was strange, seeing this man so serious and caring when at the pub, he had been happy and carefree. Although, he was probably drunk, and that was before the murder of my boyfriend. "So that you don't bleed out! You're losing blood relatively quickly," he exaggerated.

"Who cares? It's just a scrape."

He sighed. "Look, I don't know how the bloody hell you did this to your leg just by falling down, as you say, but it needs dressed."

I just shrugged. "Like I said, who cares?"

"I do."

I scoffed. "You hardly know me. Why would you give a shit about me?"

He gave me the baby-eating look again, and shook his head. "Because you're my friend, you pillock."

"You shouldn't be. I fucking murdered my boyfriend. It's my fault that he's dead."

He grabbed my shoulders and looked into my eyes. I looked back into his and noticed that they were a pale green, a stark contrast to Guy's dark brown. "Never talk about yourself like that again. Do you understand?"

I nodded, and he pulled away from me. "Now, I'm going to help you dress that wound, and you're not going to say anything more about the accident. Ok?"

His voice was soothing, almost as if he was hypnotizing me to do as he told me to. Still, I had no desire to rebel against him. He seemed to know what he was doing, and I trusted him, even though I had only met him one other time.

I sat on the couch like he asked, and he searched through Al's cabinets until he found what hebwas looking for. When he came back, I noticed him holding in giggles. "What's so funny?" I asked him.

"Why do you have you butt ointment in your cabinet?" He asked, bending down so that his eyes were level with my knee.

I laughed for the first time since the accident. I had almost forgotten what it had felt like to make such a satisfying sound come from your mouth. "This is actually my brother's flat. He let me stay here while he's on vacation."

Jonny smiled. "I think your brother has butt warts."

I laughed again, and waited for Jonny to put the alcohol on my scrape. "It'll sting a bit," he warned, before dabbing it on my knee. I hissed in pain and he grimaced. "Sorry."

After a few moments, the pain dulled to light thud, and I could feel my knee pulsating slightly, as if there were a heartbeat.

"Better?" Jonny asked me, putting the equipment back into the first aid kit.

I nodded. "It's more numb than painful now."

He took a small sigh of relief. "Good. I can relax now." He gave me a small smile and sat next to me on the sofa.

"How have you been?" He asked, concern etched on his face.

I sighed. "Not well," I admitted.

He nodded. "I understand that this is hard for you, I can't imagine how it wouldn't be. I'm upset, and I hardly even knew him..." he shook his head, and I wondered how much wisdom he had stored behind that baby-face of his. "But you've got to be strong. I promise that you'll find someone else, someone that will love you just as much as Guy did, or maybe even more."

I nodded. "I know, it's just... a hard pill to swallow."

Jonny nodded, and wrapped his hands around me gently. "If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I'm your shoulder, alright?"

I smiled slightly. "Thank you."

Suddenly, my mobile lit up, interrupting our moment. I checked the number and immediately wanted to cry. "It's... his mum. Please give me a minute."

"Take all the time you need," Jonny replied sweetly.

I stood up and walked outside to the deck and stood beneath the roof to take the call. Rain pelted the lawn chair, where I had been sitting earlier, and I put my finger in my ear to hear what she was saying. "Chris? Can you hear me?"

"Yes ma'am!" I shouted in reply. "Can I help you?"

"Well, I just wanted to let you know that the funeral is next week." I tensed at the mention of a funeral. "I want you to speak for him."

I cringed, my eyes filling with tears. I could hardly even handle thinking about him, how the hell was I supposed to talk about him in front of a bunch of people that loved him as much as I did?

"I... I don't know."

"Please, Chris. He was going to..." her voice faded away, as if she was saying too much.

"He was going to what?"

Silence.

"What was Guy going to do?"

There was a sigh. "When we went through his pockets at the hospital, we found a box-" her voice cracked. "We found a box with a ring inside of it."

Her words sunk into my heart, and I heard the sobs before I felt them. "He was going to ask me to marry him," I realized with a painful stab to my heart. I threw my mobile over the fence of my brother's patio, screaming as I did so. Guy was going to marry me. We were going to live happily ever after, and I took his life away from him before we ever had a chance.

I fell to my knees, reinjuring my knees as they slammed onto the concrete. I immediately felt someone's arms around me, and could hear Jonny's soft voice in my ear. I just sobbed into his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his neck. I didn't care how it looked to an outsider, I just needed someone to cry on, and he was there.

The rain let up before my tears did. Jonny hadn't been completely under the roof and was now soaking wet, but still, he stayed. I looked up at him and noticed that he had been crying, too. I wondered if it was for Guy or for me, though I assumed the latter.

I didn't want him to go. I wanted him to stay with me all night so that we could discuss goofy things and football and forget all about Guy, just for a few hours. "Stay with me," I asked him, my voice barely above a whisper.

He nodded. "Of course."

He helped me on my feet and I just hugged him. I could tell that he felt a bit awkward, but I didn't care. I needed him.

"He was going to ask me to marry him," I whispered, closing my eyes to avoid a flood of tears.

He just hugged me closer to him. "I'm so sorry, Chris. I'm so, so sorry."

I sighed and buried my face in his shoulder. I was so glad that even though we had just met, Jonny was my friend. Even Phil had thought it better to just leave me be, whereas Jonny seemed to automatically know what to do. Though, I had been ignoring Phil a bit since the accident. Jonny texted me, and I went ahead and asked him to come over, and we had only met a couple days ago.

"Thank you for being here," I blurted, my voice a bit muffled from being pressed into Jonny's shirt.

He pulled me away from him and smiled. "There's nowhere I'd rather be," he said.

I don't know how or why it happened. Maybe it was Jonny being desperate, or me missing Guy to the point of needing someone to love, I don't know. Still, I didn't pull away when Jonny leaned in to kiss me. He cupped my face in his large, calloused hands and moved his lips in perfect sync with mine, as if our lips were dancing a routine together, and our faces were the stage.

When he pulled away, he immediately looked apologetic. "I'm so sorry, Chris. I know that you're still trying to deal with the loss of Guy and so you probably don't want a boyfriend or girlfriend right now. Plus, we just met a few days ago and I don't know if you even fancy blokes like me. I just..." he sighed.

I smiled at him and shook my head. "You silly bloke, of course I like you. At least, I think I do. Unless I'm just suffering from grief. I don't know."

Jonny nodded sadly. "I understand. Now is definitely not the time to form a new relationship, right?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, J. Maybe... maybe in the near future."

He gave me a small smile and intertwined his fingers with mine. "Let's go back inside. I'm soaking wet."

I chuckled and agreed, following him back inside. I took notice of his wispy hair, and realized that he wasn't wearing the cap like he had at the pub. "Hey, where's your cap?" I asked him.

"Hmm? Oh! You mean the one I was wearing at the pub?" He asked, and I nodded. "Some days, you can't tell that I'm balding, and I like to let the hair be natural."

I giggled. "Balding, eh? At 25?"

He shrugged. "It runs in the family. My dad's hairline was so bad, he had to shave off all his hair by the time he was 30."

"You're going to shave it off!?" I questioned.

He chuckled. "Probably not all the way. I'll let my baldness show, I'll just cover it with a cap," he giggled.

We walked unintentionally into my bedroom, and Jonny blushed. "I swear, I'm not a whore," he stated, and I burst out laughing.

"Does that mean that you don't want my sex?" I teased.

"Chris! How could you want sex at a time like this?"

"Aw, come on, just one time! I'm nit going to get you pregnant, I swear," I teased. "I'll even use a condom!"

He huffed. "Fine, but only if you're comfortable with it."

I grinned, and immediately started to remove my clothes, though Jonny was hesitant. "Come on, J! What are you waiting for?" I asked.

"I..." he bit his lip. "I'm scared," he whispered.

"You're what?"

"Scared!" He shouted. "I've never... even shagged a bloke before, let alone allow him to see me naked."

"Have you let a girl?"

"Well, yes but-"

"It's no different, only we both know what the other is going to look like," I said cheekily, and gave him time to build up his confidence and remove his clothes.

"Ok, I'm ready now."

I turned around and the embarrassed man was facing me, his hands over his genitalia. I chuckled. "Come on, get on the bed. I'll show you how Guy made me climax every time he was on top of me."

It was strange at first, blowing a man that was not my boyfriend and was also incredibly shy. However, I saw it as a challenge. I wanted to help Jonny. I wanted to turn him into a lean, mean, baby-making machine, only with blokes instead of women. Thinking about it, I realized I never asked him what his sexuality was. I only knew that I was gay, but considering that Jonny kissed me first, I would have guessed that he was gay, but more likely bisexual.

"What was that?" Jonny asked, and I took a break.

I sighed. "Sorry, I was distracted."

"With?"

I smiled at the thought of asking him. "I was wondering what your sexuality was," I admitted, a bit awkwardly.

He blushed. "I hadn't realized you cared."

"Well, you kissed me first, so I was curious."

He hung his head. "I'm uh... I'm actually pansexual."

I frowned. "Isn't that just bisexual?"

"Erm... well, no. Can I explain later? I was actually enjoying what you were doing there."

I flopped on the pillow and sighed. "I'm too tired and distracted to continue," I complained, and he laid beside me. "We'll continue tomorrow morning, I promise."

He nodded, and turned to face me. "It's ok if I sleep with you then?"

"I mean, you're already here, so I don't see why the hell not."

He laid down beside me and blushed a bit. I chuckled. "I won't bite you, I swear."

He smiled and inched closer to me. I chuckled again and wrapped my arms around him, alleviating him of his awkwardness.

After a few minutes of silence, I spoke. "Jonny?"

"Hmm?" I could tell that he was very close to sleep, whereas my brain was thinking everything but sleep.

"Will you go to the funeral with me?" I asked quietly.

He sighed. "Me? Are you sure?"

"You don't have to go! I just... didn't want to go alone. I'll need a shoulder to cry on."

He just hung his head, before burying it in my chest. "As long as you understand that I'm in no way trying to take you away from Guy. Ok?"

"I know that," I said. "I just need someone to take care of me right now."

He smiled slightly. "I promise that I'll do the best I can. You deserve the world."

I sighed as I laid in his arms. With Jonny, things didn't seem so bad.